A/N: Fluff ahead!
The quiet evenings are his favorite. With the exception of a couple of late shift patrol officers he sees in the breakdown, they are alone. She works on the computer and sorts paperwork as he pretends to be reading on his phone; he prefers to daydream. Hand holding in the elevator, a kiss on the cheek, the way she smiles at him. It warms his thoughts and passes the time behind the wall. She's the West Germany to his East-only a wall stands between their unification. Didn't he swear off that metaphor yesterday?
He sees her falter at the keyboard which brings the left side of his lips in a half-smile. She has trouble typing "Z," always accidentally hitting "X" instead. Two more tries and an angry muffle that starts with "shhhhhh-" and he is certain his first assumption is correct. And then he laughs, audibly.
"Don't-"
"Just a funny article I'm reading," he covers.
"Mmhm," she acknowledges and continues typing.
Another thirty minutes pass and he enters into the realm of daydreaming he tries to avoid: where he misses her. Misses the moments he sees in their future-the ones he wants now. Others call it longing, hoping, but the ache he feels convinces him he's right.
He always misses her the most in the evenings. It is why he stays as long as possible-as long as she'll let him. The daydreams transcend the new parts of a relationship and delve into the comforts of years together. Her hand on his hip every night as they fall asleep, the routine "I love you" before hanging up the phone, the companionable silence. He wants the new, exhilarating part and the routine of seasoned love. Dammit, he misses her.
"Let's go, Castle. Time to call it a night," she says, interrupting his somber thoughts. "You ok?"
"Do you ever miss me, Kate?" he asks, wistfully. He doesn't even know he has said the words aloud until he sees her breath hitch slightly and panic in her eyes. She sits down slowly.
"What?"
"That was an accident, I'm sorry," he apologizes, stumbles. "Forget it. Of course you don't."
"Of course I don't what? Miss you?"
"Uh...yeah," he tries, forces the next words out against better judgement, "like I miss you."
Silence.
"I'm not sure what you mean, Castle. You're right here," she says, her hand waves back and forth in the narrow space between them.
"That's not what I-"
"Then tell me what you mean," she pushes, although uncertain she's ready for this conversation.
"Us," he says after a few moments, "what we could be, can be...hopefully."
"You miss...us," she whispers.
"I know it sounds silly, Kate, I'm sorry, let's just-"
"No. I do. All the time," she replies, shocks herself.
"All the time?" he asks, eyes glassy. She nods and he reaches for her hand. "What do you miss, Kate?
She contemplates his question until a subtle but distinguishable smile adorns her face, a flicker of bravery in her eye.
"The way your hair is messy in the morning..." she starts.
"...how you smile at me with that bright, gorgeous smile before your hand reaches to tame it..." he continues.
"...the way you hug me from behind as I pour our morning coffee..."
"That sounds so perfect. I would love to spend every morning with you," he sighs.
"...then spend your mornings with me, Castle," she replies, leans in closer.
"But that wall..."
"I'm tired of missing...wanting. So tired," she whispers, pushes her forehead again his.
"What about our nights?"
"Those too."
"I want to hold you."
"Nothing in the world I miss more." She pulls back and strokes the stubble on his left cheek, a tear threatens its escape.
"What do you say we get out of here?" he asks, pulls her up, weaves their fingers together. She smiles. Maybe he won't have to miss that quite so much now.
Outside they stand by her car in the parking garage, neither sure what is next. He implores his mouth to cooperate with his thoughts, needs to make sure the words come out correctly.
"So many of my idle thoughts are spent missing things we haven't shared yet," he pauses, continues, "but the thing I miss the most about you, about us, is something we've already shared."
She knows exactly what he means.
"Kiss me, Castle."