Double-posting this from my LJ. Thanks to sluvsRB for the title!
"Andy" his voice slurred in his drunken state. "I love you, Andy. I do. I meant what I said. You have to know. I meant it."
The message ended abruptly, an automated voice listing the options for dealing with the message. Andy hit 'repeat' for what must've been the hundredth time, listening to Sam's voicemail from the night she'd left UC, over and over.
It was the last time he'd told her he loved her. And it might end up being the last. The thought that she might never hear his voice, or see his face again had her heart constricting in his chest, so she shook her head, trying to block the thoughts as she hit repeat for the message, again.
She stayed there, listening to the message over and over until she was interrupted by one of the nurses returning to tell her Sam had been moved to his new room.
Andy thanked her and pocketed her phone, wiping at her face as she walked towards his room.
She took a deep breath before she walked in to sit next to his bed. Her hands moved of their own accord, reaching for his with one and the other one sifting through his hair.
She was exhausted. Her face was swollen, skin red and blotchy from all the crying she'd done, and she was sure that she'd shed all tears she possibly could. But seeing Sam in the hospital bed, pale and vulnerable, had her eyes stinging with tears again. This was Sam. Her Sam.
The nurse had said he'd be up in a few hours, but she was still nervous that he wouldn't. That they'd gotten something wrong and he wouldn't ever open his eyes and look at her lovingly or say her name as if it's the only word he knows, as if she's the only person in his universe. Her Sam.
She inhaled deeply and exhaled after a few seconds, bracing herself before she started talking. "Sam. I'm here. I'm still here. I'm here and I'm going to talk to you, okay? Because I don't want to sit here and stare and freak out and I just really, really need to let this out. Maybe it'll give me the courage to say it to you when you wake up," she paused, ran her thumb over where his dimples would indent his cheeks when he smiled. "Because you're gonna wake up. You're gonna wake up and then we're gonna fight for this. We're gonna fight, Sam. Because you're my story. And this isn't how it's gonna end."
She sniffled, laughed quietly. "That'd be a really shitty ending to a story. Worse than Grey's Anatomy. So you have to wake up and not make it like that, okay? And then we can get our dog and you can take my trash and we'll talk about Grey's Anatomy. Did you know they killed Mark? They killed Mark and you weren't there to hold me when it happened. I cried. Ugly sobbing. It was awful."
Pausing, she took the time to wipe her nose with the back of her hand, pressing her fingers against her eyes to hold back the tears. Sniffled once more. She just really, really wanted to crawl into the bed, curl up against him and feel his heartbeat. "Ugh, sorry. That was gross. I'm all snotty and nasal, I know. Charming. Anyway. I just-Sam. You have to understand-you're it okay? You made me happy. We were good. We were great. You and I-I've never felt so happy, so loved, so known. I meant all of that, okay? And I NEED you, Sam. I've been afraid to admit it, you know? All these years, I've gotten along by myself. I've never needed anyone. I've never let myself need anyone. But you. You screwed all of it up. You screwed me up.
When I was a kid, I read all these stories, okay? And watched these movies, and everyone got their happily ever after. I was always a tomboy. Dressed like a boy, played all these sports, I was a typical tomboy. Think that's why my dad tried so hard to make sure I didn't feel the absence of my mom by getting me all these movies. All the fairytales, the princess stuff. I've watched them all. Every single one. And no matter what happened, no matter how shitty everything was, the girl would always end up with her leading guy. Her prince charming. I always dreamt of it, you know?
And my life...I tried so hard to get my happily ever after, to believe that there was someone out there for me that'd protect me and love me and give me that happily ever after, that I lost sight of what's been in front of me this whole time. I've been looking for perfect, simple, for happiness to come knocking at my door. For my leading man to swoop me off my feet. And I didn't realize, this whole time, Sam, I didn't realize that..it's you.
YOU are my leading man. I tackled you, and found you, and this whole time I've been completely oblivious to that simple fact."
Andy took another deep breath, taking his limp hand in both of hers. "I can only imagine your reaction at me calling you my Prince Charming" she added with a laugh. "But it's true. You're my story, you're my happily ever after. I've waited my whole life for someone to lead, for someone to make me feel the way YOU made me feel. And I know it's stupid, okay, this story, and all other stories and-"
"McNally" a voice crackled, scratchy from disuse. "I told you. It's a pretty good story."
Andy's head shot up instantly, eyes widening. "Sam!" she breathed, hovering over him. "You're awake!"
Sam winced, blinking against the bright light coming from the window. He moaned as he tried to move, swallowing. He looked down at the dressings on his bullet wound. "Well. That hurts like a bitch" he commented nonchalantly.
Grinning, Andy leaned over, unable to resist running her hands through his hair lovingly. "Yeah, well, getting shot's not supposed to be fun."
"Mmm, should've told me before" Sam replied, eyes closing as he let himself enjoy the feeling of her hand in his hair.
Andy bit her lip, pausing. "Sam."
"McNally" Sam replied, his eyes still closed.
"You almost died" Andy whispered, hand reaching down to cup his jaw.
Sam opened his eyes, swallowing. He opened his mouth to speak but had to stop to let out a cough. Andy sprung up quickly, pressing the button for the nurse repeatedly. "I'm going to get you some water, okay?"
All Sam could do was nod as his head hit the pillow again.
"Excuse me, do you not hear me calling you?! I need some water!"
Sam laughed as he heard Andy get sassy with the nurses, grimacing as the movement pulled at his stitches. Andy was back quickly, feet squeaking against the floor as a housekeeping lady yelled at her for walking over the wet floor. "Sorry" she replied, not sounding very apologetic as she rushed back to the room with the cup.
She spent some time fidgeting with the controls on the bed to help him sit up. Sam watched, amused, as she struggled with the options, the bed moving in all different directions. He grinned when when she finally got it right, beaming proudly. She leaned over to poke the straw into his mouth. He watched her as he sipped, his eyes wide and innocent.
Andy gulped, looked anywhere but at him. Which is why she completely missed when he was done sipping, lying back and staring at her unblinking.
Sam took the time to look her up and down, noticing the dark circles under her already puffy eyes, the sweats she'd obviously slept in and the really familiar sweater she was wearing. Seeing her in his sweater made his heart swoop with joy. (She liked to wear it to bed, the nights they were apart. She wouldn't admit to it, but it was something he noticed when they were together. The nights they spent apart, he'd always sneak back into her place while she was asleep, joining her in bed. And she'd always be wearing it. Every single time.
But that was before.
Before it all went to hell.)
He watched on as she gazed into the distance. "McNally"
"Hmm?" Andy asked, looking away from the wallpaper she'd fixed her gaze on. She noticed she was still holding up the cup and took it back, awkwardly shuffling away.
"This isn't how our story's going to end" Sam replied, still staring at her intently.
Andy smiled, nodding and shrugging simultaneously.
Sam smiled reassuringly before closing his burning eyes. "Stay?" he whispered, eyes still closed as he stuck his hand out towards her.
"I'm right here" Andy replied, pulling the chair closer as she grabbed his outstretched hand. "You go to sleep, okay? Get some rest. I'm not going anywhere."
"I love you" Sam mumbled, his thumb rubbing comforting circles over her palm.
Andy smiled through her tears, letting out a choked sob. "I love you too"
Sam opened his eyes for a second, smiling sleepily as he pulled her hand up to place a kiss on it.
"I love you too" Andy repeated, clutching his hand gratefully.
They were going to be okay.