10
It was a couple of hours after midnight and the boys couldn't think of anything else to put their overcharged minds into. It was 3:37 am to be exact, but here they were, wide awake, and vibrating with energy. Clubbing wasn't an option, of course, seeing as the heavy rainstorm clamoring outside their hotel room windows looked like it wasn't gonna let up anytime soon. Plus the possibility of hitting a tree on the way because of the liquid blur from the downpour put off the mood. Anything outdoor simply didn't seem inviting at all. It wasn't like any indoor activity brought the festive vibe, either. So they were practically left with nothing else to do, nothing else to spend all the leftover energy from their grueling 90-minute show on. See, that was the problem here. Any person, any normal person would think that after putting every ounce of yourself, every ounce of energy that you had in you into an hour-and-a-half live show, you'd have your fancy limousine drive you back to the hotel, take a quick shower and snore the night away. But no. Unfortunately, and a curse it is, indeed, the truth is that no matter how badly the guys wanted to reward themselves after a hard day's work with a well-deserved fifteen-hour coma, it was not an option. Because, unlike many of the fans would believe, it was almost impossible to bear under that transition from being in front of a crowd, feeding off their hype and energy and putting on a spectacular performance the fans would probably remember for the rest of their lives to going back to their empty hotel rooms, where it was quiet and void of any movement, at least a thousand meters from the crowd and all the overwhelming excitement. It's almost like… a death occurred. Or something. They couldn't stand the difference of the two, and how abruptly it happens.
So the boys made sure they had something, anything, to do after every show. Whether it be drinking until they couldn't tell Phi from Joe anymore, or going bowling till dawn, or catching a movie, or going to some nearby strip club and at the same time making sure that no paparazzi was around with their magic cameras. Their bodies might be screaming "Fuck, no! Lay me down already!", but their minds would be all like "Shut up, bitch. I'm having fun."
They were basically nocturnal now. Hibernating for hours in broad daylight and crawling out of their nests in the evening, where things go 'uphill' from there. One of them might get lucky and leave the venue, which, for this act, was Hollywood Theatre, with a girl in his arms, usually Chris, and wouldn't leave his room until around midnight to catch up with the others, the 'unlaid' ones, usually Joe and Phi.
The hooking-up-with-random-girls thing had become a trivial part of their lives. It just wasn't a big deal anymore; it might be for nuns, but for them? Hardly. That's what happens when you're a celebrity, and when there are, to put it humbly, hundreds of female fans, some of them surprisingly hot, waiting at your disposal, and physically throwing themselves willingly at you. Hundreds of mamacitas, them chickas caliente, where you could, literally, choose from with your finger. Whether you take advantage of that or not is up to you.
And really, who in their sane little minds would turn their backs from the opportunity? They were leaving the dream: fame, respect, chicks, money, chicks. Okay, that was repetitive, because yeah, it was worth repeating. Chicks. Oh yeah. Tons. Of. Them.
Chris is enjoying his little share of the fun, as well as Phil and Ben. Rynan tried to stray as much as he could because despite having just ended his three-year marriage, secretly and hidden from media coverage, he was rather involved with someone at the moment, an intelligent, self-empowered woman he met back at the Phils. the last time they visited. The other three people who seemed to do it less, if not, never, were Joe, Phi and Kevin. Kevin's refusal to partake was understandable – he was happily married to his wife and treasured his family on top of everything else. It was quite questionable, though, strange even, as to why Joe and Phi, who were both single, and probably had the most fans, and dubbed as the 'cute ones' in the group, kept their hands to themselves and away from those desirable, and damn, willing barely-legal girls.
The other 'hooking' ones were, to some extent, curious, and somewhat concerned, but were mostly cheered by the idea that 'hey, more booty for us!'. Boys will be boys, after all. It wasn't like they had to worry they'd run out of people to sleep with, though – there were more than enough to go around. Especially now that they were headlining their own show in Vegas, and doing it for the third time. Girls were piling.
But sex got old sometimes. You do it three nights in a row and you'd be swearing it off for the rest of your life. That's the case for these guys, at least. Because if there's one thing that they despise, it's that thought of doing the same thing twice in a week. Their work required that kind of monotony, identical routines and same liveset executed night after night after night and they just wanted everything else in their lives to be somewhat more… dynamic and unpredictable. Don't get them wrong, they loved dancing with a heartfelt passion, and they loved putting those swoony awe-struck looks on their fans' faces every time they got onto that stage and did what they do best. But sometimes… well, it became work. Well, it was work. And free-styling was so much better, felt more freeing. If they were looking for a way to outlet their energy and emotions through dancing, they'd be doing it in the streets, freestyling, expressing, where a bunch of kids from the neighborhood would come out and watch, and everything would be simpler, purer, ridden of these expensive flashy costumes with lights coming out and wearing nothing else but them baggy jeans and loose t-shirts like they used to. They loved the fans, and whatever it was that they had accomplished so far – but it was undeniable that their lives now had some sense of monotony in them. Not that they were complaining. No. As long as they had things to do and think about other than just deal with the tedium of going out there every night with the same choreography over and over again, they'd be fine.
Plus, they loved each other too damn much to care whether they were being abused, work-wise or not. And they were planning to stick to the industry for as long as the industry would take them. Because there was nothing better in the world, nothing one could ever ask for more, than working and mastering your craft with your own friends, who were like your brothers in every sense. The sweat and blood they shed is the sweat and blood you shed. The air they breathe is the air you breathe. You're one soul, one heart. Cheesy but damn true.
Tonight sex didn't seem to appeal to anyone. They liked sex as much as everyone with an XY chromosome did, but they were famous celebrity dancers with white, austere masks and their brains were all fucked up and wired in such a way that at some days, hooking up with a beautiful stranger just wasn't as tempting anymore.
So Rynan sprinted into the main lounge and dropped a bottle onto the floor. Sensing his poetic effort, Phi, Joe, Phil and Ben, who were the only ones awake, since Chris and Kevin had passed out ungracefully on the couch, looked up from whatever it was that was keeping their minds occupied, or rather blank, and gave him a curious glance.
"Okay, I get it. We're bored off our asses and as far as I know, insomniac. What can be worse?" Rynan whined, motioning to the bottle that steadied after rolling a couple inches to the side. "What can be worse is if we don't do anything about it."
"Well, what do you have in mind, Einstein?" Ben asked, half-interested, half-thinking about having crème brulee for breakfast. "We can't go out 'coz of the frigging electrical storm, and we've tried to come up with something exciting to do inside, but that didn't really work because we realized that video games and action movies are, like, so old school."
"Who says anything about video games and action movies?" Rynan asked, still going for the dramatic effect, "We're young, active guys, for Christ's sake. There's more to us than lame evening hobbies. Crazy Taxi II? What are we? That kid in highschool wearing nerdy glasses who can't get laid 'coz he has too many facial acnes?"
"Lose the psychobabble BS and get on it with it." Ben demanded, cranky from the boredom.
"Aight, I'm meaning to try something we haven't done in a long time."
Ben, Phi, Joe and Phil looked at each other. And at the attractive bottle of Blue Nun on the floor. And a light-bulb twinkled above their heads. Oh, to hell with it.
So that's how they ended up playing spin-the-bottle. It had been a long time since they last played it, and it was on Phi's nineteenth birthday when everyone had been drunk and submissive to practically anything. Rynan, per usual, initiated the silly game and all of them just slurred they way into answering the 'Truth' questions, and performing the 'Dare' stunts, which involved one of them running down 11th street naked. The naked runner's identity in question was still unclear up to this day, because none of them had the pride to admit to ever committing such a maniacal act in the throes of intoxication. Everyone had a sneaking suspicion it was Chris, though.
And fast-forward ten years after, they were now doing it again. And better. Because none of them were drunk, not in the slightest bit. So whatever… you know, crazy insane stuff that was about to go down tonight, would forever be remembered.
The first few minutes of the game stretched on longer than what they were worth. Truths mostly came from Joe and Ben, where they answered questions about first cigarettes, first blowjobs, first minor car accidents, first stolen possession. In other words, they were all just… boring. Dares came from Phil and Rynan, who had more spirit and balls. At one point, Phil literally went down to the floor below them and asked some random stranger to pose with him on his camera phone, 'some random stranger' being a huge fan and asking for Phi the whole time. They all laughed it up when Phil came back with a freshly-taken picture with the girl who was holding up a banner that said, "Phi, call me when you're ready to get laid." Rynan was asked to do an impersonation of Chris and that retarded, careless way he rambled during interviews. It was a job well done. They all hooted and cheered as Rynan went about it. Phi, who seemed like he was jinxing the bottle, never had to answer up to anything throughout the whole game. The bottle wasn't attracted to him. But Rynan promised he'd get him soon.
More and more time passed by under their noses, and the thrill of the game officially began to slope downward. And Rynan knew actions had to be taken.
When the spin halted in Ben's direction, he jumped at the chance and asked, "Truth or dare?"
"Truth." He simply answered.
Rynan thought of something interesting to ask, because knowing these guys for ten years now didn't really leave anything to the imagination anymore. Nothing untold, nothing unfolded. Everything was already familiar. These guys were practically a 6/7 of who you are, the 1/7 being you merely as a fragment of the whole. These guys were extensions to your being, and you to theirs. So… basically even how their breaths smelled in the morning, or how often they shaved their facial hair in a month was sort of like a… general knowledge. So, hey, you really gotta be smart and ask questions that you never get to ask them on normal days to make this game interesting, otherwise, well... you might as well as just say goodnight to each other and climb to your beds. "Do you think Belle is hot?"
"What?" Ben asked, looking at Rynan as though he'd grown another head.
"Yeah, I guess we never get to ask these things, you know. Come on, you can tell me. I won't get mad. We just split up, dude."
Ben's WTF look was still there on his face."Still, bro, I have to respect the fact that you both were together for a time. I'm not gonna answer that."
"Because the answer is yes?" Rynan teased. "Isn't it?"
"No."
"Ben," Phil interrupted, "If you want this game to be exciting enough to keep us all on our toes, you gotta give the intriguing answer, regardless if it's true or not. What we need is some spice. So, lose the good boy act and entertain us."
"Well said, Phil." Rynan enthused. "Well said."
"So is there any point in calling it 'truth' in the first place if I can just make up my own version of reality just so I can – "
"Just! answer the damn question." Rynan demanded when he felt the beginning of a long rant.
Ben blushed and said, "Yeah, well, Belle was kinda cool, y'know."
"You see that?" Rynan cheered, somehow proud of himself.
"Uh, your question was if Ben thought Belle was hot, where he said he thought she kinda cool, which technically, in definition, is different from hot." Phi butted in. "And geez, Rynan, you do realize that we're talking about your wife here, right?"
"Ex-wife." Rynan corrected. "I'm seeing somebody else right now, remember?"
"Oh, are you talking about those long-distance phone conversations you call relationship?" Phil had a tone in his voice. Rynan hated that tone.
"You haven't seen the woman in five months, Rynan. Are you really gonna continue to believe that this, quote unquote, relationship is going anywhere? Wake up, dude. She's in the Phils., you're here, you're oceans apart and yes, maybe you both had this instant attraction for each other five months back, but we're living in the present now, brother. It might be too difficult to persistently dwell on the past when you have a present to deal with."
Rynan hated that tone more. He hated it when Phil could sit there and lecture him and treat him like a twelve-year-old. He hated it when Phil was right. He ignored the sermon and rolled his eyes, "The point is, Ben, I really don't see it as that big a deal. Not only because Belle and I are over and done, but I also think that we should just play the cards right tonight, let everything go. Leave nothing concealed."
"What if I said I do think she's hot? Is that still me playing the cards right?" Ben asked, challenging.
"So, you do, huh?"
Ben blushed even more furiously. "Belle's one cool, hot, humid, warm babe and yes, as much I love seeing you guys together, I do think she's all that."
"See? That wasn't so hard." Rynan tried to act nonchalant, but really, that kinda scared him. Ben was pretty much the reserved guy who kept most things to himself, but this was him coming out with the truth. The kind of truth Rynan never would've heard hadn't it been for his spontaneity that led to this game. What if Ben had been fantasizing about stealing her from him the whole time and enjoying their separation as far as enjoyments go? Ok, he was overthinking this. He looked up to check what the others were doing as the few awkward seconds started to tense him up, and looked down just as instantly. Joe and Phi were sharing that look again, the third time this night, and the twenty-sixth time this week – the kind of look that makes this unnecessary guilt befall upon you whenever you witness it. There was… something… about it. Something that Rynan couldn't make out for himself, something that was always there but everybody willed to ignore. Or pretended to ignore. Whenever he caught Joe and Phi doing it, Rynan found himself looking away for some odd reason. Maybe he'd figure out soon. He wondered, though, if the others could see it like he could. It was possible that he was just imagining things and analyzing them more than he should. And maybe the fact alone that he was trying to figure out whether he was overanalyzing it or not was an act of excessive analysis on its own. Oh, screw it. The fact of the matter is there was something about Joe and Phi's behavior that was… different… and sneaky.
"Ok, Ben, will you do the honor?" Phil asked and pointed at the bottle that lay unmoving on the floor. Even the way it just rested there was boring. Oh, God. The Boredom Plague was taking them by storm.
Little did they know Rynan had a couple of tricks up his sleeve to put a little color in to their seemingly uneventful night.
When the bottle, spun by Ben, stopped and pointed at Phil, Ben came in. "Truth or dare?"
"Uh… lemme see…" Phil scratched his nothing of hair, clearly resigned, and for theatrical effect, yawned. "Truth, whatever."
"I'm running out of ideas." Ben never looked more defeated in his life.
An idea sprang to Rynan's mind and decided to infiltrate's Ben's innocent one with it. He leaned into Ben's ear and whispered something while the others narrowed their eyes curiously at the pair of them. As soon as Ben's eyes lit up, Phil knew he was about to get himself into some deep, deep trouble.
Ben cleared his throat and with a straight face, asked, "If you were a chick, who among us would you hook up with and why?"
"Screw that, dawg." Phil's manly pride complained. See? Deep, deep trouble.
"You were asking for some semblance of excitement, right? Now I'm offering you one." Ben calmly explained and added, "Lose the good boy act and entertain us." When Phil shot him the death glare, Ben felt the itch to laugh. "You gotta admit, it's kinda interesting."
When Phil still looked unconvinced, Rynan took matters into his own hands. "Listen here, Schwarzenegger. This is a test. Either you take it like man, or run like a scared little pussy. Let's face it: only a pussy backs down from a challenge." He dared with a menacing tone. "A real man won't stop at anything. We're laying the cards on the table here. We leave nothing unraveled. What's in the circle…."
"…stays in the circle… right, right."
"So, how's it gonna be?"
After giving it much elaborate thought, Phil sighed, signaling his surrender. There! Rynan saw the look again. The thing! The thing with their eyes. Joe and Phi were doing it again! Gosh, if those two could see themselves doing it. They'd never look at their faces in the mirror the same way ever again. Yeah, sure, they were close and all… but… geez. What's with the look? Rynan knew the kind of bond Joe and Phi shared. It was… exclusive. Of course, they shared a special and rare kind of brotherhood with everyone else in the group, too, treating each other like brothers and goofing around and taking showers and living their dreams together, and doing all of this hand in hand. But when Joe and Phi were left alone, it was a whole another story. They had their own little world that Rynan couldn't even begin taking a peek into. It was deep, and so, so theirs. Just wasn't his to see. And it did feel kinda weird to get that feeling from the very people who you hide almost nothing from and reveal almost everything to. Rynan felt jealous sometimes, bitter. Because it was unfair that only the two of them could experience that kind of connection in their own personal spaces while others were locked out, while he was locked out. Rynan hated it. Huh.
Maybe that's why he was so eager decoding whatever it was that Joe and Phi gave each other. Because he also wanted to know what he was so furious about all this damn time without even his concrete awareness that he was feeling it.
It felt better now that he had recognized what he was feeling. That he was, indeed, a little bit resentful. He was mad at Joe and Phi. As to why he was made was still waiting to be discovered.
"Any minute now, Phil." Rynan whined, spending the last minute trapped in his own thoughts.
"Uhhh… If I were a chick, I'd probably hook up with…" Phil lifted his eyes as if to size them up one by one, as if the past one million seconds wasn't enough for him to have it figured out by then. When his eyes landed on Ben, he smiled. "I'd probably hook up with Ben."
"Me? Why, me?" Ben asked, shaken awake and mortified.
"Excuse me?" Phil sounded insulted. "You should be flattered I chose you."
"Yeah, maybe if I were one of your insane fans on twitter, then yeah maybe, I'd be flattered. But dude…" Ben swatted his arms as though to shake imaginary insects off. "Ugh."
"Hey, let me refresh your memory, mister. You were the one who came up with that stupid question in the first place, and I'm just the innocent victim who's obligated to answer it. And now I'm answering it. Geez!"
"Don't diss the question; it's genius." Rynan interjected.
After a moment's silence, Ben said, "Why?"
"Why, what?" Phil asked with an irritated voice.
"Why do you pick me, numbnuts?"
Rynan tried to hide the smile that was forming in his lips. Joe and Phi looked like they couldn't be more amused.
Phil bit his lower lip and avoided Ben's eyes. "I don't know. Because…"
"Because?"
"Because you're Ben?"
"Can I get a little more tangible answer than that?"
"I don't know… because… Because you're always quiet and basically the only thing I can stand when I wake up in the morning. You know, Rynan and Chris are always so loud, Phi and Joe are always so happy, Kevin's always on the phone, talking to people from halfway around the world. Everyone else is in excess, but you… you're kind of not..." He trailed off, and silently, and more shyly, he added, "…in excess."
"I'm not in excess?" Ben asked, now more softly. The normal Ben would've demanded for "What the fuck does that even mean?" But somehow, something… changed.
"Yeah, you know… you're just… You." Phil explained, doing a mental headsmack at the realization that he wasn't making things any clearer. "You know… all calm and peaceful and well-moderated, if there's such a thing..."
Rynan cleared his throat to break the silence that ensued and coaxed Phil to shake off of it and say "Alright, alright, I said my bit. Wipe that smirk off your face, Benjamin." that gave him enough momentum to spin the bottle. If this bottle pointed at either Joe or Phi, he knew what he had to do. But then it didn't. It was spinning, and spinning, and spinning and stopped. The mouth opened to him. Damn it.
"Truth or dare, Paguio." Phil asked.
Without putting a lot of pondering into it, he answered, "Truth."
"Same question."
"Huh?"
"You heard me. I said same question." Phil said all too confidently. "If you were a chick, who among us would you bang?"
The blood disappeared from Rynan's face and settled somewhere on the tips of his toes. "Bang?"
"Yeah, as in 'Wam, Bam, Thank you, ma'am.'"
"I don't. I don't. That's…you can't be. No." He usually stuttered when his bladder was full. But last time he checked, it wasn't.
"Look, Rynan, only pussies back down from a challenge." Phil started to feel the pleasure of finding their lines moving in circles tonight.
"This would've been so much easier if we're high on pot." Rynan confessed.
"Life would've been easier if we're high on pot… but that's beside the point." Phil says. "What's in the circle stays in the circle. Now, come on, Barbie, out with it."
"This is actually really interesting." Ben said from his corner, too amused to even hide the smile that crept into his face. That jackass.
"Well…" Rynan hid his face and stared down at the floor. This was silly above and beyond, and he refused to be persuaded into it. Suddenly he found himself lifting his eyes up to glance over at Joe and Phi, who were sitting the farthest apart, but somehow seemed to be the closest to each other in the room. He noticed how Joe kept his eyes locked to his iPhone, and how he smiled so fervently, albeit somewhat stifled, at whatever interesting thing was on there. Then he shifted his eyes to Phi, who, intriguingly enough, was also occupied on his phone and making small, futile attempts of typing on it as unobtrusively as he could, but who was he fooling? Rynan noticed it clear and blatant as day; he could see the secret smiles on both their faces as they ignored all that went around them and continued to stare down their phones, and they weren't even looking at each other, per se, but it felt like they were… seeing… each other. Then Rynan put the pieces together, then it clicked: they were exchanging text messages when they were crouched down the floor three feet apart, and in the same room, to say the least, as though whispering to each other private things that Rynan, Phil and Ben didn't need to hear, things that they had no business sticking their noses in because it didn't concern them. And that stung.
Rynan rolled his eyes, whether mentally or otherwise, he couldn't remember anymore. These two needed help. Serious help. Maybe he needed help too, because he couldn't deny to himself that he wanted to penetrate through that stubborn wall that kept the others out from Phi and Joe's precious little world, the world only the two of them shared. Rynan wanted to feel that kind of exclusivity once in a while with someone, too. Maybe not necessarily with either Joe or Phi or hell, both, but just with someone, anyone. Chris would do even.
Jabbawockeez were seven people doing something that was in their hearts, in their soul, that was a part of themselves, together, as a unit, as a single movement. Wasn't that why they decided to wear masks, no matter how unbelievably uncomfortable and suffocating it was, in the first place? Man, that thing fucking itched like no one would believe! But, despite all of that, they tried bearing under the strain because not only did it look cool onstage, but also, and more importantly, they aimed to be seen as a group of diverse kids who shed all differences as soon as they put those masks, gloves and shoes on, and synched flawlessly onstage. They had one thing to express in their hearts, and they wanted to show that to the world, but to show it together.
But it seemed now Joe and Phi had their own thing, whatever that thing was, but it was apart from the group. And Rynan was feeling sort of… betrayed; regardless if he had the right to or not.
Without having the patience to hold it in any more, Rynan decided to finally say something. "Truth or dare, Joe?"
Joe blinked and looked around guiltily as though he had just been caught sleeping during a discussion about prime numbers at a math class. Rynan didn't miss the look he gave Phi that said "help me."
"It's not his turn yet." Phi, coming to Joe's aid that fast, jumped in and defended his "friend". "You haven't even answered Phil's question yet."
"Oh, but I did." Rynan said, his tone not too contained anymore. It sounded… piercing, even. "But how would you know that if you were too busy sending each other messages, immersed in your own world?"
"We weren't - "
"My ass you weren't."
"Dude, what's up your grill?" Phil asked, innocent and totally, totally clueless. Rynan kept his eyes on Joe and Phi, who were either trying to figure out how on earth was he able to notice that or trying to decode Rynan's sudden, out-of-placed outburst.
"What's up my grill? What's up my grill is that there is something that Phi and Joe are not telling us!" This time, Rynan did raise his voice. "Aren't you? Aren't you?"
Phi and Joe's mouths were both open halfway but couldn't seem to say anything. They were guilty. He knew it. He knew by those pale faces, and dropped jaws that there was something indeed that waited to be unraveled.
"So, they were texting each other, even I noticed that, but what's so wrong about that?" Phil explained, trying to make sense of things, but still clueless. "Dude, what the fuck? First minute I was starting to think you were turning into a freaking mute and now you're being all weird and shit."
"You don't understand, Phil. Am I really the only one who understands? Am I?" He turned to Ben, who was also struck and speechless from the tension he just created. Ben simply shrugged, whether to say 'I'm not sure I get you'… or something like "ieuwhkjldlwe2731dj2jd."
"Joe and Phi are hiding something from us." Rynan said, unable to calm himself. "Yes, you are. Yes, you are." He immediately counteracted as Phi looked like he was about to say something, probably the traditional "what are you talking about?" to deny an accusation that was weird to begin with. "You and Joe are conspiring on something. I know it. Whether is it to intend to leave the group or something -"
"Leave the group?" This time Joe came in, his eyebrows meeting into a mystified frown. "And how the hell would you come up with something like that, Rynan? For Pete's sake -" He started shaking his head in disbelief.
"We're not leaving the group." Phi said calmly when Phil's face scrunched up at the 'leave the group' part. They already lost one member, so losing another two would just be… it would be bad. Bad enough to bring this sense of severe paranoia to everyone involved. So put 'leave' and 'group' in once sentence and everyone would be rising from their seats.
"Oh, yeah?" Rynan asked, unconvinced, "Then what's with this… thing you have? This, like, partnership or some shit that you keep from us? What's that all about, then, huh?"
When Phi and Joe were too tongue-tied to speak, Phil filled the silence again. "What thing? What partnership? Guys, what's going on?"
Ben stayed back and let the others do the talking. He didn't really do well under situations like this; he tended to lose his breath, and if that got out of control, there was a ninety per cent possibility he'd have an anxiety attack. Nervous breakdown. The works. Ben appealed to people as this strong, untouchable guy, but behind that debonair façade, was a weak little boy who could easily crumble under pressure.
"Guys?" Phil sounded desperate, helpless, as though pleading with all the energy he had. He could finally sense the gravity of the situation as much as everyone else in the room did. Not a lot of words might have been said but they all knew something would have been revealed by the end of the night, something that they hadn't seen coming, but had felt its shadows the whole time, even months before, when Phi and Joe were always out together without the anyone else in the group, or couldn't leave a room without asking permission from the other. Their minds refused to delve into it, to recognize that feeling of suspicion. Because they knew they'd be finding out more than they had to know.
But Rynan wanted to know now. He wanted to know what it was that made Phi and Joe act differently around them. Because… he had to. He'd been on observation, no matter how much he avoided it, of their odd behavior towards each other, and there was only too much a man like him could take. Plus, all of them were somewhat "stars" now, and it wasn't an easy job balancing the public persona with the real one, so at the end of the day, they all felt… fragile. Easy to shape, misshape, then shape back again.
And Rynan felt fragile at the moment, and he wanted his answers, and wanted them now. What the hell was up with his friends, the two of the most important people he treasured in his life?
They were all on their feet now, meaning to get this settled once and for all. Rynan, fighting hard against his chicken impulse, stared at Phi and Joe, who looked both defeated and relieved. Then Phi turned sideways to look at Joe, who was looking back with the same apprehensive look. Phi said, quietly, almost a whisper, "You tell them."
"No, you tell them." Joe hissed, blushing.
"Tell us what? Guys, what's going on here?" Phil demanded.
If Rynan hadn't made it obvious that he was staring at them, Phi would've literally nudged Joe on the elbow. "But we promised we'd wait until my birthday."
"Well, I think it's too late for that now. Rynan's obviously noticed something." Joe said, without giving the others a glance. They were speaking to each other as though no one else was around in the room, as though Phil wasn't standing before them with dropped jaw. "I think now's the right time."
"Hello, we're right here!" Phil flailed his arm wildly at them, unable to bear the suspense.
Phi finally averted his eyes from Joe, which had intimately been locked there for the last couple of minutes, or months even, and looked at them one by one, starting from Phil and halting at Rynan, where it stayed there longer. Joe and Phi owed them an explanation, and explanation to which Phil and Ben probably hadn't even been sure about. Rynan was the only guy here who knew and pried more than he should. And thanks to him, they were all about to hear an answer, an answer, again, to a question didn't seem as clear to Phil and Ben as it was to Rynan. Phil was probably thinking, "uhhhh?"
Rynan held his breath and his loins stirred as slowly, deliberately, Phi took Joe's hand and meshed their palms together, fingers intertwining. If he wasn't so busy screaming "Ohshitwhatthefuck" over and over in his head, he'd find it… romantic. Then their eyes met, and maybe it was wrong to say this, but fuck, it felt as though…. they were… in love? Then Joe smiled at Phi, as if to say, "It'll be okay." and Rynan knew he found his answer, there was it, staring right at his face.
They were in love.
Joe and Phi were in love.
Before Rynan's brain could function any further, Phi cleared his throat dramatically. Phil and Ben hadn't realized they'd been staring at their twined hands for too long. "Joe and I… um… we… we're…"
Joe's eyes were silently coaxing the words out of Phi's mouth, squeezing his hand even tighter, then Rynan's brain had gone haywire like never before. He…. or anybody else, for that matter, had never seen Joe look at anyone like that before. They really were in love. That's it. That explained it. All the special treatment, favors and stuff they did for and to each other that were isolated from and beyond the group's involvement, why they never hooked up with other people. And the whole staring-into-each-other's-eyes thing. Hell. All of seven of them were close. But not that close.
But if they were in love, wouldn't that make them gay?
Okay, seriously, this was fucked up beyond control.
"We're… not… exactly…." Phi was looking for the right word. "…just friends now."
"Huh?" Phil asked, although Rynan had a feeling he already knew. Ben was still quiet.
"We're… more than friends."
"What are you saying?"
"They're in love, Phil." Rynan finally broke his silence. "Aren't you?"
They neither agreed nor denied it. So that could mean only one thing. Normally, Phil would be all, "Come on, guys, stop playing." But then, he knew his friends enough to be able to tell whether they were dead serious or merely scaring the living hell out of him. This did scare the living hell out of him, but it was no practical joke, either.
"I should have known." Ben looked away, up the ceiling, down the floor, just not where he could see Phi and Joe. "Jesus, I should've known."
"We were gonna tell you." Joe said, trying to ease the horror that clouded Phil's face. "But we wanted to wait until next month."
"Dude…" Phil still couldn't close his mouth. "How? Why? When? How?"
"Four months ago." Phi said. "Even before MUS.I.C began."
"What? I… This is… just…" Phil backed away slowly. "I mean, you guys are… you guys are… we're guys, and we're friends. We're… We can't just go falling in love with each other…. That's not… We can't…"
"Well, that's what we thought, too." Joe said, then turned to Phi, who, this time, didn't even bother hiding the look of mushy, dovey love anymore, "But… we realized we just couldn't stifle a feeling this strong anymore." Phi returned the look and Phil and Ben couldn't be more dumbstruck. Rynan didn't act so surprised anymore, because that would be just too… hypocritical.
"For real?" was all Ben could say.
"This is fucking insane." Phil stomped to the door and went back in again. "You're serious." It wasn't a question.
"We didn't mean to fall in love. It just happened." Rynan felt sorry for the hurt playing in Joe's eyes, the way his voice shook and dropped. Putting them under this kind of confrontation would be like rubbing salt to their wounds.
"I don't know what to say, except that I just… I don't know you at all right now." Phil said. His voice was calm and controlled, but the anger was there. "I'm outta here." This time, Phil did leave the room altogether, Ben following his lead. If Rynan hadn't seen them aching this direly before, he was looking at it right now. So he just stood there, hands in his pockets, waiting for his brain to wire properly again. Joe and Phi looked at him like he was expected to leave as well, and that even if it did hurt, they'd understand. But he hadn't exactly made up his mind what to do next yet. Because as tempting as storming off felt at the moment, that wouldn't give him the answers he still had yet to hear.
"Do you hate us?" Phi asked after a moment.
"Yeah." He lied.
Then he did walk out. He'd talk to them soon. Just right now, he wanted to retire to his bed and talk to the one person he had been missing very bad. He loved Hayge. They hadn't spent too much time together back in the Philippines, but they enjoyed every moment of what little time they had, and he felt something for her. Something deep, and unfaltering. She had been the best thing that ever happened to him ever since his divorce. He was miles away from her now, but he still felt connected. And that was saying a lot. Maybe one call was what it would take to uncoil the ropes binding him for the last few months. He landed on his bed, more exhausted than he had ever been, and dialed the numbers that were already embedded to his brain.
And like a cup of coffee on a cold, stormy night, her voice whispered softly into his ear. "Hey, you."
"Did I wake you?" He asked, comforted somehow.
"Nah, it's three o'clock in the afternoon here."
"I hope I'm not interrupting your work or anything."
"Shut up. It's not everyday my international boy toy can say what's up. These papers can wait. They were starting to bore me anyway." He loved her listening to her voice, it was calm, breathy, endearing, something he looked forward to hearing after every draining performance they had to do every night. "So… what's up, Kid? What are you doing up at… uh… 3 o'clock in the morning? Oh, God. Overdosed on caffeine much?" Rynan could picture her looking at her digital Vegas clock. He laughed.
"No… just… um… unable to get some sleep. Again."
The line went quiet for awhile. "Hey, something wrong?" God she knew him. Even over the phone, she could tell if he was having a bad night or otherwise.
"Yeah." He confessed.
"Well, then, tell me."
Rynan wouldn't have told his other girlfriends about any confidential matter that pertained to the group, but she was different. He loved her, and he could trust her, to state the least. "It's about Phi and Joe."
"U-huh."
"Don't get surprised but… they're… they're somewhat a 'couple' now." Rynan grimaced saying it out loud. "Turns out they're…" say it, Rynan. "…in love."
"What?"
"I know. I know. It's crazy."
"No, no, I mean… they finally told you?"
This threw him in for a loop. "What are you talking about?"
"Let's just say that girls see more than boys do."
"No way… You knew about it?"
"Kid, it didn't take me longer than five minutes to figure out that something was going on between them."
"No fucking way."
"I know these things, you know. And I thought you did, too."
"Well, let's just say I wasn't all that clueless of what was happening." Rynan said. "Phil and Ben are not taking it too well, though."
"Are you?"
Rynan paused. Well… considerably at the beginning, he did hate the fact that they were too damn close. He hated how they looked at each other. But knowing now that they were only that way because they were in love? Well, that changes things. Being in love was in another level. Phi and Joe were in that level. And Rynan couldn't take that against them. He… understood. Or did he?
"Look, I know it's hard to wrap your mind around it, but you gotta remember something, Rynan, falling in love is neither wrong nor right. It just happens."
Funny, wasn't that what Joe said, too? "We didn't mean to fall in love. It just happened."
"You might be able to do something to keep from acting on it, but it will always be there, haunting you. And you're always have gonna to make a choice whether to punish yourself or just… give in to it."
"And Phi and Joe gave in to it." Rynan muttered.
"Yes. But only because they knew they had friends who they could trust, and who wouldn't judge them for whom they choose to love."
That hit Rynan like cold water. She was right. They, of all people, should have been more supportive, understanding. Joe and Phi were the most principled, righteous people Rynan had ever met in his life, and they were his friends, on top of that. They were not only his friends, but they were his brothers by heart. There was no reason to be angry at them. It wasn't like it was a big deal or anything – okay, maybe it was. But the last thing that they should feel was resentment. If anything, they should be happy that two of the most beloved people in their lives were in love. No matter how wrong that may seem in the standard that the world has set for people to go by. But fuck standard. Punkee and Jeffi were in love.
So was Rynan. "I should probably talk to them."
"You should." Hayge said. "Boy, I always thought that they'd tell you guys eventually, but I did not expect it to be this soon."
"I made them spill."
"Oh. You suspected that much, huh?"
"If I told you I didn't know what I was suspecting about at all, would you believe me?"
"The fact that you felt there was something is, I think, substantial enough. Gets mo?"
"Gets ko." He said, a little smile in his voice. "I miss you, Hayge. I really do."
"Aww. I miss you, too, Kid."
"Sorry for laying all this in front of you. It has pretty much been a fucked up night. And I knew I had talk to someone."
"Well, you picked the right person, dude."
"Hayge?"
"I'm listening."
Rynan took a deep breath, "I love you."
The line went dead. And Rynan understood perfectly well. The L-word had never been spoken of when they were concerned. Tonight had been a pretty emotional night for him, and had he been able to stop himself, he wouldn't have said anything. Long-distance relationships, if what they had was indeed a relationship, were hard, only made harder by the prospect of falling in love. Acknowledging that feeling together and being away from each other at the same time was too much. Being away from each other alone was hard enough. So despite what he felt, he had effectively kept most of it to himself in order to make it less difficult for the both of them.
When Rynan and Hayge met five months ago, in February, which took place in a radio station where Hayge was visiting a friend who happened to be one the disk jockeys there, they immediately knew something was about to come out of it. She was a tall, laid-back woman who wore glasses and too little make-up and talked only when asked. She introduced herself as a fan, but Rynan somehow managed to converse with her like an equal, appeal to her, and even flirt with her without looking like a total douche, and then she left the station with the words, "We'll see each other soon, Rynan." He had never felt more charmed. He couldn't even concentrate well all throughout the interview.
Hayge turned out to be an oracle, because days after, the two did meet again. Their hotel was only a few meters across the building where Donna, Phi's 'fling' (which Rynan doubted now) he met at their concert in Taguig, who was also Hayge's close friend, was working. So when Phi and Donna hooked up, he and Hayge also hooked up. But when Phi and Donna ended it two weeks before they left the country, he and Hayge saw each other even more. Then came the time when the two of them snuck away to Tagaytay and escaped from the rest of the world. Phi and Joe came along but Rynan remembered it as being only the two of them, him and Hayge soaking in the beach under the stars, lost in time. That's where he leaned in and kissed her. It was their first kiss, which was silly in itself because they'd hung out so many times before. But he felt he had to wait 'till she was ready. And he couldn't be more proud of his timing. They were both ready for their first kiss. Rynan had already been ready on the day at the radio station, twenty-three dates ago.
Then they had to return to the real world, and face the facts. Rynan was leaving in a couple of days and they had to say goodbye. If she was hurting inside, she had been excellent hiding it. Because not one tear dropped. Instead she hugged and promised him that she'd never forget what they had, even if it ended as quickly as it had started. Rynan never told anyone but when they were already boarded, he rushed to the restroom and locked himself there and cried for a good thirty minutes.
Because he loved her. And admitting that to her would only hurt her more. There was an unwritten promise that whatever they shared would never go beyond what two people from opposite corners of the world ought to be feeling for each other.
For five months, they'd contented themselves with long-distance phone calls, and online chatting, if he had the luxury of time. What he would give just to see her again. But that didn't seem likely. He just dropped the L-bomb on her, if anything, they were over.
Then his cell rang. His heart soared when he saw her name blinking on the display.
"Hayge?"
"Is it true?" Her voice was shaky that sounded like she was about to cry, or maybe she already had been.
"Hayge, are you okay?"
"Just tell me, Rynan. Is it true?"
"That I love you?" Rynan asked, waiting no time for her to even answer the question, "Of course, it's true."
And then she went silent. Rynan could imagine her eyebrows forming into a worried frown, and her teeth biting into her lower lip. He expected her to hang up for the second time, but instead she said, "I love you, too."
Rynan found his tongue paralyzed.
"Rynan, are you there?" She asked, worried. "Rynan…"
"I'm over here." He managed to say.
"I love you." She said, more softly this time, more eloquently.
"I love you more."
"Not possible." She insisted.
"I guess we're even now." He had the courtesy to tell a joke when his heart was doing somersaults and flares and backflips, and aerobics of all sorts.
"I guess we are."
"Wow."
"I know." She intoned, her voice so blissfully mellow. "Now, get some sleep, buddy. You're gonna need it."
Rynan couldn't help the smile that came. "Alright, ma." Although he knew, after all that happened that night, he'd never be able to sleep again. Forever. No man in this state of bliss could ever think of surrendering into tired, itchy eyes.
Rynan said "I love you," one more time, which he thought he could really get used to, before Hayge said 'I love you' back and hung up. He was a good man, better than he had given himself credit for. Then he released a long, deep breath and stared up at the ceiling. He stayed that way for the rest of the night.
***two****
When the sun rose, Rynan knew what he had to do. Just when he was about to go down for breakfast, he ran into Phi and Joe talking to each other in the balcony, their faces looking out into the distance. They looked tired. They were probably up all night, just like him. Just like all of them, for that matter. When he saw Rynan approaching, Phi nudged Joe in the rib, who turned around and went pale as he saw Rynan walking over to them. He had no reason to be afraid, though.
"Hey, guys."
"Still hate us?" Phi asked.
"I never did."
Joe and Phi turned to each other curiously. "What do you mean?" Joe asked.
"I mean I just don't see why we should be mad at you."
"Uh, because we neglected our friends' feelings, your feelings, and were selfish enough to try something that could hurt the group and that we knew from the very beginning wasn't gonna work out anyway?" Phi looked at him like he was insane.
"What do you mean 'not gonna work out'?" Rynan couldn't believe they were giving up. "And what do you mean 'hurt the group'? Guys, it's not gonna hurt the group, and it will work out."
"What are you doing, Rynan?"
"No, the question is what are you doing?"
Phi looked at the floor miserably and pouted. "Joe and I have decided that… it would be wiser and better if we just…"
"…Ended it." Joe supplied, just as miserably. He looked like he was opposed to the idea.
"Yeah, and if we can just, you know, not tell Chris and Kevin any more. They really don't have to know." Phi said. They both looked like they couldn't be any lonelier in their lives.
And Rynan felt sorry for them. "Guys, you don't have to end it. And yes, we have to tell Chris and Kevin as well. Because that would be too unfair if we left them out in the dark."
"What for? Phil and Ben hate us, Rynan. And it won't be a shock anymore if Kevin and Chris are headed that way, too. And we just can't abandon the group just because we are not mature enough to give this up."
"No." Rynan shook his head deliberately, "No, if there's someone who's acting immature right now, it's Phil and Ben. They're the ones who can't grow up and accept the fact that you two are in love."
"You don't get it, Rynan. This relationship is only gonna affect people's lives more than it's worth." Phi's voice rose. Joe flinched. It was obvious to Rynan now that Phi was the only one being the grown-up here.
"Oh, yeah, can you honestly tell me that five years from now you'll be able to look into each other's eyes and say that you'd made the right decided giving up on each other?"
"I just wanna do what's right."
"Bullshit!" Joe finally flared. "You don't wanna do what's right. You wanna do what's safe."
"Safe is overrated." Rynan jumped in.
"Look, I love you, Jeff." Jeff? Joe called Phi "Jeff"? How come Rynan hadn't noticed that before? "And maybe you don't love me as much, but I don't think I can end this just because everybody else could be happy. What about us? Don't we deserve to be happy as well?"
They obviously hadn't settled with any decision yet themselves. "Joe, I thought we already discussed this."
"Yeah, well, I change my mind. Rynan's right. If our friends can't respect the fact that you and I want to be together, then they're not our friends at all." Joe was pleading. Rynan felt like an intruder. "We've been hiding this for too long, sneaking out every chance we get. You chose to stay with Ben on my birthday because you and I had decided it would be best if we didn't give them any sign. I agreed on that because you promised me that we'd tell them on your birthday. And now just because it's all out, you're just gonna throw it all away? Has there been any point to all those months of waiting?"
"Joe…" Phi began, touching his arm. Joe slid away and shook his head.
"No, no, Jeff. This is unfair. I know we deserve better. I know it. We didn't wait four fucking months just for all this to be thrown back into our faces. I love our friends and our career, and I don't want to give them up, but I love you more by far." Joe mumbled through a silent, desperate voice, bowing his head down the floor, shamed. Rynan had never seen him more vulnerable.
"Hey…" Phi walked over to Joe and tilted his head so that he could see Joe's eyes. "You're right, I'm sorry. What was I thinking?" Then he turned to Rynan and looked at him with a helpless expression. "Thank you for understanding us, Rynan."
"I was up all night thinking about it."
"Do you forgive us?"
"There's nothing to forgive. I just wish you could've told us sooner."
"So you really noticed, huh?"
"Of course I did. You weren't exactly… subtle… about it." Even his own girlfriend, who didn't spend more than week with them in a resort cottage in Tagaytay, noticed it. He'd been spending almost half his life with them, so yeah, do the math.
Phi managed to force a weak chuckle. "I'm just grateful you understand. We got one less furious friend to worry about."
"You got no one to worry about, Phi. Phil and Ben overreacted last night. They probably were awake all night, too, thinking it over, looking for answers." Rynan put a comforting hand on one of Phi's slumped shoulders. "I have faith in them. You should, too. Hell, where would we be right now without one another? We're all more than friends, even more than brothers. We are one person, Phi. If one jumps into the fire, the others will follow. Gary taught us that before he left, you should always remember that. One for all. All for one. That's the code. You and Joe wanna do this, then we should be supporting you, not tearing you down."
Phi looked like he was about to cry. "Thanks." Joe kept his eyes down.
"You have to have a heart-to-heart talk with Phil and Ben. And uh, we gotta break it to Chris and Kevin, too."
"Help us?" Joe asked, his desperation getting the best of him.
"That would be no problem." Rynan smiled. "Hug it out?"
Phi and Joe, although still a little anxious, embraced Rynan into a tight bear hug. That morning they knew what they had to do. At around 09:30, Kevin, Chris, Phil and Ben were all gathered in Rynan's room. Kevin and Chris were clueless little minions, but Phil and Ben knew exactly why they were summoned. Their eyes were dark and dim, unreadable. For a split second, Rynan was scared Phi and Joe would lose what little courage they'd mustered up over the months and decide to announce their initial plan rather than the one Rynan had pep-talked them into. He wouldn't know because it was Phi's personal request that he be outside his own freaking room the whole time Phi and Joe were inside to talk it out with the guys. So that left Rynan out in the hallway nervously walking back and forth in circles and stopping ever so often to bounce lightly on the balls of his feet and nibble at his fingernails. He texted Hayge, "Talked to Phi n Joe this morning n told them I was ok abt it.D guys r havin a conference as we u. =*)"
He was a little soothed when he got her text back. "Aww I'm glad u finally talked 2 them. so proud of u. it'll be ok Kid. i love u. let me know how it turns out." When Rynan snapped his phone shut, the anxiety crawled back again.
It was a little over an hour after that message from Hayge when finally he could hear something stir inside the room. He stuck his ear against the door and tried to make out the low vibrating sounds hitting his eardrums. He could hear Kevin's voice, arguing with Phi's, then came Joe's, then Kevin's again, this time Phil's, then Joe's, then Ben's, then Chris's, then Phi's, then Ben's again… then… then… oh, what the heck? They were killing each other back there and Rynan had to do something other than just wait here outside or else!
He pushed the door open and was stopped dead on his heels at what appeared before his eyes. Six grown men were huddled into a big group hug. They were all talking. Whatever they said didn't matter, the visual was enough. The sight made Rynan's heart flutter in joy. It wasn't long before Phi, who was trying to hide the tears and futilely wipe them with the back of his hands, noticed him just standing there with an open mouth and grabbed him by the collar. "Come here, you."
They cried through the laughter, and laughed through the tears. Together. Side by side. Hand in hand. Things were back to the way they were. Everything was right again. They found the missing piece and now the puzzle was complete. Rynan found no reason why he shouldn't love and appreciate his life at that moment of utter clarity.
They spent the rest of the day talking the whole thing through. How Joe and Phi had managed to keep it hush-hush very effectively. How they first knew. "Like seven years ago." Phi confessed, "…but we didn't do anything about it 'till April of this year." Yes, they became a couple on April 21st, when they were rehearsing for MUS.I.C in Los Angeles. They had couple of drinks, said some stuff, and before they knew it, they were holding each other's hands. That's when they laid the cards down the table and just made it official. "We didn't want to tell you yet 'coz we weren't sure then if it was gonna be permanent." Phi further explained.
"But then it is." Joe added, putting a loving tone in his voice.
Since they had already established that everyone in the group was happy for the couple, they moved on to deciding who to disclose it to and who to keep it from. Of course, family and really, really close friends were the only ones who had the right to know. Fans were out of the question. Jabbawockeez's fanbase in the female community would drop for sure, and they doubted if the male community would give them any kinder response, either.
It felt good to know that they could talk about it casually, like it was an everyday thing. That night Phil even made a joke about "who pitches and who catches". Kevin challenged everyone with an "I bet Phi catches." Chris's bet was Phi as well, but Phil was convinced Joe caught. Whatever that meant. Phi and Joe were blushing the whole time their friends poked fun on their sex life.
They promised they'd lay off the whole PDA thing, Joe adding "It just feels wrong violating your virgin eyes." It was their ritual after dinner that Rynan finally had the guts to ask, "So, you're gay?"
Joe looked at Phi, who was standing next to him, and shrugged. "No. We just happen to love each other the way we don't love anyone else." And that's all Rynan needed to hear.
When they got to Hollywood Theatre, the venue for the live show, getting ready in the dressing room, Phi and Joe were huddled in a corner, whispering to each other. Rynan teased, "Aww, whatcha talking about over there, lovebirds?"
Phi turned to him and said, "How thankful we are to have someone like you for a friend."
It sounded cheesy, but Phi's sincerity rang in every word. "The pep talk? Nah, it was nothing, man. I just told you what you had to know."
"No, not for that. For knowing all this time and respecting it enough to let us do the confession ourselves."
"Knowing what? I didn't know."
Phi smiled, as though to say… "Yeah, right."
"I swear I didn't."
"You just thought you didn't. But you knew all along, Rynan."
Okay, hell, they could read his mind, and that was the advantage of having friends who knew you more than you knew yourself. Rynan didn't have to say anything but silently, they all understood.
"The point is… thank you… for being the driving force to all of this." Joe said. Rynan noticed that their hands were twined again. He felt… happy. Just happy.
"I just can't believe I considered ending things with Joe." Phi said, his voice shamed and apologetic. "That would've been the biggest mistake of my life."
"Yeah, man, thanks for talking this brillo head out of leaving me." Rynan laughed when Joe smacked Phi in the head.
Phi leaned into Joe, so that their faces were inches apart, and said, "Well, sorry to break it to you, buddy, but you're gonna have to get used to the brillo head because he's not going anywhere."
"That's okay. I was hoping to keep him anyway." Then they kissed. Rynan was standing right there in front of them and they kissed. It's like they didn't care if people found it weird, two straight guys making out, so they did it, relentlessly. It was weird witnessing them share full-blown kisses like no one else was around and like no people could walk in on them anytime, but what was weirder was that Rynan caught himself watching. As though… it was… normal. Kissing when you're in love, that's normal, right?
"So much for laying off the PDA thing." Rynan said nonchalantly, rolling his eyes, when they finally let each other breathe and come up for air.
Things were easier now. Rynan felt no trace of anger whenever Phi and Joe shared long, meaningful eyecontacts across a room, or whenever they texted each other even if Phi was only an arm's length away from Joe. He knew the reason behind that now. And it felt liberating… freeing.
Before they came out onstage, Rynan had to hear Hayge's voice. He told her everything, every single important detail that happened that day and left nothing unshared. Maybe that's why he felt so much more empathy for Joe and Phi than was expected of him because he was feeling the same kind of release now; they were letting go of the angry, cowardice beast that had refused to be freed for so long from inside them. Now it was gone. And it felt so much easier to breathe, to move around, knowing that they didn't have to run away from the truth anymore just to survive another day. He whispered 'I love you' to her five times that night, and bit his lips savagely when another one threatened to roll off his tongue. He did love her, but he didn't wanna suffocate her or anything.
That night they gave people the show of their lives. They had never felt more connected onstage in their whole dancing career. It was as if this new kind of bond formed, creating this whole different level of connection. As usual, the audience was hyped and crazy, probably not even able to tell the difference between this performance from the night before. But Rynan felt it. Felt how the energy grew stronger, and their synchronization even more flawless. It felt like it was a whole new experience.
It was true what they all say: that only truth can set you free.
It did set him free. It emancipated him. He was in love his girlfriend, who he was planning to see the moment this run of MUS.I.C ended, and two of his bestfriends had nothing left to hide anymore concerning what had used to be a forbidden kind of relationship, that now his friends allowed them to enjoy with a smile and a witty joke.
Rynan had to remember, though, he owed it all to one silly game of Truth or Dare.