called A Fate of My Own, from Heero's POV (and I'm pretty sure that it will keep alternating
between him and Relena from here on). This part is sort of a bridge between here and the next
major event in the story, so it's a little weird. And a little long. Enjoy!
A Fate of My Own
Heero walked slowly down his block, head down,
shoulders hunched, feet dragging. His
hands were deep in the pockets of his leather jacket, as far as possible
from the cold. Dejectedly
he turned down his block, kicking at some dry leaves as he walked.
'God damn.' He thought,
not for the first time. 'What the hell were you thinking?
All you had to do was pick up the pile of
papers and keep your mouth shut.' How he hated his job.
Basically, he shuffled around a stuffy,
bare white excuse for an office building all day, dropping stacks of
legal and bank documents on
important people's desks while they talked on their 5-way calling phones
or flirted with their
secretaries. He despised it beyond words, but couldn't seem to
manage any other type of job. It
had something to do with not exactly being a people person. Even
with a simple office job, he
managed to screw up once in a while. Like today. He was
delivering the umpteenth pack of
papers to the umpteenth floor when he bumped into his boss. Literally.
Papers flew everywhere,
and rather than scramble to pick them up, he had just stood there –
At least until his boss decided
to yell at him about being clumsy and irresponsible, which Heero answered
with another smart
move – profanity. That, of course, landed him in hot water and
probation. 'God damn.' he
repeated to himself.
As he climbed the drab stairs to his tiny
apartment, he could hear voices drifting down
from one of the other floors. 'Probably somebody saying goodbye
at the door. Can't they do
that inside?' But as he listened, he noticed one voice was yelling,
a very feminine voice, hurling
insults and accusations to an unseen other.
"Get out. Just get out! I don't
ever want to see your slimy face here ever again! And
take this with you!" He heard something hit the wall with a thud.
"You have screwed up for the
last time!"
Then there came a man's voice, trying to be
soothing and calm. "Look, I'm sorry. It
wasn't my fault. I didn't mean to do it! I swear!
I didn't have a choice... I couldn't think of any
other way. I had no way out!" There was a pause.
"I don't know any other way to live."
Heero paused, listening. Those words
were so familiar. He had heard them somewhere
before, from someone he had trusted. But the moment those words
were uttered he hadn't
known what to think or what to do. Feeling betrayed and lost,
he gave up all control – of his life
and of everything around him. He was governed by what he had
been taught about bare survival,
taught to him by the only other person who had once given a damn about
him. And so he lived
now, as an empty shell with no care to where he was going, no say in
his own future.
A door slammed and brought him out of his
reverie. He heard descending footsteps, so he
quickly pushed open his door and stepped inside. Just as the
door clicked closed behind him, a
long sigh came from outside, from the person passing by and continuing
down the stairs. And
that's when he realized.
"You said those words to yourself, Yuy.
To yourself. And you would have said them to
her, except you didn't have the guts. You only knew how to kill,
never to heal," he thought,
mocking himself in his own head. "And when you admitted it you
paid for the statement with
your life. Not your mortal life, no, that would be too easy.
You paid with your soul. So now no
one can forgive you." He closed his eyes, so that they wouldn't
wander to a locked box in a
corner. The black box with its padlock, which held data on all
the gundam pilots, a few news
articles, the disks which held the zero system, and a picture of her.
Of Relena. "What about
her?" he asked himself. "She had a soul too pure for anyone to
touch. But she understood. She
understood the pain and the bloodshed, and got past it." He walked
to the box and knelt in front
of it. He took a chain from around his neck, with a small key
on it. He unlocked the box and
gingerly lifted out the picture from under an old article about the
Victoria Base bombing. It was
an old photo, stolen from a press room somewhere. She wasn't
smiling, but looking stately over
a hall filled with Rommefellar representatives. Her hair was
up and her crown on her head, queen
of the entire earth. "She kept her life." Heero thought
wistfully. "They tried to rip her apart, like
they did so many others, but she had something to go back to when it
was all over." He sighed.
"Not like me." He replaced to photo in the box and closed the
lid, snapping the lock shut. "But
she could find a lost soul, could she not?" Heero glanced at
the comm module on his desk. "She
could forgive me."
Abruptly he got up and moved to his desk,
tossing aside his jacket on the way. He sat at
the desk, taking a deep breath. Carefully, he turned on the comm
link and punched in a set of
numbers. He closed his eyes and hit Enter, and held his breath
while the call went through. The
call that would open him up for her to see, to scrutinize, to judge.
The call that would change his
take on life, that would reverse the affect of the words he had said
to himself so long ago.
"Please." he whispered. "If I'm going to change my life,
please let her be the first to come in to
my new fate." The comm beeped and Relena appeared on the screen.
She gasped, realizing it
was him.
"Oh my...." she stared at him, unable to think
of anything to say, unable to comprehend.
"Relena," he started slowly, his mouth dry.
"Can you help a lost soul?" She raised a brow at him. "Can
you forgive a killer?" he added. She lowered her eyes, understanding.
"I could, Heero." She closed her eyes and took a deep breath,
then looked up again.
"And I do."
*
Okay, I dunno about you all but to me that was very weird. But
the next part is much better!
(Even though its not written yet) Hehe. ^_^;; WELL, please review,
flames accepted too. 'Later!