what she knows
harry potter | pansy; pansy/draco/fred | 838 words | pg-13 | oneshot —
she draws him more now, and smiles when she thinks of him.
disclaimer; i don't own harry potter. if i did, it'd be a hell of a lot different—draco and hermione would be a thing; pansy would be with fred; fred wouldn't be dead, ginny would have died in his place; harry would have died to change the world and save it; luna would be with george; etc.
a/n; is it weird i like pansy?
this is what she knows: she loves him.
she also knows him, and because of that she knows he loves her.
even with the knowledge that he doesn't like her nor will he ever, pansy keeps coming back. "draco," she calls out, pitifully. like a kitten without it's mother for a mere moment, she's lost when he leaves. and when he turns back, even with the hard, brutal sigh and the hand that drags through his near-white hair, she's happy. and in a corner of her mind, she realizes that she'd do anything for him, no matter what it cost her or anyone else. it's a morbid thought, and she's scared of her own feelings. why him? the sensible part asks.
because he's draco.
she's prone to quick judging, no matter how hard she tries not to. but she looks at a girl and thinks, she's not so pretty as her sister. she's judging on herself, too, so chalk up another self destructive trait she has, other than loving all the wrong people. and she frowns and i hate myself comes out of her mouth, a spoken secret on accident. she glances around to see if anyone heard but it hits her that even if they did, who would care?
draco tells her to speak. pansy asks what should she say. draco tells her to sit. pansy asks where. draco tells her to jump. pansy asks how high.
she'd probably become an accessory to a crime, and she mutely accepts this fate because it's the best she'll get. if she's lucky, she'll be his wife. like the narcissa to his lucius, they'd play the role of his parents so carefully. and she thinks, it's probably predestined. because she believes in an outline of destiny and fate, but doesn't think her own choices help that along.
pansy would actually like being friends with gryffindors, she accepts. those weasley twins in particular she finds not only handsome—although no one could be as attractive as draco, but they could come second—but funny as well. however, the sorting hat put her in slytherin and her personality wasn't the best, so it wasn't like she could, if she did. she finds herself footnoting fred and george weasley where fred comes first before george and fred's hair isn't quite as red as his brother.
she took a liking to drawing once upon a time, and continued that until when draco told her that it was stupid. she burnt her sketchpads and cried as they turned to dust and ash, but secretly drew when no one was around and hid the evidence—her first rebellion act of the sort with draco, she thought—because she liked it, and maybe she deserved something fun. she drew fred more than she drew george and she stared down at what she hoped was a nice drawing of him and wondered if that all meant something.
pansy might like two boys. one might be a slytherin. one might be a gryffindor. one might be a blonde. one might be a ginger. she didn't realize it until it was too late, when she blushed madly when her eyes caught his. it was more innocent than her obsession for draco, she realized. it was better for her, probably. it wasn't like she'd have a chance with either of them, however.
when he comes up to her, all legs and so tall and so fucking gorgeous, she realizes there's some hope to the two houses of slytherin and gryffindor getting along. surely. he says a hello and pansy answers.
pansy realizes there must be some choice in the matter when it comes to fate when she accepts to be his girlfriend and they kiss, nearly a month later. actually, the kiss and asking might be reversed, she's too happy to remember the exact order everything happened. draco asks her snidely what she's so cheery about, and for once, she doesn't answer. he persists and she actually says, fuck off draco. and it feels good.
percy takes the spell and saves fred's life, though he dies instead. pansy's feelings are twisted because fred has a survivor's guilt, but he's her fred and he's still alive and she's so happy but percy's dead so she can't be. i'm sorry, she thinks. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. it becomes slurred as she sobs outwardly, it breaking through her thoughts and into her voice. but i'm just glad you're alive. and he tells her she sounds like george and she half smiles and says, we probably both need you way too much for you to leave now. and he hasn't. he doesn't. he's okay.
a year later she shows him him, and he blinks and says, you're good. and she sparkles because he's good for her and she can't live without him and he thinks she's beautiful and draws well.
this is what she knows: she loves him.
she also knows him, and because of that she knows he loves her as well.