Okay, Disclaimer: I'm a girl. Do you think I could be Kevin or Heath? Nope. Sorry.

(Picture from Instagram and I found it on Tumblr)

Rated T, because, I think I will die if I don't put something rated T.

So there I stood, looking at him leave, leaving me and all that is Miami behind him. He turned around to look back with a pained face and I just stare and whisper 'Bye.' Before more tears came out of my eyes, he had this look of regret as he bit his lip and looked back and left on a bus, with Dez and Trish, leaving me.

It had to rain, today of all days.

"Hey Ally?" Austin had spoken up, while I was up in the practice room, writing some lyrics in my book, sitting on the piano bench. I looked up and searched him, finding him playing around with his fingers, sitting on a small stool. I hadn't noticed he entered the room.

"Yeah, what's wrong Austin?" I smiled at him

"If I ask you something, would you freak out?" He asked, getting off the stool, standing over me, with a nervous face.

"Depends on what" I replied calmly, I was dying to know what it was. When Austin was nervous it had to be big.

"Do you wanna know how it feels like to go across the North America with me, for six months?" He asked, sitting next to me on the piano bench.

"What?"

"We're going on tour." He beamed, biting his lip

"That's great, Austin. I'm so happy for you!" I hugged him slightly and smiled at him.

"Ally, I don't think you're getting this. I'm inviting you to come on tour, with the band, the backup dancers, and obviously Team Austin." He told me, hope lingering in his eyes, he still couldn't stop smiling. My heart dropped and I ripped my eyes off him and looked at the wooden piano in front of me.

I couldn't

I still can't.

"Ally,"

I simply can't

"Ally, look, think about it, and the tour begins in three weeks. You have plenty of time to think this through. We'll talk later, okay?" Austin said, getting off the piano bench.

"Okay." I asked, in an emotionless voice

"Great, bye Ally" He said, and left the practice room.

"Bye." I whispered, after I already heard him shut the door and walk down several steps.

I just stood there, in the rain. Letting it fall on me, it was better that way, so people didn't see me cry. Thunder boomed and lightning decorated the sky, and I was there with my heart stepped on one hundred times by the same bus. Rain poured harder and harder, I crossed my arms across my chest, feeling my heart drop, I couldn't contain myself, tears were streaming, but I couldn't continue to do it silently, I had been biting my lip and so I let it go and let out a wail of pain, as I fell onto my knees and screamed.

My best friends in the whole world had left me, to go on a tour across North America, first stop? Orlando.

"Hey Ally?" Austin came into Sonic Boom, a week after his proposal. My thoughts were the same. Always, but I didn't tell him.

"Hey Austin" I smiled, putting some more colorful guitar picks in the little jar.

"Hey, have you thought about offer?" He asked, leaning on the counter

"Yeah, I have." I said, putting the jar in the corner and leaving the counter to fix a violin that wasn't where it was meant to be. Austin trailed behind me

"So?" He asked, I grabbed the salmon pink violin in my hands and faced him. His hair looked so messy, but he had a way of keeping it that way, making it seem as he had brushed.

I can't, I can't, and I can't. Don't you understand me?

"Six months, Austin. Six months" I sighed

"Yeah, everything will be a bit different once we come back" He smiled, thinking about it

"Yeah, I'm gonna miss you guys everyday" Putting the violin in the place where it was meant to be, I turned to his shocked face.

"What?" He looked into my eyes, looking at one to the other quickly, searching for some sight, that I was making a joke or bluffing, he still a grin on his face, in case it were a joke.

"Well, what do you expect? You guys are my best friends, of course I'll miss you" I try to lay it easy on him.

"You're not coming" His smile fell and the blonde I called my best friend, seemed as if he lost everything.

"Austin, you know me. School, Sonic Boom, dad, Owen..." I trailed off in my thoughts, shaking my head and going back to the counter and writing something about ordering more G strings for the Violins.

"Yeah... Ally, please just think this through" He says

I had, a million times, in my dreams, in my nightmares. Austin, don't you know me?

"You know Austin, there's still two weeks to go. You should practice with your dancers" I say, not lifting my face to see his brown eyes

"Fine, I will" And then he left the store. I see him walk out, my eyes shifting to his back and the floor several times, and then continuing to write.

After half an hour of standing in the rain, swearing at everything, in a muted scream, I decided to go home. Almost no one was out on the street. Who would be out in this weather? It was horrible, the rain fell so hard and there was so much that it was a loud sound and it was making everything look grey. Usually I loved rain; it could be so happy, and so depressing all in the same time. Today was the days it was depressing. Like me.

I decided to take a detour on the way to my home; I took the way from the beach. It wouldn't be safe, with a misty fog that the rain caused, would make cars crash into me and instantly kill me. Not that I cared, I wish I was dead. But I had my dad, I had the store. So I took the way that lead to walk through beach, the sand was soggy and my footprints were left behind me. I hated the beach now; it had so many happy memories of my friends. I hated it. I hated them. I hated everything.

I stopped, and choked on my words. I stopped myself from saying more horrible things about them and sat on the sand, digging the heels of my boots in it, and my hands behind me touching the moist sand, I sat in silence, watching the ocean and the lightning, decorating the sky. The tears resurfaced and I covered my eyes, getting sand on my face. But I didn't care anymore.

I was in my room, after my dad spent half an hour trying to convince me to go, saying that he could manage the store. He wanted me to have fun in life and something about living in the moment. He didn't know; he didn't get it; he was still blinded by that fact. No one did really understand, and the one person I thought could know and understand, obviously didn't really get it either. So after I nodded and I said I'll think about it, I just lied on my bed. Grabbing my cell phone and seeing I had a text message from Austin.

From Austin, sent at 9:34

Hey Ally. Thinking still?

Ally, sent at 9:34

Hey. Yes.

From Austin, sent at 9:35

Any clear thoughts, yet?

Ally, sent at 9:38

Yes.

From Austin, sent at 9:40

Great, what's your answer?

Ally, sent at 9:42

No.

From Austin, sent at 9:44

What? No? Ally, you're my best friend I need you to be here with me on this tour...

Ally, sent at 9:46

You asked for what I thought. I just answered

From Austin, sent at 9:47

Don't give me that Allyson Marie Dawson

Ally, sent at 9:49

Give you what, Austin Monica Moon.

From Austin, sent at 9:51

Funny, I'm coming over

Ally, sent at 9:51

Stay away

From Austin, sent at 9:52

Too late, left through the window

Ally, sent at 9:53

I'm locking mine then.

I shouldn't have doubted Austin; he came at ten thirty at night, through a different window, that was in the kitchen. He entered my room as I sat in a corner of my bedroom in the darkness, with my arms wrapped around my knees. I wanted to tell him, why I didn't want to go, why I couldn't go. But I couldn't, the words didn't come.

"Ally" He said softly, not daring to turn on the light.

"Go away" I strained my throat and said it in a dead toned voice; that I managed to pull off. I had been crying and I didn't need Austin to be my cuddle bear.

"Ally... Please, you're scaring me." He said, approaching me slowly

"Go. Away. Austin." I gritted through my teeth, my voice slightly shaking

"No." Austin then sat next to me in silence. Not even looking at me, just looking forward. I sniffled and cried, his breathing was soft and I tried to use it to calm myself down. I finally stopped crying and put my head on his shoulder, hiccupping. He lovingly put his head over mine and wrapped his arms around me. I fell asleep that night, and woke up that Austin was gone. He visited the store, later in the day. My answer was still. No.

I looked up into the sky and saw lightning, decorate it. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Rain fell on my face, as if to clean my tears, I laughed slightly like a maniac. I spread out my arms and felt the rain on my arms and I spread out my tongue. I felt like Austin wasn't real. Trish wasn't real. Dez was nothing. I forgot about everything in that moment. I was Ally. I was alone in the world, and for one moment. It wasn't bad. There was nothing bad. I and didn't know how to explain it easily. It wasn't clear, anyways.

The thunder booming, awoken me from my dream and I was back to my issues. I walked back home. Even though I was wet, I entered the house, and found that my father; was asleep with the television show in the living room. I turned off the T.V and put a blanket over him and went to my room. I changed quickly, into my pajamas not bothering to shower. My clothes were wet, my body was moist.

I walked in my room and was pained by the memories of my friends, some of Trish and me, when we were in kindergarden and a few pictures of when we were in middle school. Most were of us four together. I walked through my wall and saw a picture of me and Dez; I was looking up to him, as if he were a giant. He was wearing some special ballet shoes that had a metal point and he was walking on his toes with those, he was so much taller, making me, twice as smaller, since that day, I wore flats.

I continued to walk through looking at my wall, arriving at one of the pictures that were on Dez's birthday, we all wore Trish's uniforms, the hat/headband part of them. Austin wore one of Megaphone World, Dez wore one from Scoops, Trish wore hers from Meatballas and I wore the little head band from Melody Diner.

The last picture was of Austin and me, I climbed on his back and my dad took the picture, we took a long time to actually take the dang thing since, Austin begged for him to climb on my back for the picture. I obviously said no, since I'm the weakest individual of the four of us. We ended up taking both pictures, when they were printed out, I kept this one and Austin kept the picture with him in his wallet.

I sat on my bed that was close to a window and looked at the rain. The little drops that displayed themselves across the window, as the sound of them falling on the roof comforted me. I quickly grabbed my songbook and the pencil nearby. In the most neat letter I could, I wrote down in my as a song.

Let the rain, wash away all the pain of yesterday.

I didn't know exactly what it meant. I think it's just the idea combined of how I feel so much pain I felt as they abandoned me, knowing me, knowing that I wouldn't leave. Knowing that I had so much responsibility, they had no idea how much they had hurt me, by not hearing me out thoroughly. It feels as if they didn't care about me.

I knew deep down they did, but their attention span towards me was little and nothing.

It was a few days ago. I was walking home from school. I was singing soft lullabies to myself and hoping no one would follow me. If I had time that day I could visit my mother and maybe talk to her, maybe she could've understood what I was going through with Austin.

Austin.

The blonde boy I have so many indecisive feelings about.

The blonde boy who was currently running after me

"Ally," I heard a voice from behind me, which didn't take me too much time to realize that it was him. He caught up with me and continued to walk at my pace, breathing in deeply by his nose. "I thought you were taking the bus"

"No... I didn't want to" I said, not meeting his eyes and paying close attention to my sneakers, oh my gosh, were my shoelaces always light blue?

"Why?" Oh well. Because, you know, I'm avoiding you until you leave and break my heart into a bazillion pieces.

"Gets too rowdy and crowded" I shrugged. Lies, Allyson Marie Dawson, you sit on a throne of lies, with your crown of thorns and your kingdom is called Lieington's Lies, where the people's last name is Lyle, where each day since you've been avoiding Austin you have become better at lying.

"Oh." He said, and then stops as I continue walking, merely not caring about him. "Ally?"

"Yeah?" I turned around and saw his worried eyes. As he walked up to me with his innocent brown eyes looking into mine, boring so many things that I couldn't tell what meant.

"Ally, I love you, you know that? You're my best friend, in the whole entire world, the best girl in the female population. Is there something wrong?"

"No not at all, just the fact that I'm going to extremely miss you."

"You can come you know"

"No. I can't"

"Why?"

"Simply because I can't, you know why!"

"No! I actually don'! Ever since I told you about this tour you've become more mysterious. You've become this person that isn't the Ally Dawson I know."

"Ma-Maybe it's the fact that my best friend is leaving and I can't go with him!"

"You can come with me all the time, Ally! I would never leave without you!"

"Well, you know the tour is in three days, Austin! I think the plan is already made on leaving me!"

"Ally, I don't want to leave you!"

"Then why are you doing it anyway!?" I snapped, whipping my head around in his direction.

"It's because I respect your decision!" He yells back, probably tired of me

"Then WHY do you keep asking me!?" I say more quietly, not wanting random people on the streets to look at us. I'm yelling at Austin Moon, I'm pretty sure I don't want Cheetah Beats headline saying

'Austin Moon fighting with his songwriter!' Upcoming replacement for Ally Dawson? Is Austin tired of her? Find out on page 4.

"Because… Well because I want you to be sure!"

"Why!?"

"BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!"

"What?" My voice squeaked but my heart had dropped three stories from a high building, I could feel it as it was beating its way up million times and I'm pretty sure he could hear it too.

"I love you" He said, grabbing my hand and entwining it with his. NO. No. No. No. It wasn't fair he couldn't do this to me. He couldn't make me do it just because he loved me. It isn't fair; he can't do this to me. I have her. I have her. I can't do this. No!

"I love you too, you stupid blithering idiot. You can't do this to me!" I whisper at him.

"Do what?" He smiled and let out a shaky breathe.

"We're not in a movie Austin, not because we love each other... I'm going to go with you." I said, taking my hand away from his.

"But... but I love you. I want you to be with me. I need you to be with me. You're always there for me. Please. Ally please, I need you."

"I love you too. But I can't and you should know why, Austin. You should know." I then ran away. My heart aching, feeling like it had dropped and had a fight with my other intestines.

"Ally!" He called at me as I started to run away crying "Ally come back, I'm sorry! Please, Ally come back, I'm sorry!"

Safe to say, that my answer would always be a firm but pained no after that. I firmly avoided Austin, Trish and Dez until today as I watched them leave, Trish began to cry a little and told me she didn't want to stay in a tour bus without her best friends, and with two boys, I gave her a pained smile and told her to keep the guys in order.

Dez gave me hug and a map to follow them along if I ever regretted not going, it had all the tour dates, Dez gave me a pained smile and hugged me really tight, it was the first time that had ever happened, seeing Dez sad.

Then Austin came awkwardly to me and grabbed my wrists, tugging me into a hug, which would be a lie if I said if I didn't enjoy, we simply stayed in silence as i heard him begin to cry, repeating that I could come, that if I could please come, I didn't say anything and just stayed in silence holding him until he pulled away, clearing his tears like mad. But then he spoke and it made me freeze:

"You're more important to me than all this tour, please; tell me what's wrong... I can't leave knowing that you're mad..."

"It's a matter of you knowing... I'm not mad."

"I love you, okay? I'm in love with you."

He kissed me on the forehead and whispered those stupid three words again, I wanted to whisper them back but I just sent him on his way.

And here I was.

The next day, I had decided to visit her again, if she was up to it, she could help me think of ways to at least try to tell Austin when he came back that I did love him but I was just unable to. So I had a late breakfast and told my dad I was going out, that I'd be at Sonic Boom for my shift at three.

I walked through the crowded streets of Miami until I had finally reached my destination, I sighed and went inside, being hit by wave from the air conditioner; I went to talk to the secretary, who was talking to another man. I waited patiently, looking around, sighing as I read papers.

Miami Florida, Psychiatric Center

I greeted the young woman as she finished talking to the man and she recognized me, greeting me and asking how I was, I answered politely and asked the same, she smiled and told me in what room the woman I was seeing was.

I passed by the white hallways with gray doors, I arrived in room 11 and knocked softly, opening the door and seeing her there, reading a book. I greeted her and she smiled

"Hello sweetie" She smiled and closed the book, I saw the title quickly and sighed she doesn't remember but it was the eighth time she was reading Invisible Monsters by Chuck Palahniuk

"Hey Penny" I entered the room, swallowing the knot in my throat

"Why are you here?" she asked

"To see my mom" I muttered

"Then why are you here? Go see her." she smiled warmly. If you only knew, Penny,

"I can't... I'm scared" I repeat like every time I come

"Why?"

"Well, because, she won't recognize me" She still hasn't.

"Why is that?"

"She was in an accident when she was traveling one day, and she lost her memory." It's always weird to narrate your story to the person who lived it.

"Does she remember others, how about your father?"

"My father thinks she died on the impact." I confess

"Oh, well I'll talk to you, what's bothering you?"

"You know Penny, that boy Austin, my best friend?"

"Is it the one who visited? That one who sings and you're in love with?" I blush at the thought, and smile lightly

"You know he likes me back..." I said, moving invisible lint from the ground.

"That's great!" She smiles and I sigh, moving to sit in the red chair next to her.

"Not really, he just left Miami for a tour and he won't be back for a very long time..."

"Love is patient"

"Love hurts."

"Those who love us never leave us far behind."

I had a hard time believing that from her.

That was extremely random, but I don't know, I have this story since I joined the fandom and that was... late January? I don't remember it was a few days before Girl Friends and Girlfriends premiered.

Random quote for the story

"I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying."
― Oscar Wilde

You have no idea how much of this describes me.

Any how! If you read this, thank you very much for wasting your time! :)

Stay beautiful! I love you all, huddle up so I can take a picture! Hey, hey, YOU. YEAH, YOU. DON'T PLAY THAT CARD WITH ME. SMILE. God you're so pretty it hurts.

*Flash*

Thank you for the picture :)

~Jackie is Grey