Title: What Ever Happened to Roo's Dad?
Rated: T
Summary: All we ever hear about is Kanga and Roo. Has anyone other than me ever wondered what happened to Roo's father? Here are a few scenarios that I thought might explain it.
Disclaimer: not mine, all Walt Disney's, don't sue
K, this goes from sad to bad to worse.
Scenario A
(The scene is a crisp autumn morning. Everyone, including Christopher Robin, is in a cemetery. A funeral is going on.)
Owl is speaking. "It is my sad duty to bury our dear friend, Mr. Kanga. He was one of the many victims of the Hundred Ace Wood's Fire. He was a kind, gentle man. He was a great father, and will sadly never see his son past his first birthday."
Everyone is crying except a sleeping Roo. A burnt body in a coffin is lowered into the ground. They all cry, comfort Kanga, and go home. Kanga decides that Roo will grow up to not remember his dad. She tells everyone never to speak of her dead husband; the memory is too painful. Roo grows up and never questions his father's absence.
Scenario B
Kanga and Mr. Kanga happily had their first child, Roo. They both loved each other and Roo very much. But poor Kanga, this happens to mothers sometimes, she had a little bit of a mental breakdown and wanted to kill baby Roo! (This is an actual disease that women can get when having a baby, I didn't make it up.) Mr. Kanga did everything he could to keep both Kanga and Roo safe. He would lock them in separate rooms and even suggested therapy to Kanga. He was such a good man.
But Kanga couldn't take it anymore. She hit her husband over the head with a frying pan! Mr. Kanga dropped dead. Seeing what she had done, Kanga quickly snapped out of it. She no longer wanted to hurt anyone and was terrified at what she had done.
She didn't want to be shunned from the woods, so she hid and buried his body. Later, she said a heffalump wrecked her house and killed her husband. To this day, no one in the Hundred Acre Woods knows the truth.
Scenario C (If you are under twelve, stop reading NOW!)
Few people know this, but Kanga used to be a prostitute. Yep, Kanga was a whore. She slept with over half the men in the woods. And you wonder why Tigger likes her so much? But Kanga did a stupid thing and forgot to protect herself for a night. She went out and made three guys happy… and a month later, found out she was pregnant.
Now Kanga wasn't completely stupid. She really wanted a baby and decided to get a new job. Eight months later, Roo was born and Kanga was happy even though she didn't know who the father was. Roo grew up to look very much like his mother. So much so that poor Kanga still doesn't know who the father is.
Scenario D
Rape, yeah that's right, you heard correctly. Poor Kanga was raped. It happened so fast. Kanga was out at the market buying fruit when a large kangaroo came up to her. He talked to her for a while and offered to walk her home. He was very sweet and Kanga said yes.
In a secluded part of the woods it happened. He took her totally by surprise and very violently. Kanga went into shock and didn't even try to stop him. Poor, poor Kanga (you're probably sick of me referring to her a poor Kanga, I'll try to stop). Anyway, she ended up pregnant. You know the rest of the story. Hello Roo!
Scenario E
Okay guys, this is the last one, which means it's the dirtiest. I'm sorry if I offend anyone.
Kanga was going through her mid-life crisis. She really wanted to have a baby. Not a husband, just a child; someone to love and care for. She tried dating but couldn't find the right guy.
She was getting desperate. She wanted a baby so bad! Kanga was running out of options. She thought of a sick plan and thought it might work. She's do anything for a child. So she went out and raped six guys. Six! She got pregnant and was ecstatic. She didn't know who the father was, but she didn't care. No one was smart enough to question how she had become pregnant.
Okay, that's all folks!