Summary: "Horrified, the Doctor threw himself across the computer and desk. If he couldn't wake her up, he could at least stop her plugging in. He aimed his sonic over his head and started flicking through all the settings he could think of - if only he had more time."

Rated: Teen.

Notes: I woke up the morning before this episode aired with this story floating around in my dreams. I had to put it out there because nothing is ever more of a surprise than River! A completely AU and mostly spoiler-free take on "The Bells of Saint John" written before the episode aired. So not much to do with the episode at all. Actually, you might as well assume this is an entirely other monster-in-the-wifi adventure. The Doctor has found Clara. Something is living in the wifi. And that something has found them.

Against the ringing of the bells

No, no, no, no, no! It absolutely could not have Clara. Not when he'd finally found her after all this time of searching. And, oh, stupid Doctor - how had he not seen this coming? Of course it was sentient enough to go after the one of them who actually slept!

The Doctor tried sonicing Clara, sonicing the computer, shaking her, clapping his hands in her face really loudly, yelling her name - but nothing worked. She would not wake up and she was slowly drawing closer to the computer while he flailed uselessly and tried different settings on his sonic.

She was steps from the computer chair, eyes wide open but still snoring softly. One arm was lifting slowly, reaching towards the power station.

Horrified, the Doctor threw himself across the computer and desk. If he couldn't wake her up, he could at least stop her plugging in. He aimed his sonic over his head and started flicking through all the settings he could think of - if only he had more time.

There was no more time. Clara was crawling half on top of him, trying to reach around to the computer as he shifted to block her way and tried to push her back one-handed. "Clara! No, no. You have to wake up! Right now - you have to wake up right now!"

At last, there was a crackle and a snap and what felt an awful lot like a micro-explosion behind his back, and Clara blinked up at him, bleary, confused and shivering in the sudden cold, "Doctor?"

"Right," the Doctor gently scooted her back, straightened up, and spun to inspect the most-likely-ruined computer. The being had probably retreated before the computer fried, but it was worth investigating anyway - maybe it had left a trace, somewhere. "It knew who you were. This is very not good. If I can just-"

Mid-swivel, the Doctor discovered reason that the computer had exploded, and it was not his sonic. The reason was currently standing in the doorway, hair in glorious disarray from the vortex, just reholstering her gun with a smirk. Of course. "River!" He really shouldn't like that as much as he did.

The Doctor started toward River then remembered that Clara was still half asleep and cold and probably very confused. He spun back, but Clara was looking more alert already. No long-term damage then. Good. "Clara! Look, it's my wi-" But Clara was in her nightclothes and River was giving him a pointed look and maybe he should start with explanations first, "This isn't what it looks like! There was a creature in the wifi and it pulls people in while they're sleeping and-" he made a squelching face to elaborate, spinning back and forth between River and Clara, both of them judging them with raised eyebrows - and was that because they already knew about the squelching or - "Some sort of hypnotic suggestion, maybe. But if we can just trace it, now that it's on the run-"

River simply strode forward, grabbed him by his lapels, and hauled him towards her for a proper hello snog.

Caught mid-spin - completely ruining the dramatic billow he was working up to with his new coat - the Doctor flailed for half a second, hands still in the air as he gestured between explanations. For just a second, unable to believe that River was really, properly there. All this time looking, and now River and Clara were both right here and - there was a smile against his lips and an insistent tug against his lapels that clearly said shut up, honey. Right.

The Doctor quickly brought his hands down where they belonged, one sneaking up to River's hair to bury in that magical mass of curls as though he could still one day uncover all its secrets, and the other splaying across River's back and pulling her closer.

As soon as she was pressed against him, her hearts thundering in echo to his own as her chest heaved against his, the Doctor found the rest of the universe fading away. There was only River, whose hands were sliding up around his neck as she stood on her tiptoes, her gun holster banging against his thigh in a familiar way that shouldn't have made him want to tug her even closer. Their lips and tongues brushed against one another, remapping everything they had missed during the ages they were apart, familiar and possessive and easy and full of so much longing. His hearts constricted. In this very moment, he found himself unable to imagine how he had managed so long without his wife. How he had gone on walking and talking and breathing and - oh, River.

He poured the words into her mouth, tightening his arms around her as though he could really stop the universe from pulling her away again if he just held onto her tight enough. River shushed him with a soft noise - one hand sifting through his hair while the other smoothed along his tense shoulders until he melted into her. Her kiss turning demanding - full passionate long strokes of her tongue against his - mouth and curves and hands pressed into him in all the ways that only River knew. Winding him up until a burning heat was simmering through his body in answer to the searing call of hers.

Her hips were pressed against his, and he found his fingers itching to tug down the zip of her dress - so tantalizing as his fingers traced its seam over her spine. But there was something niggling in the back of his mind, stopping him.

River was the one to pull back - with a soft little gasp that made him want to recapture her mouth immediately and explore until he found out where that sound came from - pressing her forehead against his bent one. Just one more moment - just one more moment in their private mini-universe before the rest of the world intruded again. "Hello, sweetie."

Her smile was both wicked and soft - the blinding light of a thousand red stars. He was caught, helpless in its thrall as the answering grin stole across his face. "Hello, dear."

A/N: I realize Clara was somewhat incidental in this fic. Not because I think she'll be incidental but because this was just a snippet. Assume that the Doctor spun around after this, clapped his hands and said, "Right, so -" and off they all went to investigate the monster in the wifi.