"I'm going to back off for the sake of the boy. His parents should have a fair shot of making it work without a devilishly handsome pirate standing in the way...I'm in this for the long haul, you've already walked out on Emma once."
The maps were strewn around the cabin, a disordered chaos that would have made Liam cringe. Would have made Killian cringe too, long ago. But his mind was disheveled and conflicted, why should his quarters be any different?
One more swig closer to numbness.
Speaking of things that would make Liam cringe...this utter dependence on his bloody poison, his beautiful tonic.
Does anyone know what happens to sailors who drink rum? His mind mocked him viciously; They get drunk. Drunkenness leads to bad form.
Bad form indeed. What was he still doing here. He could be free of her. This world was unfortunately lacking of voyaging necessities of the magical variety. But he had been a sailer first, and this world had oceans. Could he not be free of her there?
Henry was safe, Emma was home. Her family would probably be having some horrid emotional scene at this moment reveling in their joy of being home and together and safe and all of the good things families do. He glanced back at the desk, the waterways of this world that awaited him should he choose them.
He had been planning his departure for days, from the moment he had returned to this world, before then if he was being honest with himself. Acquiring maps had been a requirement for the more concrete stage of his planned journey, his planned escape. He didn't really need to plan anymore, he had been ready for days. And yet...
He had told Emma that he wouldn't give up on her that he would win her heart... it was bad form to lie to a lady, but then it hadn't been a lie (though the latter statement may have involved a touch more confidence than he actually felt.) He would never give up on her... but that didn't mean he had to be here. Wallowing in uselessness, a hovering specter waiting for the opportunity to break up another family...her family.
When I win your heart Emma, and I will win it. It won't be because of any trickery. It will be because you want me. His mind mocked him again and he let out a bitter laugh. Had he fooled her? God knows he wasn't fooling himself.
He dove back into his maps. Henry had brought him some books about the oceans of this world not long after their return to Storybrooke. He hadn't expected to get help with his escape from Henry of all people, but the boy was a clever lad. Perhaps he wanted his real family back... Either way he had found some interesting prospects in those books. One of them suggested avoiding a place called the Gulf Of Guinea, for fear of pirates. So obviously that was on the short list... He had been routing and rerouting potential voyages for days... Is it bad form to lie to yourself? His attention drifted from the maps again rapidly.
He stalked out of the cabin feverishly, making his way onto the deck, running his hand along the well loved wooden rail before reaching towards the rigging of the main stay. The ropes were sure and strong and unwavering; their familiarity gave him purchase to ride out the storm within his mind. Killian jones could handle himself in a storm. Remain calm, keep order, check the rigging, reef the sails... This storm in his head was different, he was lying ahull; adrift and tossed about in the madness. His eyes were drawn to the deck. To that part of the deck, the spot where his eyes would never cease to see his Milah. Perhaps that had been his chance at happily ever after. Now he was the villain; now he no longer deserved one. One thing in particular gnawed at his soul as he gazed at that spot on the deck of his ship.
He had taken a heart.
Killian Jones cringed as Hook rushed to justify it. He was a desperate man, Regina had driven him to Cora and he had no other choice than to work with her. Emma had seen through his masquerade, of course, and it didn't take him long to realize that he had a potential ally in this strange group of women... In the fiery blonde woman who saw right through his charade. She was far less likely to betray him then Cora, right? Wrong, Swan left him behind. Gone back on her word and stolen his chance. Cora would not trust him again, Emma had stolen that from him as well, leaving him with nothing. No hope of ever escaping that land, no way of fulfilling his purpose. Very bad form, indeed. So he did what he had to do, and he stole Aurora's heart and turned it over to a woman who would gladly destroy it once it was no longer useful to her.
How was he any different from the crocodile, now? Aurora too was someone's love and he had pulled her heart out, while she was unconscious no less. A mixture of luck and fate, perhaps, had given him a chance for redemption. He reached for it with a desperation born of the self-loathing that had burned inside him since he took that woman's heart. He gave Aurora's heart back, forsaking a powerful bargaining chip in favor of good form. That did not change the fact that he had betrayed his own soul in taking it. He tore his eyes away from that spot on the deck that had so diverted his thoughts into unpleasant waters. Retreating provided little comfort. Killian Jones was a man of honor, but that man was gone. Not gone, immersed, under so many waves of protective ice and arrogance, desperation and pragmatism that he would certainly drown. Hook was a survivor... Killian Jones was struggling to tread water.
He attempted to find purchase in more pleasant thoughts and his mind drifted to their return from Neverland. They won, rescued the boy and Henry was safe. Emma and Killian settled the boy into the Captain's bed but the boy was antsy, fiddling with a spare bit of rope that was hooked to the wall next to the bed.
He understood the nervousness Henry felt, the feeling that it was too good to be true, you couldn't truly escape pan.
"Let me show you." He had said, pulling the rope down and handing one side to Henry. Emma was glaring at him and Hook knew she wanted to spend some alone time with her son but he kept his focus on Henry. "There are probably hundreds of different knots used in my rigging, though in recent years I've discovered some are not quite as amenable to my appendage. Go ahead and tie this to my hook, anyway you know how."
Henry did so, pulling the end of the rope through the loop he made and tightening it around the hook.
"Good, lad, now sometimes even though you want something to hold very tight, you need to ensure that it can be rapidly released if necessary. Pull it loose and let's turn that knot into a slip."
Henry loosened the knot and looked inquiringly back up at Hook. For a moment Hook saw Bae and he felt as though he'd been drenched in ice water. He pushed it aside and continued, "If you want to make a knot easy to pull you simply adjust the way you finish it. Start that knot again...good, now instead of putting the end through, fold the end into a loop and tighten the knot around that loop. Good, lad, now pull tight. That's not going anywhere, until you pull the loop."
Henry did so and the knot fell free, smooth as silk.
"Neat." Henry commented, trying once more and grinning broadly. "Can you show me another."
"I think your mother would prefer I make myself scarce so she can have you all to herself again."
"Is Captain Hook afraid of my mom?" Henry questioned with a small smile.
Hook glanced at Emma who was glaring again. He smirked at her as he replied: "Dreadfully, lad, worse temper than a Krakan, you're mum...If you're up for it, we can learn another tomorrow."
Henry nodded and Emma sat next to Henry's bed with a nod of what might have been gratitude in Hooks direction as he left the room.
Henry had never asked for that follow up lesson, Hook supposed he was a little busy getting to know his father again. Now that Bae had returned Henry had the chance for a real family, something Emma had longed for her whole life. Certainly she would want her son to have the same.
He was the villain, he had taken a heart and covered his hands with blood... he didn't deserve that happy stupid wonderful family...
So he tied himself to Emma with a slip-knot. He would give her the chance to escape, to make it work and be the perfect little family. But he couldn't let go.
He couldn't leave tomorrow. Tomorrow he would tell Bae that he was going to back off. That he would give him his chance. He'd leave the following day for the Gulf Of Guinea. He buried himself in his maps again, planning the escape route he knew he would never take.