Guilty
By SMYGO4EVA
In the many worlds the four travelers have ventured in, there was always something that stood out, something that made that very world unique. They would travel to any other world and find a difference, but in the end, they would feel the same silence, the same darkness, and the same pain that was there before. The past wouldn't leave them alone, and Atonement was waiting. Atonement was waiting patiently, for it had all the time in the world, and it was in no rush for the four travelers to whom would pay its dues. Two individuals in particular had to pay Atonement dues.
Syaoran felt guilty.
He felt guilty all the time.
He believed that if he had done something sooner, something quicker, something that could have stopped the mess that made Sakura forget her memories, everything would be all right. He and Sakura would be spending time together again, relishing the memories of old times, remembering every little thing that they could, and laugh about it. Sakura would be better. She'd be ok, if only Syaoran had intervened sooner. If he had intervened at all.
Fai felt guilty.
He felt guilty all the time.
You wouldn't be able to tell just by looking at him, though. He hid all of his guilt and anguish with an enveloping smile, one that was supposed to give the viewer a sense of security, a sense that there was nothing to worry about. But that was not the case. Fai sometimes wished that he hadn't been born, that if he hadn't been born, his twin would be all right. His twin would have lived a full and happy life, not one that was so cruelly cut short. Not one that was voluntarily sacrificed. Not one that was filled with fear and uncertainty.
These two individuals, the individuals named Syaoran and Fai, had to go to Atonement's door themselves. They had to pay Atonement their dues – the amount truly did not matter – just so that they could have a peace of mind. Just so they could get a good night's sleep. Just so that their loved ones would be all right.
Maybe someday they would wake up and find that a weight had been lifted from their shoulders and realize that it wasn't a dream or a fantasy. That was all they would want. They wanted closure, and to see this as reality would be more than a walking illusion.
That was all they wished for.
Just so that they would hear the words,
"I forgive you."
No more dreaming of the dead as if death itself was undone…
No more calling like a crow for a boy, for a body in the garden…