Disclaimer: Harry Potter isn't mine, I don't make any money with my writing.

Beta: RedButterfly33

Warnings: suicidal, dark, attempted rape (sort of), major character death.

A/N: Another translation of one of my older fics. This one is labelled HP/DM, but they don't get a happy ending together. I thought it's fair to let you know ahead of time. Also, this is a horcrux-free AU. Hope you'll still read the fic, and if so: Enjoy! ^^ - Dime

Phoenix Tears

by Dime

Now again I find myself so far down
Away from the sun
That shines into the darkest place
I'm so far down
Away from the sun again...
- "Away from the sun" by 3 doors down

Prologue - August 12th, 1997

August 12th, 1997

"Hello!"

"Hello! How are you?"

"No better and no worse than the last time you visited."

"Just as gloomy as yesterday, then."

"Yesterday, was it? I have lost all sense of time. Sometimes it seems like you just left and there you are again, and other times, many days pass in-between... But it is good to see you."

"I come here once every day. Always around noon. Maybe this constant will help to anchor you in reality."

"Hum. Sometimes, I am not sure I want that any more."

"I understand. But life will not get easier if you reject reality. It may be cruel, but only through accepting it can you truly enjoy it when it does change."

"As if!"

"I'll freely admit it's rather unlikely. But should it happen after you've forsworn reality, you may not notice and remain caught in the half-world of your thoughts, desires and nightmares forever more."

"My nightmares? I think I'd rather keep my wits about me, then."

"What can I do to help you with that?"

"..."

"Isn't there anything at all?"

"You could give me a time-turner and send me back six years. I wouldn't make the same mistakes again."

"What mistakes?"

"First and foremost, the mistake of trusting people. I haven't met a single one who deserved it."

"Not even your friends?"

"Friends. I once thought I had those. Unfortunately, I was sadly mistaken."

"…"

"There is one thing you can do for me."

"Tell me."

"You can listen to me. I am living alone with my memories and nightmares. The boundaries between dream and reality are growing hazy... I hardly know any more what I experienced, what he did, and what never happened. Can you help me to build new boundaries?"

"It will be my pleasure."