The skies over Paradise, California were illuminated only by the stars. A balmy breeze greeted Dean's face as he stood at the balcony of the hotel. He had hoped the solitude would give him some time to think calmly about his predicament, but it only served to make him more wound up.
His predicament seemed so simple when said in words he knew were true: Dean was in love with a man. But to Dean Winchester, this was anything but simple. Of course there were factors that made this a minor problem. The man he found himself in love with was clueless, the man was hopelessly incomprehensive about human emotions, and the man was an angel of the lord.
Though those problems couldn't be ignored, there were others Dean believed were more problematic. For months, the thought nagged and nagged him. I'm in love with a dude. Which in itself was odd, but then Dean figured out the more accurate problem. Holy shit. I'm in love with a dude.
Even in his youth, Dean not only didn't engage in romance– he hated it. He made it clear with every female he interacted with, he was not the guy buying them flowers, he was not the guy writing them sappy poetry, and he was not the guy making commitments.
But then Castiel came along in his tan trench coat and celestial blue eyes to knock every girl Dean's ever met right out of the water. Dean couldn't explain it. Hell, he still can't.
I'm in love with a permanently confused angel. Every word of it was a disaster. He hated it. He hated how the angel was always on his mind. He hated how blue slowly became his favorite color. He hated the idea that he was one of those guys consumed with another person. Dean half expected all that romantic bullshit guys did for girls was a ploy for action or something. But suddenly Dean could see it wasn't. He could see romance just happened when you found the right person.
But why does the right person have to be Cas?
Dean hit the top of the balcony rail with his fist before turning back into the room, where Sam sat on his laptop, idly tapping away.
"You alright?" Sam asked, his eyes glancing up at his older brother.
"Fine," Dean grumbled. He plopped down in a chair, pinching the bridge of his nose, worn down by his mere thoughts.
"Hey, will you write down an address real quick?" Sam asked, pointing his chin at the pad of paper and pen sitting on the coffee table. Dean sighed and uncapped the pen. He scribbled down the first word Sam spouted off, but when he saw the blue ink that reminded him so much of Cas, he chucked the pen at the table and stood as if he'd been burned by the seat.
"Where the hell is Cas? He said he'd come by soon!" Dean exclaimed. Before Sam even had the chance to respond, Castiel appeared in the room.
"Hello, Dean."
Dean turned to the angel with a fiery stare, his hands on his hips. When Castiel cocked his head slightly in confusion, Dean about lost it.
"Can I talk to you in private?" Dean growled at the angel. Castiel opened his mouth but Sam calmly stood to his feet, making his way for the door.
"No worries," Sam said casually, grabbing his coat from the hanger. "I was going to grab a bite anyways." Sam gave an awkward sort of smile before ducking out of the room.
The click of the door unhinged Dean entirely. In very few strides, Dean had grabbed Castiel by his ridiculous trench coat, and pinned the angel against the wall. Though confusion still evident all over Castiel's face, he didn't speak a word.
"How the hell did you do it, Cas?" Dean demanded, growling each word mere inches from Castiel's face. "I have a pretty consistent track record, of nailing chicks with not a drop of feeling for them. So how the hell- in what crazy messed up sort of universe, does a guy like me fall for a guy like you, huh?"
Castiel blinks, gazing into the hunter's green eyes searchingly.
"I want to know," Dean continues, "is it some sort of... angel mojo, Cas? Cause you better put an end to it, right freakin' now, cause I can't- I can't be hung up like this, Cas, I can't. Not on you."
Castiel gave his signature wounded puppy dog expression. Dean's jaw clenched and he tightened his grip on the angel's coat as if would keep him from melting beneath Castiel's gaze.
"Dean, I drop everything when you call me," Castiel said in a soft yet argumentative voice, "I risk everything for you again and again. I've been around for thousands of years and have never felt a bond greater than I do with you. So please explain why being hung up on a guy like me is a such a conflict."
"You don't understand," Dean goes on, "you don't get it at all, Cas. I'm not... equipped to be this guy. I don't... I can't feel this way about you, Cas. You of all people."
Castiel's expression resolved back to hurt all over again. "Do I make you unhappy, Dean?" the angel murmured. Dean winced as if he'd just been stabbed in the gut.
"Don't be stupid, Cas," Dean spat out, "don't even think something like that! I'm standing here telling you I love you and that's what you take from it? Damn it!" he finishes, his voice shaking. Dean watches Cas's eyes swim with hurt. Dean places his hands on either side of Castiel's head against the wall, trapping him, and he looks down.
"Remember the day we met, Cas? You looked into my eyes and said 'you don't think you deserve to be saved'... I had never said that out loud... to anyone, but you were right. So why can't you see it now, huh? Why can't you look in my eyes and tell me so I don't have to say it?"
Castiel gently placed his hand on Dean's chin, lifting his face and staring into his glossy green eyes. And Castiel could see. Past his broken and damaged beauty, he saw.
Castiel creased his brows, looking just as he had the day they met, "you don't think you deserve me?" Dean tightened his jaw in response, this time to prevent himself from crying.
"Dean," Castiel said, has hands still gingerly placed on the hunter's chin, "I've never met a human like you. You're unpredictable and have strange ways of showing affection... and you're selfless. You're the most selfless being I've ever known. And someone so selfless deserves better than the best thing heaven has to offer."
Dean now looked into Castiel's sky blue eyes and for the first time, he allowed himself to adore them whole-heartedly. Adore him whole-heartedly. The angel who thought he deserved to be saved and more.
Dean practically exploded with impulsive desire. He grabbed Castiel's face and captured his lips with his own, right there against the wall. Castiel's eyes wide with shock shut as pleasure instantly wrapped itself around his entire being. The angel took Dean's face in his hands, mirroring as Dean had, kissing him with eagerness that made Dean smile against Castiel's chapped lips. Dean finally broke the kiss, relaxing his forehead gently against the angel's endearingly.
"You have no idea... how long I've wanted to do that," Dean breathed. Castiel remained silent, only breathing rhythmically with his eyes closed. "And if God made something better than you up there, Cas, the dude's keepin' it to himself and I can't say I blame him."
Castiel looked at Dean like he had just said the most brilliant thing he'd ever heard in his life.
"I'm going to find a way to make you believe you deserve the best, Dean, because frankly you do... and because I'm quite... hung up on you too, Dean," Castiel said.
"Just don't leave me, Cas. Just promise you won't leave me... that's all I need... You're all I need."
Castiel gingerly placed his hand at the back of Dean's neck and kissed him softly on the forehead. "I promise, Dean. I will be there for you as the world falls down."
The two looked into each other's eyes for a long moment when Dean gave a breath of laughter, "this is the definition of a chick flick moment." Castiel blinked down at the hunter with a small smile.
"Oh well," Dean shrugged, "no chick flick moment is complete without the last paramount kiss." And with that, Dean gave Cas another breath taking kiss that weakened their knees and sent fire through their veins.
Destiel is canon and we should all just accept it.
Reviews are to me like pie is to Dean! x