Grand Theft Auto Vice City

The Life and Times of Mike the Goon

Mike "The Goon" sat on the steps of Ricardo Diaz's mansion on Starfish Island, Vice City. He was Diaz's bodyguard and hired muscle. He accompanied Diaz on his outings into the city and did various jobs for him. On this particular day, Mike had a fairly simple job to do. Some of Diaz's hitmen were ambushing a drug deal at the docks. Mike's part was simple. Diaz was waiting for a call from one of his hitmen. When he got that call, he would inform Mike of how the ambush had gone. If everything went as planned, which it most likely would, then Mike would drive to the docks, and collect the drugs and money from the hitmen, and deliver it back to a kitchen across town in. Simple.

"Dick-heads!" Said Ricardo Diaz as he came panting out of his front door, "Where the hell are those dick-heads that I pay to hang around my mansion? Do they expect me to deliver messages myself?" Mike stood up and met Diaz at the top of the stairs.

"So is it all good?" Asked Mike.

"Yeah." Replied Diaz, "Everything went as planned. Of course it did! Everything I shit on turns to gold! Leo's waiting in front of the 'Les Cargo' freighter ship down at the docks. He's got the drugs and the money. Big bags of it! It better all be their when I get to it, ok? Pick it up from Leo, then take it back to Eugene's restaurant in Ocean Beach. Unless Leo fucked up big time, there shouldn't be any police attention for at least ten minutes, give or take. Enough time for you to get the goods, and get out. Understand?"

"Ya." Said Mike, "I got it."

"Good." Said Diaz, "Then get on with it. Take my Admiral."

Mike hurried down the stairs and jogged over to Diaz's white Admiral. He opened the door and climbed in. The keys were already in the ignition, ready to go. He started it up, and drove down the driveway. Mike pulled out into the streets of Starfish Island. He put the pedal to the metal and sped west, toward the docks. Before long, Mike arrived at the 'Les Cargo' ship. Leo was nowhere to be seen.

"Shit," said Mike, "where is this guy?" Then, out of nowhere, a man dressed all in black came running towards Mike's car. He had a suitcase in each hand. Before Mike had time to react, the man was in the back seat of the Admiral.

"Drive! Drive!" Yelled the man in the back seat. Mike obeyed and sped the car around. He began heading north.

"You Leo?" Asked Mike.

"Yeah." Said the man in the back seat, visibly out of breath, "Leo Teal. Who are you?"

"I'm, ah, Mike." Said Mike, "They call me the Goon." Suddenly a black FBI Rancher, sirens blaring, pulled out in front of Mike's car. He swerved to avoid it and continued to speed down the road.

"Can you believe that?" Said Leo, "At the exact moment we're shooting up this deal, a truck-load of feds is driving down the block. Shit. Talk about bad luck. Dealers got away though. At least some of 'em did."

"What about your guys?" Questioned Mike.

"Their fine." Replied Leo, "I got the feds attention while they made a run for it." The black Rancher pulled back up behind them. "How're we gonna shake these assholes?"

"I can lose 'em." Replied Mike. He pulled a hard left onto the bridge to Starfish Island. The Rancher did the same.

"Shit." Said Leo as he loaded his assault rifle, "Still on us. I'll take care of 'em though." Leo rolled down the Admiral's rear left-hand window and leaned out. "Eat shit you pig-fuckers!" Leo opened fire on the Rancher behind them. He sprayed the windshield with bullets, hitting the driver, and causing the Rancher to lose control and crash into a palm tree. "Fuck yeah!" Said Leo, "Hell hath no fury like a chef scorned!"

"You're a chef?" Asked Mike.

"Yeah." Said Leo, "Chef, hitman, drug dealer. I'm a man of many talents. Why else did you think we were taking the stuff to Eugene's restaurant? That's where I work. I'm gonna get the money back to Diaz once the heat dies down, after taking my cut of course, and then sell the drugs from my kitchen. It's a good system I got going."

"I'll say." Said Mike. They drove off of Starfish Island and into Ocean Beach.

"Here's Eugene's place up here." Said Leo. Mike pulled into the alley behind the resteraunt. Before Leo climbed out of the car, he popped open one of the suitcases. "Here's your payment. You kept your cool back there." Leo handed Mike some cash.

"Thanks man." Mike said as he pocketed the money.

"I do hits for this guy." Said Leo, "They call him Mr. Black. He contacts me over the phone. Never seen him in person. Anyway, I got a job coming up, and I could use some backup. You up for it?"

"Sure. Name the time." Replied Mike.

"Tomorrow," said Leo, "around noon. Drop by the kitchen. Use the back door. Eugene doesn't like me talking to other guys. He's so protective. That's why I love him." Leo grabbed the suitcases and climbed out of the car.

"Uh," said Mike, "sure thing. I'll drop by. I'll be sure to use the back door." Leo walked away from the car and entered a building. "Didn't see that one coming." Mike said to himself as he pulled out of the alley and headed back to Diaz's mansion.