Ok this is Naruto Modern Life its what I think Naruto would be like if it was in the real world.
"Ok freshmen." The vise Presable Kaiyou said.
"Hey bitch." Hidan said and the freshmen stared at him.
"What did he say." Hanabi said surprised.
"Aw hi Hindy. And sense you're here you and the rest of your friends can help me with the freshmen and skip you first class." She said give him a hug.
"Do we have to Kaiyou Sensei, un?" Deidara questioned wining.
"Yes you do and Kisame you two, remember your little sister is a freshmen this year. And no I don't care if you are a student teacher"
"Tobi will help Tobi's a good boy." Tobi said.
"Yes Tobi is. Now Tobi go find Zetsu Sensei." Kaiyou said glad the hippy boy always listens.
"Ok Kaiyou Sensei." He said as he ran off.
"Ok now that he's gone we can start the tour." She said hoping to move before he could come back.
"But then I'll miss Sasori Sensei's class, un." Deidara whined.
" I don't care now you three will help me." Kaiyou said of course no one could question or stop her when she was like this.
"Okay, un." He said choosing to follow the crazy lady.
"Ok now I'm Kaiyou Sensei this is Hidan Deidara-Chan."
"I'm a boy, un" Deidara complied.
"Ok Deidara but feel free to call him Dei-Chan and this is Kisame all of you know his little sister Emiko." She said waving to her.
"Hi Kaiyou-Nee-Chan." Emiko said blushing.
"Ok time to start the tour. Wear do you want to start Dei-Chan?" She asked sacredly already know the answer.
"The art room, un." He said glad that he was still going to see his Danna.
"Why did you fucking ask bitch?" Hidan complained.
"Cause I like to see his face light up it's funny. By the way where is Konan?" Kaiyou said knowing she normally was with them.
"Her and Pein-Sensai had a "special lesson today"." Kisame answered as we stared walking to the art room.
"During school, again."
"First period is his planning period."
"Then shouldn't he be planning? Not fucking one of the students teachers." She said the last part in a whisper before opening the door to the art room.
"Ok This is Sasori-Sensei. And I'm sorry girls he's taken." She said laughing when I saw all the girls and a few of the guys loss hope.
"And fucking gay right blonde." Hidan said patting him on the back and Deidara blushed.
"Sasori-Sensei here are the freshmen." She said getting the mans to stop his rant on what true art was.
"So you're the reason Dei-Chan is late for class." He said grabbing Deidara and kissing him on the head. Then severally freshmen girls and girl in the class and me had nose bleeds.
"Shouldn't you report this?" Hanabi asked Kaiyou.
"And have my puppet boy go to Jail? I think not." She said with utmost seriousness tissues still to her nose. "I've known them both sense they were little. And I don't care they're both legal adults." She add. "And you to any more and I will have to report you."
"Ok we'll finish this at home Dei-Chan." Sasori whispered into Deidara's ear making him blush and causing the girls had nose bleeds. "And this is why I keep a ton of tissue in here." Sasori said shaking his head grabbing the box of tissues.
"Ok next we are going to the science room." She said after everyone's nose bleeds stopped including her's.
"That mean's you to blondy. Don't you think it'll be fun to see your sister?" Hidan said dragging him away from Sasori.
"But I want to see my Danna." He complained pouting even though he would get his Danna in trouble.
"So you want me to tell her that you like Sasori better than her? Okay I wont cry at your funeral." Kaiyou said leaving him to make up his mind.
"No I prefer to live another day." He said walking along side Kaiyou and Hidan .
"Good chose." Kaiyou said patting him on the head know he made a good choose, both knowing what she could do.
In the science room.
"Ok Sai come up and answer question 5." Sukai said pointing to the review question they were working on.
"Ok Sukai-Sensei." Sai replied walking up to the board picking up the chalk.
"Sukai!" Kaiyou yelled glomping her.
"Kaiyou down." She said pointing to the floor which surprised the freshman that she would act like that to her boss.
"Okay" Kaiyou said pouting but sat in her chair to piss her off.
"Hey Sukai" Deidara said hugging his sister.
"Hey Dei-Chan. You got roped in to helping with the tour again?" She asked, even though it was more of a statement then a question, while laughing at her younger brothers stupite.
"Yea but it was Hidan's fault again?" He said putting the blame on his friend.
"Okay freshmen you better hope you get Sukai-Sensei. Anything you want to add Sukai-Chan" Kaiyou asked her friend.
"No one hurt's Dei-Chan or pay. Cause it will ether be me or Sasori-Sama. And you better hope it's him." She said with a evil grin and all the student started to back off.
"Don't worry she or Sasori-Sama wont do anything to you guys, I hope." Kaiyou said getting ready to leave.
"Can we go to Math." Hidan asked his sister.
"You want to see Kakuzu-Sensei. Anything you want to ask freshmen?" She asked.
"Nothing." They replied to afraid to say anything else.
"Ok. To the Math room." She said leading her group out into the hall way to the math room.
In the math room.
"Kuzu-Kun." Hidan yelled glomping his boyfriend and sensei.
"Off of me now." Kakuzu growled pushing him off not giving him a chose in the matter.
"Your so mean Kuzu-Kun." Hidan pouted.
"And this is the math class you don't want to get in till you need to pay taxes. Cause he does mine." Kaiyou said jokingly leading the rest of the group into the class room.
"Come on just ones Kuzu." Hidan begged pouting on the puppy dog face.
"Oh fucking shit." She said run to grab the tiues and handed them out realizing what Hidan was begging for.
"Why do we need these." Hanabi asked.
"Let me explain if you got a nose bleed before, just wait." Emiko said realizing at the same time as Kaiyou had.
"Ok just these ones." He said then kissed him. Then every girl there had a nose bleed.
"Kakuzu. Bad I've told you before you to are not aloud to kiss at school." Kaiyou said holding the tissue to her nose. "I thought you had better sense of control."
He just shrugged his shoulders and got back to class.
"Basted." She said under her breath leaving the room throwing her tissue away before they left. "We're going to Itachi's room. And Kisame you better have better self control than these two." Now heading towards his room.
"You know Itachi hates PDA
"Good." She smiled. "I hope the kids aren't having to much trouble understanding him." She laughed thinking about it.
"Kaiyou you know we just passed his room." Kisame pointed out.
"Stupid fish." She mumbled opening the door.
"Hn." Itachi said pointing to a student in the front.
"What?" He said sounding irritated like they had been doing this for awhile.
"I said answer the first question." Itachi said his eye twitching.
"You could have said that the first time." He said getting up to write his answer.
"I will never understand why you became a English teacher. You never speak it." Kaiyou said after watching the seen in front of her. "You have any idea Kisame?"
"None at all." Which earned him a glare from his Boyfriend.
"It takes you five times to says anything other than Hn." "Hn."
"Did you just call me?"
"Yes." "You spoke. I made you speak." She said happily.
"You lack intelligence."
"And you lack a heart. And with that students this is are basically mute English teacher. So you either hope not to have him or somehow learn to understand him or have one of the classes that Kisame is helping him."
*Ring*
"Well that's the bell I guess we should head to Pein's class." Kaiyou said walking out the door waving goodbye to her friend.
"Who does he have second period?" She asked Kisame.
"3rd years."
"So will Kazue be in his class?"
"I think."
"I guess we'll see then." She said opening the door right when the bell rung.
"You're late." Pein said without looking ay the door.
"And if you every say that to me again, I'll make sure you're fired." She said not happy being treated like a student.
"I'm sorry Kaiyou-Sama." He said frowning and trying not to yell at her.
"It's fine."
"Now what do you need."
"I was showing the new freshman around."
"Oh then let me introduce myself. I am Pein Sensei the history teacher. And this young lady is Konan the student teacher that will be helping me and next year hopefully come to work here."
"Good. Now who should we see next?" She said thinking out loud to herself. "I got it." She snapped her fingers. "Ssssnake-Ssssensssei." She said trying to imitated him.
"I hate you." Deidara said glaring.
"Oh you're still here I thought you left with how quiet you've been. And you may go to Sukai-Sensei's class."
"Okay."
"Lets go." Kaiyou said less than overjoyed.
"Who is Snake-Sensei." Hanabi asked Emiko.
"Him. Do you have him?"
"Yea."
"Poor you." Hidan said coming up from behind the girls. "Who do you have Emiko?"
"Sukai."
"Good. I hope she doesn't blow you up. But better than Snaky."
"So what's so bad about him?" Hanabi asked.
"You'll see." Kaiyou said from in font of them opening the door.
"Hello. Kaiyou." Orochimaru said turning to face them.
"Hello Orochimaru." She said frowning. "Okay students you've meet him lets go." She said turning around to go but before she could leave a hand landed on her shoulder.
"But you only just got here."
*BOOM*
"Oh I'm sorry I have to check on that. Kisame you're in charge." She said running towards Sukai's room. "Thanks you Sukai." She said before she opened her door. "What was it this time."
"It wasn't me. !" Sukai said loud and fast.
"Deidara what have I told you?" She said shaking her head. "You're coming with me." She said grabbing his pony tail.
"Owww its this against school rules."
"I am you're legal guardian so I don't care." She said opening the door to the office. "Hello Shizune."
"Hello Kaiyou." She looked up from her keyboard. "So it was Deidara's fault this time."
"Yes. Now you go to my office." She said letting go of Deidara's hair so he could go to her office. "Shizune could you get me those dentition slips."
"Of course." She said getting them and handing them to her.
"Thanks." She said smiling at her walking into her office
"It wasn't my fault. I swear." Deidara said holding his hands up.
"I know you swear but what in Jashin's name compiled you to bring that clay to the school?"
"I must have grabbed the wrong bag this morning."
"Because someone was running late because that refused to wake up. So how many dentitions did I give you last time?"
"A week." He said sadly.
"Okay. Well sense it's the first day. I'll give you quality time with Itachi at lunch for the week."
"What! With that Uchiha!"
"Yes. Now go back to class and help your sister clean up the mess." She said writing him a pass to get back to class.
"Damn bitch."
"Make that two weeks."
"Hai Kaiyou-Sensei." He said leaving before he said anything else.
"I thought you were showing the freshman around."
"And I thought you had a hang over." Kaiyou said smiling at her boss.
"I do. I need someone to go get me some coffee from the teachers lounge. And Shizune is busy."
"Okay will do boss lady." Kaiyou said doing a mock salute leaving the room before she could yell at her.
"Why did I hire such a young idiotic girl." Tsunade said shaking her head walking back to her office sitting in her chair.
"Hello Tsunade."
"Hello Jiraiya. Shouldn't you be in the Library."
"No I closed it down for a period." He said sitting in a chair that was normal used for students and there parents.
"Aw you closed the library just to see little old me." She said getting up standing in fount of the man.
"Yea."
Well in that case." She said putting one of her hands on the arms of the chair and the other behind her.
"Tsunade what are you doing."
"You'll see." She said before punching him knocking him and the chair over hitting the door.
"Oh hello Jiraiya. Shizune-Chan can you come help Jiraiya." Kaiyou said walking into Tsunade office. "And find someone to fix the door, again. And here's you're coffee Tsunade-Sama."
"Thank you Kaiyou."
"Welcome boss lady." She said waving leaving the room.
Lunch
In Kaiyou's office.
"Hey sweetheart." Mathieu said.
"Hey Hun." She said not looking up from her work.
"Its lunch time. Want to go out. Maihaeru's asking Sukai." He asked.
"Sure let's go get there lazy assess." She said standing up not even realizing what time it was glad that she had him or she would have died.
"This is what I get for dating a Jashinist." Mathieu thought.
"Come on lazy asses I want to get something to fucking eat." Kaiyou said once she found them.
"Do you talk like that around the student's?" Maihaeru asked scarcely already know that she don't.
" No dumbass. But I do around you." She said smiling.
"Let just go to lunch." Sukai asked grabbing her boyfriend.
Mathieu following her grab his Kaiyou.
"Come on you two." Mathieu said.
"Okay Hun." She said giving him a chastity kiss.
At the end of the day.
"Okay welcome freshmen how did you enjoy your first day here?" Tsunade asked the new class hoping it would be positive.
Groins and cheers came from the students.
"Okay you my talk among yourselves till the bell rings." Kaiyou said stepping up after Tsunade had left.
"What do you think of this place Emiko-Chan?" Hanabi asked her friend.
"Its just like home but with stuff to do." She replied laughing a little.
"Weird. Did you see any upper classmen that was cute?" She asked wondering if her friend had saw anyone she liked.
"Yea I think his name is Kankuro." She said thinking about it.
"Yea I saw him. You think he's cute?" She said a little confused remembering what the guy had looked like with weird purple make-up .
"Yea." She said as the bell rang.
"We'll ok. Bye." Hanabi said waving goodbye heading over to her sister and cousin.
"Yea bye." She said waving.
Later at the Akatsuki Household.
"Hindy Dei-Chan Kisame Emiko-Chan shouldn't you be doing your homework?" Kaiyou asked the teens.
"Can you help me Kaiyou?" Emiko asked.
"Sure." She said smiling. "And for the rest of you get the fucking hell working." She yelled with a evil glare that could scare the Devil.(or Jashin in this case)
"Kuzu save me." Hidan said cowering behind his boyfriend.
"Dumbass she's your sister." He said grapping his boyfriend up by his collar. "Come on lets get to educating you." He said taking him to there room.
"You better be doing fucking homework not fucking each other." Kaiyou yelled up the stairs.
"Come on Kisame I'll help you while cooking dinner." Itachi said to his boyfriend, even though he was younger he knew more than him.
"Where's Dei-Chan, Puppet boy and Sukai?" Kaiyou asked Emiko as a after thought looking up from her seat on the couch noticing a lack of blond.
"I saw Sasori-Kun and Dei-Chan in there room and Sukai in the kitchen helping Itachi with dinner." Emiko said smiling sweetly.
"Ok thank." she said smiling at the younger girl. "PUPPET BOY, DEI-CHAN BETTER BE DOINNG HIS HOMEWORK!" She yelled up the stairs.
"I am Kaiyou-Chan!" Deidara yelled back.
"Okay. Now let start Emiko -Chan." She said sitting by Emiko on the couch.