Unwelcome Thought Bubbles

A/N: So this is my remake of TSNOTM, guys! I hope you like it. I can't pretend it will be just like TSNOTM, because my writing style has matured, but I think you'll find a lot of similarities between this and TSNOTM.

Happy reading, lovelies!

xSnow

Chapter One

"Show me that you're human;

you won't break!

...

You're a spark without flame
I'm a desert in the rain,
You're a mountain and I'm a stepping stone
So walk away from your pride
It's the demon in disguise
And it won't help you to calm the swelling tide."

—Gabrielle Aplin, "Human"

The summer had gone by all too quickly. Too much time had been spent wishing to be back at Hogwarts, and to much time had been spent dreading the return. Eventually I had to admit to myself that I was undeniably nervous about the return to the castle. Seventh year was a huge part of my life, with the NEWTs and all, and I knew I had to practice and practice and (you guessed it!) practice some more if I wanted to pass and become an Auror like my father before me.

The morning of my departure, I awoke with a start. The dream I had had was what woke me. In the dream, I was standing in the Great Hall, surrounded by people who were admiring me and my new haircut. They all cheered, screaming that my pale blue eyes were the most beautiful things they had ever seen, begging for me to love them. In the dream, I hated it. I didn't imagine that would be the case in real life, however. My best friends, Dominique Weasley, Rose Weasley, and Arwen Lance were the ones that caught everyone's eyes. They were all absolutely stunning in everyone's eyes, and I was...well. I was the potato friend.

Arwen smiled at boys, and they blushed sheepishly back. Rose grinned at boys, and they talked about it for weeks. Dom winked at boys, and they never shut up about it. I smiled shyly at boys, and they asked their friends: "why is that potato smiling at me?" Really, though, they did. I had never been skinny, never been busty, never been stunningly gorgeous...I basically lived through my friends, forever feeling inadequate. They tried to tell me that I was pretty, but I always brushed them off.

It wasn't until the summer after sixth year that I really started trying. I did makeup (and I was pretty good, actually). I embraced my crazy-curly hair instead of trying to force it into being silky straight and perfect like Dominique's. I wore clothes I thought looked good instead of just walking around in baggy shorts and a t shirt. But I was doing it for me, not for other people, and so when I realized I had become someone who was actually kind of beautiful, I smiled secretly to myself. My short, thick, dark brown ringlet curls framed my crystal blue eyes, and they were accented by light brown eyeshadow. I had a light dusting of freckles on my nose which had darkened over the summer. I had a light gloss on my lips, and I felt perfectly feminine. I fit in now. I could feel almost equal to Dom and Rose and Arwen. I was finally comfortable in my own pale skin.

In first year, I was content living in their shadows. It's not that I was quiet; I wasn't. My main problem was that I was obnoxiously loud and didn't really have a filter. Because of this, most people didn't like me. I knew they probably would't like me in sixth year, either. But I didn't really care. The people I wanted to like me liked me. People just were intimidated by me, my dad would tell me. I was the definition of sarcasm, as well, and loved pointing out other people's flaws. Mainly if they were stupid.

Oh, stupid people. They were the bane of my existence, forever making me doubt the small amount of faith I had in humanity. And Arwen and I loved making fun of them. When one of the Slytherin girls said something unbelievably idiotic, ("Wait, so you're telling me Panama is an independent country? I thought it was owned by Cuba!") we could just look at each other and we knew that we were both making fun of the same person.

That's just how close I was with Arwen. I liked Rose and Dominique, they were great, but Arwen and I had known each other since we went to muggle primary school together. Our fathers had worked together at the Ministry, and were best friends, so it only made sense that Arwen and I were as well. I could tell her anything. We could talk about anything. I could accidentally walk in on her naked, laugh at her, and then walk out as if nothing had happened. We laughed about it later, and it's been a running joke between us ever since. There was just a special kind of friendship between us that couldn't be replicated.

"Joyce!" My mother's voice called to me from downstairs, "You need to get up! We leave for King's Cross in thirty minutes!"

"I'm up, mum!" I yelled back, scrambling out of bed so my lie would become a truth.

I put on my makeup and and got dressed, all wondering what the girls would think of me. I had wanted to see them this summer, but it just hadn't worked out, so I would have to surprise them today. We had owled, of course, but it wasn't the same as just talking to them face-to-face. All the summers before this one, we had all stayed at the Burrow for a few weeks. This summer, however, Grandma Weasley had surgery on her hip, and so there was no opportunity for me to visit.

After a short breakfast, our family of six piled into the car. Usually, we would travel by Floo, but after a rather unfortunate accident involving Alec and the majority of our Floo powder, the fireplace had been damaged so badly that it had to be replaced. It wouldn't be ready until the middle of September, so my father had commissioned a car from the Ministry. My mother and father sat up front and argued softly about the approach of another mission my father had to go on. My ten year old brother Alec whined about not getting to go to Hogwarts. Reese, a third year Ravenclaw brother of mine, told Alec to stop talking so he could read, (the course books for his year, of course,) while my fifth year Gryffindor sister Savannah and I thumb wrestled over who got the last biscuit in the tin.

Our car was crazy, sure, but my family were my rock. It was always crazy in our house, and I had fully accepted that fact. I loved my big family, and it always made me think of how large of a family Rose and Dom had. Seriously. When the whole gang was gathered at the Burrow, they had to eat outside because the giant house just couldn't contain them anymore. I wanted five kids eventually, as well, because the loving dynamic that was created by large families was something I wanted desperately. Eventually, Savannah won our long-winded thumb wrestle match, just as we pulled up to King's Cross.

Thirty minutes later, after many tearful goodbye hugs from my mother and statements of affirmation from my father that I would do great and that I was gorgeous, I boarded the Hogwarts train. The glorious scarlet train hooted that departure was imminent, its smoke billowing majestically behind it. I found myself nostalgically staring at it, knowing that this would be the last time that I boarded. Hogwarts had been my home for six years...I wasn't sure that I could leave it now. Or ever. Heaven knows, though, for all I know, I could be unbelievably tired of the castle come end of year. But that had never happened before, and so I knew that graduation would be one of the hardest things I would do in my seventh year.

And it would be hard, I knew that for sure. The NEWTs were coming up, I had to figure out what on earth I was going to do once I graduated if I didn't get into the Auror training schools, and on top of that, I was Head Girl.

Yep. It had come in the mail with my Hogwarts letter, shiny and small, proclaiming my achievement. I was excited, but I felt fairly unqualified for the job. I had been a Prefect since fifth year, but I still felt like my grades weren't high enough and that I wasn't an exemplary-enough student. I was no Rose Weasley, that was for sure. But my parents had been very proud of me, and so I would try my best to be worthy of the title. I just hoped that the Head Boy would be someone I could get along with without abusing them verbally.

Currently, however, I was focused on finding my friends. They would probably be in one of the compartments in the Weasley/Potter hall. The gang was so large that one compartment would never be enough. They had a hallway of about six compartments that some of them just rotated throughout, saying hello to everyone. Part of the reason that they needed so much space were the adopted Weasley/Potters, like me. There were usually more of us than original Weasley/Potters.

I opened the first compartment. They weren't there. Instead, James Potter and Fred Weasley smirked impishly at me. "Ugh," I exclaimed, "I don't have time for this." They pulled me in regardless, however, and Fred let go of me at the exact moment that James pulled me to him so I was laying across his lap, with my head in his lap looking up at him.

"Hello beautiful," James drawled, trying to be flattering. There was no denying his attractiveness. Hazel eyes that went on forever. Messy dark hair that was just so sexy you wanted to pull it out...sorry what was I saying? Oh yeah. James. He had beautiful cheekbones, as well, ones that you could cut your hand slapping...I knew, I'd done it before.

"James, what are you doing?" I said as I got off his lap. I wanted to stay there, admittedly, but I knew it was far too improper for me to do so.

"Just saying hello, darling," oh, he was so hot. Gorgeous, even. But he and I were volatile. We had trying being friends before in fourth year, since I was close with his cousins, and I had even liked him for a while...he told me he liked me, too, but about a week after "professing his affection," he was back to snogging dimwitted Hufflepuffs in empty broom closets.

"Well next time, stupid, please refrain from feeling the need to have me on top of you."

"I thought you liked being the dominant one," he said, eyes mischievous. I almost laughed at him. I would have, if I wasn't busy being mortified.

"You'll never know, will you, James?" I smirked and walked out of the compartment.

If I had taken the time to look back and see what I had done, I would've seen the pain and rejection on James Potter's face.

And that's Chapter One! Please Read and Review, and I'm always welcome to story suggestions!