Remembering

Disclaimer: They aren't mine, only wishing they were.

AN: This idea came to me yesterday when I was walking through the cemetery with my mother. I know it sounds weird but I like walking through the cemetery looking at the old stones. It makes me sad to see graves that have no flowers and are forgotten. I know that Memorial Day is to remember those who died in service to our country and we do, but where I live it begins planting season and everyone plants for their loved ones this weekend. See end of story for additional information.

Stephanie's POV

Every year I go to the cemetery with my mother, grandmother and sister. We don't bring the girls yet, well Angie would probably be okay but MA would just run around and whinny. We went to the local shop, Ivy Lane, which was only open from mid-May to October when they ran out of pumpkins. It was owned by the Cavatelli family, they had done this every year since my mother was a girl. They sold all kinds of flowers, herbs and vegetables plants. They have a greenhouse and a bunch of land down by the river. The soil down there is rich. After flower season ended they sold vegetables and baked good. In the fall they had mums and then pumpkins. Anyway we picked up flowers to plant for Grandpa Harry, grandma's parents, sisters and brothers. Most of the family had moved out of the area for better opportunities and some flowers for the Plum side. My mother had a brother who died during the Vietnam War and we had flowers for him as well. We chose some pink, red, yellow, orange, white and I found the most beautiful black petunias. They were so unusual and striking. My mother had a fit but grandma agreed they were striking so they were purchased.

We made our way to the garden center at Lowe's to purchase some Miracle Grow Garden Soil and red mulch. We had the rest of our gear in Big Blue; we had the normal trowels and shovels, foam kneeling pad and garden gloves. After our additional purchases we made our way to begin planting. Everyone was buried in Our Lady of Lourdes cemetery. We made our way through the Plum graves, this was the fastest way to start as so much family was still in the area so we only had to handle Grandpa Angelo and Grandma Maria, Dad's great-grandparents, that was our assigned grave. In order to speed up the day because grandma gets tired easily in the sun. I helped her each year while Val worked with Mom. Grandma and I finished and she wanted to find a grave she said it was away from everyone else. She was quiet about it and it was something we had never done before. I let Mom know we were going visiting while her and Val finished. They were all about planning and making it perfectly symmetrical. Grandma and I just made sure it looked nice.

We walked to an old section, that's when Grandma Mazur began to speak. "I'm going to tell you something no one else knows. Everyone thinks that your Uncle William was the first born child I had. Grandpa Harry and I had a set of twins, Barbara and Gary who were still born. Back in those days the babies were not discussed and they were put in a separate section of the cemetery. They were forgotten. In fact I could clear a room faster than the threat of a Japanese bombing. It was World War II after all. No one knew what to say and many of my friends were pregnant so they were uncomfortable. I'm glad it's not like that anymore."

I saw the sadness in Grandma's eyes, she looked tired and as if a burden was lifting by talking about it. She had tears streaming down her cheeks. I did as well. "Grandma, why are you telling me and not Mom?"

"I love your mother but she's too traditional. She won't do what I do after I'm gone. I know you will do as I ask. I'm asking you to come and plant flowers for your Aunt Barbara and Uncle Gary. I don't want them to be forgotten like all the other babies. I used to come with Mildred Bravo every year. Her baby is buried next to mine, her family doesn't know so I'll plant for her too. I'm asking you to do the same."

"Of course I will Grandma," I said, my voice quivered with emotion. It was heartbreaking to hear how these women had to hide their grief and not speak of it. These children were essentially forgotten by the world.

We walked through the baby section. Some of the stones were so old you could barely read the names and dates. We stopped in front of a stone that only read 'Baby Bravo June 16, 1942 9 hours old' it was next to one that read 'Barbara and Gary Mazur Still born twins June 17, 1942.'

I began to sob as I asked, "She didn't name the baby?"

Grandma sadly shook her head, "No, they said it would be easier to get over it and forget about the baby. She said the baby was a girl and she named her Judy in her head."

We planted a couple purple pansies for Judy and then for my aunt and uncle we planted a white geranium. It was pretty and the graves were small so not much room to plant. We wiped our eyes and said a prayer before walking back to Big Blue.

This was a new tradition we would have and I would continue with my own children or my nieces. I'd let Val in on it but not Mom, it was what grandma wanted. I also thought I'd get some more black petunias and put them in a pot on the fire escape.

AN2: This idea came to me yesterday when my mother and I went to find the grave of an old family friend's baby. There is a section of the cemetery as described in my story and yes, sad to say many of these children were forgotten. The family friend had twins in 1940 and one was still born the other is same age as my Dad would be and they grew up together. I saw a lot of these graves and one did say 9 hours old. It was heartbreaking. My mother and I plant for my brother, who died at 8 months old, every year. She said it wasn't as bad in 1969 when he died but as Edna said, she could clear a room fast. Here she was, 5 months pregnant with me and had just buried her first born. She was only 22 years old. No one knew what to say and many friends and family near her age were pregnant themselves. Others would say to forget about him because you have another child to think about. I hope things are different today because those words may have been said with the best of intentions but in reality they were cruel.

Yesterday we saw so many graves with no flowers and it appeared none had ever been planted. I know things were different but it was sad and heartbreaking. One grave had two small pansies which needed water so Mom and I did so. So this is for all those forgotten children. I may not be the motherly type but to me it was heartbreaking and can't imagine the pain those families went through. So please, look in the old section of your cemetery and say a prayer for a forgotten child. Let them know someone cares.