He was going to do it. He was going to do it. No, he couldn't, but his feet kept moving. Why were his feet still moving? He would never get the courage to get the words out. It was too late. Blaine stood in front of Jesse's locker. Jesse closed the door and smirked. "Can I help you?" He stated, as if Jesse was the secretary and Blaine was a sickly patient, which wasn't exactly that far off with the way Blaine was feeling right now. Blaine opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. Where were the words? Jesse chuckled and looked down at his feet. Shit, he was losing his chance. He was making a fool of himself. Jesse looked back up into Blaine's eyes. "I hear speaking is good for getting points across," he said sarcastically. Blaine blinked himself out of his daze. "Jesse…" he whispered, as if he was confirming that he was indeed talking to the right person. Jesse gave a look that said "Yes, you imbecile. Go on." Blaine swallowed. "Okay, well, um… I know that you're older than me, and you're probably completely out of my league, but I'm new to this, and I'm not even sure what my league is or if I even have a league, but…" A bell rang, signally that class was starting shortly and Blaine started to feel rushed and even more nervous. Jesse groaned, gripping his bag tighter. "Hurry it up, kid." Kid. Blaine didn't like to be called that. He wasn't that young. He had to get it out, or he would never be able to say it. "The Sadie Hawkins dance is Saturday, and I was wondering if you would be interested in going with me, because you're…" Jesse cut him off. "Gay?" Blaine stared up at him, trying to read his expression but he couldn't until a smile spread across his cheeks. "Yes, I am, and yes, I would be interested in going with you." Blaine's eyes nearly widened in shock at the response. Was this real life? It must be. He was alive and breathing."R-Really?" Blaine stammered out, simply expelling another laugh from Jesse. "Really," he responded and walked past Blaine, gently brushing their shoulders together as he did so. He turned and whispered, "I'll pick you up Saturday at six" into Blaine's ear, nearly causing him to shiver.
The rest of the week passed in a blur. It was Tuesday that Blaine had asked Jesse, so naturally, he couldn't think of anything else all week long. In every class, Blaine could be found gazing out of the window for countless minutes, imagining what the night would be like, and trying to get it into his head that he was actually going with Jesse St. James. They had exchanged numbers and would text occasionally about the details, but nothing too major or too deep ever came up – just little things.
Now, it was Saturday evening, and Blaine was getting ready by himself. His parents were away, and he was extremely happy about that, because his parents didn't know that Blaine was going to the dance with a boy. In fact, they didn't even know that their son was gay, and he wanted to keep things like that for as long as he could. Something deep inside of him told him that they weren't going to react well when they did find out, so he wanted to put that off for as long as he could.
Blaine's heart rate was increasing with every second that ticked. He stared at himself in the mirror. Breathe, he thought to himself, and he did so, but it didn't help. It didn't change the fact that Jesse St. James, one of the most beautiful males at Carmel High School, was going to pick him up any minute now. "Remain calm," Blaine told himself. Yes, calm. Don't freak out. He won't be impressed by that.
The doorbell rang, nearly making Blaine jump. With one last look at himself, he put his phone in his pocket and grabbed his ticket and ran down the stairs, nearly tripping in his dress shoes that he was totally not used to wearing. He placed his hand on the doorknob, took in one last breath, and opened the door, to reveal emptiness. A moment of confusion and terror passed over him as he stood alone in the doorway. He walked out onto the porch, closed the door behind himself and began to look around. "Jesse?" He called out in a small whisper. He took the few steps down from the porch and was now standing on the sidewalk, leading to the driveway. He followed the path and once he turned the corner, was frozen in his tracks. Jesse was standing in front of a lovely black car. His hair was gelled, but not too much. He was wearing a stunning low cut white t-shirt with a classic black suit over it. "How do I look?" Jesse asked, holding his arms out as if he were modeling. Blaine simply stared, stunned at the magnificence of Jesse's appearance. "Beautiful," he choked out. Jesse frowned. "I was going for hot or sexy." Blaine looked down at his feet, ashamed. Jesse let his own arms fall to his side as he walked towards Blaine. Jesse reached down and grabbed a hand. "But 'beautiful' is fine for me." He squeezed Blaine's hand and they both smiled. "Come on," Jesse said, tugging the hand. "My mom will get mad if we stay out here too long." They had begun walking, but now Blaine froze, his eyes wide. "Your mom?" Jesse stared at Blaine as if he had six heads. "Well, yes. I may be older than you, Blaine, but I'm not old enough to have a license and drive people around yet." Blaine still didn't move and Jesse rubbed his hand a bit. "Blaine, what are you worried about? She knows, and she's one hundred percent fine with everything. Sometimes, I feel like she's more fine with it than I am." That last part calmed Blaine down enough so that he could walk to the car. Jesse got there first and held the door open. He gestured with his arm and said, "after you." Blaine had to stop himself from giggling. He felt like a prince. He slid across the leather seat and was fascinated with how nice the car was. Jesse's mother turned around. "Hi, Blaine! How're you this evening?" Blaine heart was beating even though he felt safe now. "Oh, I'm great! And what about you?" She smiled and nodded. "Perfectly alright." Jesse slid in and closed the door. He continued to slide until he was pressed right against Blaine. Blaine felt the hairs on his arms stand up on end as Jesse's warmth reached him. He thanked the darkness of the vehicle for hiding his red cheeks.
The ride to the dance was wonderful. It was mostly Jesse and his mother talking, but that was great in itself. Seeing how open Jesse's mom was about her son almost gave Blaine the courage to tell his parents. Almost. A part of Blaine still doubted if he ever would tell them, if they would simply figure it out, or if they would just never know.
Blaine leaned over towards Jesse, who was currently laughing from something his mother had just said, and whispered, "Is your dad just like she is?" With that, the smile was gone from Jesse's cheeks and his eyes became empty. "He doesn't know," Jesse whispered back. Blaine stared at Jesse, who now looked scared out of his mind. Blaine didn't exactly know what to say, so he just grabbed one of Jesse's hands and squeezed it, causing a small smile to appear on Jesse's face.
When they arrived at the dance, Blaine finally realized what exactly he had gotten himself into. When he and Jesse walked through the door, it seemed as though everyone in the room dropped what they were doing to look at the pair. It was the first time that Blaine had had this many people look at him before, and he hated it. He wanted to yell, or scream, or do anything, but instead, he simply stood in the doorway – frozen, as he clutched Jesse's hand tightly.
Jesse tugged his hand and led him off into a bathroom – one of those handicapped ones that only are supposed to hold one person at a time. When they were alone in the room, the door safely locked, Blaine broke down. He was hyperventilating, pacing in what little space he had, and tears were on his cheeks. "Why did we do this, Jesse, huh?" He asked shakily as he began to bite at his nails. "I mean, nobody wants us to have done this. We shouldn't have. I shouldn't have. You shouldn't have said yes. Why did you say yes? Why would anyone say yes to me? Besides, you're Jesse St. James. I don't deserve you! I - -"
"Blaine!" Jesse yelled, after many failed attempts where Blaine couldn't hear him. Blaine stopped pacing, stopped moving completely, and looked up at Jesse. "Just… relax, okay? The night hasn't even started yet. I promise that you'll be fine. And… about why I said yes…" he took a step closer to Blaine and picked up his hands in his own. "Nobody has asked me out before. Blaine, you're the only other out guy in our school." Jesse raised one of Blaine's hands and kissed it, "but that's not the only reason." Blaine's heart was beating rather fast now as this boy, who he never thought he'd be within feet of, let alone trapped in a bathroom with, was holding his hands, pressing his lips to his skin. "You fascinate me, Blaine." Jesse finished. Blaine was leaning against the sink now and Jesse's hands were on his sides. Oh, how badly Blaine wanted to simply lean it and kiss him.
And he swore that Jesse was just about to. Their lips were inches apart – their eyes have closed. Blaine could taste Jesse's breath, when there was a loud knock on the door. "Get out!" yelled a deep voice. "You've been in there for a half an hour, and other kids have to piss. Jesse backed away and Blaine wanted to pull him back in, to just get that one kiss. "Okay, whatever!" Jesse groaned, and Blaine could only hope his anger was due to the same reason as Blaine's.
Jesse placed his hand on the knob and looked at Blaine. "Are you ready to face the world?" He asked. Blaine swallowed and then slowly nodded. Jesse gave a half-smile before turning back and pulling open the door. The two walked into, passed a surprised and almost upset-looking boy whose current state must have been due to seeing two boys walk out of a bathroom together. Blaine was still shaking and Jesse tugged on his hand. "Blaine, I promise, you'll be okay. I won't let anybody hurt you," Jesse said, but Blaine didn't believe him, as much as he wanted to.
Throughout the night, Blaine's attention was less on the people glaring at them and more on Jesse, who seemed to keep getting more attractive with every bead of sweat that appeared on his forehead from dancing. There was a moment during some new song that Blaine had never heard before where he and Jesse were as close as they could be. They had their arms wrapped around each other and their bodies were moving with the fast-paced music. Their heads were inches apart and Jesse was smiling. Blaine had no idea why he did it – maybe it was the music, maybe it was the moment, maybe it was the way Jesse looked – but Blaine did it; he closed in the space between them in pressed their lips together – his first kiss with a guy. Jesse lips tasted delicious, to say the least. The moment felt magical, like in fairytales. He felt so happy.
He backed up a few inches to look at Jesse's face, because now he was worried that he had completely overstepped a boundary – but Jesse was smiling and looking at Blaine so lovingly that Blaine could have melted.
"I've been wanting you to do that all night," Jesse said. Blaine smiled greater, completely incapable of believing that someone had wanted to kiss him. Jesse grabbed his hands and looked like he wanted to say something important, but all that he said was, "come with me," and Blaine obeyed. Jesse pulled his arms so hard that Blaine nearly fell over. He chuckled. "Jesse St. James, where are we going?" Jesse took a sideways glance at Blaine. "I just… I need more of you." Those words and the urgency of Jesse's tone made Blaine's heart skip a beat. What did he mean by that?
They reached the single bathroom, but it was occupied and there was a line of teenagers outside of it. "Damn!" Jesse shouted. Blaine couldn't help but to smile. Jesse pulled Blaine to an opening where there was a line of empty stalls. "Yes!" Jesse exclaimed before bringing Blaine down to the last one and closing the door tightly. When he turned back to face Blaine, his cheeks were red from running. "Tired?" Blaine teased. Jesse let out a small laugh before walking slowly towards Blaine, whose heart was becoming obnoxious inside of his chest.
Jesse reached Blaine and placed his hands on his hips. Blaine wanted this prelude to be over. Their faces were inches apart now and Blaine had to keep himself from leaning in. He wanted Jesse to do it this time, and he did, nice and slowly. He worked his tongue inside of Blaine's mouth and Blaine groaned. They kissed passionately for many minutes until Jesse's hands found their way to Blaine's zipper – that's where they both stopped and looked at each other straight in the eyes. Neither of them had done this before.
"Jesse…" Blaine whispered in a tone of uncertainty. He knew what Jesse wanted to do. Jesse bit his lip and blinked. "Blaine, you know I'll only do it if you want me to." He said it with such a sweet tone. Blaine looked into his eyes and realized that he totally was in love. "I… I want you to," he whispered. Jesse smiled and began to kiss Blaine's neck as his fingers fumbled around with his pants. He undid the button, zipped down the zipper and with one fluid motion, Blaine's pants and underwear were wrapped around his ankles. Blaine closed his eyes because frankly, he was embarrassed; he had never been naked or even this revealed with somebody before and he didn't want to look at Jesse. He wished he did, but he didn't.
"Relax," Jesse breathed into his ear, and Blaine tried to do that. He tried to calm his breathing, which wasn't exactly easy considering what was going on, but he continued to try. He took deep breaths. Jesse lifted Blaine's shirt over his head and threw it down next to them. Jesse placed a small kiss on Blaine's lips before working his way down Blaine's chest.
At last, he made his way down to Blaine's inner thigh and began licking. Blaine began groaning. "Jesse…" he whispered again, but the boy couldn't respond because all too quickly, he picked up Blaine's cock in his mouth and began moving his head back and forth. Blaine's knees began to shake and he was afraid that he was going to collapse, but something kept him up.
After what was actually not that much time, Blaine released. Jesse nearly gagged, and Blaine immediately started apologizing. "Oh god, I'm so sorry. Please, don't… you know, swallow that. I wouldn't want to, and I don't want to make you. I don't care what people say. You're not showing respect for me if you do that. You don't need to show me respect. Just…" Jesse spit out into the toilet and smiled. "That was disgusting." Blaine laughed and Jesse stood up, pulling Blaine's pants with him and also buttoning them. Blaine reached down and threw his shirt back on. "Where in the world did you learn that? I thought you said you had never been with a guy before." Jesse smirked. "I… read." The thought of Jesse St. James sitting somewhere reading those types of stories nearly sit Blaine off again, but he shook off the feeling.
Jesse pulled Blaine into a hug and he pressed their bodies together. Blaine rested his chin on Jesse's shoulder. "I feel so safe with you," he said. "I feel the same way," Jesse responded before backing up an inch so that the two were staring at each other. "Blaine, I want to be with you." Blaine smiled. "Jesse, dear, I think we just were." Jesse raised a hand and touched it to Blaine's ear. "I like that – 'dear'. Call me that more." Blaine grabbed Jesse's hand. "Whenever you want… dear."
Jesse squeezed Blaine's hand. "Blaine, could you pretty please be my boyfriend?" He asked with a puppy dog face and sweet eyes. Blaine grabbed Jesse's face between his hands and kissed him. When he pulled away, Jesse said, "so is that a yes?" Blaine shook his head and laughed. "Yes, silly, yes – I would like nothing more than to have the honor of calling myself the boyfriend of a Mr. Jesse St. James." He kissed Jesse's cheek, which turned a very light, but unmistakable shade of pink.
"Let's go back to dancing," Jesse said. Blaine smiled. "I'd have it no other way." Jesse pulled Blaine's hands and opened the door, but was completely shocked to find his path blocked off by a very tall and thick student standing in front of them, who began walking towards them as soon as the door opened. They began to back up, Jesse still in front of Blaine, until Blaine was pressed against the wall and Jesse was squishing into him. Blaine hands were wrapping around Jesse's waist, holding his hands in the front of him.
Blaine swallowed his fear and looked into the boy's eyes. "Can we help you?" The boy's eyes were cold and stern-looking. "Yeah, my name's David, and I don't like fags. I heard that some were in here doing despicable behavior. You can help me by making sure it doesn't happen again, or I'll have to take care of it. Blaine could feel Jesse shaking in his arms.
"Fuck off," Jesse said. Apparently, the fear didn't affect him. David growled. "You guys are making bad decisions tonight." He walked out of the stall and left the bathroom. Blaine moved from behind Jesse and turned to face him from the front. "Are you alright?" He asked. Jesse was still shaking. "No, I'm not alright. That guy just threatened to hurt us – to hurt us for being gay, for being who we are, and that's not okay. Now, if it was just me, whatever, but you, too, and…" He sentence trailed off. Blaine hugged him quickly. "Jesse, you matter to me just as much as I do to you. Don't second guess that. Now, forget about him. Come on, and let's go dance."
For the rest of the night, the two continued to move until they couldn't feel their feet. They jumped, kissed, talked and did everything fun that they could imagine for the next two hours, and it was absolutely wonderful.
Now, the two of them were sitting on the curb outside of the building. The dance had ended a few minutes ago, and people were still trinkling out. The cold air felt good going into their lungs. "This night was absolutely breathtaking," Jesse said. Blaine nodded, "Absolutely." He looked over at Jesse who was fumbling around with his phone. "Jesse…" At the sound of his name, the boy looked up. "What's up?" He questioned. Blaine took in a breath. "Maybe it's too early for this, but… I think I love you." Jesse's eyes looked distant for a moment before he looked at Blaine and smiled. "I think that I love you, too."
Blaine was about to say something else when Jesse's phone went off. "It's my mom – hold on," he said. Blaine closed his mouth and waited. "Mom, hi! Yeah, it's over. It was fun, mhm. Guess what, m-! What? Why? No… please, can't -? But he… okay. No, I'm scared. What if he -? I hope so. Okay, bye." He put the phone away from his ear and obviously, Blaine knew something wasn't right. "What's going on?" He questioned.
Jesse put the phone into his pocket and wiped away what looked like a small tear from just under his eye. "Um…" he began, and his voice was shaky. "My mom had to do something for her mother. I guess it's an emergency, so… my dad is picking us up." This news made Blaine's heart skip a beat; Jesse's father – the man who had made Jesse look very nervous when he was even mentioned, the man who had no idea that his son was at a dance with another boy because he was gay.
Blaine slipped his hand inside of Jesse's. "You'll be okay," he whispered. "Thanks," Jesse responded in a detached tone. "Hey…" Blaine said. He reached his hand out and placed his hand on Jesse's chin. He turned it and they kissed – a very sweet one.
"Oh, how very touching," grumbled a voice from in front of them. It was David, only this time, he was flocked by three of his friends. Blaine stood up to face David, despite the fact that he was a full foot shorter. "Can't you just leave us alone?" He said. He looked over to Jesse who was sitting on the curb with his head in his hands. "We're busy." Suddenly, David raised a hand and slapped Blaine hard across the cheek. Blaine was nearly thrown to the ground by the force. He heard Jesse stand up behind up and whisper out a small 'stop' – but David didn't stop. He pushed Blaine into a wall and held the scruff of his shirt.
"I told you two to fuckin' stop with the PDA, okay? It makes me sick, but apparently, I have to take care of this myself." It was at this proximity that Blaine was now able to smell the booze on his breath. He cringed at the scent. "Get… away…" Blaine tried, but David pushed me harder into the wall, crushing him. He raised hand and covered Blaine's mouth with it. Blaine couldn't breathe. He struggled to try to get David off of him, but it was of no use – the boy who so much bigger than he. He looked to his left and saw that two of the other boys were standing on either side of Jesse.
"Blaine…" Jesse whispered to him, but that was the only cue the boys needed. David raised a fist and punched Blaine across the face. He crumpled to the floor. "I fuckin' hate gays," he said before sending a foot flying into Blaine's chest. "Don't!" Jesse cried out, but the word was followed by a grunt as he also fell to the ground. The series of kicks that the two boys received in the next twenty minutes was immeasurable, and it wasn't until there was the sound of a car when the boys stopped. "Shit, man, there's someone. Run!" And with that, they were gone. Blaine could feel himself slipping out of reality. He was about to go when he heard a voice calling their names, but he was too weak to respond. He faintly heard the voice calling 911 before everything around him faded to black.
When he finally woke up, he found himself in a white room covered in curtains. He blinked a few times and heard people talking over him, but he couldn't make out what they were saying. All he could think of was one word. "Jesse…" he grumbled out – more talking above his head occurred, but he didn't want to hear their voices. "Jesse… Jesse St. James," but it was no use – they wouldn't listen to him. They wouldn't give him what he needed, so he just faded back into the darkness.
The next time he woke up, there were no voices surrounding him. In fact, there were no figures except for one standing in a corner – Jesse. He nearly started bawling at the sight of his boyfriend. "Jesse! You're okay. I wanted to see you, but they wouldn't let me. Please, come here. Let me kiss you," but Jesse didn't move. "Jesse?" Blaine said, confused. "Won't you come over here?" After focusing on the boy more, he realized that his cheeks, along with some cuts and bruises, were plastered with tears. Blaine sat up and swung his legs over the cot, but that made him too dizzy. Jesse ran over to him.
"Blaine, you shouldn't be moving too much." Blaine waved off his concern. "No, why are you crying? What's wrong? Come here…" he reached out his hand, but Jesse retracted his. Blaine's heart nearly broke. "Jesse, please, explain to me what happened, because if I missed something important, I want my boyfriend to tell me."
Jesse shook his head. "Blaine, we're not dating," he stated coldly. Blaine felt as if reality was crumbling around him. This surely was a dream, because there was no way that he could have been so happy only yesterday, and completely heartbroken now.
Blaine shook his head as well. "No, of course we are. You asked me out, remember? Jesse, you remember, right? Did they hit your head to hard? Oh God… did you forget me?"
More tears rolled down Jesse's cheeks. "No, Blaine, I remember, but I… I can't date you anymore." More pain evolved in Blaine's chest. "Jesse, why not? Is it because of those guys? Because we can forget about them."
Jesse took a step back. "No, it's me. I can't like you. I can't like guys anymore, Blaine. I can't be gay." So that was it. Blaine began to feel angry. "What the fuck do you mean you can't be gay? You don't choose to be or to not be – it's just something that you are, and you are."
"Don't tell me what I am or am not, Blaine Anderson!" Jesse was screaming now. "I was experimenting, okay? You mean absolutely nothing to me, got it? – nothing." Blaine was crying now. "You… you don't mean that. You… you can't."
Jesse had moved to the door. "I do, Blaine. I'm… I'm sorry that it had to end like this for you. I hope we can still be friends." He left the room. Friends – it was amazing how much that word could pain a person.
The next time that Blaine attended school, everything seemed wrong. Jesse wouldn't speak to him – so much for friends. This continued on for many days, and every single time that he saw Jesse, his heart would break even more. After a month's time, they were strangers to each other, but the pain in his heart was almost like a friend. He could always count on it to be there, throughout the hours, day and night. It never went away. It haunted him in his dreams and in his thoughts.
It wasn't until Jesse St. James got a girlfriend that Blaine began cutting, but he did it. He'd go home after school, cry and use that blade. Now, he had two friends – the sadness and the blade. He tried to hide it as much as he could, but one day, his mother found a pair of scissors with a bit of blood on them. In Blaine's sleep that night, she lifted up the covers and saw the scars on his arm. When confronted about it, Blaine said it was because of bullies at school, and his parents decided that he had to transfer him somewhere away from Carmel High School. After looking at a lot of different places nearby, they decided on a private school called Dalton Academy – a school with a zero tolerance bullying policy, which his parents thought was absolutely wonderful, so Blaine transferred there.
At first, he still cut, then not as much. Then, he stopped altogether, although that constant feeling that he had done something wrong nagged at him from time to time.
After a few years, he met a boy named Kurt Hummel, and yeah, he was pretty wonderful, but he was absolutely terrified to begin any sort of relationship with the boy because he was scared out of his wits that he would mess it up.
Author's Note: Blesse. Unf. So anyways, it kind of, no, it does, have a sad ending-ish, but this is just kind of giving a completely different perspective onto the whole situation.
Review? Yeah? No? Maybe?.. Please?