The Candles
Arthur Kirkland bought a fuck ton of candles. "Whoa bitch, why the fuck did you buy this many candles?" His husband, Alfred, asked. Yeah in between this and 'Balls' they got married. I felt the need to break this 4th wall.
"Because I think it's time you learn," Arthur said, setting up the candles everywhere in the room.
"Learn what? How to have sex?" Alfred asked. He got up. He grabbed the milk. It did not have ecstasy in it. Yet.
"No you fuckass, we're going to-" Arthur said and got interrupted. Alfred opened up a candle and rubbed his penis all over it. "Stop that." Arthur said, throwing another candle and hitting Alfred's penis.
"Arthur. Why?" Alfred said. His penis was okay. "This is my only penis."
"No it isn't. We would give you a new one. With those candles!" Arthur took out a mold from the bag. It was like a dildo or something.
"What the fuck?" Alfred said. His penis wasn't okay anymore.
"We will burn those motherfucking candles. Why does my breath smell like cigarettes?"
"ARTHUR STOP SMOKING" Alfred yelled.
"BITCH I NEVER WAS" Arthur yelled as well. He lit a candle. "While that is going, what shall we do?"
"Sex" Alfred said. They had sex. On the table. Arthur grabbed the candle that was going. It was all melted wax. He blew out the candle, while on top of Alfred. He ripped off Alfred's shirt. He poured the hot wax.
"Dude, what the fuck?" Alfred said. His penis was on the ground. Arthur shushed him by kissing him.
They then proceeded to sleep on the table.
When they woke up, there was Francis in the room. All the candles were lit up.
"Yay fortune telling!" Arthur said and Alfred was angry that Arthur was leaving him for Francis.
"I'm leaving." Alfred said. He grabbed his X-Box and left. Only his X-Box. No phone, wallet, ID, hell not even controllers or a TV to use it on.
Arthur stopped caring. "What's my fortune?!"
"We shall have sex." Francis said. And they did.
The end.