Happiness
Disclaimer: Please don't sue as Sailor Moon is not mines…unfortunately.
Another idea popped into mind whilst sitting here in front of the laptop at midnight…Enjoy.
Happiness…such a deceiving word, it can mean so much on the surface yet mean a completely different idea under it's welcoming and cruel depths, I suppose you could relate the word to an iceberg. A piercing cold iceberg, ready to claim any victims that came too close to its surface…
"Amy-chan?" came Usagi's voice lightly and prying as she leaned forward, her baby blue eyes clouded over with concern as she observed my suddenly tensed body; clutching the book I was currently reading so tightly that my nails imprinted themselves into the white paper pages.
"Yes Usagi-chan?" I replied, releasing my grip on the helpless book and looking into the eyes of our princess, sighing as I tried to ignore the people behind her and their current affairs…
"Stop that Mako-chan!" Rei giggled as she felt the Senshi of Protection's hands slide up the sides of her smooth silky body, distracting her from the open manga that was sprawled across her lap.
"But do you really want me to?" Mako-chan replied huskily into the sensitive ear of the Senshi of War, as her hand snaked themselves around her waist and lay there comfortably, not ashamed that they were acting like this in front of their friends, in a study group and…in front of me.
I missed Rei's seductive whisper as I reverted all of my attention to the blonde who was trying to get me to aid her in her studies. English: it was never one of her strong points but I listened and corrected her as though I was an emotionless robot, only there to help others and never think of myself. I sighed again, it wasn't Usagi's fault, and it wasn't anybody's fault apart from my own.
Smiling hollowly at my friend as she transported herself back to her own space in the room to practise her newly found skills, I closed my eyes and sank deeper into the soft pillow I was sitting on, thinking of how I was so stupid to let myself follow these rogue emotions, playing throughout my crowded brain. I should've known they were just going to cause trouble, just like every other revolutionist against their government. I should've stomped down on these emotions, handcuffed them and thrown them into the back of my mind, never to bother me again, but no, even with my logical brain I let myself become enveloped in another feeling, one that I only felt in the midst of battle. A feeling known to me as hope. Yes, hope.
Hope for what? For Crystal Tokyo to come soon so that world peace could be had? So that I could reunite my future self with my past self? No, I argued with myself I hoped for something special with someone so close to me, someone who I work along side with day by day, fighting on the battle ground of justice, my fellow Senshi and also known as the girlfriend of Makoto Kino, who, also a Senshi and worked well with had claimed the very person I had so dearly wanted in my life. The spark I needed and wanted so desperately in my life had been stolen, and I was forced to live everyday of my life watching her being loved by another, it was not my voice or hands that brought her pleasure, I was only there in the background whilst all of her attention would be on her lover…not me.
"Ami-chan?" the familiar, high-pitched note of Usagi's voice reached my ears again,
"What?!" I snapped instantly, immediately silencing the bubbly blonde and causing everyone's attention to be drawn to my harsh outburst.
"Sorry Usagi, I'm just a bit stressed so I'm going to call it a day," With that I cleared all reminders of me and swiftly departed from the house of Rei Hino, walking hurriedly back to the comfort and solitude of my own house. At least there I'd be able to think over these irritating thoughts that took pride in humiliating me.
I was running now, through the ever busy city that was my home, some people turned their heads to look at me concerned as I sprinted past them, tears pricking at my eyes painfully, at least some people could spare me some attention, I thought ironically. My breathing became laboured and I had to decelerate to a pitiful walk as my lungs gasped for the air they had been deprived of. I was never physically strong, that base was always covered by…Mako-chan…
My house appeared in front of my pathetic self as I let myself in gratefully heading straight to my room, I was thankful my mother wasn't home for once. I needed time to breathe and time for my thoughts. Collapsing onto my bed face down I sank in allowing the moment of comfort, relax my entire body, still breathing rapidly from my earlier exertion. The tears had slipped casually down my rosy cheeks, moistening the quilt beneath me.
Why? I moaned to myself, why did I have these feelings? Why did I have to let myself be drawn to the one person who was taken? I thumped the mattress with a clenched fist.
Why did it have to hurt so much?
I flipped my body so I was now facing the pearly white ceiling, the tears still sliding down my cheeks, as I lay there motionless apart from the occasional blinking of my eyes. Shutting them I found that an image of the one I sought was present, so I tired not to but it was so hard, my eyes stung as they air around them attacked them and therefore not wanting to make myself blind, I closed them.
A glimmer of her teeth was shown to me as she smiled at me, winking at me playfully. I started, reopening my eyes, an uncomfortable flush of heat pulsed itself from my already rosy cheeks.
"Stop it," I said aloud as I closed my eyes to blink again. This time it was Sailor Mars flying towards me, pushing me out of harms way our bodies touching intimately as we landed on the ground roughly, me on top of her…our faces inches apart.
"Stop it!" my voice rising in volume, "I said stop it!"
I vaulted myself off of my bed with such force that I nearly collided with the door but my trained reflexes stopped me from doing so, as I continued down my hurried path to the bathroom. Upon entering my haven I slammed the door shut, plugging the sink I turned on the cold tap and let the pressurised water flow out into the depth of the sink. I was shaking that last thought was all too real, all to painful; I needed to put a stop to it now…
The hissing of the water captured my attention and I quickly switched off the tap again before it over flowed onto the bathroom floor. Walking up to the sink, I stared at my watery reflection staring back at me, almost mocking me. This was happiness I thought and here was what lay beneath the surface…
I took a deep breath and plunged my head into the sink, my hands on the sides to brace myself. The intensity of the freezing cold water increased my body's shivering and sent a deathly chill down into my core. The water slapping against my skin like watery hands, trying to regain my sanity. I lost my breath in the depths of the water, in the depths of the iceberg…
I thrust my head out off of the sink, breaking the surface and gasping once more as my depleted lungs greedily filled back up with air. The water running off of my face and hair splashed back into the sink reuniting back with its murky depths. Gasping, I could only hear myself gasping as I reached out for the blue towel next to me, wiping my face and hair so it was only a chilling dampness.
My ice blue eyes ascended to the glass mirror hanging in front of me, watching all of my pathetic movements and now it stared back at me, emotionless, cold and hard. My face came closer to the other as though there was some sort of invisible attraction. Inspecting the other, I saw the pale face, tinted red at the cheeks, water dripping off of the stiff nose, the damp and flattened hair against its head.
"You want her to be happy," the face suddenly said to me piercing me with its gaze.
"I want her to be happy," I repeated, my gaze glazed over, as though I was in a trance, I stood transfixed as I awaited for it to speak again.
"And to make her happy you must be happy," It smiled chillingly at me, waiting for me to respond.
"And to make her happy I must be happy," I repeated again, the twitching of both sides of my mouth rose into a cold smile, as I turned and left satisfied with my new conclusion: I would become the depths of happiness, never the surface…
A little bit different, please tell me what you think, good or bad I like it all – Dark Shadows 01