BARE-NAKED LIKE A TOMATO

And there I stood; all naked and flushed red while Natsu's blood streamed out of his nose. How did that happen, you might ask. It's a tale, I'll be telling soon enough!

It was early in the morning when the first sunrays hit my face to gently wake me out of my dreams. Slowly opening my eyes, I first perceived the ceiling and vainly attempted to remember my dream. Somehow, it seemed to have slipped away, the way the tiny piece of egg shell kept slipping through my fingers when I prepared my scrambled eggs. Oh what the hell I thought to myself. It added a little bit of crunch and there was nothing wrong with crunch, right?

When I sat at the table and stirred around in my tea, chunks of my dream returned to me. I think I was dreaming about yesterday's event where Natsu pranked me. That evil flamebrain actually thought it was funny to hide all my jewels when rent was due.

Like always, he sneaked into my apartment and did as he pleased. Imagine that, some boy in a girl's private space. The unsettling part about that isn't the boy just being there. I mean, if he merely stood in the middle of the room and did nothing but poke his nose (ew, disgusting enough), I wouldn't mind. But Natsu's not like that. Frankly, I don't believe that any boy would simply stand by idly. Mr. Dragneel goes through my stuff and I don't know what he does with it. What do boys do with girl's stuff? I'm worried about my underwear. Don't boys sniff on them?

So he was in my apartment once again and I was at the guild doing whatever. When I got back, everything was a mess and my first thought was: OMG, someone broke in. Of course I checked my savings first, well hidden underneath a secret board in my underwear drawer and it was all gone. I could have suffered from a heart attack when I realized.

Lost in a land of utter depression, I simply stood there. I stood there the way I would want Natsu to stand if he were to sneak into my apartment when I was out. He arrived minutes later and innocently wondered what happened to my place. I didn't say a thing. I was at a loss for words and when the landlady walked in to ask for the rent, I was doomed. Tears came streaming out of my hazel eyes. I crawled on fours like a beggar and begged for an extension. And I wished my landlady was a man… My gorgeous feminine charm could have granted me my little extension. Two days was all I needed, at least theoretically.

I kind of am going on and on about Natsu's prank. All ended well. When the pink haired dude couldn't take it anymore, he broke out in menacing laughter and handed me the money.

And this morning, I was really happy that he wasn't around. Without him, it was a peaceful morning. I finished up breakfast and got ready to head to the guild. And before I knew it, I already arrived. Everything was well in motion and Mirajane behind the bar. I walked up to her and greeted her. Before I even ordered, the Angel, although some might refer to her as the She-Devil, placed my strawberry milkshake onto the counter.

"This is what I call service" I said with sparkling eyes. "Mira, you're the best!"

"It's nothing, really" she warmly smiled at me.

"Where's Natsu?" I asked although I honestly could not come up with a reason to explain it. I was still mad at him.

"He was here just now. But I think he wanted to stroll around town to run an errand or something" was her answer.

"Good…" I hissed through my lips while putting them around the straw to have a sip of my delicious drink.

"Is something wrong between you two?" And that's where I agree that she's the She-Devil. Mira likes to check on relationship statuses and to be honest it gets annoying. Once, my blood was madly pulsating because she had me believe that Natsu was in love with me.

"Well, he made horrible fun of me, yesterday…" I started the topic again. But I didn't have to tell her anything. Word travelled fast and reached her earlier. Levy had told her. I wasn't sure whether I should scold the bookworm for that or just leave it be. Anyhow, Mira, the demon, suggested that I should mock him back. It was ingenious, actually. Nonetheless, I had troubles wrapping my mind around that idea. How could I possibly play a trick on him?

Mirajane had several suggestions and some of them involved Gray, the exhibitionist. Natsu and the ice-mage have an unhealthy rivalry going on between them and I could make use of it. How about quitting the team and forming a new one with Gray only? That would upset the fire breather. As that thought made its round through my brain, I felt gloomy eyes on me. Hiding behind a wooden column, there was a certain blue haired girl who'd drown me on the spot if I joined a team with the stripper.

What in the world could I do? Think, girl, think.

"Mira… a little help" I sighed and had my head drop onto the counter.

"I don't know. I used to eat Erza's cake to enrage her. Maybe you can do something similar" was her not so helpful idea. I was not going to be the one to eat up all his flames to make him mad. Simple chili sauce is hot enough. I have a sensitive tongue.

When a day passed by without any workable ideas to avenge myself, I relaxed in the bathtub to calm down a little. It is Natsu we're talking about. He's dense and childish. What else was I to expect from him? It was better to just let it pass.

The steam was rising and I inhaled the warm, humid air. I revisited Cana's idea. But I couldn't do that, could I? And, by the way, the brunette is always drunk, am I supposed to believe anything coming out of her blabbering mouth? I am a decent and well-mannered girl. I was not going to go through with it.

"You're so lame, Lucy…LAME!" I still heard Cana's voice in my head.

For unknown reasons, the heat in the bathroom started to rise significantly. Stop thinking about it my mind told me. Then again, her idea was brilliant. But… no… could I really do it? It might be quite mean and, how should I say, perhaps inappropriate?

"Natsuuu…" I could hear myself saying with my damsel in distress voice. It was the voice that would definitely claim his attention. And while picturing the scene, my face must have turned a deep shade of shameful red. It was very embarrassing, but so freaking funny.

So my motto of the day: what the hell, right? It was the only opportunity I'd get. Happy stayed over with Wendy and Charle, so Natsu would be alone. Before I realized, I was standing in front of his door. Slowly and quietly opening the door, I peeked through to see whether he was still awake. And there he was, sitting on his couch watching something on the lacrima screen. Well, it wasn't too late. Like nine thirty at night.

As soon as he noticed someone at the door, his boyish eyes turned in my direction. He looked pretty cute. There's something about his innocent charm that keeps pulling me in like quicksand. But what am I thinking? Natsu and I are just friends, nothing cute or charming about him!

"Yo, Lucy. What you're doing here?" He called and got up to open the door for me. Wearing a simple white T-shirt and loose shorts of navy blue color, he really had a whole other effect. It wasn't the fierce and powerful Salamander, it was just Natsu.

"Um… Natsuuu…" I put on my damsel in distress voice and entered his house.

"Why are you wearing a trench coat? It's not that cold, outside" he instantly noticed my strange attire. But did he know what I was wearing underneath? Exactly, he could guess and guess and guess and never would he get it right. There was nothing underneath, just me in my birth suit. Okay definitely crazy… have I been possessed or something? My head shouted to get out and back home, and yet, I stood there and said nothing. "Is everything okay, Luce? You're trembling!"

So what am I going to say now? Damn it, Lucy, you had not thought it through. I knew that I should not have trusted Cana in her intoxicated state. She just said: "Easy, he's a boy, you're a girl. Mess with his head. Best way, don't wear anything but a trench coat and surprise him. Hahaha, it's so funny just imagining his face…"

And there I was wearing nothing but a trench coat. It was of red color by the way, very pretty.

"Yo, Luce, let me take that off" Natsu said and attended to my coat.

I was like "Hell no" and kicked him in the face. For a moment, I was so distracted that he could have seen my nakedness upon lifting my leg. Fortunately, he didn't and I apologized. "Sorry, Natsu. I think I should get going… bye!"

"No, no. Stay. I have bought a lacrima screen to watch some television. Do you care to join me?"

Well, as long as I wore my coat, nothing bad was going to happen. Therefore, I sat down on his couch and stared at the blank screen. "Were you watching that?"

"No, it's blank, Lucy. But I have requested the company to unlock the channel. I just finished watching a documentary on dragons and then there was nothing interesting on. So I zapped through the channels and found these locked ones where you have to pay to watch. That's probably the good stuff!" Natsu said overly excited and crashed right next to me.

"Ah, I see" I said. The fire breather was sitting uncomfortably close to me, so I scooted a teeny bit over to my right and held on to my coat as if it was my life. Seriously, I did not want it to come off. My eyes moved up to face the TV and it seemed like something was in the works. I looked over to the boy next to me and he focused hard to see as if that would speed up the process. When the channel was unlocked, my first thought was nothing. It took a little time for me to realize what we were actually watching. Let me tell you this:

Woman said: "Oh"

Man said: "Yeah"

Woman said: "Ohhh"

Man said: "Yeahh"

Woman said: "harder"

I said: "Da f**k is that?"

Natsu took similarly long to realize that it was inappropriate stuff; stuff that reminded me of my naturality underneath. So my instincts urged me to run; run fast and run far. I didn't want him to get any rude ideas. Getting out of the seat, I heard him apologizing. "Lucy, I didn't know that it was that kind of stuff. Wait!"

If only he knew that it wasn't the porn that had me on my feet. Then again, you know how the story ends. My short legs did not take me as far as I would have liked. Natsu still managed to grab ahold of something he should not have. Everything passed in slowest motion, I even had time to pray. Please, let it all be a wild dream. My arm slowly slipped out of the sleeve. With a pirouette, the other one followed and the red coat disappeared like a magic carpet. Yup, it happened. My only protection came loose. He ripped it right off my body.

And there I stood, bare-naked like a tomato. His mouth dropped to the floor and his tongue rolled out like a carpet.

"SHIIIIT..." He expressed the nonsensical life of his mind when red fluid streamed out of his nose. And then with a bam, he met the floor.

Natsu got a nosebleed and fainted. It was done.

Cana, it was a blast; blasted his brains right out of the skull.

Thank you for having reached this point! Does it mean, you've read the whole story... I don't know (you could have skipped) :)

Anyhow, I hope you enjoyed this little tale. If so, please do leave a review to let me know, it would be mega cool.