5drunkfics: pick your poison
Author: beyondthemoor (on LJ); moor (on this website)
Fandom: Naruto
Claim: MadaSaku (Madara x Sakura)
Genre: Crack / Non-Massacre / Modern AU
Rating: T, for now
Title: Drunk
AN: Continuing with the "5 Drunkfics" MadaSaku challenge I, uh, issued myself (?). The list of the "5 Drunkfics" prompts is at the bottom of the story. This continues off from where "Tipsy" ended at the Uchiha holiday party.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
2. Drunk
"I have not had nearly enough alcohol yet to forget that," bemoaned Naruto as he, Sasuke and Sakura made their way through the throngs of party-goers to reach Itachi, Kakashi, Genma and…
Sakura swore, earning a glance from Sasuke.
"What?"
"Shisui," she growled under her breath.
Sasuke's eyes narrowed fractionally and even Naruto winced in sympathy upon spying the more, er, brazen, of the Uchiha clan youth.
"Where did Madara go?" Sasuke scanned the ceiling and mezzanine.
"Lost him on our way over here, sorry. He's pretty fast for a… uh, how old is he? I wasn't sure of the generation-relationship," Sakura replied, pulling her shawl in closer on her shoulders. She had slowed her pace immediately when the latest Uchiha had made himself visible; at her sides, Naruto and Sasuke flanked her like an dedicated vanguard.
"Irrelevant; we just need to find him before he does something unforgiveable," Sasuke muttered as they slowed to a stop a short distance from Itachi and company. He turned to the beautiful woman in their close-knit trio. "Think you'd be okay on your own for a few minutes?" he asked awkwardly. "I mean no disrespect," he said, knowing full well she held their division's title for arm wrestling. "But my family are not to be underestimated."
"He means they're all batshit crazy," translated Naruto helpfully while Sasuke glared at him.
"It's a party, not a platoon strike. I think I can handle it," her eyebrow quirked knowingly at him and her tone was dry. She was amused at Sasuke attempting to keep her separated from Shisui.
"You two go take care of business, and call me when you need me to bring up the rear; until then, I'm going to go enjoy a drink or seven," she said, and with a fond kiss to their cheeks, she slipped away to smile at a passing bartender. They watched her go.
"May I?" they heard her ask the bartender, and he lowered the tier of colourful cocktails for her to choose. "Oh no, I meant, 'May I have the tray?'" she continued smiling at the dumbfounded man when he misunderstood. "I'm saying I'll take the whole tray off your hands. Right now. I mean it. No, don't overthink this. Just give it to me…"
From a short distance away, Sasuke and Naruto just stared as Sakura hefted the tray as if it were cardboard instead of heavily loaded ceramic, and casually made her way to a nearby bistro table by one of the tall, floor to ceiling windows that overlooked the ponds and connecting bridges that dotted the gardens outside. Once there, she set her buffet of alcohol down. With a charming smile, she alternated between graceful sips and slamming back shots depending on the contents of the glass while she sat on the cushioned velvet chair.
"Your parents always buy too much alcohol for these things, don't worry, she won't bleed you dry," assured Naruto, though his brows had drawn together and his forehead had puckered. "Wow, was that shochu?... She could take out Kakashi."
Shaking his head and swallowing a sigh, Sasuke looked back towards his brother. "Come on, we need to find Madara quickly," he moved on, and glanced over at Sakura, "Just in case."
"So your babies are joining these parties now, huh?" Genma teased Kakashi, elbowing his friend lightly in his ribs when Naruto and Sasuke approached them. "Did you change their nappies before they arrived to make sure they were clean?"
"Please, don't call them that," mumbled Kakashi, his half-lowered eyes rolling balefully to Genma. "At least, not the good one," he muttered. "They're all of age. 'M not a dirty old man," he said, not that anyone had implied he was. Yet.
"The 'good' one?" Shisui asked, oblivious to the death glares he was receiving from several of the nearby men.
"He means Sakura," blabbed Genma, already three sheets to the wind. He had a lurid gleam to his eye when he welcomed the newcomers. "Sasuke-chan, Naruto-chan, great timing! Kakashi was just telling us about how much he favoured Sak—urk! 'Tachi, what the hell, man!"
"Sakura's here?" Shisui perked up, his eyes widening eagerly.
"Genma, you stupid prick, shut the Hell up!" Naruto snarled, while Sasuke just glared at his former Commanding Officer, Kakashi, with disappointment.
"And stop perving over Sakura, Kakashi-sensei," Naruto chastised, disgusted.
"Yeah, you're moving in on Shisui and Naruto's territory," Genma grinned.
"Could you please get to the point of the visit before everyone starts hitting each other?" mumbled Kakashi, nursing his shochu; not that he had taken Sakura on as a drinking buddy when she was underage, making her go out with him so he would have someone strong and responsible enough to carry him home when he passed out and was unable to pay the bill—
—Who just happened to have fantastic legs as she carried him potato-sack style over her shoulder. Er, yes, best remain focused on the topic at ass. Thigh. Hand, topic at hand.
Whoo, that was a close one.
Kakashi had another drink. Around him, the tension mounted between the Uchiha siblings.
"—What is Madara up to?" Sasuke asked his brother baldly.
Itachi remained impassive, but did shift on his feet, lowering his drink slightly. "Mother thought it best he have an evening out."
Sasuke glared at him, eye twitching. "She's not here, though. So—Who. Is. Responsible. For. Him?"
Itachi's eyes narrowed.
Sasuke's lips thinned and paled, they were pressed together so hard.
Itachi's eye twitched, and he admitted. "I may have been voluntold that I am—"
Sasuke nearly exploded with anger. "He's already targeting Sakura, Itachi. My team-mate and practically sister. He saw her and he had That look on his face, and now he has disappeared!" Sasuke seethed, now toe-to-toe with his older brother.
"Then one of you needs to watch her while the rest of us spread out to track down our esteemed errant relation."
"Whackjob psycho cousin," coughed Naruto behind his glass as he looked in the other direction.
"Did anyone hear that strange voice just now?" Naruto feigned innocence. Poorly.
Sasuke and Itachi ignored Naruto, only to be interrupted by Shisui's inanity.
"Madara likes me," beamed the annoying Uchiha.
Sasuke and Itachi just glared at Shisui for a moment; unsure if they should be more or less disturbed that Shisui thought Madara's attention was flattering.
You think he likes you…, Itachi thought silently, but kept the comment to himself.
"Come on, before he has time to plan something," muttered Sasuke.
Quietly, calmly, Madara made his way through the throngs of people in his new tuxedo.
The very helpful man sleeping behind the potted plant in the main alcove was a generous sort who gave up after just the teensiest bit of cranial trauma. He had positively insisted Madara use his clothes to re-ingratiate himself back into the masses of party-goers after not offering even token resistance when Madara had stripped his unconscious form, leaving him in nothing but his underpants.
"When you wake up, remember to tell me your name so I can put you on my Christmas card list for next year!" Madara had cheerfully patted the man's head before tossing him on the floor and kicking him behind the giant ceramic plant urn.
Hand on his hip, drink in hand, and wild hair surrounding him like the halo of an evil-portending omen personified, he scanned the room with his deep red eyes, tracking his prey.
Spotting a rosebud reflection in a window across the room, he smiled and downed the rest of his drink.
And picked up another.
Where was that DJ again? He wondered, and sauntered off. He'd already slipped a little something into the band's drinks; it shouldn't be long before…
—the music slowed to a stop before the pre-recorded music piped through the speakers, and the crowd around him shuffled and re-organized itself around him.
That's better…
Working her way through her third tray, Sakura glanced up and around to check her perimeter. Sasuke was speaking into a small radio-set tucked behind his ear and in his sleeve, his sharp eyes pinning each and every male who happened into a hundred-foot proximity to her.
Well, there goes any hope of finding company for the night, she sighed to herself. Might as well enjoy the quality refreshments.
Normally she would have been quite happy to handle her own affairs, thank you very much, but she was a bit concerned about keeping things non-lethal since this was a member of her best friend's family. And…
Well…
A small shiver ran down her spine. She could admit that there had been some not so subtle hints from Sasuke and his family in the past that this Madara person was a bit touched. She'd feel bad if she actually hurt the poor, misguided, sorta-creepy bastard.
And here she'd been hoping that the worst Uchiha she'd need to avoid that night was that usually unusual creeper, Shisui.
A quiet groan escaped her. She needed to get out more—without her two best friends. She loved them like brothers, yes, but it ended there.
It had been a bit too long, she admitted with frustration, and distantly noted the change in music.
Break time for the band? she wondered and looked over at the stage—only for her eyes to meet blazing red ones and an excited grin as a very particular face stared straight back at her.
Sakura's heart bottomed out before leaping to her throat—in her peripheral vision, she could see Naruto and Itachi trying to get to the stage to cut the man off, but it was too late—and then the music was lowered as he spoke.
"This one goes out to all the ladies out there—but especially to the petal-haired beauty who stole my heart! Ladies' choice, gentlemen, for the most romantic song of the night!" he exclaimed into the microphone.
She paled, and tried to stand and found her legs a bit shaky. She had to get out of there; her smile twitched as a few curious attendees looked over at her. She didn't shake her head as much as twitch in reaction.
The Uchihas have class, Sakura tried to convince herself as she tried to sneak towards the exit, others eyes following her the entire way. She had to find one of her friends. Naruto was now rushing the front of the room while Itachi closed in from the side; Sasuke then, or perhaps Kakashi-sensei. Yes, Kakashi-sensei would help her. He always had time for her. Just until the regular DJ came back to play whatever regular music was supposed to be on, because who knew what Madara had just pulled out, or from where.
She winced. Bad analogy….
The Uchihas wouldn't have anything too inappropriate around, Sasuke always mentioned his parents used to practically censor his music growing up, after Itachi's crazy rap phase from the early '90s—
The sound of a turn-table scratching through the many speakers in the room ratcheted up the level of horror mounting within her.
What were Naruto and Itachi doing! Why didn't they have Madara yet?
Then she heard Madara blowing her a kiss; then he dropped the mic; and Sakura's stomach churned uncomfortably.
The boys weren't fast enough; the music was starting again.
Oh no—
"I like big butts and I cannot lie; you other brothers can't deny—…"
Sakura's mouth dropped open, and she swallowed a laugh.
This was his definition of a romantic song?
THIS was how Madara wanted to open a dialogue with her!? By telling her he liked her (large?) ass?!
… and then, despite her horror, she couldn't help a snort, and then a hiccup, of derision.
It was actually the most forthright, flattering thing an Uchiha had ever said to her.
Oh god I'm sad and need a shag, she lamented, and connected her gaze to the nearest (now familiar) server, but he was already bringing a tray to her.
"You looked like you needed this," he said sympathetically.
"Do you offer room service?" she half-laughed, hand covering her face as she waved at him to follow her.
"Normally no, but Mr Uchiha—Sasuke," he clarified at her wide-eyed look, "insisted you be catered to tonight."
"Well at least he's done something right," she sighed. "Thanks, my room's in the family wing, just down from his…"
"Shall I let Sasuke and Itachi know you are retiring for the evening?"
"At least for an hour or so, until they get things back on track," she agreed as they turned down a hall. "Less chance I'll lose my temper in my own room and break something, anyway," she said, only half joking. It had been a long day, and Sasuke had a nice house. She might feel bad if something priceless went flying up into a crazy relative's behind or something. Or if she accidentally-on-purpose rammed it there with extreme prejudice. Cough.
Something of her wayward thoughts must have translated into her eyes as her escort took a subtle step back before she tried to smile more normally again.
Eyeing her a moment, the man paused before setting down the tray. "Er, of course. Well, ring if you need anything else. And ring immediately if a certain, ah, visitor comes by," he tried to add tactfully and failed.
"Uh huh," Sakura drawled tiredly, already having flipped on the television and taken a new drink. "Just keep these coming," she said, raising her glass, eyes glued to the screen.
"Yes, ma'am," he excused himself and closed the door, pitying the poor, obviously lonely woman. Maybe he could mention to Sasuke Uchiha that she could use a cat?... She needed some company, and not of the warped-Uchiha variety.
As the waiter turned the corner in the hallway to return to the party, he came face-to-face with the most terrifying set of red eyes he'd ever encountered.
"Did you bring me a present?" Madara asked, reeking of alcohol. His tux was immaculately clean and pressed while his hair spiked and fanned out behind him —and it almost seemed to emphasize the dichotomy in his personalities, the crazy and the obsessed.
"The rest of the drinks are back at the party—would you like to come with me to choose one?" the man tried to think fast, to distract the 'crazy uncle' of the manor. Sasuke Uchiha's warnings to the entire staff over their wireless radios thundered through his memory, and he tried to casually raise his hand to his hair, to bring the mic in his own sleeve closer to his mouth.
But Madara would have none of it.
"Oh, I've already made my choice," the dark-haired man confessed eagerly. Then his face darkened and he surged forward, backing the other man up against the wall as he pressed into his personal space, slamming his arms against the wall and pinning him. "Which room is she in?"
"I don't know—oof," the waiter gasped as he was slammed into the wall. He thought he heard footsteps coming but his vision darkened around the edges and his hearing blurred and muffled. He squinted at his assailant and tried to make out what he was saying. Something about asking where the Pink Haired Damsel was…
What pink-haired damsel? Surely he didn't mean Sasuke's colleague? The woman was known for her violence and….
Slam!
"Ugh…."
The server's head listed to the side and Madara's eyes darkened further, his lips curled back in a snarl.
The waiter's eyes widened in apprehension—then narrowed, as Madara's face paled and his cheeks hollowed.
"Er, is everything—," he began in a slurred voice, only to be dropped to the ground without warning, whacking his head once more and finally losing consciousness.
Spinning to the side Madara vomited up the alcohol he'd been consuming for the past hour and slumped against the wall.
When Sakura came upon them a moment later, her shoulders drooped and she crossed her arms tiredly.
"Impressive," she muttered, tapping her foot. She took a sip from her glass, and swirled it around.
"My goddess, come to save me," murmured a delusional Madara, reaching for her and falling on his face—luckily away from the mess. "Will you marry me so I can bear your children?"
"Oh for f— sake, how many pills did you have in you?" she exclaimed upon seeing the half-digested puddle on the floor. "No wonder you're acting out of sorts."
She knelt to lift the server's arm enough to check his pulse and head, then put in a quick call to Sasuke to come collect his unconscious staff member via the man's own radio.
Then she sat back on her heels and looked at Madara, her brow pinched together. She sighed and tilted her head as she regarded him.
"And what should we do with you, now that we've found you?" she asked, arms crossed once more and eyebrow lifted as she waited for the cavalry to arrive.
"Roger me into the carpet so I can die a happy man," he vowed solemnly.
Against her best efforts, Sakura burst out laughing.
"You're very drunk," she remarked, amused.
"So are you," he replied smugly.
"Very true," she grinned back.
"So can I rock your world like a hurricane now?"
Sakura snorted. "Be still my beating heart."
"Whatever you're into. Am I still wearing pants?"
"Yes," said Sakura, a smile playing on her lips.
"Help me find my hands so I can amaze you with my bedroom prowess."
"Oh, I'm pretty amazed already, I assure you."
"I don't want to overwhelm you," said Madara seriously. "I have magic in my trousers."
"I'll try and hold myself back," promised Sakura, deadpan.
Perhaps her evening was looking up after all.
The End.
AN: This was written originally around November 2012; sharing since I've received a few requests for more MadaSaku stories recently. Hope this suffices for now. ;)
AN: The full list of prompts:
1. Tipsy
2. Drunk
3. Forget **Next up!**
4. Confessions
5. Mistakes