Summary: "I know I'm attractive and I know I'm irresistible. But I don't like you in that way, I don't like you at all, I don't need you, goodbye. And I'd appreciate it if you would stop looking at my ass."
Hermione Granger was a bit sore. Newly dumped by her boyfriend after a three year long relationship, she was not really up to enduring brunch with him and his new girlfriend and watching them fall all over each other. But having to become the Personal Assistant of her own personal boss from hell just takes the cake. And trust me; Hermione Granger most certainly does not want to eat that cake.
Post Hogwarts, Disregard the epilogue of Deathly Hallows, Draco/Hermione
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, which is a good thing. Probably. Chapter title is from the song I Like What You Say by Nada Surf.
Repercussions for the Socially Inept
o1; they say you have to be someone
Hermione Granger was not very happy.
Her hair dryer had broken, she was missing her wand, and Crookshanks had left fur balls all over her sitting room. Added to that was the fact that Ron Weasley was coming over to her apartment for brunch with his new girlfriend of all people- and Hermione wanted to show Ron just how much she didn't care that he wasn't in her life anymore and did she care? Absolutely not.
In fact, she had this whole morning planned out. She was going to rise early, take a long soak in her bathtub, dress in the clothes that made her look and feel amazing and greet Ron and his new girlfriend in a cordial 'I-am-not-a-woman-scorned' way that would seem impressive, regal and icy. Instead she looked like a train wreck and there was kneazle-cat fur all over her favourite couch. Never mind the fact that Hermione didn't actually own clothes that made her look and feel amazing simultaneously, despite the constant urgings of Ginny for her to buy a new wardrobe.
The break-up had been a month ago now, but Hermione was still having trouble getting over it. It had been a three year long relationship, and she had invested a lot of time and emotion into it. Despite their constant misgivings and fights, she honestly thought that they were in love. She honestly thought that Ron was going to propose, all those talks that they used to have pointed to that exact fact. But instead, he chose to break it off and was now, according to Witch Weekly, dating Mandy Brocklehurst.
She distinctly remembered Ron saying that although she wasn't perfect, he loved everything about her. It was disconcerting to find out that he had exchanged her for a beautiful and intelligent girl. It was even more disconcerting to find out the fact that Ron had a new girlfriend off Witch Weekly and not straight from Ron himself. That wanker, she thought, and immediately felt disgusted that she swore, stabbing her nails into her hand. That reminded her; she really needed to cancel that Witch Weekly subscription.
Rummaging around under her bed, she finally managed to dig out her wand, amongst other items that Crookshanks managed to sneak under there without her knowledge. She managed to procure from under there a few dead mice, a few issues of The Daily Prophet and some of her beloved books, all dusty and untouched. Which they probably were, she hadn't felt like reading much at all after the break up. And Crookshanks did love taking her things and hiding them. As a matter of fact, he liked taking everyone's things and hiding them. Great, my cat is a certified criminal. What did I ever do to deserve this? she moaned to herself quietly. At least she had discovered her wand.
"Scrougify" she said, and sighed when the apartment was devoid of all dust and fur. Her apartment was now clean (or her living room was, at least), and the worst part of getting ready was over. Now all she needed to do was take a shower, dress to impress, and fix her hair so it actually looked like hair and less like a mop with a particularly nasty tangling spell cast on it. She sighed deeply once again, sinking into her couch and grabbing her cup of coffee. Her day was about to get a lot worse than moulting kneazle-cats and broken hair dryers, and she needed all the caffeine she could get.
"So he turned up twenty minutes late? And didn't bring any sort of compensational present?" Ginny shrieked in disbelief, her eyes widening slightly. The customers at The Leaky Cauldron looked up in alarm for a bit, before returning to their usual business, used to nineteen year old witches shouting at the tops of their voices. Ginny loved her brother, but frankly, he could be an idiot at times. This was most certainly one of those times. Ginny was looking forward to having Hermione as part of her family- after all, Hermione was a great girl. She was, apart from being intelligent, focused and driven and full of love for Ron, which is what probably mattered the most.
The two had been dating ever since the Battle of Hogwarts was over, and at the beginning of the rebuilding of the Wizarding World. Although they were largely in the public eye, Ron and Hermione were happy. Which could have been possibly been the end of them then, really. In Hogwarts, they only seemed to clash, but Ginny thought that they would work through it.
It was interesting, really because everyone in the wizarding world thought that Ron and Hermione were definite. Everyone was awoken to the truth when Witch Weekly had documented the fall of the relationship between the two, spanning several issues and then some. Thankfully, Ginny was still in a loving relationship with Harry, and wasn't in the predicament that Hermione was in right now. Instead she was here instead of at home with Harry, comforting Hermione as the former contemplated her utter lack of a mean bone in her body, which only chose to show when it absolutely had to. Clearly 11:15 am in the morning over brunch was not an 'absolutely had to' time.
"Yes, and the worst part is that Mandy is so nice, I couldn't bear to be overly polite and cold with her, it just didn't work!' Hermione frowned, mashing her head into her arms. The whole brunch was extremely awkward, and Hermione just wanted to forget about it, really. She sat through loving looks, barf inducing nicknames between the two, and stumbling, clumsy attempts at questions from Ron. Mandy, of course, was much more dignified with her question asking. She was a former Ravenclaw, after all.
However, Hermione could never really hate Ron, and she was honestly glad that he was making an attempt to check if she was okay. But honestly, she would have preferred the post break-up talks without Ron's choice of company. Mandy was lovely- and there laid the problem. Hermione would have no trouble getting over it if Ron's new girlfriend was a vindictive little bitch, however, Ron happened to choose a girl who not only actually had manners, but she used them. That and a lot of hair product.
Ginny watched a scowl pass over Hermione's face, yet again, and sighed. Hermione hadn't really been herself since the break-up; it had turned her into a twenty year old with all the sense and liveliness of an eighty year old spinster. A spinster who owned a lot of cats, Ginny mused as she spied yet another one of Crookshank's tufts of fur on her robe. Ginny wondered if Hermione was ever going to move on. At this rate, probably not.
"There there," she murmured, patting Hermione on the back gently while Hermione proceeded to give herself brain damage by bashing her head onto the counter, "I'm sure that you'll find someone better than Ron to spend your life with. Remember, you guys fought all the time when we were on holidays and when we were at Hogwarts? How could you want to spend the rest of your life like that?"
Clearly that was the wrong thing to say. Hermione thrived on friction, which was probably what made her relationships splutter into the earth and stop moving. Watching Hermione clobbering her head repeatedly into the desk wasn't exactly the conversation Ginny had in mind for her friend tonight. She needed Hermione to get over this relationship, and fast.
While Ginny was attempting to concoct an already failure in the works plan to get Hermione to socialise and possibly move on to the next stage of her life, an owl arrived at The Leaky Cauldron, interrupting Hermione's possibly brain damaging procedure, and Ginny's plotting. Hermione, even in her brain addled state, managed to notice that it was from the Ministry, which was something akin to a miracle, seeing as Hermione's head had connected with the bar counter at least over twenty times, and hard.
I wonder what the letter says, she thought, and grimaced slightly. Hopefully they don't want me to come in right now- there's no way I can! My head hurts and my heart hurts. Not a good combination. She scowled at the thought of this. There was no way that she would ever admit that Ron made her heart hurt. The head, however, could be attributed to the clumsy amount of conversation that passed through Ron and her earlier. And brunch, of course, she couldn't forget brunch.
She tore open the letter, and despite her constant head pains, shrieked in delight when she read what was on the piece of parchment.
Miss Hermione Granger,
I am delighted to inform you that you have been offered a promotion, based on a recommendation. Please be in your old office by 8:15 AM sharp, and I will show you your new office and explain to you about your new job position and all that it entails.
Yours sincerely,
Latifa Skirknott
Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement
"A promotion" she breathed, her eyes shining in excitement. It was the first time that Hermione Granger had been excited in a while, and she had good reason to be. Ever since transferring from the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures after her work with house elves were done, she had been working at the bottom of the work chain for the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. To think that someone had recognised her potential was amazing. She could kiss the person right now! She sighed, delightfully. This day was finally looking up.
Ginny, however, was looking at her friend's rapidly changing expressions, and was slightly worried. However, she figured, a promotion would take Hermione's mind off Ron, which is a good thing! Finally she would be rid of moping, boring Hermione and she would be back to normal. Therefore enabling Ginny to get back to having a life, and not being Hermione's personal counsellor.
And really, it was about time too.
The next morning, Hermione stepped into work with a slight headache. She had woken up late again, which wasn't like her at all, but with recent events clouding her mind, she figured that she was allowed to be a bit late sometimes. Also because her alarm clock had broken yesterday, when she had thrown it against a wall. But it wasn't her fault, really. The alarm clock was old, anyway, she thought, trying to justify the mutilation of her appliance.
It didn't work. But it didn't stop her from trying, either.
She signed in using her wand, and walked down the marble hallway, and realised that she was late. And of course, she promptly panicked. After her elevator ride, she charged frantically up to her office, arriving exactly at 8:12 with a few minutes to spare. Normally, by this time, she's be laughing with Susan Bones in the next cubicle about the people all arriving late, but this morning, she felt a bit like a hypocrite. Wiping off guilty feelings, but, Hermione quickly proceeded to pack all of her belongings that were neatly placed in her desk, and shrunk them to fit in her pocket, all while listening to Susan chatter on about office gossip.
A few minutes after, like it was written on the letter, Latifa Skirknott herself came into the office, and turned to Hermione.
"Miss Granger," she said, "please follow me. I will be leading you to your new office, so I hope you have packed everything." Hermione nodded slightly frantically while waving a goodbye to Susan and the two of them started walking.
After an elevator ride to one of the higher floors and some more walking, Latifa Skirknott led her to a certain office door, and Hermione stopped in her tracks to read the plaque that was on the door, recognising suddenly the familiar hallway. The Department of Magical Law Enforcement- Head Office of Security and Law. She took a little breath in, and almost gasped. Head office! The position she had been working hard for, the position that she'd been working over two years for- it was finally hers! She could barely contain her excitement as the Head of the whole department pushed open the door. Her heart was thudding hard. How often she had walked into that office to deliver papers and admired the beautiful interior of that office! How often she had hoped and wished to be able to sit in the shiny, leather chair that the Head of Security and Law used!
"Wow," she gasped, looking around the office. She could hardly contain her joy. It really was a beautiful office, tastefully decorated and a homely, comfortable feel to it. If it was up to her, which it was, she wouldn't change a thing about the furniture. The previous Head (who had retired yesterday, according to office rumours), had an extremely delightful taste in interior decoration. She was rudely pulled out of her thoughts, when Latifa Skirknott started speaking.
"So Miss Granger, you are here because the new Head of Office of Security and Law himself decided that you would be the best person to fill in the position of his Personal Assistant. Personally, I must agree with his decision. After all, you have an excellent track record, and with your new boss' recommendation, it will get you extremely far in this department. Now I'll just call your new head of office, so the two of you can get acquainted," she said, and bustled off.
Hermione was stunned. She honestly, thought that since in the letter it stated that Latifa Skirknott herself would show her the office, that she would be receiving a position of great honour. Not that being a Personal Assistant was a horrible job or anything, but she really thought that she was a shoo-in for the position of Head of Office of Security and Law. I could settle with being a Personal Assistant, but, she thought with a smile, the hours would be easier and the work would be too!
However, the thought quickly left her mind when Latifa Skirknott walked straight back into the room, followed by a platinum blonde with long strides. She recognised that hair, it was distinctive. And really, the shade was rather quite unforgettable. But she couldn't really quite remember who it belonged to. But then the person sat himself ungracefully into the leather chair that Hermione coveted so much, and looked straight up into her face.
"Malfoy!" she almost yelped with surprise, as she recognised the person who unceremoniously plonked himself into his chair.
The blonde spun around a bit, dramatically of course, and did a little smirk. It was like Draco Malfoy to be dramatic, of course, always the centre of attention. "Granger!" he mocked, copying her exact tone while nodding and looking right back at her. This aggravated Hermione, like he intended it to and he took joy in her hair almost standing vertically from her head.
"MALFOY?" her voice rose, increasing in several decibels and in various amounts of pitch. Calm yourself, Hermione! There must be a mistake! she yelled at herself, and managed to compose a 'couldn't-care-less' expression on her face. She was good at that. It was how she managed to extort a few galleons off Harry at Wizarding Poker. Not like Ginny knew that they were gambling, or anything.
"Oh good, you know each other!" Latifa Skirknott smiled slightly, and promptly left the room. She didn't want to be around for the blow out. Everyone knew that the Malfoy boy never got along with the Golden trio. In fact, she was wondering why he even requested for the Granger girl to be his Personal Assistant in the first place. But she didn't really care; if they got results, then it was fine by her. She walked quickly away, listening to the faint words that she could hear.
"Actually I think I would rather prefer a sir, which is really much more dignified. I am heading your department now, after all. A little more respect is very much appreciated, please?" he asked, rather mockingly.
"Because dignified is your middle name, isn't it Malfoy?" Hermione said, slightly icily. Inside, but, she was confused. She was supposed to be sitting in that seat! That lovely wooden desk that Draco sat at, that comfortable looking chair- it was supposed to be hers. Surely Latifa Skirknott would come waltzing back into the room and say that it was all a misunderstanding and that Draco Malfoy was supposed to be Hermione's PA? Surely they had made some sort of mistake?
Too late, she had realised that she accidentally cast the last thought in her brain out into the room.
"No mistake, I'm afraid Granger. I'm from today, officially your boss."
Later Hermione was glad that she didn't scream or make any kind of embarrassing sound at all, but she did, in fact, turn a peculiar white colour that was almost akin to a pale green. A rather attractive shade, as you can imagine. Hermione gave a little frustrated scream in her head. Of all the people chosen, it had to be Draco Malfoy, ferret and coward extraordinaire. And here she was thinking that the Malfoy name was sullied after the Battle of Hogwarts. Clearly she had been wrong. She glared at Draco, who was sitting quite comfortably in his chair, swinging around.
"Prat," she hissed so he could hear her, and continued her glaring, while Draco stood up and faced the floor length window at the back. She knew, for a fact, that Draco Malfoy was working in her department, and had only joined a few months ago. And he was already at the top. Stupid git, she thought. Since she couldn't glare at his face, she resorted to attempting to burn a hole through his backside.
"Look Granger," Draco started after a long pause, "I know I'm attractive and I know I'm irresistible. But I don't like you in that way, I don't like you at all, I don't need you, goodbye. And I'd appreciate it if you would stop looking at my ass."
"I am not looking at your ass, Malfoy. And for the record I don't find you attractive at all."
"Oh, technicalities," he sighed, and turned back to the front, facing her. She then realised that since Draco was her new boss, he could very much fire her as he pleased, which was exactly what he had suggested then, under all his sarcasm. Naturally Hermione did not want to be fired at all (that would be a huge black stain the size of a galleon on her otherwise spotless record), and so she decided to change her tactics a bit. Why hate when I could get better results and a better job? she asked herself, and resigned herself to some slight grovelling and pride killing. Maybe he would raise her paycheck, as well. She did need new furniture after Crookshanks decided to redecorate.
"Seriously Malfoy, I want this job. And you need me, I bet you do. That's exactly why you requested me to be your Personal Assistant, even though we don't really like each other. Isn't it?" she asked, her eyes gleaming with a challenge. If she did this job and she did it well, she would hopefully be promoted to a higher position than Malfoy, and then he would be demoted, and she could be in his exact same position! That chair looked comfortable, and she could hardly contain her excitement.
"Well, not really Granger. I'm just really looking forward to you being on my every beck and call, because that would be completely amusing to see. Mainly because I just came into this office a few months ago and got the position that you wanted. And I know you need this job, too, you need it to climb the ranks with those delightfully dull brown heels of yours," Draco said airily, taking in her appearance slowly. Hermione looked nothing short of a fashion catastrophe from her hair to her shoes, and they both knew it.
Stay calm Hermione. Remember the plan. You will be nice to the ferret. He will give you a leg up into the ranks of the department, along with a bigger paycheck. He will open up doors of opportunities for you. Play nice. Even with these thoughts running through her head, however, Hermione still felt like stabbing a fork into the former Slytherin. Some things never did change, and her feelings of annoyance and now heavily verging on extreme dislike to Draco Malfoy were one of them.
"Tomorrow morning, Granger, in my office. Nine o'clock in the morning, sharp. Now I'm going to give you the rest of the day to get over the shock that yes, I am indeed your new boss. Now if you don't mind, I have papers to write, being a boss and having a high position and all, so run along, Granger, that's a good girl." He shot her a condescending smile, and tilted his head. Hermione stood, still in shock, and gaped at him slightly. She had never been dismissed from work before, and she wasn't planning to be. Certainly not from Malfoy, of all people!
Stay calm, Hermione! Don't rise to the bait. You are above Malfoy! You can behave better than him and you know it. Come on. Calm. He just patronised you, but that's no reason to get into a temper. Think about how the money would help you. Your furniture, Hermione! Breathe in. Breathe out. Hermione continued the rather inane interior monologue inside her, not noticing that she looked rather odd, a bit like a duck, really, the way her arms were flopping about.
It was an extremely amusing sight to Draco, who laughed inside at her expression. He knew that she had wanted the job; she had worked her way up from the bottom for the coveted spot of a Head of Office position in the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. Which is why when he landed the job, he precisely asked for Hermione to be his Personal Assistant. To make her do his dirty work, sweep the floors, bring him coffee as well as making her do all of his organisational business- it was an opportunity all too good to pass up. Just because he was now slotted in to be on the 'Good' side didn't mean that he wasn't a slippery bastard. He was still that, through and through.
That being said, he turned his attention away from his musings and back to Hermione, who was still looking like a frying pan had hit her in the face. Which would explain the presence of the frozen expression and the flapping arms. It was a sight to behold- Hogwarts' brightest in front of one of Hogwarts' greatest slackers, her mouth opened in a perfect O shape. The expression plastered there set off her bushy hair well, quite beaver-like, he decided, and grinned. Of course, an evil grin, he wouldn't have it any other way.
"Granger, I do believe the office door is that way. Do you need to be shown to it as well?" Draco asked, shaking his head slightly, and giving a little smirk. With these words, Hermione snapped back to her current predicament, and scowled at her new head of department.
Blast it with being cordial, she thought, throwing her pride to the drain. She did not like this new, sarcastic Draco Malfoy at all, and it showed all over her face. She almost preferred the taunting Draco Malfoy- schoolyard bullying she could handle, witty, sarcastic repartee she could not. Not that she would admit that Draco Malfoy was witty. At all. Flying pigs were wittier than Draco Malfoy. And more attractive, too. She laughed at the thought of this, realised what she was doing, and then bared her teeth in a grimace.
Draco grinned mockingly at her attempt at a smile.
"Lovely teeth, Granger, did you get them fixed lately?"
Hermione stormed her way out of the office.
A/N: So this has been my first attempt at a Harry Potter fic for a very long time (namely four years, haha) and hopefully it will actually work. I honestly haven't written in a normal, straight forward style in a long time (with humour, no less!) and so I'm dying to find out what other people think of this. I also actually want to finish a story over 30k words, and this chapter actually grew from 500 words to just over 4000 words, so I think my plan is working!
I know I stretched Hermione's work schedule up and quickly, but I couldn't imagine Draco working in the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. He seems a bit too uppity for that, if you know what I mean.
Reviews, especially constructive criticism is most certainly welcome, as they keep me going. So please review (: