So in light of the recent end to Secret Life, I thought i'd write this. I'm rewatching my favorite season (Season 1). So here's a fic that takes place in the fifth episode of season 1, right after Ricky tells Dr. Fields about Amy. Warning this WILL turn AU. Very quickly.

(AN: I know I haven't been around in a really long time but I really need some time to get back into this. I'll probably be doing a lot of writing because we're working on a move to Colorado and i'll be living in temporary housing places. Have laptop, will travel and write.)

Ricky's POV

"I heard this rumor that I got a girl pregnant."

"I'll cancel the next appointment."

I sat on the couch, and put my hands on the back of my neck. I ran them through my hair, and sighed. My life was starting to spiral out of control, and I couldn't do anything about it. My hands were tied behind my head, with chains, it was completely out of my control.

"What did you hear?" Where to begin, god where to even begin.

"It's all over school that this girl, Amy, is pregnant. A lot of people are saying it's by her boyfriend, but there are some who say it's me." I paused, what was I supposed to say after this? How the hell was I supposed to have this conversation? And what was this going to accomplish? "I... I think it might be mine. I... I mean... I mean it could be mine. There's a good possibility that it is mine..."

"Do you want the child to be yours?"

"Of course I don't want it to be mine why would you even ask!?"

"Well, you answered that rather quickly so it seems like you haven't given it much thought. Other than you're a teenager of course, I assume." What the hell? I don't want that baby to be mine of COURSE I don't want that baby to be mine. Imagine how complicated my life would be if it was my baby! Well... Is my baby. "I think you aren't sure."

"For what reason? Why the hell would you think that I would want that child to be mine!? Look at my family!" I paused for a moment, and the next thing I said shocked me. "I don't deserve to have children." Dr. Fields looked at me, the look in his eye was strange. Like he'd had some kind of weird realization or something. Or like he was correct about something he wasn't sure about.

"That's the reason. From what I see here, you don't want to risk the child receiving the same treatment you did from your father. But on the other hand, you want the opportunity to prove you aren't like him." I didn't want to admit it but he was probably right. Or maybe it was just what I deserved for doing all that sleeping around. But why did it have to be with someone who was just a victim of my stupidity? I should have known she wasn't actually ready!

"This is my punishment for doing what I did. The first time I wasn't actually prepared, the only time... and I get a girl pregnant. She's pregnant goddamn-it!" I was ready to punch something, anything. I was furious, and for once I was furious with myself. I turned around and punched a pillow. It wasn't enough though, I was still furious. In anger, I picked up the pillow, and threw it. There was a muffled thump as it hit the wall and landed on the ground. A part of me wished I could join the pillow, just live curled up in a ball for the rest of my life. Maybe get myself fixed.

The next thing I knew my hand was throbbing, and I was clutching it. I looked at Doctor Fields, and he didn't look all that surprised. He looked concerned, but not surprised. He got up and got and ice pack from his miniature fridge and handed it to me. I put it on my hand, and looked at him again.

"What did I do...?"

"You punched the wall Ricky. I'm worried you might have broken something you should get that looked at. I can arrange for a cab to pick you up and take you over to the Emergency Room. Or one of your foster parents." I shook my head, no way were they going to find out about this. "This shows some serious self-destructive behavior Ricky, I'm concerned. This outburst, and the circumstances... I don't want to have to put you on some sort of suicide or self-harm watch by your parents."

No, you don't have to do that! I swear it's just an anger thing, I'm fine!" But a small part of me was questioning my own statement the moment I said it. Was I fine? I'd gotten a sweet, innocent girl pregnant. And I had such a screwed up life... Damn it! This is why I hate coming to therapy! I always second guess my own words here! I realized I was starting to cry and sat down on the couch.

A sharp pain shot through my hand when I moved it to wipe my eyes. I tried to hide the grimace of pain, but Dr. Fields saw it right away. I saw my doctor get up to call someone and I moved my hand to stop him. Another wave of pain hit me, but I yelled.

"Stop! I still need to talk... I'm not ready to end the session yet."

"Ricky, I'm going to have to insist you go to the Emergency Room, your hand might very well be broken."

"It'll be fine. It can't be broken, I'm the drum player!"

"Than you should want your hand looked at as soon as possible, don't you think?" I shook my head. "Ricky I'm concerned..."

"Just... five more minutes. Please. I need more time..." Dr. Fields sat down, and gave me some tissues. I wiped my eyes with my left hand, leaving my right hand on my lap in the ice. I was angry at myself for becoming this way, doing what I did, and not just to Amy. I didn't want to believe that I could be so self destructive. What is going on with me lately?

"Lately I've just been... overwhelmed. Like all these emotions are flying at me all at once. I've been angry, upset..."

"Like you care about Amy?"

"I never said that."

"But you aren't denying it." I moved my fingers in my right hand at that, or tried to anyway. I saw stars for a moment, and I know my face showed it, it hurt like hell. I pretended like it didn't happen, and started talking.

"I guess... You could be right..."

"We aren't going to play this game Ricky, I saw what just happened."

"Nothing happened."

"Let me see your hand."

"No!"

"Ricky." This was one of the things I hated about Dr. Fields. He never raised his voice at me, never got angry. It wasn't normal! "Give me your hand."

"It hurts..." I felt like a five year old saying that, but it was true.

"I know." He took my hand, and I all but screamed in pain. He gently removed the ice pack, and grimaced slightly. I couldn't bear to look. "It's severely swollen, Ricky. I'm sorry, we're going to have to cut this session short I have to insist you go to the Emergency Room. I'll take you myself."

"I can't go to the Emergency Room! If my foster parents find out..."

"They're going to find out anyway, Ricky. You're going to need X-Ray's, and probably a cast, goodness knows what else and anywhere you go will require Insurance even if it's not as bad as it looks. But it swelled pretty quickly, and you need medical attention. I'm taking you." I sighed and gave in, allowing him to help me up and out the door into the elevator.

"Thank you," I whispered.

"I'm sorry?"

"Thank you." I spoke louder this time. "For everything. For the help all these years, for putting up with me, for this. Right now. Thank you."

"Your welcome." I'm sure he was shocked to hear that, but before he could say anything else the elevator dinged and opened, and he let me go out. I led him to my car and gave him the keys. He opened the door for me (Not like I could) and I got in carefully. When he was sure I was in, he went to the driver's seat. "Do you need help buckling?"

"Yes..." I was embarrassed to say it, but I was right-handed, there was nothing I could do. He helped me buckle and drove me to the ER. He brought me in and I helped him start filling out forms. I used my left hand to get my wallet out with my insurance card. I handed it to him and he told me to relax and just wait.

After about an hour of waiting the process started. I was taken for X-Rays and told to wait about fifteen minutes for the results. I asked if Dr. Fields could stay and they approved it. While we waited in private, we talked.

"I think you should talk to this girl, Amy. Figure out what she wants, but first, figure out if the rumors are true. If she IS pregnant. If you believe it, and you feel this badly about it, you need to talk to her. Apologize, and offer whatever you can to remedy the situation. but most of all, whatever she decides, I want you to support her decision."

"So I shouldn't have a say in my own child!?"

"If there is a child, I think you and Amy need to discuss it together. She does get a larger say, as it is her body, but I think that together you can work something out."

"You really think so? I don't know if I can..."

"I know you can, Ricky. If you really want something you go after it. In this case, I think you need to talk to her and figure it out and I know you can." Just then, the nurse came in with a folder and a clipboard. I looked up at her and she looked at me.

"So, it's just as we suspected. Three metacarpals are fractured as well as the scaphoid." Ricky looked at Dr. Fields, and then at the nurse.

"How long will it take to heal?"

"I estimate about 6-8 weeks but that can always change. For now, we have to set the breaks and cast them so you can't cause further damage. When we've determined that the break is completely healed you'll take some time for physical therapy, which could take any number of weeks, that will be determined then. But these kinds of breaks are difficult because they're complicated. It can take any number of weeks, and these numbers I've given could change." I sighed, and she took me to set and cast the breaks.

"Dr. Fields..."

"Yes, Ricky?"

"Could you call my parents? And... And then come with me?"

"Of course." I sat in the room, with my wrist and hand resting on a table. I took a look at them, and finally saw how bad it was. My hand was swollen, luckily nothing broke the skin so I wouldn't have to worry about cuts. They had set the breaks in my hand and were preparing to cast them. At that moment Dr. Fields walked in.

"Your parents are on their way, but I didn't tell them what happened, only that your hand is broken." I took my cell phone out of my pocket and handed it to him. "What's going on?"

"I don't know how these watch things work, but if you need my phone to set it up, here it is." Dr. Fields looked confused, like he didn't know what I was talking about. "That suicide/self harm watch. I want you to put me on it. Please."

"Why?"

"Because... I think you're right. I need help."

"You don't need help, Ricky. You need support."

"There's a difference?"

"Yes, there's a difference." I grimaced as the plaster technician started the process of casting the breaks. I was surprised that, in all of this, no one had given me pain medication. "I am your 'help' as you call it. Support comes from the people who love you, and while I am also your support, I am your help. Your support comes from your friends and family. The program for suicide and self harm watch is more support for people who need it."

"Do you think I need it?" Dr. Fields looked over at me, and for the first time, I really looked into his eyes. They showed kindness.

"I think you might need it. But i'm going to wait until you talk to Amy. I want you to see me after you talk to her, and we'll talk. Then I'll decide what I think you should do about the program, alright?" I nodded as the plaster technician finished the initial cast.

"Would you like a color for your cast?" I shrugged with my left shoulder at the technician.

"Blue I guess." She finished the casting process and told me to wait a minute, just to make sure the plaster was set. When I was good to leave, I left the room and saw my foster parents. Margaret ran over and hugged me.

"Ricky!"

"Mom, I punched a wall I wasn't in a fight or anything."

"Punched a wall?!" I nodded at my mother.

"Yeah... Sorry about all this." She shook her head at me and hugged me again.

"As long as you're okay. So, do you need me to drive you home? Shakur can drive your car home for you."

"Yes please... but I don't want to go home. Not yet anyway. I have something I have to do..." I looked at Dr. Fields, and he smiled and nodded at me.

"Okay..." I thanked Margaret and asked her to drive me to Amy's house. On the way I explained to my mom everything that had been going on in my life when it came to Amy and the pregnancy. I arrived at the door and rang the bell, hiding my casted hand. Amy answered the door, and almost slammed it in my face. Almost.

"I want to talk... If you could let me come in. My mom could come in too if you'd like. Are your parents home?" Amy looked shocked but stepped aside and gestured us into her house.

"Yes, my mom is home. I'll go and get her. Um... Make yourselves comfortable." She ran to get her mom, and my mom and I went to the living room. We sat on the couch and waited for Amy to return with her mom. My mom spoke up.

"I think this is a conversation better suited for the dining room. Where we can all sit and discuss, preferably over some kind of snack. Oh I should have brought something!" I couldn't help but laugh at what my mother had said.

"Calm down, I'm sure they don't want anything from us right now. In case you've forgotten I did get Amy pregnant." She waved her hand at me.

"Nonsense, no reason to turn down food!" I shook my head and just smiled. Amy and her mom returned and went to sit down.

"Maybe we should talk in the dining room, if you don't mind. If you'd prefer the living room that's fine too I just think..."

"Mom!"

"Sorry." Amy and her mom looked at each other for a moment and motioned us towards the dining room. We all took seats and looked at each other for a moment before speaking. I had, somehow, ended up at the head of the table. The two moms sat next to me and Amy sat next to her mom. I looked directly at Amy and started to speak.

"Amy, I'm so so sorry about what happened. I took advantage of you and your kindness, and there's nothing I can do to fix the situation. I wish things had turned out differently but they didn't, and we're going to have to live with this. I'd like to know what your plans are so I can help you as best I can. I want to make this right." Amy looked from her mother, to my mother, and then back at me.

"Why should I trust you!?"

"Amy if you don't mind me speaking on behalf of Ricky, I'd like to vouch for him. We've taken in many foster children in my household and Ricky has always been a wonderful help. He can cook, clean, and he can do his own laundry. He has to, in fact." Amy looked at my mother for a moment, and then spoke.

"Foster children?"

"Yes, Ricky is one of them in fact. We took him in permanently."

"Mom! I don't want them to know, no one knows!" I hit the table, and grabbed my right hand in pain. "Agh!"

"Ricky!" My mother got up and took my right hand gently. "Are you okay?"

"Don't baby me."

"I'm not babying you. But don't injure your hand more the same day you break it." Amy's mom gasped in surprise.

"You broke your hand? What happened?" I looked at Amy's mom and sighed. Great, now I'd have to explain the whole story of what happened.

"It's a long story... But if you want to hear it..."

"We have time. And I think we need to hear your story."

"I'm going to have to start from the very beginning or things won't make sense."

"Alright, then start."

"Okay..." I paused for a moment, thinking of the best way to start this. I decided I would need to be blunt. No sugar coating, the cold hard truth. "My childhood was crap. I had an alcoholic mother and an abusive father, until Child Services took me. My father would physically, mentally, and..." I paused and gulped. My mother saw that I couldn't quite form the word I needed to make.

"His father sexually abused him until Ricky got the courage to tell someone." I shook my head at my mother, but saw the reaction it had caused with Amy and her mother. I decided I needed to continue though.

"It wasn't courage. It was... Lack of care. I lost the will to care about anything. It was horrible... Every night..." I shuddered a little as I forced back the bad memories threatening to creep up on me. "I decided to tell someone when I finally decided that I didn't care if I lived or died. And it took weeks for anything to happen, but it felt like decades." The memories I was fighting were painful, and difficult to push away, but I forced them back.

"Ricky..."

"I'm not looking for pity, I just want to tell you everything. You need the truth." They nodded and I continued. "I went to a large number of foster homes before I went to Margaret and Shakur. When I did finally come here I didn't know if I would stay. When I learned that I would be staying I was thrilled. However one of the agreements is that I see a therapist to discuss my past as well as my present." I paused for a moment.

"I went to see Dr. Fields tonight, because of the pregnancy. Or the rumors about it anyway. I was angry with myself and... I punched a wall. I tried to hold out until the end of the session but Dr. Fields ended up driving me the the Emergency Room."

There was silence after I had finished speaking, as if no one quite knew what to say. I sighed, waiting for someone to speak. After a few moments, my mom spoke up, and decided she wanted to talk to Amy's mom alone, so Amy and I went to the front steps.

"I had no idea..."

"No one knows. Like I said before, I haven't told anyone. You know very well what high schoolers can do, I just wanted to avoid everything."

"I understand, I just don't know what to say. I guess I'm speechless. I just wish nothing that happened... happened That we could go back and change all of this, and make our lives return to normal."

"Fo someone who's speechless you seem to have plenty to say." Amy giggled at that, and I couldn't help but smile at her. She was so cute, even though I knew deep down everything I had said was churning in her right now.

"Ricky, I don't know what to do. I don't know if I can do this..."

"I'll support any decision you make. Especially if it's adoption, or even abortion. I don't think I need to have any kids. I don't deserve children."

"Just because you had a crappy childhood doesn't mean your child will. I would think you would have that buried in you to keep anything like that from happening again.

"But what if I'm just like my dad?"

"But what if you're not?" I realized I had started to cry, though I didn't know it at first, and I could see Amy was crying as well. I put my left arm around her, and I felt her arms wrap around my chest. I smiled at her through my tears, and held her as tight as I could.

"I would do anything to make this easier for you, Amy. Anything at all."

So what do you think? I thought this was a good stopping point so here it is! I'm putting this in as incomplete because i'm considering making this a multi chapter fic. But I want feedback! Let me know in a review, and for all you instagrammers, if you want to highlight a favorite part, take a pic and add this hashtag: #VelvetRose529 I'll also be posting updates about my stories under that hashtag from time to time.

I love you all so much! Sorry i've been so absent!

Hugs and Kisses

Velvet