SO CLOSE, SO FAR

I found time to post at least one more story, before heading back to school.

It's been awhile since I wrote some T/L fluff, especially with my boy Terence, and I've missed it. Hope you enjoy this, but be forewarned: major sadness lies in store.

Characters (except Terence) © C.S. Lewis and Disney/Walden Media

Terence and Story © unicorn-skydancer08

All rights reserved.

It was the day of another royal ball at Cair Paravel. Everyone was really looking forward to the grand event, especially Queen Lucy, and her best friend Terence. It was going to have everything. It would last well into the night, and everybody would be there. On that account, the servants had been kept well on their toes with the decorations, and the royal cooks had been slaving in the kitchen for nearly two days straight. As of yet, Lucy did not have a date for that evening, nor did Terence. But Terence only had eyes for Lucy.

He wanted to invite the girl to attend the ball with him, in a very special way.

So, after breakfast, he began to seek her out earnestly, while mentally reeling off what he was going to say, and how he would say it. After ten minutes, the young white-haired man at last came across Lucy, by one of the winding staircases. But before he could approach her, before he could even open his mouth to speak, his best mate Tumnus showed up unexpectedly.

"Lucy," said the faun, when he saw her.

"Hello, Tumnus!" Lucy greeted him brightly, and she made a prompt beeline to him and hugged him fiercely. Tumnus smiled at her enthusiasm, and warmly hugged her back. He remembered when Lucy was just a child, she could reach no higher than his waist; her scrawny arms always clasped the goat half of him. Now, as an adult, she could embrace the slightly more human half of him, though she still fit quite well under his arm. When they finally peeled themselves apart, Lucy asked, "What brings you here on this fine morning, Tumnus?"

Terence stood silently behind one of the nearest pillars, where he could listen to what was being said, without either of his friends noticing him.

"There's something I've been meaning to talk to you about, Lucy," he heard Tumnus say, the faun sounding rather nervous. "Something I've been wanting to ask you."

"Yes? What is it?"

After some hesitation, Tumnus worked up the nerve to say, "Lucy…would…would you like to attend the ball with me tonight?" There was a brief moment of silence, silence punctuated by the click of Tumnus's hooves as he shifted his weight, then Tumnus went on, "I understand you don't have an escort…and I'd like to be that escort, if it's all right with you."

To Terence's disbelieving ears, Lucy finally gushed out, "Oh, Tumnus, I'd love to!"

"Really?" Now Tumnus sounded greatly hopeful. "You would?"

"Of course, I would!" The next thing, there was an "oomph!" from Tumnus, and when Terence dared to steal a glance around the column, he saw that Lucy had her arms tightly around Tumnus's neck once more. Tumnus stood frozen for only a moment, before his own arms wrapped around Lucy and enveloped her in another tender embrace.

To further add on to Terence's dismay, Tumnus's lips presently captured Lucy's in a kiss.

It was not the brief, one-two kiss, but the kiss in which you tilted your head to one side a bit, and you took your sweet time. What was worse, Lucy did not pull away from Tumnus, or even try to resist him, but rather kissed the faun straight back. Shocked, stunned speechless, Terence backed a few steps, feeling as though he'd just been stabbed.

He couldn't believe it. He simply could not believe it.

Oh, he heard it, all right, and he was seeing it clearly; yet he still didn't believe it.

Part of Terence wanted to run up and wrench Lucy and Tumnus apart from each other. He should be the one standing there, holding Lucy and kissing her.

Another part of the youth wanted to run far away, not just from his friends but from the Cair altogether, and never come back. He wanted to scream, he wanted to curse, he wanted to hit something, he wanted to throw something, he wanted someone to throw something at, he wanted to simply sit down on the floor and cry.

Yet all he could truly do was stand where he was, as silent and immobile as stone.

When the kiss finally broke off, and Tumnus and Lucy were facing one another more properly, Tumnus absently tucked a strand of Lucy's red-gold hair behind her ear and said to her, with a somewhat troubled expression, "You don't mind that I just did that, Lucy? I hope I did not offend you. If I've done so, forgive me."

But Lucy only smiled, her eyes alight with amusement and adoration, and replied, "Quite the contrary, Tumnus. I was pleasantly surprised, immensely pleased, and thoroughly satisfied. I must say, you kiss far much better than any human I've ever met." As she began to fondle Tumnus's untamed curls, she continued, "My only protest is—what took you so long?"

Tumnus couldn't help laughing a little at that.

But he was serious when he confessed, "I love you, Lucy. I never spoke of it before, but I can't help myself. You're the most beautiful, most wonderful, most extraordinary girl I've ever met."

The spark of gaiety faded from Lucy's eyes, and she spoke in a more solemn tone herself. "I love you, too, Tumnus. I wouldn't have believed it possible…yet I can't deny what I feel. You were always there for me; I could always talk to you about anything, and overall, you have been the very dearest friend anyone could hope for." Her arms slid almost involuntarily around Tumnus's neck one more time, and Tumnus docilely lowered his head until their foreheads touched. "Now," said Lucy softly to the faun, "I'm finding myself seeing you with new eyes." Her fingers brushed ever so lightly against Tumnus's bristly jaw, making him shiver. He moved his hand to the side of her face, cradling her cheek in his palm. Lucy closed her eyes as she felt his soft exhalation against her cheek.

At length, their lips locked together again, and they were lost in yet another kiss.

Terence was sure he would die on the spot. His eyes burned, and his throat felt like a stone was stuck inside it, but he never made a sound.

With his head hanging to his chest in defeat, he just turned around, and silently walked away.

All through the rest of that day, while the rest of the castle was joy and excitement, while everyone else was bustling about from here to there, Terence kept to himself in his private chambers, having neither the need nor the desire to impose upon the happiness of others. As he sat on the edge of his bed, his head in his hands, he mulled over what he had seen and heard today. Even now, he couldn't understand it. Why would Lucy choose Tumnus over him? What was it she saw in the faun?

Of course, Terence hadn't known the girl quite as long himself, but he had been every bit as good a friend to her. He was every bit as loyal, gentle, and kind. He was certainly every bit as handsome as well, if not more. Yet, clearly, there was something Tumnus possessed that he lacked himself. That was what the youth didn't understand.

Terence never was the vain type, but his dream was Tumnus's reality. It wasn't fair.

It seemed that Terence couldn't hold onto anything he loved. Every time he got his hopes up, they were only quickly dashed to pieces.

But the white-haired youth was not wholly without heart. A part of him was indeed happy for Tumnus and Lucy. Anything that mattered to his friends mattered to him, too.

This was all well and good for them—but what was Terence supposed to do? What was left for him?

How could he face Tumnus and Lucy at the ball tonight?

Terence decided the only appropriate thing to do was to simply not go at all.

Though he had been looking forward to this event all week, though he had been so thrilled at first, somehow it didn't matter anymore.

He would not show his face at the festivities, where he might do or say something that would ruin everything. He'd simply hide away in his room throughout the night, with no one the wiser. Everybody would be too caught up in the spectacular evening to notice he wasn't there, anyway. Lucy and Tumnus undoubtedly would. Terence could just see them now, dancing away to the music with each other, unable to take their eyes off each other, oblivious to the rest of the world around them. His throat and chest tightened painfully at the thought.

Just then, a soft, gravelly voice broke into his reverie. "Terence?"

Looking up from his hands, turning his head slightly to one side, Terence saw Mr. Beaver standing by his door, watching him solicitously.

"Beaver," the white-haired youth acknowledged.

As Beaver shuffled up to him, he asked, "What are you doing in here all by yourself, mate, when everyone else is readying up for the big party? It begins in only an hour, you know."

Terence only looked away from his furry companion, and said very quietly, "Will you give everyone else my apologies, Beaver? I'm afraid I won't be able to attend tonight, after all."

"Why not?" Beaver could sense Terence was troubled about something. "What's wrong, Terence? Are you feeling all right? Are you ill?"

That last part was true, to an extent—Terence felt sick at heart.

"You were as eager for this party to begin as the rest of us," Beaver went on.

"I'm sorry," said Terence meekly, sparing him a brief sidelong glance. "I…I just don't feel like myself, that's all. I don't feel up to it. But don't let that stop you from enjoying the party."

"Are you sure, mate?"

"This isn't the first party we've had at the Cair," Terence said, "and it won't be the last. It's all right, Beaver; you go on ahead."

So saying, he lay back and spread himself flat on the bed.

Beaver was reluctant to leave Terence like this, to have the young man miss out on everything, but he decided not to press the issue. If Terence didn't want to come to the festivities, Beaver wasn't going to force him to change his mind. Besides, the boy did look rather pale, and he seemed listless. So Beaver just shrugged, and said, "Suit yourself."

Then he did an about-face, and left without another word.

The very moment Beaver was gone from the room, Terence rolled over onto his stomach, buried his face in one of his pillows, and dissolved into quiet sobs.

Later, that same night, Terence stood alone on his personal balcony, gazing despondently into the night sky. He knew the celebrations had begun, for he could hear the lively music and the laughter, even from this spot. A sweet, mild breeze caressed his face and lifted his silvery-white hair. Beneath the vast canopy of stars, Terence felt small, lost, and hopeless.

He wondered what Tumnus and Lucy were up to, this very moment. He was sure they must be having a perfectly splendid time, without him. Terence thought of Lucy, especially.

There was no way he could tell the girl how he felt about her now.

It wouldn't make any difference, since Tumnus was clearly the one she wanted.

Terence closed his eyes, allowing fresh tears to slide down his face, hot and heedless, yet strangely soothing on his skin. Was there any pain as great as this? From the way Terence viewed it, there was nothing to equal having something so precious so close, and yet so far; to have something beautiful and wonderful end before it even began.

At length, Terence's keen ears caught the clicking of hooves behind him.

The youth knew, without looking, just who it was approaching him. His unicorn instincts were too powerful, and he was too familiar with that walking pattern to not know.

Sure enough, Tumnus's benevolent voice spoke to him. "Terence?"

After a moment's hesitation, Terence dared to glance over his shoulder. Although there were no lights on in his room, the bright moon illuminated Tumnus's figure quite clearly. The faun sported his best scarf about his otherwise bare shoulders, and he looked very concerned. "Hey, Tumnus," Terence greeted his mate, in a low, husky tone.

"Are you all right, Terence?" Tumnus asked, very gently. "I couldn't find you anywhere at the ball, and Beaver told me you weren't feeling well."

Terence didn't know how to answer to that. Of course, saying that he was fine would be a lie.

Lying to Tumnus wasn't quite the same as lying to Beaver, or to anyone else at the Cair.

Instead, Terence merely turned away again, and never said anything. Tumnus, rather than leave his mate, slowly sauntered up to the young man until he stood parallel with him. He never hesitated to slip a comforting arm around Terence's shoulders, and give him a squeeze. Terence did not shy away or make the slightest movement, nor would he look at Tumnus directly, but he murmured to the faun, "I thought you were too busy having a good time with Lucy and all the others to notice I was gone."

"How can I even think about having a good time," Tumnus rejoined, "when my best friend's not there to share it with me?"

Noticing the tears that glittered on Terence's face, the faun asked again, "Are you all right?"

Before Terence could open his mouth to reply, Lucy's voice cut into the scene. "What's going on out here?"

Now Terence looked to see Lucy step out onto the balcony.

She looked nothing short of stunning in her special ball gown, with its trim bodice, jeweled buttons, full Tudor sleeves, and damask underskirt along with the luxurious wine-colored overskirt that fanned out in all directions. Her long, thick hair was twined into an elegant braid. Several loose tendrils framed her heart-shaped face. She was so beautiful; it practically went against the laws of nature. Terence felt his heart twist at the sight of her, and he fought to resist the temptation to reach out for her and touch her.

As Lucy joined up with her companions, she asked worriedly, "Terence, what's wrong? What are you doing all the way out here?" When she saw his face, she noted, "You look terrible."

"Are you sure you're all right, mate?" Tumnus persisted. "Why are you crying?"

Ashamed to be seen weeping like a child, Terence hastily ducked his head and wiped his face on the sleeve of his tunic. Lucy, prompt as ever, fished out her special handkerchief and offered it to him. Terence accepted the lacy white cloth without a word and dabbed at his wet eyes, one after the other, unable to help sniffling a bit.

Tumnus and Lucy waited patiently for him, and when at last he looked up again, Lucy petitioned him, "Tell us what's wrong."

Terence didn't have the heart to lie to them outright, neither did he have the heart to tell them the truth.

Instead, he croaked, "What does it matter to you, what goes on with me? Why should you care?"

Both the faun and the girl looked stunned.

"How can you say that, Terence?" said Tumnus, when he found his tongue again and could speak. "How can you even think it?"

"Of course, we care," Lucy added, reaching out to touch the young man's forearm. "You're our best friend, and we love you."

"You love each other." The words were out of Terence's mouth before he realized it.

It took Lucy and Tumnus a moment to figure out what he meant by that. Then, with a mix of chagrin and guilt, they realized Terence must have seen what had taken place between them that morning. When Terence saw their mortified expressions, he was mortified himself. His face grew hot, and he promptly turned away, putting his face in one hand.

Now I've done it, he thought disconsolately.

Now his relationship with Lucy, as well as Tumnus, was as good as finished.

Sure enough, Tumnus and Lucy's hands slid away from him, and Terence expected the faun and the girl to leave him on the spot and never come back.

But instead, they just stood there, at a loss of what to say. Total, uncanny silence settled over the three of them.

Tumnus looked at Lucy, and Lucy returned the faun's guilty gaze.

At length, Tumnus was the first to be able to move again, and to recover the use of his tongue.

Slowly and gently, he drew Terence closer to him and enveloped the boy fully in his arms, whispering remorsefully into his ear, "Oh, Terence…"

Terence didn't try to resist the faun, but he kept his head down and his face hidden from view. He struggled vainly to choke back the sobs that rose in his throat. Tumnus held the youth tighter, patting his back and toying lightly with his ice-white hair. Ultimately, Lucy joined in the embrace. She never said anything, just wound her arms around the two men, as far as they could reach, and clung to both companions. They remained like that for a time, and when they finally drew apart in the end, Terence said hoarsely, "I'm sorry. I had no business in saying…"

"No, Terence," Tumnus cut him off. "We're the ones who should be sorry."

Lucy nodded solemnly.

Blinking back the fresh tears that swam in his eyes, Terence half-croaked, "Y-you?"

"We should have told you sooner, mate," said Tumnus meekly. "We shouldn't have kept our feelings a secret from you."

He paused briefly, before confessing, "We…we weren't sure how you would react to it all."

"We didn't want to upset you," Lucy said softly.

Terence bowed his head. They'll never know, the youth thought, just how much they'd hurt me today, how badly they'd broken my heart.

But he held his tongue. There was no need to make the situation worse than it already was, no need to rub further salt into the wound. If Lucy and Tumnus knew the truth, if they found out that Terence was in love with Lucy first, neither of them would ever forgive themselves. No matter how much they were hurting Terence, Terence couldn't hurt them back.

He felt Tumnus lift his chin, and Tumnus assured him, "But we still care about you. No matter what happens, we'll always be there for you."

"We can still be friends, can't we?" Lucy entreated.

She and Tumnus looked at Terence so earnestly, so expectantly, that he found himself softening toward them.

A weak, watery smile graced his features, and he answered mildly, "Of course, we can."

Looks of joy and relief quickly spread over Tumnus and Lucy's faces. Tumnus hugged Terence again, more enthusiastically this time, and Terence hugged him back. Later, Lucy took Tumnus's place. "Oh, thank you, Terence," she said as she clung fervently to the white-haired youth. Terence returned her impassioned embrace, letting his face rest in her red-gold hair, inhaling the sweet scent of her. He sighed. While it yet pained him to know Lucy preferred Tumnus to him, he felt he could now accept the girl's decision with grace.

If she and Tumnus truly loved one another, who was he, to stand in their way?

It also touched the young man deeply that Lucy cared about him enough to want to be his friend. It was better to remain friends, than to never be together at all.

As Terence and Lucy relinquished their hold on each other, Tumnus asked, "Do you think you'll be able to join us in the party, mate?"

Terence nodded, and smiled broadly. "Last one on the dance floor is a rotten egg!"