isclaimer: Narnia belongs to C.S Lewis etc etc

Note: Firstly, I have not read the books, this story came after viewing Prince Caspian, and discovering that Peter and Susan would not be returning, which then led me to find out what happened after The Last Battle...Susan being my favourite character, I decided to channel my anger and this is what resulted. Read & Review Please.

The italics are from the song at the end of Prince Caspian - The Call by Regina Spektor

Susan's Redemption

Twenty-One year old, Susan Pevensie sat gaunt and solemn at the chapel in Finchley listening to the minister. She didn't cry, although her eyes watered terribly. She had decided to be brave, and followed through as true as the arrows that had left her bow all those years ago. She delivered the eulogies of Peter first, and then Edmund, but had to pause many times when she spoke of Lucy. A part of her wished terribly that she had been on the train that had killed her siblings. A great tragedy, the news bulletins had called it. As Susan sat in the chapel after the service she waited until everyone else had left before she began to cry.

When her eyes dried, Susan vowed never to cry for her lost siblings again. It was done, and it had passed. She fixed her make-up and straightened her skirt. Peter, Edmund and Lucy would now be banished into the back of her memory, it would be easy, she told herself, as easy as all of those childhood games they had shared. It was far easier for Susan to banish memories than embrace them.

Thirteen year old Susan Pevensie sat talking with her younger sister Lucy, they had returned from Narnia and both of their hearts were heavy, although for very different reasons. Lucy wondered if she would ever return to Narnia, and worried that Peter was mistaken, what if her and Edmund were like Peter and Susan, unable to return. Susan however, couldn't shake Caspian from her thoughts. The handsome prince had made her feel things she had never thought possible. As she kissed him goodbye her heart was heavy, and it broke when he held her for a moment after. It was as if he didn't want to let go. He haunted her dreams for months after. This was how Susan changed. Whenever Lucy mentioned Narnia, Susan dismissed it as childhood fantasy. Narnia had never happened, and Aslan, and Caspian had never been real. This was how she coped with her heartache, until she truly believed it. Lucy and Ed continued to believe, even after they had grown too old to belong in Narnia. It took Peter longer to admit, but he too still believed. Narnia caused a rift through the Pevensie siblings as they grew older, Peter, Ed and Lucy against Susan. Not a large rift, but Susan always felt the distance between them. Ed had once told her that she was in too much of a hurry to be an adult, and perhaps he was right.

Susan packed up her siblings belongings into boxes, remaining detached, or trying to from the grave situation. She reached their childhood belongings, and paused when she found a dusty leather-bound book. It had belonged to Lucy, and she never let anyone see inside. She would spend hours working on this book. Susan took a deep breath and opened the cover. On the front page was written NARNIA.

She thumbed through the pages. Pages and pages of writing, detailing accounts of epic adventures with names like Cair Paravel, and Mr Tumnus, ridiculous things like talking lions and eternal winters. Susan almost dismissed the book as silly rubbish, adding it to the boxes, until she saw the name Caspian. This name stirred something deep inside her. Caspian had been her childhood fantasy. But Susan knew he was just that, a fantasy. On occasional pages were sketches Lucy had drawn, the Pevensie siblings were the focus of these sketches, all dressed in olden day clothes and carried swords daggers and bows. In one sketch she carried a horn. All of this stirred feelings inside Susan that she hadn't felt in a long time. Her heart wasn't ready to believe just yet, and when Susan retired to bed that night, her dreams danced with forbidden memories, struggling to surface.

The next day Susan sat with Lucy's book and read it from the front page to the last. The last page had a personal note from Lucy. "As she grows older, Susan believes less and less of Narnia, maybe one day she'll read this and find her way back." It was signed "Queen Lucy the Valiant."

Susan's emotions began to rise.

It started out as a feeling, which then grew into a hope.

Which then turned into a quiet thought, which then turned into a quiet word.

And then that word grew louder and louder, until it was a battle cry.

Susan screamed "Why?" Upturning the boxes she had packed and then threw things around the room until she slumped onto the floor holding one of Lucy's old dresses close. Why had she been left behind? She asked herself over and over again. She remembered everything now, but mostly she remembered Aslan's voice telling them "Once a King or Queen of Narnia, always a King and Queen of Narnia." Susan felt she was no longer a Queen of Narnia, and hadn't been for a long time.

I'll come back when you call me, no need to say goodbye.

Queen Susan the Gentle was called, a year to the day her siblings had been called. Susan Pevensie was standing at a lamppost in Finchley. She wasn't entirely sure why she was standing at this lamppost, and then she heard it. The sound of a horn. Her horn. Susan closed her eyes, and began to believe. She focused on nothing but the sound of her horn. With her eyes shut Susan began to walk towards that sound. She walked down street after street as the horn grew louder. With eyes still closed Susan walked out onto the street, headlights on her, she heard the skidding of brakes, and a horn tooting loudly. She felt the impact when the car hit her, but she never opened her eyes. She kept her eyes closed as she felt the blood leave her body and the sound of paramedics trying to ressucitate her, but Susan kept her eyes shut, focusing on the sound of her horn.

When she did open her eyes, Susan was in her thirteen-year old body again, dressed in the blue gown she wore at Caspian's coronation. But Narnia was no longer there. Instead she stood at the gate of Aslan's country and it only took a moment before the proud lion himself came out to greet her.

"Queen Susan of Narnia." He spoke.

Susan dropped to her knees before Aslan. "I am only Susan Aslan, I am unworthy of the title of Queen of Narnia."

"You stopped believing Susan, had Narnia taught you nothing at all?"

"I was afraid Aslan, I believed in something only to have it taken away. I thought it was better not to believe at all, and then when I had stopped believing, it took the things that were most dear to me away."

"My dear, I did not cause the train crash in your world that claimed Peter, Edmund and Lucy. I had no power over that, only the power to bring them here to eternal peace."

"I can't help feeling if I had still believed in Narnia I would have been on that train with them."

"Perhaps that is true, but what is important now is that you have found redemption, only then could you have heard the call of your horn. It has been calling for you since your siblings entered here, only when you were a true friend of Narnia once more would you be able to heed its call." Aslan told her.

As she entered into Aslan's country, Aslan roared "Welcome Queen Susan the Gentle."

She was in awe of the wonder of this place, Aslan's country was full of great mountains, large trees, rivers and waterfalls, an eternal paradise. It wasn't long before Lucy, Edmund and Peter ran to greet their lost sibling. Lucy hugged her and wouldn't let go for a long time. "We always knew you'd find your way back here Susan." She told her older sister. Susan looked at Lucy and Ed, "I don't understand, you two look older, but Peter you look the same as I was when we left Narnia."

"That's it Susan, you and I look the same as when we were in Narnia the final time, but Lucy and Ed returned once more, they look the age they were during their final time there." Peter told her.

"Who else is here?" she asked them.

"Everyone who fought for the good of Narnia and everyone who has believed in it. Everyone is restored to the way they were at the height of their glory, when they were the happiest during their time in Narnia." Aslan told her as he walked alongside the reunited siblings.

"Mr Tumnus is right over there, look Susan." Lucy told her. Susan smiled. The faun sat on a rock next to a bubbling stream, playing his pan flute. She recognized many faces, and saw many faces for the first time.

"What took you so long to get here Susan?" Edmund asked her.

"I wasn't on the train, I had to find my own way back…" she started but was cut off.

"…There's an old friend you might want to say hello to." He continued.

Susan's face lit up when she saw who Ed was talking about; it was Caspian, exactly as Susan remembered him but only a little older, sitting under a great tree, polishing her horn.

"It seems we may have more time together after all." She said to him when she approached.

He stood up. "Susan."

"What are you doing?" She asked looking at her horn.

"I was preparing it for the day I would return it to you; that time appears to have come." He smiled.

"You knew I'd be coming back?"

"I knew that one day I would see you again, and not only in the dreams you haunted for many moons after your departure."

"I dreamt about you also." Susan leant up to kiss him again, to feel the lips that had haunted her for years, but Caspian stepped back.

"What is it?" She asked surprised.

"Susan, after you left, I married and had a son, Rilian. We are all here in Aslan's Country."

"Oh." She said quietly.

"You must have moved on also, surely you married?"

"Well this is rather embarrassing, but I never took much interest in men after leaving Narnia, something always held me back, a memory. Despite what many people think, you were my first and only kiss Caspian." She admitted.

"I am sorry." He said quietly.

"Did you not care for me at all?" Susan said harshly, she knew she was being unreasonable, they had both known their kiss meant goodbye.

"Susan…" Caspian said, hurt clear in his voice.

Now we're back to the beginning, its just a feeling and no-one knows yet.

But just because they can't feel it too, doesn't mean that you have to forget.

She turned and walked away from him and rejoined her siblings.

"What was all that about?" Edmund asked her.

Let your memories grow stronger and stronger, 'til they're before your eyes.

"Nothing, a forgotten memory." She replied, not looking back at the confused prince.

You'll come back when they call you, no need to say goodbye.