Disclaimer: I still don't own Ace Attorney. If I was, I wouldn't be posting fanfictions about it. (I'd probably be localizing GK2 by now. *grumble*)

Also, some quite minor spoilers for Dual Destinies, I suppose.

"Objection!" came the loud cry from the red-clad defense attorney, causing everyone in the vicinity to cringe. "The prosecution's claims are nothing but speculation!"

"Really, Mr. Justice, there is no need to shout..." The judge was fighting a losing battle against the Chords of Steel.

"Objection!" came an, if possible, even louder cry from the equally red-clad prosecutor. "What do you mean, MAAAAAAAN?! No one but the defendant could have taken Ms. Cykes' P-O-P-S-I-C-L-E!"

The judge could do nothing except hold his ears. It was clear that the vocal onslaught in stereo was doing a number on the poor man's head. "Please, Ms. Newman, I'm begging of you..."

"Objection!" Standing right next to the source of the audio, the co-council Trucy Wright cringed as the ever-present Mr. Hat exploded from the sound pressure. "How could a house plant steal a popsicle? That is ridiculous!"

"Objection!" Everyone facing Robin was cringing as the auditory barrage assailed their poor ears. "Be that it M-A-Y, that poor popsicle's dying scream, which took the torm of the Steel Samurai theme song, clearly indicted Charley as the culprit, MAAAAAAAAAAN!" At this, she flung a plate produced seemingly from nowhere against the ground with tears in her eyes.

"Objection! Well, the defense is prepared to present a witness to ascertain Charley's innocence!" Apollo drew a deep lungful of air, which everyone saw as their cue to quickly plug their ears before he could... "THE DEFENSE CALLS MR. PHOENIX WRIGHT TO THE STAND!"

"FINE, MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!"

"Objection!" Apollo slammed his fists against the desk. "What do you mean, you don't know about Charley's innocence? I have it on good authority that you were watering Charley while Chief Prosecutor Edgeworth was dancing in a frilly pink dress!"

Suddenly, that somewhat undesired image sprung into Phoenix' mind. "Huh?" was all he could muster.

"Objection! Mr. Edgeworth's dress-wearing has nothing to do with this case! If so, shouldn't the fact that the judge has suddenly sprouted a gigantic and vividly green afro be more cause for concern?

Sure enough, the judge was sporting a glorious (and green) afro. This revelation did nothing much to improve Phoenix's eloquence. "Huh? Huh?"

"Objection! Is the prosecution completely oblivious to the fact that Orla Shipley is flying around the courtroom right now?"

Indeed, the majestic orca was flying around the courtroom. Phoenix decided to continue his streak. "Huh? Huh? Huh?"

"Objection!" Robin had a smug grin on her fire-engine red face, probably from all the eardrum-shattering shouting. "I take it then that the defense is oblivious to the fact that he has transformed into the Blue Badger?"

Apollo looked down and sure enough, he had transformed into the creepy-as-all-heck mascot. At this, the cat (or badger) had gotten Phoenix's tongue entirely. "Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh?"

"Objection!"

"Objection!"

"Objection!"

"OBJECTION!"

"OBJECTIOOOOOOOON!"

Only one thought was in Phoenix's head: "Must... make... them... stop..."

He inhaled, filling up his lungs, which were rather capable after years of usage. He opened his mouth to unleash his final line of defense.

"OBJECTIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNN!"

With that, Phoenix sat up straight in his bed. As he squinted into the near-pitch black darkness, he felt a figure stirring next to him.

"Is there something wrong, Feenie?" came the groggy voice of Iris Wright.

Phoenix took several deep breaths, willing himself to calm down. "Rissy? No, I'm... fine. Just had a weird dream, that's all."

"Alright then", Iris mumbled, turned over and went right back to sleep as if the Sandman had clubbed her with a hammer.

Phoenix sighed and rolled over with his back to his wife. Ugh... that's the last time I'll ever drink grape juice before going to sleep again. He sighed again and closed his eyes. I'll suggest that Athena take that upcoming case against Robin. If Apollo defends against her, it's a recipe for disaster.

As sleep was about to claim him, Phoenix had one final thought. Now how the heck do I get the image of Edgeworth in a pink frilly dress out of my head?!

A/N: And there you have it.

As a music production major, I was chuckling to myself at this rather clever joke I cracked: "So on my acoustics exam, I flunked the question 'Describe the loudness war'. Apparently, 'Apollo Justice facing off against Robin Newman in court' was not the right answer." Then I thought to myself: What if there was a court case between them?

And then, only today, I had an epiphany about Charley being a defendant in a case, which is entirely ridiculous, of course. Then I decided to put the two cases together, ridiculousness and all. Thus this ficlet came into being.

I have some pretty big works on the horizon, if I can find some time between my music law and business economy to squeeze in some fanfiction writing.

Well, as usual, read and review to help this poor second-language writer along.