Disclaimer: Don't own them, never will. Enjoy J
Too Young
Chapter OneNo Rest for the Weary
Bridger looked down at the boy. His head was pillowed on his left arm, right hand lying atop his keyboard.
Kristen said softly, "he looks about six years old when he's asleep. I hate to disturb him, but I need to check his arm. Dr. Levin reported that he'd placed fourteen stitches yesterday with directions for Lucas to 'take it easy and report back today for a check'. Lucas didn't show up." She sighed. "Nathan, he's working too hard. He's wearing himself out by trying to do all that everyone asks him…but we're asking too much. He's just a boy, and he's being pulled seventeen different directions each day. I don't think he knows that it's O.K. to say 'no' to any crewmember for any request. Consequently, he's working non-stop until he nearly collapses from exhaustion."
She had become concerned when, over lunch, Dr. Levin explained how Lucas had failed to show up for his morning appointment to change the bandage on his arm and check the stitches for infection.
Between bites of his sandwich, Dr. Levin reported that yesterday afternoon Lucas had been helping a crewmember install a sensor panel when the heavy front cover fell. As it slipped to the deck, the rough corner caught Lucas' arm, opening a deep cut. Lucas stopped long enough to tie up the wound with his jersey; then he finished the installation. When he finally arrived in Med Bay, Dr. Levin alternately stitched and lectured the pale, sweating youth about immediate care of injuries. He sent Lucas away to rest, injured arm in a sling, and ordered him to come back at 0900. Lucas didn't return as requested.
After lunch, when Kristen started to search for him, she first paged him. Although his PAL showed it was activated, he did not answer. She then questioned the scientists in the two labs Lucas frequented the most. He had been in one lab, but that had been early this morning.
As she pieced together the rest of his day, she moved from concern for him, to worry, to outright alarm, as she learned everything that he had done that day. Apparently, he had worked through two Bridge shifts, helping Lt. Comm. Hitchcock upgrade the environmental control system. He then moved to Lt. O'Neill's station to install new communications protocol software. After that, he finished writing his prospectus for installing the vocorder software on all UEO first line subs. She had glanced through this report on his workbench when she had checked his cabin. She hadn't known that Admiral Noyce had asked him to compile and present this information. It must have taken Lucas days to research and prepare.
Kristen had finally sought out Nathan's help a few minutes earlier when she couldn't locate Lucas anywhere. Nathan suggested that they check the Ward Room, since he had scheduled a senior staff meeting there at 1900 in preparation for their new assignment. He had mentioned to Lucas last week that he expected him to attend this particular meeting as the upcoming assignment concerned the computer analyst's department.
They had walked into the Ward Room a little while ago and found Lucas sleeping, his head next to his computer.
Nathan sighed softly and picked up the papers lying on the table. At Kristen's inquiring glance, he whispered, "It's the progress notes on the vocorder I demanded earlier this week. That was before I knew about all the other's demands on his time."
His voice trailed off as Kristen began to slide Lucas' sleeve back. The boy shifted and moaned softly, "…no, not yet."
Nathan placed a calming hand on the teen's forehead and said softly, "..It's O.K. kiddo. It's Dr. Westphalen, she's just checking your arm."
He was alarmed to feel the heat under his hand. Lucas' forehead was very warm.
"Kristen, I think he has a fever."
Lucas shifted again and sat up slowly, his blue eyes over bright, as he glanced, confused, from one to the other.
"What are you….Ow!" He yelped, as Kristen peeled back the tape on his arm.
She looked sternly at him. "You didn't show up at the appointed time this morning, young man. And, you were told to take it easy—not to tackle five new projects."
He looked defensive. "I was taking it easy. I didn't swim with Darwin or go near Ben all day. I changed the bandage this morning, so I didn't see any reason to go to Med Bay. Besides, I've been busy with…"
Kristen interrupted briskly. "Yes, you have 'been busy'. Too busy. How much sleep have you missed since this little accident? How many meals have you skipped today? No one has seen you near the galley or mess all day. I know, I asked. To 'take it easy' means to relax, not just to refrain from roughhousing with Darwin or Ben. You have a fever, and you have pulled these stitches. This may even scar. It looks as if you have been using this arm quite a bit—and where is that sling that Dr. Levin gave you?"
Lucas' eyes looked pleadingly at his Captain to intervene and stop this lecture. Nathan smiled slightly at the boy's discomfort, but then frowned as he felt a heavy load of guilt settle over his thoughts. He began to speak, choosing his words carefully.
"Lucas, I cannot condone ignoring the medical staff's recommendations, but I understand the pressure you felt to keep working. I'm sorry that I was a part of the pressure you felt. You could have waited to give me this update if you were overloaded. You need to promise me that you will abide by Dr. Westphalen and Dr. Levin's orders from now on. They want you to recover quickly."
He waited for Lucas to look up at him, and then he continued.
"I will promise you something. From now on, your schedule will go through Commander Ford or me. If anyone else makes a 'request' for your assistance or expertise, he or I need to know about it, so we can factor it into your workload. You've done way too much today…and you have an injury too…"
"…Captain, I don't mind helping out.." Lucas stopped abruptly when Nathan held up his hand at the interruption.
"..I know you don't mind, but if today showed me anything, it showed me that you feel you cannot say no to other's requests for help, even when you're overloaded. Lucas, it's O.K. to tell us, to tell me, when you need time to complete what's already on your plate."
Lucas looked down and spoke so softly that Kristen and Nathan had to strain to hear him.
"..captain, it's hard sometimes, to be the youngest here. I'm an oddity, a 'freak', a fifteen year old computer nerd or sometimes for guests the 'genius on parade'. If I do what people ask, I'm not resented so much by the crew, and I don't feel so…lonely…if I keep busy.."
Kristen drew in a breath sharply and opened her mouth, but Nathan's hand on her shoulder silenced her. Nathan gently lifted Lucas' face so that the boy's tear filled eyes looked directly into his own.
"Lucas, are you unhappy here? In the four months you've been on board, I thought you had found a place to further develop your research; you've found friends here, haven't you? I don't say it aloud and I should, but you've found a place in my heart. I care for you very much, kiddo, but if you're very unhappy, I will contact your father.."
"NO! no..I mean..no..it's just that," Lucas swallowed, wiping his eyes with his sleeve, trying to erase the evidence of his tears, "…I love being on SeaQuest, .. I guess I just want..I wish…I was wanted for me, who I am and not what I can do. Don't call my Dad. He doesn't want me around…that's why I'm here in the first place…" His voice trailed off wearily, his eyes reflecting the pain in his heart. He hissed softly as Kristen finished re-taping the freshly cleaned and bandaged wound. "I'm probably just tired, right? Everything will look better after I rest…"
Lucas looked down again. He knew that the problems with the crew accepting him…the resentment of some of the crew to his presence, wouldn't just go away. He hoped that someday soon it wouldn't hurt so much….that the gossip would stop as to why he was even here, the covert glances certain of the scientists exchanged whenever he entered the labs, the speculation as to what he had done to be dumped here in the first place…what kind of discipline problem landed a kid on a submarine? And why didn't his parents contact him? He'd heard the whispers. He was so tired of it, but thank God they didn't know the truth…in all the speculating no one had come close to the truth.
Kristen patted his bandaged arm gently. "You need to come to Med Bay after the meeting. You do have a slight fever and this wound is red. That means infection, so a round of antibiotics is in store for you, young man."
She waited for Lucas' nod of agreement and then motioned Nathan to follow her out of the Ward Room.
"We'll be back in a few minutes for the meeting, Lucas. Why don't you put your head back down and rest. I'll wake you when it's time, before everyone arrives."
Lucas nodded again at them, his head already sinking back down to the crook of his arm.
"Nathan..," Kristen started as soon as they had left, "..he truly believes that he's only wanted for what he can do—is this what we've been showing him? I am sick at heart…and angry! Angry at him, angry at myself…I thought I'd given him acceptance and friendship, but I haven't shown him how valuable he is to me as a friend. I tell him how to behave and what I expect of him as a member of my department, but I've failed to communicate how important he is to me, his energy and enthusiasm, his endless curiosity and multitude of questions. I've acted more as a boss than a friend. Why didn't I notice how he felt before now? I've worked with him daily for months! I can't believe how blind I have been…" She shook her head, blinking back tears. "Why didn't he tell me how he felt?"
"Kris..I wish I knew what to tell you. I want to assure you that you're doing a great job here, you were the one who noticed how weary and overworked Lucas has become. I'm the Captain; I'm responsible for everyone's welfare on my ship, yet I've been oblivious to his needs, his feeling of isolation—Lord, I know that neither of his parents have called even once during his time on board—I should have seen this coming. What other way would he feel? When your parents don't place any value on you, can't be bothered to call you, can you develop any self-worth? No wonder he feels as if he must earn our attention by working as hard as he can…he thinks that if he says 'no' to any request, he'll be worthless to us, too."
He ran his hands over his face. "Kristen, I don't know how to fix this. I can control the demands on his time, so he doesn't get this exhausted again, but what do I do about his loneliness? He needs his family..or a family. Can we provide that for him, and should we try? He's neglected by his parents, but they are his parents. Sometimes, I get the feeling that what brought him here is more than neglect, more than indifference. His eyes are so full of fear sometimes, and when anyone around him raises their voice, he freezes, then leaves as soon as possible. I just don't know if we…if I am equipped to handle him. What I want to do is treat him like a son; he's beginning to find that place in my heart, in my life, but I don't know if he needs that more, or if I need him to be that for me. I don't think that I am replacing Robert with him, but is any one of us a great judge of our own heart? Our motivations?
You know that Lucas is one of the main reasons why I decided to stay on seaQuest…I saw something in his eyes that first day at the moon pool. He looked lost and so sad."
"Nathan, you need to realize that he would not have said anything just now if he did not trust and need you greatly. He's very good about hiding his feelings behind sarcastic remarks or smiles. In the absence of his parents, we will have to fill that role for him. We'll just have to do our best and pray that's enough. Perhaps he'll let us know, someday, the things he's hiding about his past…if indeed he's hiding anything. I do believe that we need to discuss this with the senior crew. I know that they all care about Lucas. Tim and Miguel love him, and Ben is crazy about him. Katie and Jonathan consider him a good friend, in fact they all seem to view him as a 'little brother' of sorts—I wonder if he knows how we all feel?
What am I saying? Of course he does not know how we feel. Otherwise, he would not have said what he said just now. We must make sure that he does know…" Her voice trailed off as the senior staff, led by Commander Ford, approached for the scheduled meeting.
Kristen touched Nathan's hand and whispered, "..I need to wake him. He will be mortified if they come in and catch him sleeping."
To be continued