OH HEY LOOK. IT'S ME, WRITING FMA AFTER NOT UPDATING ANY FMA STUFF IN FOREVER.

XD Anyway, sorry. If you're fans of any of my other FMA stories, a lot of them are unofficially discontinued or on hiatus, but if you do/have read them, I'm working on another chapter for I Want a Mom! I PROMISE~!

Well, after reading random stories about Envy and watching the full Mustang vs. Envy fight this morning, I was struck by this idea. Because for once I'm going to try writing something *gasp* ACTUALLY SERIOUS about Envy. Scary thought, I know.

Since I like a LOT from both the 2003 and 2009 series, I'll be incorporating some from both of them. This will mostly follow the plot of the 2009 series, except that I'll have Envy's background and transmutation following that of the 2003 series. That is to say I'm having him as Hoenheim and Dante's son, transmuted when he died. I've also read his human name on fan websites as William Elric, and it sounds good to me, so that's what I'm going with. ^^

Suggestions as to plot and what else you'd like to see are very much welcome!

Hope you all enjoy the first chapter, and more to come soon! :)

I say I wanna be healthy, but I turn up the noise

'Cause the IV drips a steady stream of poison

Everything... burns.

I search my memories, but the problem seems to be that I don't have many. I remember everything from my previous life - or, lives. I was a human once, and my name was William Elric. But I had died rather young, and so for most of my time as a living being, I was a Homunculus, the result of a failed human transmutation. My name was Envy, and so I suppose that's what I prefer to be addressed as. I don't think William would quite fit me anymore.

My death as a Homunculus is painfully clear. I think that's why every part of my body feels like it's on fire; Mustang, one of the dogs of the military and next in line to be its leader, used his alchemical flames on me. First my tongue, then my eyes, and my whole body followed that. He did it more than once, too. He burned my eyes out of my skull several times, and then proceeded to boil my entire body as well. He actually did it so many times that he managed to disintegrate my shape-shifting humanlike body and leave me defenseless in my small, disgusting true form. And then... I'm angry because I'm sure that must have killed me, right? I remember him stepping on me... ready to deliver the last blow and burn me alive like he'd done to Lust...

But now... now I can remember what really happened. I did it... to myself. I reached deep inside my throat and ripped the Philosopher's Stone from my chest, crushing it to end my life as a Homunculus. Sure, I was humiliated by Edward's understanding of my jealousy, but... why did I do that? I never wanted to die...

Why did I just give up like that...?

Besides being lit on fire, this is the worst I've ever felt in my entire existence - human or Homunculus. It feels like every inch of my skin is scorched and burnt, in so much pain that it hurts just to move. There's a deceptive beating inside of my chest, similar to the rhythm of my Philosopher's Stone, but it's... it's different. It's not heavy like the Stone was, it's not a constant pulsating thump rushing against my ears and driving me mad. This isn't a living hell of having my chest compressed by the human souls in the Stone. Truthfully, it's really what keeps me calm, listening to the beating of my own... heart? Do I have a heart again? Am... Am I... human?

How did I end up like this? After dying, I don't remember anything that happened. My death is the last memory I have, and everything between that and right now is a big, blank, white slate.

My eyes are the worst part of it. They ache unbearably, worse than when Mustang boiled them right out of my head. How can anything be worse than that? It seems impossible. Yet here it is, a horrible dull throbbing that feels like my eyelids are infected and rotting off; as if someone's taken a rusty needle and just scratched it against them as many times as they could.

Wait. Wait a minute.

I can't see.

I can't see!

This... This is bad, isn't it? I'm all alone, I don't know where I am, I don't think I'm a Homunculus anymore, and I can't see! I can't see... where am I? How am I supposed to know if anyone's sneaking up on me if I can't see? If I'm not a Homunculus, that means I'm human. Humans are killed easily. I could be killed without my sight.

Me, Envy, Monster Envy, brought down to this level. Mortal, frightened, groveling in the dirt and utterly pitiful. The only thing that could make it worse would be if I started to cry...

Oh great. I had to say it, I just had to. Reaching up to my cheek I can feel wetness spilling down, plopping onto whatever ground is below me. I'm... crying. I can't remember the last time I ever cried, though I'm sure it wasn't as a Homunculus. Homunculi aren't supposed to have emotions, are they? But envy is an emotion, I think...

This is awful. I feel so pathetic. I feel lower than dirt, and if anyone can see me that's likely how I look too. I feel something like shame, and why shouldn't I? I remember being very meticulous about my appearance, taking pride in the fact that I was so beautiful, and that everyone else was so plain. Finally, I had something that everyone else didn't. And now it's all been taken away, and I feel so bare. I can feel clothing on my body, the same clothing as my Homunculus form, and yet I feel so naked. I'm confused and ugly and insecure and probably not even worthy to live.

I never wanted to die. But if I'm going to be like this, having all these terrible feelings, then I don't know if I want to live either.

I'm not sure how long I've been lying here. Has it been a day? Or a week? A month? I can't tell. All the time just fades together, because every minute is hardly any different from the last. It all seems the same. Curled up here, feeling as if I've first had all the skin stripped from me and then been drowned in iodine, crying and sniveling and being so repulsive.

That's every minute. Over and over, and what am I supposed to do to make it all stop?

The more I lie here, the more I have time to think. And when I think, all that happens is that I feel worse. My mind focuses on the physical agony, making it seem worse than it might be, and I just intensify the desolation, the feelings of ugliness.

I still don't know where I am. What I do know is that I'm probably alone, as I haven't heard anyone else breathing or moving. Wherever I am, it's lonely and... freezing. It's so cold, as if sunlight has never reached it. The cold isn't helping - for some reason it makes my eyes hurt more. I've tried opening my eyes, but it's like they've been glued shut or something. It's an impossible task that just tires me out, so I've given up. I'll probably never be able to see again.

Why am I still crying? I deserve this. I brought this on myself, didn't I? I'm being punished for how evil I was. And I was so evil... hell. I still might be. I killed humans just because it was a cheap high. Because I was so envious of them, and killing them made me feel superior... at least for a while. When that feeling wore off, I can remember my self-confidence reaching a new low, every single time. It just got progressively worse until that envy was the only thing that made me feel anything at all. Why couldn't I have what they all had? Friendship, family, love, hope? What was so wrong with me that I couldn't have any of that?

They say envy consumes what it can't possess. I guess that was what I was trying to do. If I didn't have something, why should anyone else get to have it? I didn't have friends. I didn't have a real family. I didn't have love. What made them more deserving of those things than me?

I still couldn't destroy it. Their bonds, whatever they had that made them get up and keep going... I tried so hard to crush it, but I couldn't. What was I supposed to do if I couldn't have it and I couldn't destroy it either?

I hear someone. There's the rustle of clothing, the heavy sound of footfalls. I wait and see if it'll go come closer, but do I want it to come closer? I know humans can be foolishly kind, but they can also be as cruel as Homunculi sometimes...

The footsteps just get louder. Almost as a reflex, I try to curl myself up tighter - it's flawed logic, that if I make myself smaller maybe they won't be able to see me, but at the moment it's all I've got. I feel the toe of someone's boot touch my side, not a kick but just a poke, and I whimper, trying and probably failing to hide my face. I don't want to be seen in this state! And who's to say this person won't just make it all condition worse?

If it were me, at least the me I remember, I would.

"Envy?"

I can recognize the voice as that of Edward Elric, the Fullmetal pipsqueak, the one who had understood my jealousy of the humans. The first and only person to ever truly pity me, and even that might have been because my true form could fit inside his fist. He sounds surprised and confused, maybe even a little upset that I'm alive.

I draw in tighter on myself, sobbing. "J-Just leave me alone," I cry, throwing both hands over my face. "Please, I don't want to die! That'll be the third time, and they say three's the charm!"

I sound so pathetic, pleading for my stupid little life. How much lower can I sink, begging the pipsqueak to spare me?

Someone else joins the scene, and I can hear their labored breathing; did they run all the way here? "E-Ed... brother..." It seems like Alphonse, the pipsqueak's brother, but he doesn't sound quite as young and metallic as I remember him sounding. He finally catches his breath, and he seems to have caught sight of me as well. "Is... Is that... Envy?"

"I think so." He delivers another touch to my side with his boot, but much more forceful, actually resembling a kick this time. "Hey! Envy! Are you even listening to me? What the hell are you doing out here?"

"Ed..." Alphonse mutters, seeing as I haven't spoken up. "Look at him... he's covered in... just cuts all over the place. What could have done this...?"

"I really don't know..." I feel a gloved hand against my arm, and although the touch isn't necessarily malicious it burns. If Alphonse is right and I'm covered in lacerations, any touch will sting. "But if he's alive... that must mean he's been through the Gate. Question is..." He prods at each of my limbs, apparently to make sure they're not an illusion, and possibly just to put me in more pain. "It looks like he's got all his parts, so what did he give up?"

Somehow I finally found the strength to speak again. "I'm not a Homunculus," I sob quietly, rubbing at the water under my eyes and willing it to stop. I can't look like this in front of them! "I'm not a Homunculus...!"

"He might have a point," Alphonse adds. "If he were a Homunculus, wouldn't his wounds have healed already?"

Edward "hmm"s in agreement. "Maybe he gave up his immortality..."

"He must be human." I feel Alphonse turn me over, onto my back, and he suddenly gasps in horror. "Ed! L... Look at his eyes!"

"What the hell..." Even the pipsqueak sounds surprised by whatever he's seeing.

"What?" I rasp, trying and failing to keep any composure I have left. "What's wrong with my eyes? What the hell is wrong with my eyes?!"

"What should we do?" Alphonse asks, his voice still dry from the shock. "W-We can't just leave him here... I mean, I know he's not the best person, but look at him..."

"Maybe we should just take him back to the Führer," Edward muses. "He'd know what to do about this."

The Führer? Is he talking about Wrath? But... But isn't Wrath dead? Aren't all the other Homunculi dead?

I feel a pair of hands roughly grab my wrists, and I can tell they belong to Edward. He ties a rope around my wrists, knotting it tightly so I can't move them. It digs into the cuts, forcing me to grit my teeth in an attempt not to scream with pain. "You're going to follow us, Envy," I hear him say as he pulls me up to my feet. The tone of his voice makes it clear that there won't be any negotiation on the matter. "We'll talk to the Führer and get all this straightened out. But I'm warning you, he's probably not going to be very happy to see you. Be prepared for the worst."

I haven't stood up in a rather long time; days or weeks, whichever it is. I'm a little wobbly, and somebody helps to steady me. It must be Alphonse, because Edward is tugging on the rope and making sure he's got a good grip. None of us speak, and eventually I get a good hold on my balance. It's different like this. I used to have an enormous mass whatever form I was in, and I'm accustomed to feeling heavy. But I don't. I feel like I could jump up and just fly away in a breeze. I must be in my previously preferred form, the one with the long, spiky black hair and lithe frame. (I was always getting mistaken for a girl, but this body is most definitely male.)

Edward yanks lightly on the rope, causing me to stumble forward just a bit. Obviously it's not a very long rope, and the action sliced into my cuts, but I bite my tongue. If I had more strength I might be sarcastic. We begin to move, and it's not five minutes before I hear the hustle and bustle of what sounds like a marketplace. "How long are we going to be walking?" I mumble, feeling my feet tiring already.

"It'll be awhile," Alphonse answers, as Edward is probably either busy with directions or not even wanting to talk to me. (Maybe a little of both.) "We're not exactly near Amestris."

My hands slack a little, and Edward remedies that by giving the rope a harsh tug. "Hey," he calls, sounding strict. "Keep up, Envy. We're not going to be carrying you."

I hurry forward, nearly tripping over my own feet. Well, fine. I don't want to talk to him either. Why would I? I try to look at Alphonse, but without my sight it's hard to tell where anyone or anything is. "Where are we, anyway?"

"Oh, well, it's a developing town," the younger Elric replies, seeming to be none too averse to carrying on a conversation with me. From what I remember he's always been the more forgiving one, not nearly as prone to holding grudges as his brother.

Edward decides to oh-so nicely elaborate for me. "We're in Ishval. It's being rebuilt, thanks to Scar and Miles," he continues, and I can hear the grin in his voice. "You've been hanging out near the back doors of a temple."

"Oh," is my simple, lame response.

I guess Truth has a sense of humor... and an appreciation for irony.

WHEEE~ Poor Envy. XD

Don't worry, I'm sure it'll get better soon? Ehehehe...

Envy: Knowing YOU I'll probably get tortured and kicked around!

*shoves Envy out of her A/N section* Ahem!

Any guesses as to what's going on with his eyes? I think the title of the story gives a little hint to it.

Also, props and cyber-cookies to anyone who can guess what song I'm using in the beginning of the chapters! :D

Anyway, hope you all liked! REVIEW PWEASE? *big puppy dog eyes*

Thanks for reading~! ^^