A/N: I'm so frightened of the season finale this Wednesday, so I just needed a little bit of fluffy fluff. I don't know if American Ikea is like German Ikea, or if going there is even a thing in the States, so I just assumed it's like here and went with it ;)
This fic is for my best friend, my soul-sister, who came up with the idea. Hope you like it :)
Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or the characters. No financial gain is made from this story.
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"Ahhrgh…", then a faint "Uhh"
Sam couldn't help smirking. Every morning when Castiel made his way from his bedroom to the kitchen, those noises rang out through the bunker. Of course Sam knew he shouldn't find this amusing since his friend was in pain and suffering, but he also knew what these sounds did to Dean and that sight was just hilarious, time and time again. And sure enough, when he looked up from his plate and at his brother on the other side of the table, he barely kept it together.
Dean's face was contorted in a comical way and his eyes were screwed tightly shut, while his mouth was hanging slightly ajar and his skin was flushed. Sam was sure that his brother wouldn't be able to stand up right now without embarrassing himself, but although this little show happened daily, the idiot still insisted that there was nothing to talk about, every time Sam tried and that his behavior was perfectly normal. Well, Sam didn't get all hot and bothered by hearing an ex-angel of the Lord moaning, whether in pain like now or in pleasure while drinking his first coffee of the day, and neither did Kevin or Charlie, so the 'normal' thing was very debatable.
With another quiet sigh that made Dean clutch his spoon so tight his knuckles turned white, Castiel entered the kitchen. "Good morning", he mumbled and slouched to the coffee maker to pour himself a cup.
"Good morning Cas. Your back hurting again?" Sam asked, since Dean obviously didn't have any intention to say something.
"Yes, it's very bad today. I don't understand it; you two never have these problems. Is there something wrong with my vess… body?" Cas sometimes still forgot that his body wasn't a mere vessel anymore.
"Maybe it's because of your mattress. It's still the ancient thing that the Men of Letters put in there in the 50s. You should try Dean's bed, it's got memory foam." Castiel was still at the kitchen counter, adding milk and sugar to his coffee, so he missed the murderous glare the older Winchester shot his brother for that. Sam simply smirked back.
"Then you definitely should try Sam's too. He's got this fancy latex thing, cost a fortune but he says it's worth it." Dean threw in, still glaring at his brother.
Castiel stood next to the table now, looking back and forth between the Winchesters, obviously no idea why Dean looked ready to stab Sam, while the latter seemed to nearly choke on a laughing fit. "Well, I guess it would be worth a try…" he said uncertainly.
"Cas, Sam is just messing with you." Dean looked at the former angel for the first time this morning. Sam could see him quickly taking in the sight, from the messed up bed head, over the three-day stubble Cas kept because he still had trouble shaving, to the sweatpants that sat way to low on his hips. His eyes widened and he swallowed hard, then hurriedly looked back onto his plate.
Sam thought it almost adorable how oblivious Castiel was to all of this, but slowly but surely he reached the point where he wouldn't be able to stop himself from yelling at those two idiots to get their shit together and make out already. So when he looked at Cas now and saw the former angel stare at Dean as if he'd hung the sun, the moon and the stars, he decided it was time to finally do something. Ever since Castiel had come to live with them, Sam had noticed that his brother avoided being alone with him. So maybe a little alone time was just what those two needed.
"Hey, actually that's a pretty good idea," he said. "Well, obviously not the 'trying our beds'-part," he hurriedly added when he saw his brother's horrified gaze, "but maybe we should take Cas to Ikea, get him a proper mattress, maybe a few other things too. I'm sure Kevin needs something as well. What do you think?"
Sam knew his brother well enough to not be surprised when Dean immediately started to shake his head and opened his mouth, most likely to protest, but at the same time Castiel said "That sounds nice. I would like that. I've never been to Ikea." And when he saw his older brother's hard look practically melt in light of Cas' excitement, Sam knew his plan could work.
"Great! Then how about we all get ready and head out in about an hour?" He wanted to do this quickly, so Dean wouldn't have time to back out. Without another word he stood up and left the kitchen to get dressed.
He knew that Dean would hurry to leave as well, to not be alone with Cas and sure enough, not a minute after Sam had entered his room, he heard his brother walk past. Sam quietly left his room again and went over to Kevin's, where he knocked softly and then quickly entered. "Kevin, I need your help."
"Hey Sam, what's up?" Kevin was sitting at his desk, bent over the tablet, already busy with translating again, or maybe he hadn't even gone to sleep yet. The kid looked exhausted.
"I've had enough with these two idiots, especially Dean. I decided to do something about this, to force them to spend some time alone with each other. Who knows, maybe that already does the trick. Can't hurt at least."
"Yeah ok, what do you need me to do?" It spoke a great deal about the unbearable tension they were forced to experience every day, that Kevin neither asked what Sam was talking about, nor hesitated to offer his help.
"You just have to come to the warroom in about an hour and say something about needing my help doing research or something and if they offer to stay behind too, we have to assure them it's not necessary and they should go shopping without me."
"Ok. Where are they going?"
"Ikea." Sam couldn't help snickering.
"Oh, that's brilliant. A little domesticity will be good for them." Kevin obviously was on board with Sam's idea.
"Ok, see you in an hour then" the younger Winchester said, before quietly returning to his own room to get ready.
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When Cas entered the warroom an hour later, Dean and Sam already sat waiting for him. They seemed to be talking or rather arguing about something, but fell silent as soon as they spotted Castiel. Dean inhaled deeply and looked at him wide-eyed, while Sam just grinned for whatever reason.
"Hey Cas, you good to go?" he asked cheerfully. Then, after letting his eyes travel over the ex-angel's clothes, he added, "Well, maybe we should go and buy you some new clothes while we're at it. You can't wear Dean's old stuff forever, can you?"
"No, that's okay!" Dean threw in, then he blushed. "I mean, I don't' mind and, uhm, as long as you're okay with it Cas, you don't have to, uhm…" he trailed off.
Castiel didn't really understand his reaction, but that happened a lot since he came to live at the bunker, so he didn't think to long about it. He was glad that Dean had said that though, because he loved wearing the hunter's clothes (today it was a washed out Led Zeppelin shirt and loose-fitting jeans). In a way, it felt like being closer to Dean, but of course he couldn't say that. "No, I don't mind. They are really comfortable and… It's really not necessary that you spend so much additionally money. I believe furniture already is expensive?"
"Yes, yes you're right!" Dean answered quickly. "I mean, not that it matters, we're happy to buy those things for you, but yeah, maybe we better do the clothes-shopping some other time."
Castiel didn't know why Sam looked so smug when he said, "Okay, it's up to you", or why Dean glared at his brother after this and mumbled something that sounded like "Shut up!", but since he didn't really understand their dynamic, he chose to ignore it.
"So, let's go then", Sam said and got to his feet.
Just then Kevin came into the room. "You guys heading out?" The prophet looked tired and exhausted.
"Yeah, just a little shopping. New mattress and stuff for Cas. You need anything?" Dean asked.
"Two more cushions and a bigger, brighter lamp for my desk would be great. But actually, Sam I need your help. I may be close to a breakthrough with the tablet and I can't really concentrate anymore. Could you maybe stay and help me for a bit?"
"Well, maybe we should stay too then! We could all help you." Dean quickly threw in.
"Don't be ridiculous Dean. You hate research! And either way, do you really want Cas to have to suffer another night with this horrible mattress?" Sam said, looking at his brother with an expression the ex-angel couldn't quite place, but whatever it was, it made Dean flinch and say, "Yeah, you're right. Let's go Cas." And without another word, he left.
"Well, I guess I'll see you later then," Castiel said a little uncertain, looking at Sam.
"Yeah, of course. Have fun Cas! And don't let Dean get you down. He's a little grumpy about stuff like that." With a little wave, Sam and Kevin left the room as well.
Castiel hurried to follow Dean. He was pretty excited about all of this. He was always eager to experience normal human things and since he hadn't spent time alone with Dean since he lived at the bunker, he was glad Sam would be staying behind. Of course he was always happy to spend time with the younger Winchester, but being alone with Dean had a whole different quality to it.
On their way to the furniture store, Dean was unusually quiet and tense; he hadn't even put on music. Before they left the car at the parking lot, Castiel broke the silence. "Thank you for doing this with me, Dean. I know you don't like things like that, so I just want you to know, that I really appreciate you coming here with me."
That made Dean stop short. "What? Cas, no I… I'm sorry." For the first time today, he really looked at Castiel. "I'm a little cranky today, I slept badly and I really didn't wanna take it out on you. Come on, of course I'm doing this with you, it's gonna be fun. We'll try out all the mattresses, buy a bunch of useless stuff and use Sam's credit card. Let's go shopping." And he grinned at Cas before exiting the car and Cas suddenly felt way lighter.
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Dean could see that Cas was a little overwhelmed when they entered the building, so he took him to the restaurant first, for coffee and to acclimate.
The hunter was angry at himself for giving Cas the feeling he didn't want to be here. The truth was, he was friggin thrilled to be here – way too thrilled - especially alone with Castiel, and that's what absolutely freaked him out.
When that reaper had killed Cas, Dean's world had stopped. For a few moments he had been convinced, that this time, he'd lost him forever – and if it hadn't been for the lying scumbag-angel inside his brother, he would have. This thought was so unbearable for Dean, that every time he was reminded of it, he froze. And since he was reminded of it every time he looked at Castiel and his so obviously human state, the fragility of his human body, the ever present danger of losing him through such simple things like an accident or an illness – he just kind of dissociated himself from the ex-angel. He knew it was absolutely twisted, since this experience should have persuaded him, to finally acknowledge how he really felt about Cas and open up about it, but instead he was just scared that this would destroy their friendship. So in an act of absolute idiocy, he avoided being alone with Cas and even talking or looking to long, because he feared he wouldn't be able to stop himself from touching him or doing some other completely imbecile stuff. But of course, that was totally preposterous, since it strained their friendship and hurt Castiel. Dean knew all of this, but he just couldn't help himself. He had become an irrational idiot when it came to Cas.
But now, seeing his friend so excited about all the different staged rooms and the many knickknacks, Dean vowed to himself to make sure Castiel had as much fun as possible today.
They spend a good amount of time watching all the rooms, sitting on couches and had a blast planning redecorations of various bunker rooms. When they finally arrived at the bed and mattress section, they already had had more fun than Dean remembered ever having with Cas. He couldn't get enough of Castiel's laugh and the carefree way he eased into all this human stuff. All of it was just so… normal, that Dean almost forgot what kind of live they lived.
He watched Cas flung himself onto the nearest bed giggling and barely resisted the urge to lay down beside him, instead he just sat down on the next bed and grinned fondly at the former angel. After Cas had bounced on every available bed, they went over to where you could try out the mattresses. A cute blonde sales girl came over to them and offered her help, smiling flirtatious at Castiel. Though Dean immediately had the impulse to decline her offer, he knew that was just the jealousy and there was no plausible reason to justify doing so. So instead he smiled at her and nodded, "Yeah, we're looking for a mattress. Well, he is," he quickly corrected himself, pointing at Cas, who was already lying face-down on the first spring mattress.
The girl nodded and began to point out the qualities and differences of the various mattresses. Castiel listened carefully, considering everything she said and tested every mattress for the things she said about it, while Dean just stood by and watched him. When Cas lay down on the memory foam, an almost obscene moan left his mouth, followed by a groaned "Oh, Dean! This one is wonderful!"
Dean nearly choked on his breath at that, only just hiding it behind a faked cough. The sales girl grinned at him with raised eye brows and said with a wink "Why don't you lie down beside him. The both of you have to like it after all."
Ok, so maybe Dean hadn't been quite as … as he'd thought. "What? No, uhm, we, no we're not, uhm…" he sputtered quietly, panicked that Cas would hear the exchange.
She gave him an incredulous look and said "No? You sure?" Dean nodded frantically. "Pity. You'd make a cute couple." And then she turned away, so Castiel wouldn't see her laughing at Dean turning crimson red. The hunter was very thankful for her discretion. Luckily Cas had missed the whole thing, as he was still snuggling onto the mattress, eyes closed. He looked so content and happy, that Dean just couldn't help but smile lovingly down at him, although he knew the girl was watching him.
After one or two more minutes he cleared his throat and said, "So Cas, you ready? You want this one?"
The ex-angel opened his eyes and gave Dean a breathtaking smile. "Yes please, it's wonderful!"
The Winchester chuckled, "I always knew you had good taste. It's the same one I got."
That made the sales girl laugh and she quickly turned away again. Dean barely resisted glaring at her, because of course he knew what she would suggest if Cas wasn't in earshot. The former angel just smiled at him and stood up, ready to continue the shopping trip.
The girl handed Dean a slice of paper with directions where they would find the mattress later, not without winking at Dean again, making him blush. Fortunately Castiel had already walked off, still looking at everything with almost childlike joy. It was wonderful to see him like that, just relaxed and happy. Dean couldn't get enough of it.
As they sauntered on, they eventually came to the bathroom section, where Cas, to Dean's astonishment, picked up a frilly, glittery pink glass bottle set and said grinning, "We should buy these for Sam. He could put his shampoo and conditioners in it."
For a moment, Dean just stared at his friend open-mouthed. Then he burst out laughing, grabbing Castiel's shoulder for support while bending over. When he could talk again, he panted, "Wow, Cas. You're getting a pretty good sense of humor. Yeah, we're totally buying that!"
The ex-angel smiled proudly at Dean, obviously delighted to have made the hunter laugh so hard. "And we should search the toy section for a stuffed moose, too." Dean added grinning.
When they stood inside a small separate bathroom, both of them spotted the tiny angel figurine on top of one of the shelves at the same time. It had wavy blonde hair and white wings and was dressed in a white robe. Castiel reached for it and looked at it more closely. Then he chuckled, "Well, if had looked like this when I came into that barn, you maybe would have found it easier to believe what I was. Maybe you wouldn't even have stabbed me." He winked at Dean and smiled, but the hunter saw that it was a sad smile now, not longer the easy, happy one from before.
When Cas looked down at the figurine again and softly caressed it's wings, the Winchester barely kept himself from reaching for his friend to try and comfort him. They were completely alone in that section and Dean knew that if he touched Castiel now, he most likely wouldn't stop at that, but do something dumb, like try and kiss him. But before he could stop it, he asked softly, "Do you miss it?"
Cas looked up, lost in thought. "Miss what?"
"Being an angel. Having your wings."
"Yes," the former angel simply said.
He sounded so sad; it nearly broke Dean's heart. They were standing so close now, still in that tiny little fake bathroom, nearly touching and Dean knew that if he inhaled through his nose right now, he would smell Castiel's unique scent, ozone and cotton, now with an added layer of Dean's own shampoo and fabric softener. He took a step back, sat down on the edge of the bathtub and took a deep breath, one that didn't threaten what little self-control he had left. Then he looked up at the ex-angel.
"Cas, I'm so sorry you have to go through all of this. Losing all your powers, losing your home… I just want you to know, that I'm really glad you're with us at the bunker now and that all of us will do everything to help you. I know this whole falling-thing and suddenly being human is hard for you, but…"
"No, you don't" Castiel interrupted Dean.
"What?"
"You think you know, but you don't." He took a deep breath and sat down on the edge of the tub next to Dean. Then he looked up at the hunter. "I need you to understand something really important Dean. I don't miss being an angel or having my wings because of the power or because I want to be able to go back to heaven or fly everywhere I want. There's no place I'd rather be than here and the bunker already feels more like home than heaven has in years or maybe ever. The only reason I miss being an angel is, that I'm useless now. I can't help you on hunts, I can't heal you if you get hurt and I can't fly to you if something happens to you while I'm somewhere else. And as for being human, I must say, I like it. Of course it's not easy, handling all this new things I never had to think about, like eating, sleeping, shaving. But there are so many great things to being human. Like finally being able to taste all the great food there is, or the sensation of water on my skin. Even having my own skin. As an angel, everything was damped, but now I get to have the full experience of life. And feelings, Dean, I finally get to have the whole range of feelings. Nearly everything in my existence has changed and it's amazing and overwhelming."
Castiel paused and looked away, seemingly unsure how or if to go on. But then he seemed to come to a decision, looked back at Dean, firmly held his gaze and proceeded.
"But the most surprising and wonderful thing is what hasn't changed and that is how I feel about you. I didn't understand it before, because I'd never experienced something like that. I shouldn't even have been able to. Maybe Naomi was right, maybe there has been something wrong with me since my creation, but I don't care. Angels aren't built to feel Dean, but I know now that I did. Ever since I met you and your beautiful, pure soul in hell, I started feeling. You have made me feel. It has grown through the years, has gotten stronger and deeper, but since the beginning it has been my drive, the source of all my decisions. And only now, as a human, I was finally able to recognize it for what it is. Love. I love you, Dean Winchester. I've loved you from the moment I met you. And I'm not telling you this because I expect anything from you, I know you don't feel that way; I just want you to know, that you are loved and you are worthy of it. I will always be by your side, grace or not and I…"
By then, Cas couldn't talk any further. Dean had been completely quiet throughout Castiel's monologue; he'd just stared in stunned silence at his friend, but now he just couldn't hold back anymore. He still wasn't able to fully process or even believe that the former angel had really just said that he loved him, but the look of pure adoration in those way too blue eyes and the fluttery feeling in Dean's own heart and stomach, finally made him acknowledge what he'd deep down known for a long time and spur into action. He grabbed the lapels of Castiel's shirt, pulled him close and broke him off mid-sentence by gently pressing his lips onto the other man's. The surprised gasp Cas made told Dean, that his friend really had no idea about how Dean felt for him. He was determined to change that immediately.
He broke away slightly and looked into Castiel's widened eyes, but before he could say anything, Cas whispered "Dean? What…?"
The hunter chuckled lightly and brought his right hand up to place it gently onto Cas' face, thumb caressing the stubbled cheek. "You can't just say things like that and expect me to just listen and do nothing. I don't know how I deserve someone like you in my live, let alone your love, but for once, I've decided to take a good thing that is presented to me. And this is actually a really amazing thing."
He smiled softly at his angel. "Cas, I love you. And you know me well enough to know, that I would never say those words, if I didn't mean them with every fiber of my being. I guess I've felt like this for years, but the first time I've realized it, was when I pulled your coat out of that lake. But by then it was too late, you were gone and I buried those feelings deep inside of me. Then you came back, but I lost you over and over again and I just couldn't deal with it; every time I was terrified that this time you would be gone for good. But none of that matters now, I don't wanna be careful anymore, or scared. I want to be with you, spend my life with you, grow old with you – or, if you get your grace back, grow old with you by my side. I love you Castiel."
While Dean had been talking, Cas had watched him in astonishment and with every word the hunter said, it seemed like the light in Cas' eyes got brighter. When Dean said 'I love you' for the second time, the ex-angel's face shone with so much happiness and love, that it was almost unbearable to watch for the older Winchester. It was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. He just couldn't believe that he saying those words would make another person that happy, let alone someone as pure, gorgeous and simply wonderful as Castiel.
To Dean's utter delight, Castiel seemed to conclude that they had talked enough for now, brought his right hand to the back of Dean's neck and roughly pulled him close again, crashing their lips together in a kiss that was completely different from their first one, but not any less perfect. For a few minutes they forgot where they were, both of them reveling in the bliss of finally being able to do what they had wanted for years.
It wasn't until someone very awkwardly cleared their throat, that they broke apart, panting heavily and came back to their senses. They looked around and saw the sales girl from earlier standing in the entrance, smirking cheekily. "Hey guys, I'm glad you figured it out and everything, but would you mind keeping the x-rated stuff for at home? There are kids out there." She winked at them and was obviously barely keeping it together yet again.
Dean and Cas simultaneously blushed crimson and quickly stood up, rearranging their clothes and hair. When Dean squeezed past her, she whispered, "Guess you won't need that mattress after all, will you? Congrats man, I knew it." And with a last happy grin and a thumbs up, she walked away.
Although Dean was deeply embarrassed by the whole incident, he had to admit the girl had a point. And since he felt happy and bold, he hurried after Cas and grabbed his hand to stop him. "Uhm, I don't know if you're interested, but I was thinking… since you chose the memory foam mattress and my bed already has that one… if you… maybe… would like to share mine instead of getting your own?" He knew his face was beet red again, but he couldn't help it.
Castiel looked at him surprised, then he looked down at his hand in Dean's grasp. With a soft smile he laced their fingers together and brought them up to his lips, gently kissing the hunters knuckles. Then he caught Dean's amazed gaze, smiled and said, "I would like that very much." And after a sweet peck to the Winchester's lips, he started walking again, hand still tightly entangled with Dean's. "Well, now that we saved the money for the mattress, we should definitely have a look at those squishy armchairs again."