TORCHWOOD: IN MEMORY OF STEVEN

AND IANTO.

This story takes place one year after the events of Children of Earth. I do not own any of the characters in Torchwood and I don't expect to make any profit from this, it is for entertainment only. Hope the readers will enjoy this.

After some six months of self-imposed isolation and suffering Captain Jack Harkness decided it was time to return to Earth and pay his respects to his deceased grandson Steven and his friend and college Ianto. Deceased by courtesy of me, he thought bitterly. He had already visited the Cardiff Cemetery where his buddy and alley from Torchwood Ianto Jones lay buried. So many dead because of me, he realised. At Ianto's graveside he had said, "If I'd just given things more thought instead of just barging in with you at my side I'm sure I could have worked out a different plan without endangering you. The only one responsible is me old friend, and I hope you are out there somewhere and can hear me. I didn't want to recruit you into Torchwood in the first place and I think I should have done what my instincts told me and refused to let you join. Then you'd probably be alive now and so would Owen and Tosh. The only one who can't die is the one person who deserves death as much as anybody, maybe more. What right does an old bastard like me have to have everlasting life. If it means pain and suffering for others then I'd rather not have it. It's a curse, not a blessing. I guess that's all I can say to you, Ianto, except I am truly sorry for not protecting you and I hope that you can forgive me. I have to go now because there is an eight- year old boy who also died long before his time because of me too and the least I can do is visit his final resting place. So long, buddy!"

Jack had never been a very religious man but the past few months he had begun to question his lifelong doubts about an afterlife. Maybe it wasn't The Doctor and his Tardis that gave me eternal life but a far greater power, he now pondered. He concluded he was being kept here for some reason but what? Following the death of Steven he made his mind he was never again going to be responsible for another life. If he ever returned to Torchwood (and that was a very big if) it would certainly not be as the leader. He would gladly step down and let someone else make the life and death decisions that sometimes had to be made. Let them know what the job entailed and the sacrifices that sometimes just couldn't be avoided.

He soon arrived at the little family plot where his beloved grandson lay buried. He looked at Steven's gravestone and tried to remember him on his final day of life, happy and full of energy. His mother Sarah had forbidden Jack to attend the boy's funeral because it would violate his memory. He realised how much she hated him now and he could not let her know he was here. Since that tragic day that Steven had died in the hospital she had made it clear to him she never wanted to see or hear from him again. Tears welled Jack's eyes as he said, "Sorry I was so long in coming, soldier! I had to go away and lose myself for awhile. You were a great kid and I'm sure you would have been a great man. I just hope that there's a place that little boys like you go to. I've always scoffed at that kind of thing but what does an old swine like me know? I was just so angry at those alien junkies for what they did to Ianto and what they planned to do to with all those kids. I just wanted them gone. Sure, I saved a lot of kids but that doesn't excuse what I did to you. I just didn't realise what I was doing until I'd done it. I'm sure I could have found another way if I'd just taken the time to think about it. I let my emotions get the better of me and you paid a terrible price as did Ianto.

"I've died myself countless times but I've always been restored to life. Not that that's my choice. If I could die one last time today then maybe I'd find the peace that I hope you already have but it seems I'm condemned to an eternity of misery and grief which is probably what I deserve. If there were a way I could bring you back I'd do it in a second, believe it, my grandson. I never told you who I really was, did I! You always thought I was your uncle. I'm sorry I lied to you but how could I let you know your grandfather is some freak who never dies. What would the kids at school have said? Anyway, I'm sorry about everything. I'm sorry I never took more time to get to know you and been there for you while I had the chance. I guess someone like me isn't meant to have family or friends; I'm just destined to be alone and unloved. Your mother has called me a monster and a child killer and she's probably right. I've lost her as well as you. There's a lot more I'd like to say to you but you're probably tired of listening to me already. So long, kiddo, I'll be back for another visit, I promise you."

So Jack Harkness departed the small family cemetery not far from the house where Steven had lived all his short life with his mother. His thoughts turned to Sarah. He hoped she could put this all behind her and let her life move on. So far as he had been able to find out from her close friends she was holding it together so far. If she were to do something drastic like taking her own life…God, that would be more than he could bear. He knew he did not deserve forgiveness, he had hurt her too much. He got in the Honda hatchback he had hired for the day and drove towards the local village Inn where he had booked a room for the night.

Once inside the spacious room overlooking the lake Jack realised how tired he was after the long journey back to Earth. This was a lot more comfortable then some of the places he'd had to stay during his travels in outer space he concluded. He considered staying for a couple of days while he decided if he should stay on this planet or look somewhere else for a new home. Did he really have any reason to stay, he was thinking. Gwen Cooper now had her own life and her newborn child would be a few months old now. Why should she stick her neck out for Torchwood? Let her have a long and happy life with her husband Rhys. She could not have married a better man if she tried. Jack had no right to even ask her to return. If she did there was a good chance she'd be the next Torchwood victim and she deserved better then that. Facing unknown life forms from somewhere far away was a lot different from facing mere terrorists or killers on this planet. The danger was ten times greater.

Captain Jack removed his long grey coat. I look like a relic from the Civil War, he realised. Soon he slipped between the covers of the comfortable double bed and, despite his troubled state of mind, drifted into a deep sleep. He felt as though he were floating. After a few minutes (or who knew how long) he sat up in the bed again. He knew he must be dreaming or was he? It all felt so real. He looked around the room and there at the end of his bed stood a small boy. It was Steven! He looked just the way he had on that fateful day. This can't be happening! He told himself he must have created this himself due to his guilty conscience. He would wake up again and the imaginary child at the foot of his bed would disappear. He just remained silent for about five minutes staring at the boy. The boy did not go away.

At last Jack spoke. "Who are you, son? You look a lot like my grandson but you're probably some lost kid. I'll help you get home again. How'd you get in here?"

The dark haired lad grinned as he said, "Don't you me, Grandfather! It's Steven. I know how upset you've been about what happened to me and I've been waiting to talk to you. When you came to my grave today I had a chance to come over from the other side and let you know I'm happy where I am. Mum never let you attend my funeral so I couldn't reach you then." He spoke with a wisdom you didn't normally expect from an eight- year old boy. He looked the same but he had somehow changed.

Jack could not hold back his surprise. "It really is you, isn't it! So you know I'm really your grandfather."

Steven smiled. "I know. I know so many things now. I know you had to kill me to beat those nasty alien beings. I don't hate you. I was angry at you at first for taking me away from my mother. Since that day I've seen her cry so many times alone by herself. I wanted so much to comfort her and let her know I'm fine but I couldn't. I've forgiven you and I think Mum will too in time. I've seen you on all those planets and I saw you drinking so much of the time. You looked so sad." The boy then revealed something he knew about his grandfather. "I know you're gay too but that doesn't bother me, really. I was travelling with you all that time and I was feeling the same things you were. By the way, Ianto sends his love. You won't see him now because he's already crossed over to the other side but he wanted me to tell you to stop beating yourself up and go back to Torchwood because the people of Earth are sure to need you again. Nice guy, I know you miss him a lot."

Jack nodded. "Yes, I do. I miss all my friends at Torchwood and I miss your grandmother and your mother and the brother whose life I also destroyed. If I return to Torchwood who will be next to suffer the consequences. I'm not good for people, don't you see that, Steven!"

The boy smiled wisely. "You're a good man, grandfather, better then John Frobisher and all the others. The government, the Army, they were all cowards. They would have gladly handed over all those children to the aliens just to save their own. I know how hard it was for you sacrifice me to save them but you had the courage to do what no one else was prepared to do and you did it."

Tears ran down Jack's cheeks as he said, "It was the hardest thing I ever did!" Jack regarded the boy and told him, "You don't know what this means to me. Steven, I'd like to hold you in my arms one more time. Is that possible the way you are now?"

His grandson smiled and nodded. He walked over to where Jack sat up in his bed until he stood right in front of him. "For just a minute and then I have to go." The boy and the man embraced and Steven said, "I love you, Jack!" It was the first time he had addressed him by his name. Jack Harkness was thinking that this child must be some kind of apparition yet in that moment he felt very much like a real flesh and blood boy. As Steven held his grandfather firmly he told him, "Don't give up, there's so much you can still do!"

The ageless man and now the ageless boy hugged one another for what seemed a long time and Jack did not want to let his grandson go but he knew that he must. He finally unfolded his arms from Steven's neck and the boy stood up and took a few steps back. His expression told Jack that he would have to return to that other world from where he had come. He spoke one last time. "I will visit my mother before I leave, grandfather. I will tell her you have done your penance and you only want forgiveness now. I will make her understand, I promise you. Goodbye, Jack!"

"So long, soldier!" The little boy began to fade before his eyes. "I'll never forget you, you'll always have a place in my heart and so will Ianto." Then Steven was gone and his grandfather knew he would not see him again. Now he was alone again.

Jack lay down on the bed again and pondered the events of the last few minutes. Had he really seen his beloved young grandson? He did not think it had been a dream, it was all too real. He had spoken to him and took him in his arms. He had been given a message of hope and perhaps a second chance. As he finally drifted off to sleep he felt an inner peace that he had not felt for a long time. There was now hope for the future.