A/N: I think it's safe to say that all of us are pretty upset about what's happened to Outlaw Queen since the season three finale and to me, the situation always gets worse. Now, Robin and Regina have to raise Zelena's baby and this plot... it just leaves a bad taste in my mouth and Adam and Eddy don't try to fix it. So, I'm going to make a small fic fix it.
For those who are worried about the little bit of angst within this story, no worries. I'm not Adam and Eddy. This has a happy ending.
So, here we go! This takes place after "Our Decay".
The soft whimpers of the baby prevents Regina from sleeping. She's curled up in one of the guest rooms in the Charming's Underworld home, her back turned away from the baby and her father. Regina stares at the wall, finding herself unable to sleep or watch her boyfriend bond with his daughter.
She has tried to remain as quiet as she can about the situation that Zelena has forced upon her and Robin. It's hard at times, sometimes she just wants to grab her hair and scream until her chest aches, but she tries to remain calm and strong for Robin, because she knows this is hard on him, too, even if he doesn't like to let it show. He deals with his heartache by caring for his daughter, and while she knows it helps him, seeing him care for a baby they both will never consider to be hers, well... it only hurts her more.
She knows she shouldn't feel this way. She knows she needs to love and protect this child, her niece, her family whether she likes it or not, but she can't. She can't bring herself to accept this situation, no matter how hard she tries. She had tried to earlier today, giving the baby's wounded cheek a gentle rub, saying she had Robin's eyes when really all she saw was Zelena looking back up at her in infant form. Her niece is innocent, unlike her mother, Regina knows that, but seeing Zelena in her daughter, a daughter who will be in Regina's life forever, leaves her stomach doing sickening twists. She hates how she will always love and accept little Roland as one of her own, but not this baby, she just can't.
Regina is scared, more scared than she lets Robin, or anyone, see. She's afraid that one day, she's just going to break. One day, she'll let him see the pain that he had caused her, that Zelena and the baby have caused her, that she's caused herself, and Robin will leave her. She's not worried he will run off with Zelena, she knows that he's scared out of his mind of her sister. She's just worried he will leave her because she can't come to terms with the new permanent thing in their relationship, that she will say or do something that will run him off. After all, she's lost love before, she's almost lost Robin on more than one occasion. And does he really care for her? She was his second choice, after all, until he learned that Marian was Zelena the whole time.
Stop thinking like that, Regina, you're only hurting yourself more, she thinks, blinking back a few tears she hadn't realized had gathered in her eyes. With a heavy sigh, she rolled onto her back, still refusing to look over at Robin who cooed at his child, trying to get her to fall asleep.
"You're awfully quiet tonight," he observes, his voice giving Regina a startle. "Is everything okay?"
"Yes," Regina replies. "I'm just thinking, that's all."
The baby whimpers again, giving a small half-cry. Regina's womb aches. It's a dull pain she's used to feeling when seeing a baby, knowing she can't have her own. And now it aches because she can't give Robin what he has with Zelena. That could have been their baby whimpering in his arms, he could be rocking their child to sleep. She can't blame Zelena for that one, at least, for her infertility is all Regina's doing, Zelena simply knew the best way to use it against her.
It had worked.
"What are you thinking about?" Robin asks. Regina can feel his eyes on her, but she refuses to look back.
"Nothing much," she lies, "just wondering how we're going to get Henry to rewrite Hades' story."
Robin hums, a noise Regina knew well. He didn't believe her. He always did that when he didn't believe a word she said. "That's not what you're really thinking about, is it?" And his words confirmed it.
"No," Regina says truthfully and sighs. "But I'd rather not have this conversation now. I've had too much today."
"Zelena is... a handful," Robin agrees. "I'm surprised she gave the baby back, honestly. I'm just worried that she will change her mind."
Regina frowns a little. She couldn't remember the last time that she and Robin had had a conversation about something else other than his baby. She felt as if they were drifting apart. Some of it was her fault, she was distancing herself because she was afraid of what may happen should she be glued to Robin's hip and therefore his baby, but it still hurt her nonetheless.
"She will. You can't separate a mother from her child for very long," Regina mumbles, turning over on her side once again, her back facing Robin. "When are you planning to take her to the woods?"
"In the morning. Zelena will probably rest before trying to make her next move," Robin replies.
"There's no rest for the wicked," Regina counters. "I know that more than anyone. It would be best if you left as soon as the baby quiets down."
"Is she keeping you up? I can take her downstairs," Robin offers.
"No, she's fine," Regina answers. "Just stay still and she'll go to sleep eventually."
"You're so much better at this than I," Robin sighs. "When Roland was a baby, he took more to Marian than me. But he was easier to get to go to sleep."
"Maybe she just misses her mother," Regina says quietly.
"That's what she needs, perhaps. Some maternal love," Robin says and Regina knows it's a request. He wants her to put the baby to sleep. She knows he isn't trying to cause her pain, but his request does somehow. He wants her to give his child a maternal love she does not have for the baby.
But she tells herself she will try because it is the right thing to do. She needs to realize that, more than likely, unless Zelena can change her ways, she will be the mother figure in the baby's life. Robin's daughter will depend on her, and so she needs to try.
Slowly, Regina climbs out of bed, tugging her robe close to her body. Nights are surprisingly cold in the Underworld. She tiptoes around the bed and to the chair Robin is slowly climbing out of with his baby in his arms.
Regina takes his spot and a blanket clad infant is placed in her arms. She tries to hold her in the way she had held Henry as a baby, the way she holds baby Neal, but something feels distant, detached, and the baby begins to cry some more. Her lip tremors and tears fall from her blue eyes. Zelena's eyes. No matter what she said earlier, she did not see Robin's eyes in his daughter. In fact, all she saw was her sister. The baby had many of the same features – the blue eyes, ginger hair, the same lips and nose.
"I...I don't think I'm doing much good," Regina says, extending her arms to give the baby back to Robin.
"It's okay, Regina, I've seen you with Neal. You handle babies well," he says.
The baby only continues to bawl, and Regina knows it's due to her tense, loveless hold. The baby doesn't feel safe with her, and she feels uncomfortable with the baby.
"Please, Robin," Regina practically begs and gives him a desperate look she can only hope he catches on to.
He sighs and takes the baby back, returning to his spot in the chair. "I just thought it would be nice if the two of you bonded," he says.
Regina crawls back in bed, and let's her tiredness and head on the situation get the best of her. "I think we've done enough bonding for one day," she says, firmer than intended.
"What does that mean?" Robin asks. He sounds offended. Maybe he should be, but Regina finds herself slightly annoyed.
"It means that I had to trek through the woods with you and Zelena all day today, looking for her. We found her. You gave her to Zelena and then we had to track them both down all over again because Zelena managed to get away with her. We got her back, took her here, I sat with you for an hour with her, trying to bond," she says. "I invested my whole day into her, Robin. For you and for her. Because I'm trying. I know we haven't talked about it much, but I thought I made it clear that this situation upsets me, it makes me uncomfortable. I want to accept her... but it's hard for me."
"You accept Roland just fine," Robin says.
Was that all he was getting out of it? That she can accept his other child, but not this one?
"Roland is different, Robin. He wasn't conceived while the two of us were in a relationship. He's your child with your wife. This is your child with my sister, who deceived you, me, everyone." Regina takes a big breath. "Nevermind, this is an argument for another day."
But he doesn't relent. "She's innocent you know... the baby. She's done nothing wrong. Zelena told us Hades wanted her because she's innocent. He wants to use her the same way Zelena used Neal."
"I know she's innocent," Regina says, sitting up. "And I know that you're upset because she's your child and you want me to be happy about her, you want me to love and care for her, but you've got to understand that this is hard on me."
"It's hard on me, too," Robin replies.
"Which is why I'm trying my best, Robin," Regina says. "I'm really trying to love her. And I do... in a way. I just... it pains me to know that you have something so wonderful with a woman you don't even love. And I know you thought you weren't going to see me ever again, but it still hurts me that you returned to 'Marian' just weeks after leaving me." Once it's admitted, it feels as if a weight is lifted off her chest.
"We can always have a baby, too, Regina, if that's what you want," he says. Regina doesn't have the heart to bring up what's wrong with her body. She's already upset Robin enough for one night. "And I am sorry about what happened in New York. I was just so confused, trying to make a living for my family, having Marian, well what I thought was Marian, so upset with me for sulking around thinking about you, and you're right, I didn't think I'd see you again, and I tried to make things right."
"And I respect you for that," Regina sighs heavily. "But you're the one who was always trying to give me hope, and you turned around and lost it yourself."
"I did," Robin says softly. "But I was wrong. You proved that when you showed up on my doorstep."
"Yeah, I finally felt a spark of hope too until..." she trails off and shakes her head. "Let's just say it went out very quickly."
"We can still be happy, Regina. We both have children that come from different parents. I have Roland and the baby. You have Henry. And one day, we'll add our own addition," Robin says hopefully.
"It's not that simple," Regina replies, looking away, that dull ache in her womb returning, a painful reminder that no, she'd never have a child with Robin.
"I'm hurting, too, Regina. I've gotten a wonderful daughter out of this, yes, but Zelena deceived me. She made me relive a ghost of the past I had moved on from, and it hurt me. She made me hurt you, I realize that, too. And Roland, making him think he had a mother again. She's done a lot of damage, but she's given me a child, and I plan to make the best out of the worst situation," Robin says.
Regina doesn't reply. She's fighting tears, her womb aches, she feels so utterly heartbroken because she doesn't know what to do. She just wishes Robin would take the baby and head into the woods already because she needs some alone time from the both of them. She needs to clear her head, she needs to just get out a good cry where Robin can't see or hear.
It seems like hours but eventually, he gets up and leaves, coming over to place a kiss on Regina's temple as she fakes sleep. He slips quietly from the room with silence that only a thief could manage, and he's gone. Regina spends the next hour sobbing into her pillow, letting all of her hurt out. She's tempted to go to Henry for comfort but her son has had a stressful day as well and she doesn't want to wake him. Eventually, her sobbing exhausts her body and she cries herself to sleep.
She wakes up the next morning, her face feeling tight, her eyes burning. She gets out of bed, slips on her clothes, and fixes her hair before heading downstairs. To her great relief, only Mary Margaret was "home".
"Where is everyone?" Regina asks as she descends the steps.
"Henry managed to get a lead on Hades. Sounds like he and Zelena were... cozy in the past," Mary Margaret says. "They went out to try and hunt him down."
"And they didn't take me?" Regina asks with a frown. "I'm the only one with magic. They could come across some other creature like Cerberus or worse, Hades himself."
"They were going to take you but apparently they couldn't get you up this morning so they went out alone, promising to stay low and not show their faces around much," Mary Margaret reports and then turns to take a good look at Regina's worn expression. "Rough night?"
"Yeah," Regina replies, sitting down on the barstool before the counter. "You could say that."
"Do you want to talk about it?" Mary Margaret asks as she shoves a plate of scrambled eggs and bacon in Regina's direction. "You haven't been acting yourself lately."
"Robin and I had a little disagreement last night," Regina says with a sigh. "I've been trying to keep my emotions hidden lately, but yesterday was a long day and I kind of snapped a little."
"Couples fight, he'll get over it. Was it about the baby?" Mary Margaret asks.
"Yes," Regina says, staring at her plate. Hunger gnaws at her stomach but she doesn't have an appetite. "He was having trouble putting her to sleep. We came to the conclusion that she just wanted her mother. He figured since I was good with babies, I could try to put her to sleep. After all, he's seen me do it with Neal. She just started crying when I held her. I feel nothing towards her Snow, nothing. I want to protect her for Robin's sake and because she's an innocent, but..."
"I get it," Mary Margaret says, moving to lay a hand over Regina's. "If David and I were in your shoes, I would feel the same way. I must say, I admire how you're handling this situation. I'd never be so strong."
"The strength only lasts so long. I feel it ebbing away more and more as each day passes. I snapped last night. I'm just afraid I'll say something that will make Robin leave me," Regina says. "We just are hurting in entirely different areas. Some are the same but others cause a bit of division between us."
"You need to talk it out at some point," Mary Margaret says. "Maybe when we get home and we know we will be safe."
Regina sighs a little. "I know we need to. It's just so hard. I know now that he gets upset when I confess that I don't feel for this baby the way I should. I don't think he quite understands. I don't think anyone does."
"Understand what?" Mary Margaret asks curiously.
"It's a little bit of everything. Being screwed over so much, bitterness towards him, definitely at Zelena. She has given Robin something that I never will be able to," Regina answers.
"I'm sure Robin will want to have children with you one day, Regina. Maybe once his baby is older," Mary Margaret assures.
"He's already told me that," Regina says and frowns a little. "It's just that..." she takes a deep breath, because she's never told anyone this before, "I can't give him children, Snow. I'm infertile."
Mary Margaret looks a little shocked at first, but it fades quickly as she pieces everything together, such as why Regina adopted instead of having a child of her own. "I'm sorry," she says. "No woman deserves that."
She sounded understanding. Regina hadn't managed to find that until now.
Mary Margaret heaves a soft sigh. "Once upon a time, back before I was going to marry David, King George had me come to his castle for a chat. I later discovered he poisoned my drink with a magical potion that made me barren," she says. "I thought for sure David would leave me, because I couldn't give him a child. But we were on a journey with Ruth, David's mother, trying to save her life. She sacrificed herself to let me drink from the Lake Nostos. And now... I have Emma and Neal, two wonderful children. Don't give up hope yet. Maybe your infertility can be changed, too."
"That's wonderful and all, but Lake Nostos is all dried up, it's realms away to begin with. I appreciate your hope speeches, but not everyone is as lucky as you," Regina says. "Besides, I've been infertile for too long. I'm not as young as I used to be. A sip from a magical lake probably wouldn't do anything to me," Regina says.
"You may be surprised," Mary Margaret says. "Don't give up hope, Regina."
"It died in New York City," Regina informs her with a shake of her head. "And it's not returning anytime soon."
Suddenly, there's a knock on the door and it flies open, revealing the worried faces of Robin, David, Hook, Emma, Henry, and Belle.
"What's the matter?" Regina asks in alarm as she stands up.
"Zelena and Hades took the baby," Robin pants heavily. "They're going to make a time portal."
"And Rumple is helping them," Belle says, choking back a cry.
I'm really sorry about this chapter. It ended up kind of sucking, I know. And I felt like I made Robin a douche who doesn't understand Regina's feelings. That's the show talking I'm sure, because it sure doesn't seem like he cares there.
I've not written OutlawQueen canonly for a long time, so I'm sorry if I'm a bit rusty. But I do promise you, this has a happy ending, don't worry.