Sleep would not come not matter how hard she courted it. With a sigh, Merry threw back the heavy blankets and swung her feet off the bed. The satin of her pajamas slid sensuously over her skin as she stood up, causing a shiver to glide over her body, her nipples to tighten, and making her think unwillingly of the man who had provided them. He had always loved how sensitive her skin was, how close to the surface her response to his touch was. How easily he could evoke shivers and moans. How helpless she was under his hands, his mouth. She hated that he knew, even now, after everything, her body still longed to sing for him. God, she hated the power he had over her. And she hated herself more for still wanting him; for still loving him. How pathetic. Damn Raymond Reddington. And damn her, too. Sighing, she turned away from the bed, knowing no comfort was to be found there tonight. Slipping on a robe, she left her room and padded down the softly lit hall on quiet feet. The big house was silent, even with the FBI agents and Red's people in residence. Three o'clock in the morning, and time was standing still. Heading for the study, she thought she might spend the last few hours before dawn reading. Red always had a collection of books no matter where he was holed up, and she knew she would find something to take her mind off the misery that swirled through her head like a nonstop merry go round. And if she remembered correctly, he always kept a good supply of Scotch with his books.
She quietly opened the library door and closed it behind her. The room was dark but for the light of a slowly dying fire and it took a moment for her eyes to adjust to the dimness. As she expected, the walls were lined with books and ah, yes. There was a decanter with glasses on an end table next to the long leather couch in the center of the room. She walked to the table and poured herself a glass, not bothering to cap the decanter again. She would be back. Swirling the contents, she lifted the glass to her nose and inhaled. The aroma was rich and dark, promising a decadent burn for the throat and pallet. Cradling the glass, she slowly walked over to prevue the books lining the shelves to one side of the fireplace. There was just enough light to make out the titles and she smiled at the odd collection she found. The classics were there, of course, along with tombs on history and culture as well. A few psychology texts shared space with studies on lost civilizations and the occasional biography. But here and there, sprinkled in at random were some very surprising titles. Of all the things she expected to find on Raymond Reddington's book shelves, erotic novels were not one of them. Humming in amused interest, she reached up to select one off the shelf.
"Oh, I do think you'll like that one." Reddington's voice purred from the dark of the room "its right up your alley. The lead female character is so full of anger…and lust." She whirled around, the drink in her hand almost sloshing over the rim of the glass at her sudden movement.
"Fuck!" She gasped in surprised fright. "Don't do that!" The lamp on the desk by the window clicked on, adding its soft glow to the light of the fire. She blinked a few times, and then stared into the face of all her troubles. Watched as his eyes narrowed and his lips pressed into a thin disapproving line.
"Language, Merry" he admonished. Merry narrowed her eyes right back at him as she took him in. Still wearing the majority of the light tan suit he had donned for his meeting earlier that day, he must have been sitting here in the dark trying to relax as his jacket and tie were missing; the top three buttons to the fine linen shirt he wore were undone, allowing a glimpse of tanned skin sprinkled lightly with dark blonde hair.
"Ah yes, you don't like foul language from a woman, do you Red?" She said, trying to cover her startlement with snideness. "Too damn bad you can't do anything about it, now isn't it?" She asked with killing sweetness, emphasizing the curse heavily. His eyes narrowed further; his face hardening; his jaw clenched. Merry could not control the slight shiver of apprehension that ran down her spine. There was a time that look alone would have sent her to her knees in dread anticipation of his ire. Well, that was long ago, and she wasn't his any longer. He had made that plain ten years ago when he had walked away. She stiffened her spine and sent him a defiant look. He tilted his head and gave a thin smile in acknowledgement of her challenge as he stood up from behind the desk. She took a long swallow of her drink to cover her unease as he strolled- no prowled, around the end of the desk, moving closer with predatory ease to where she stood. She was right. The burn of the scotch was oh, so good going down and created a warm glow deep in her belly that she told herself had absolutely nothing to do with his proximity.
He didn't stop until he was well inside her personal space and she had to resist the involuntary urge to step back. Red smiled gently as he raised one hand to cup her check gently as he looked down at her. "You really shouldn't tempt me Merry, not like this, and certainly not right now. My mood is a bit… volatile at the moment. I recommend caution, darling." He said softly, his voice pitched low, carrying the low rumble of gravel.
Merry gave into the urge then, quickly stepping back out of his reach, unnerved by the quiet menace in his voice. "Your moods are no longer my concern, Red. And as far as tempting you? Please, don't make me laugh. We both know you finished with me a long time ago. You paid me and walked away. After all, Raymond Reddington has no use for broken dolls" she spat. Merry turned away before he could see the tears threatening to spill down her cheeks. Her chest tightened with familiar pain and her shoulders slumped. She was just so damned tired. "Go away, Red. I don't have the energy to deal with you tonight." She moved back towards the bookshelves but only got about two steps before he grabbed her arm and whirled her back around to face him. She glared up at him as his eyes searched her face, looking for what, Merry didn't know.
"So much rage in so small a package" he murmured. She jerked her arm out of his grasp. Knowing she was able to pull away only because he allowed it just added to Merry's fury. She finished the liquor in her glass in one large gulp and slammed the empty tumbler down on the end table, blinking rapidly against the burn of the alcohol. She went to walk around him, intending to go back to her room, but he quickly sidestepped to block her way. He cocked his head to the side again and spoke softly. "I can't seem to understand something, Merry, so perhaps you would care to enlighten me. I know you blame me for what was done to you, and rightly so, but that doesn't seem to be where your rage is coming from. All your snide remarks and verbal slaps seem to be focused on what happened after. And for the life of me, I can't understand why that should be."
The calm, almost detached curiosity in his voice pushed her past caution. Later she would cringe at the sheer recklessness that had led her to goad such a dangerous man so far. "Of course you don't, Red. Why should you? You paid me and I went away quietly, like the good little whore you trained me to be. That is how the saying goes, isn't it? Whores don't get paid to fuck, they get paid to leave." She smiled bitterly. "I don't know what else I was expecting. Very unreasonable of me, really."
His breath hissed out from between his teeth and he grated her name warningly. She laughed mockingly at his anger, almost daring him with her next words. "Why are you so pissed off Red? You were the consummate whoremaster. You made sure you got everything you paid for; I'm the one that got fucked!"
He stared at her for a moment, his body gone rigid with fury and Merry was sure he was fighting the urge to strangle her. She stared right back at him, almost hoping for the violence a physical attack would bring, needing a release of the tensions built up inside her. Instead, she watched as he reigned himself in and Merry felt her defiance fade away to be replaced with unease as his gaze became speculative. She watched as his eyes hooded and became heavy with lust, watched as a leer slowly curled his sensual lips.
"Ah, now we come to the root of the problem at last. Are you feeling neglected, dear heart?" he purred. Red stepped closer to her, raising one hand to run the back of his fingers lightly across her collar bone and she froze like a deer in the headlights. She sucked in a ragged breath and held it. One touch. One touch from him was almost enough to undo her. But he was still speaking, and his words hit her like a blow. "Sexual frustration isn't something I suffer from very often, so I apologize for not catching on sooner." His gazed traveled down her body and back up again at a slow, insulting pace. "But really, Merry, all you had to do was ask…I would be more than happy to… indulge us both." His voice dropped an octave lower as he went on, thick as honey poured over broken glass, his anger making him cruel. "I have so many fond memories of the time we spent together." He made a humming noise of appreciation as his fingers wandered down from her collarbone to brush lightly over the swell of her upper breasts. "Of how you would writhe beneath me so wantonly, the delicious sounds you couldn't help but make when I was inside you, and how you would beg fo-." The crack of her hand on his check sounded like a shotgun blast in the quiet room as she watched his head rock back. She rubbed her hand furiously against her thigh to alleviate the sting and waited for the resulting explosion. His reaction, however, when it came was not at all what she was expecting. He laughed low and mean, the cruel smile on his lips never reaching the storm raging in his eyes.
"Oh, sweetheart, you just ran out of options."
He moved faster than she thought possible and before she realized it she was up over his shoulder with a very nice view of his behind, and he was striding out of the library.
"Put me down you bastard!" She screamed kicking her feet and hammering his solid back with her fists.
"It's far too late for that, darling. You started this three months ago and I'm ending it tonight. I've been very patient with you, but enough is enough. I will have the answers I want from you. One way," he grunted as she landed a solid blow just above one of his kidneys,"or another".
Red strode down the hall and opened the door to the master suite, closing it firmly behind him. Moving quickly across the room to stand next to the large four posted bed, he deliberately slid her down his body to stand in front of him. Distracted by the sensations, she was too slow to stop him from striping her robe from her and throwing it to land on the bench at the end of the bed. She expected him to push her back onto the mattress, but he turned and moved towards his dresser instead. She watched in confusion as he undid his cufflinks and placed them on a tray, quickly followed by his watch and wallet. Then he began rolling up his shirt sleeves, the motions calm and deliberate. First one, then the other, he rolled the crisp white material half way up his forearms. Then he turned to face her.
"Before we leave this room, you are going to tell me what exactly has been eating at you to the point you have done nothing but snap and snip at me like a vengeful fishwife for the last three months."
"No-"she was shaking her head in denial, but he cut her off, his voice firmly overriding her words.
"Yes you are Merisel. You are going to tell me everything I want to know, willingly or not. As I said before, you are out of options."
She could feel the panic rising, her heart pounding and her breath coming in strangled gasps. He rarely called her by her full name and when he did, it was never good. It meant he was finished playing games and had decided on how best to get what he wanted from her. And she knew he wouldn't stop until he got it. There was absolutely no way she could let him make her that vulnerable! To let him into her thoughts, back into her heart would be a disaster. He already had too much power over her. To give him more would destroy her.
Despite what her head knew, her traitorous body was responding to the command in his voice; the dominance in his stance. Her skin flushed and her nipples hardened under the satin of her top. The flesh between her thighs swelled and became wet for him. And worse, she knew he understood what was happening to her. He knew exactly which buttons to push to get her to react to him and he was pushing them all. She could see the knowledge in his eyes as they ran over her body, his satisfied gaze taking in every detail, everything she couldn't hide. She glanced towards the door and quickly back to him, calculating the distance. She had to get away from him, now. If he touched her, she would cave and give him everything he demanded from her. Red shook his head, reading her intentions on her face.
"If you run, sweetheart, you'll regret it." He said softly. Merry looked at the door again, desperation rising in her at the resolve on his face. Merry made her decision. She had her hand on the doorknob but couldn't turn it before his weight pressed into her back, pinning her against the dark wood of the door. She could feel the heat of him pressing against her; feel his breath against her ear as he whispered "That was foolish." His weight lifted and he spun her around to face him, pressing his body quickly back into hers effectively pinning her in place against the door again before she could do more than shove desperately against his shoulders. His thigh wedged between hers, pushing up against her mound causing Merry to suck in her breath sharply. She had to fight the urge to grind against him for relief. One of his hands tangled in the hair at her nape, forcing her to look up at him. The other lightly encircled her neck, his thumb under her chin to keep her head where he wanted it.
"Answers, Merisel. Now." His voice was hard, unrelenting.
"You have no right! I don't belong to you!" She wailed as she shoved at his shoulders again but he would not be moved.
"The hell you don't!" he growled just before his mouth crashed down on hers in a punishing kiss. She tried to resist, beating her small fists against his shoulders and back, but her will where he was concerned was so weak, and in seconds she was clinging to him instead, pushing closer, needing his strength and warmth. Oh God! This is what she needed. Him, like this, right now, overwhelming her fears, giving her no time to think or doubt. Merry ground herself against his thigh, moaning low and deep in her throat at the sensations washing over her.
For Red, that kiss changed everything, melting away the anger that had made him cruelly taunt her in the library. Anger at her and at himself and at the whole damn impossible situation that had driven him to carry her to his room so he could continue to be cruel to her. Her response, reluctant as it was, told him so much. The way she clung desperately to him went beyond sexual frustration; it spoke of a need beyond the physical. In his heart, he had come to believe she truly hated him for his failure to protect her as he had promised and he had all but given up hope that she didn't hate him. The kind of hate he had thought she harbored for him was something Red had feared he wouldn't ever be able to break through. Rage and pain, though, those he could work with. He would need to change tactics, however. A forced seduction would no longer serve, would only leave them more broken than they were now. He broke the kiss, turning his head to nuzzle her ear. His breathing was as ragged as hers and he was fighting for control. He kissed the delicate shell and she shuddered against him.
When he spoke next, the anger was gone from his voice, replaced instead with quiet determination. Merry wondered what had caused the change, but knew he wouldn't give her the time to figure it out now. "Last chance Merisel. Answers, freely given, or I take them." Mutely she shook her head in refusal and he sighed in regret. "The hard way then."
He pushed away from the door and grasping one of her wrists, turned and moved towards the loveseat in the sitting area. "Wait, Red, what-"her voice cut off in a surprised squeak as he sat and swiftly pulled her down across his lap. Suddenly her ass was in the air and she was getting an up close view of the floral print of the cushions. He couldn't be serious! She instinctively tried to rear up, but his forearm in the middle of her back told her she wasn't going anywhere. Before she could even think to kick her legs, he shifted slightly and pinned both of her legs under one of his. She felt him lift the waistband of her pajamas and reached back franticly to try and stop him. He quickly pinned her hand to the small of her back and used it to control her bucking and squirming, which gained her absolutely nothing in the end. The pajama bottoms were pushed down as far as his restraining leg would allow and she was bared to his gaze for the first time in ten years. She could feel her face flaming in shame, which only deepened as he caressed the vulnerable globes with a warm hand. This was beginning to feel all too familiar to Merry. How could she have forgotten the way he always took everything out of his pockets so nothing would bite into her skin as he held her in place; the rolled up sleeves so the swing of his arm was unimpeded. She was in so much trouble.
"Such a pity, really", he sighed again. "This isn't at all what I had in mind when I fantasized about holding you in my lap again. But, perhaps next time."
"Shut up!" She snarled, anger overriding her fear for a brief moment. "There isn't going to be a next time! There isn't going to be a this time either! Let me up right this minute! You have no right to do this!" Merry was all but shrieking at this point, squirming as much as the firm grip he had on her would allow.
"Sweetheart, I really must insist that you settle down. You aren't going anywhere just now, and you might want to lower your voice while you still can. We have guests, and you are bound to wake them with all that shrieking!" Red scolded, ignoring her demands to be let up. "If you would have just cooperated with me, this wouldn't have become necessary."
"I hate you!" She was almost sobbing with impotent rage and embarrassment and he had the audacity to chuckle. She thought he murmmered something along the lines of "Where have I heard that before?" But she couldn't be sure.
"Alright, then, Merisel, I haven't done this in a long time, so be patient with me." That was all the warning she got before he began paddling her bottom with quick, hard pops that rained down vigorously on her unprotected flesh. Three swats would land on the left check, followed by three on the right, moving in an ever widening pattern until he was covering all of her. The pain washed over her in waves, and his hand was falling fast enough that she couldn't keep track of the blows. It didn't take long before she was gasping and sobbing, wiggling and squirming, trying to avoid the metronome he had made of his hand. The air was filled with the sound of her curses and the threats she made against his life. She called him every dirty, horrible name she could think of and a few she thought up on the spot, but through it all, his hand continued to fall unrelentingly against her tender flanks. After some time, she exhausted herself and she stopped fighting, letting him do as he would as her tears fell onto the fabric so close to her nose. The worst part of all of this wasn't the pain or the humiliation of being laid over Red's lap like a misbehaving child getting her bare bottom warmed-though that was horrible in and of itself. The absolute worst part was-he was right. She had been acting like a shrew to him since she woke up in the hospital three months ago. He had saved her life, sheltered and protected her, pampering her as much as she would allow, all the while asking nothing of her but that she talk to him, and she was being an ungrateful brat. Instead of trying to explain what she was going through or why she was so angry and how badly she was hurting, she had raged against him with verbal jabs and insults, rebelled at the security measures he insisted upon for her safety, taking every opportunity to irritate him, to push for a reaction from him. In short, she had just pushed. And kept on pushing, wanting to fight with him. Wanting to see him loose some of the control he was so famous for. Wanting most of all to hurt him so he would feel some small part of what she lived with everyday. What she had foolishly forgotten was that this man, when pushed too far, would always, always push back. And Red pushed back hard. She had brought herself to this and there really wasn't any use fighting it.
Red felt the minute Merry surrendered. Her body relaxed, no longer fighting to avoid the swing of his hand and even lifting up slightly to meet the swats. She stopped howling and lay limp against his lap, sobbing loudly. The next time Red's had came down it rested gently on her bottom, making soothing circles on the warmed flesh. Her bottom was shown a deep rose, and he could feel the heat radiating off of her into his admittedly sore hand. He smiled to himself. He had forgotten how much his hand always ended up stinging after he administered a spanking. He continued to make the soothing circular motions as he spoke. "Hush now, sweetheart, you're doing so well. Let's talk for a minute before we finish up, shall we?" He received a wet, snuffling hiccup in reply that he chose to take for agreement. He had just opened his mouth to continue, when there was a commotion out in the hallway and his bedroom door burst open spilling Denbe and two very agitated FBI agents into the room. Moving quickly, he released his hold on the arm he had pinned to Merry's back and removed his leg from over hers, causing her pants to slide down the rest of the way and land on the floor. Red improvised by flipped the bottom of her pajama top down to cover her modesty. Well, most of it, anyway. When she went to lever herself up off his lap, however, he placed a hand on the small of her back and gently held her in place. "No need to get up dear, they won't be staying long and we aren't quite done yet."
"The hell you aren't" Agent Ressler growled. "Let her go Reddington!"
"You really should learn to mind your own business Donald." Red said casually, but Merry could feel the tension coiling through Red as she lay across his thighs. "What a man does in his bedroom is no one's business but his own. And those of whom he invites there, of course." Ray added conversationally. "You weren't invited. You should leave. Now."
"If you think I'm just going to go back to bed and listen through the walls while you beat the shit out of her, you're out of your mind." The agent snarled back.
Liz watched as Red's eyes went flat and cold and knew Ressler was thirty seconds or one more stupid comment away from being very dead. She stepped further into the room, putting herself between Red and the other agent.
"Um, Red, what is going on? She asked hesitantly. "We were woken up by shouting and then we heard crying and thought something happened. We checked the rest of the house and didn't find anything. Denbe didn't want to let us into your room, but it sounded like someone was getting slapped around in here…" Liz trailed off; her face reddening, embarrassed by her choice of words and not really knowing where to go with this line of questioning anyway. It was very unsettling to be standing in Reddington's bedroom like this while he had a half naked woman draped across his lap, and ….and this was just getting too weird. Come to think of it, Merry hadn't tried to move after that first attempt to set up, and she wouldn't look at anyone in the room. She just kept staring at the couch cushions.
"Get a grip, Keen" Ressler shouted. "He's beating her!"
Liz ignored him for the moment, instead speaking softly to Merry.
"Hey Merry, are you ok? Could you maybe stand up and let us have a look at you, just to make sure?" she coaxed. Liz watched as the other woman slowly turned her head to look up at Red. Was she asking for his permission?
Red gazed down at Merry for a moment before heaving a sigh of resignation. The agents obviously weren't going away until they made sure he wasn't murdering Merry. The faster they could be reassured, the faster he could get back to figuring out the woman draped across his thighs. "And we were making such progress, too" he murmured as he helped Merry to stand. She seemed a little bit wobbly and visually leaned against him for support. Red put his arm around her waist and turned her gently to face the agents after making sure that her top did indeed cover her to mid-thigh.
"I'm fine" she said softly, looking at the floor. "I'm sorry I woke you."
Liz watched her closely, looking for any sign Red was coercing her response or that Merry wanted to get away from him, but there were none. In fact, she seemed to be clinging to him, her arm tight around his waist.
"How can you be fine? He's hurting you!" Ressler exclaimed in disbelief. "You don't have to let him do this just because you think he can keep you safe! I-We can protect you!" Ressler snarled, taking two angry steps towards Reddington, his fists clenched, causing Merry to shrink back, releasing her hold on Red who swept her behind him with one arm, putting himself between Merry and Ressler.
Liz put a restraining hand on Ressler's shoulder to halt his movements. She hadn't missed the way Red's body tensed, how his fists clenched in preparation for a physical confrontation with the other man.
"Ressler, wait" Elizabeth said. She directed her words at Merry, but stared at Red, daring him to contradict anything she said. "Merry, if you want to you can leave with us. We can take you back to your room and I'll stay with you tonight. We can leave in the morning and fly to D.C. The FBI can put you somewhere safe until this is over and you won't need to see Reddington again if you don't want to."
Merry remained silent for long moments and then stepped back up to Red's side. She looked up at the man standing so still next her. Red thought for a moment and then made a decision. He didn't want to have this conversation with her in front of an audience, had planned it quite differently in fact, but he was desperate for her to stay with him. To choose him. This situation was getting out of hand and he needed to do something before there was nothing left to salvage. To keep her, he would humble himself, even if it was in front of Agent Ressler. Red could always kill him later. He put the agents out of his mind and focused on the woman standing before him.
He smiled gently down at her and nodded. He kissed her softly on the forehead and then stepped away. "Go with them if you want to Merry. I won't try to stop you and I will still do everything in my power to keep you safe. But, you need to understand, if you choose to leave, this will be goodbye. I will not be half in and half out of your life any longer; it's simply too painful. I want all of you or nothing at all. These last three months have been agony, wanting you and not being able to have you. You must chose, darling. Decide what you truly want. If you go, you go with my blessing, but if you stay, you stay forever. I let you go ten years ago because I thought that was what you wanted, and what, frankly, was best for you. If you choose to stay now, I will never let you walk away from me again. I am a selfish man, Merry. I keep what is mine." Red wanted the words to be reassuring, but couldn't keep the possessive growl out of his voice at the end. He knew she was walking the knife's edge and might indeed leave with Liz rather than choosing to stay with him.
"Everything or nothing?" Merry asked softly.
"Everything or nothing" he agreed. "If you choose to stay, know that I will have all of you. Your heart, your thoughts, your fears. Your hopes and dreams. Your days and your nights and the passion of your sweet body. I will demand all of it from you and I will allow you to hold nothing back from me; I will accept no half measures. I will know you inside and out. My woman, my way."
"And in return?" She asked, hope fragile in her voice.
"I will give you all that I am. The power of my name, the protection of my body and the strength of my will; everything that I possess. All of it is yours if you want it. If you want me. But most of all Merry, I will love you for the rest of my life." Red stopped speaking, afraid his voice would break if he went on. He had laid his soul bare before her. He could only hope it would be enough.
Merry closed her eyes and he watched as a single tear rolled down her cheek. She took a deep, shuddering breath and turned away from him to face the agents. She did not see Red's eyes close in pain and his shoulders slump in defeat. She stepped further away from him and he knew then that he had lost her. He wanted to curse and shout, to fall to his knees and beg her to stay, to snatch her up and keep her hidden until she agreed to be his, but he stood on in stony silence. He had told her he would let her go if that was what she wanted and he loved her enough to honor her wishes. But watching her leave was going to do what no enemy of his had ever managed to accomplish. It was going to break him.
"Thank you for your concern, but I am staying with Raymond." His head snapped up so hard in surprise he bit his tongue.
"You can't be serious!" Ressler shouted, disbelief written all over his face. He reached out as if to grab her shoulders and found himself caught up in a choke hold. Denbe had been standing behind them quietly, watching and waiting for Reddington to indicate he wanted him to interfere. The agents had completely forgotten he was there, but Red hadn't. When Ressler moved towards Merry, Red nodded at Denbe to grab him.
"Denbe, would you please escort Agent Ressler back to his room. If he opens his door before breakfast is ready, shoot him."
"Gladly, Raymond" Denbe smiled as he began to drag the struggling agent out of the room. Reddington turned to Elizabeth and smiled.
"Go back to bed Lizzie. I'll see you in the morning." His tone left no room for further discussion and she wasn't sure what to say to him anyway. Liz turned to Merry. A strange look on her face, she asked the other woman one more time "Are you sure you want to stay?"
Merry smiled at her softly as she walked Liz to the door. "Yes. This is where I belong." Liz glanced over her shoulder at Reddington, shook her head and left the room, muttering about how her life was getting too damned bizarre lately. Merry turned to face Red after the door closed. Alone with him again, she was suddenly nervous. She shifted her weight awkwardly from one foot to the other, unsure as to what to do next.
He still stood where she had left him, both hands in his pockets now as he looked at her solemnly. When he spoke, his words echoed Lizzie's. "Are you absolutely sure Merry? This isn't going to be an easy relationship. I'm not easy. I am often demanding and difficult. Not to mention that I'm prone to wanting things my own way and I can be cruel when I'm not accommodated. " he warned.
"I may remember something like that about you" she smiled. He smiled back at her a bit ruefully. But then he sobered and the humor faded from his face.
"Merry, this is your last chance. I won't give you another. If you do not walk out that door right now….Well, you need to know that we are going right back to that couch to finish what was begun there. You need it, and frankly, after the last three month, I need to do it. I told you I want answers from you and I still mean to have them. So if you can't accept that, if you can't accept the man I am and the need I have for control, you should leave. Now. While I still have the strength to let you go."
She stood looking at him for a few moments, considering his words. Slowly she walked towards him until she was so close she could feel the heat from his chest against her own. She tilted her head back so their eyes met and whispered "Your woman, your way. No regrets, Raymond." His hands came up slowly to frame her face and he kissed her so gently she felt her heart break.
"You are so beautiful to me" he breathed against her lips.
As he stood looking down into the face of his own personal angel, Red could see the love shining from her tear bright eyes. All he wanted to do was to take her to his bed and spend forever making love to her. But they had unfinished business to attend to. If he could get them through the next few minutes, it would help ensure a much smoother future for both of them.
"Go stand by the couch darling." Red stepped back and waited for her to follow his instructions before moving to the bedroom door. Reaching up, he threw the bolt to the slide lock at the top of the door and then the one near the floor, finally twisting the smaller lock under the handle of the door itself. "No further interruptions tonight, I think" he muttered to himself. He should have done that to begin with, but he had been caught up in the moment. That kind of carelessness was not like him and spoke of how deeply Merry affected him. Turning back to face the room, he smiled at the picture Merry made, standing next to the couch, head down and shoulders slumped. His poor penitent, waiting for him to carry out her sentence. Biting the inside of his cheek to hide the smile he knew she wouldn't appreciate, he made his way to the couch and retook his previous seat. He helped her take her position across his lap and get settled.
"Do you need me to hold your hand again Merry, or do you think you can avoid reaching back?" He asked, his voice kind, knowing that this was often the most difficult part for her. She thought a moment and then reached her arm back, offering it to him.
"I'm not sure I'm strong enough tonight to control myself" she said in a very small voice. He gently guided her arm back and held it secure to the small of her back.
"It's ok sweetheart. I'll be strong enough for both of us." Her trust was enough to break him and he had to clear his throat roughly before he could continue. Using his free hand, Red pushed the hem of her pajama top up out of his way. The skin he revealed was still bright red, hardly faded at all from the earlier spanking. He would have to be careful, perhaps focus more on her sit spot than he had before.
"Why are we here, Merry?" he asked. She was quiet for so long he was beginning to think she wasn't going to answer him without prompting.
"I put us here, Raymond." She said, her voice strained, the words coming out in a rush. "I pushed you to this and I am so sorry. I let my pain and my anger blind me to everything else. You tried to reach out to me, but I wasn't willing to hear you. I was so focused on my own feelings, I ignored your pain. I know I hurt you and I'm so damned sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Please, just do it! I'm sorry-"She paused to take a ragged breath and exhaled on a sob of pain and surprise as his hand began to fall on her already tender bottom. As he spanked, he told her how much he loved her. How much the last three months had cost him emotionally. How he had died inside a little each day as she continued to push him away and make half veiled accusations he didn't understand. After about twenty swats, he stopped the spanking and began rubbing her throbbing flesh in gentle circles. He was so proud of her. She hadn't fought him at all and had even managed to keep her cries down to loud sobs for the most part. When she settled a bit, he spoke.
"You said in the library that I paid you and walked away. Like a whore was how you put it. I have never treated you in such a fashion, Merry, and I would like an explanation as to why you would say such a thing to me." Red could hear the hurt in his own voice and flinched at it.
"I was angry, I don't know why I said-" Merry denied, but the crack of his hand against her bottom turned her words to a surprised yelp.
"Have I ever mentioned I don't enjoy being lied to, Merry?" Red said mildly, again rubbing her bottom. "If I haven't done so before, consider yourself hereby warned. Now, try again."
"In the hospital!" She said quickly, before he decided to start spanking again. "You and Denbe were out in the hallway but I could hear you because the door was partially open. You told Denbe that I was like a broken doll and that you had never been so disgusted by anything in your life! And then you left me!" she sobbed. "You left and you never came back!"
Red's eyes closed in pain. Of all the conversations for her to partially overhear, of course it had to have been that one.
"Merry you were drugged out of your mind-"
"I know what I heard!" she interrupted, some of her anger coming back. "Don't you even try to tell me I imagined-Ow!" Red's hand came down sharply on her left check, but just once.
"Listen to me!" he barked. "If you had been awake enough to hear the whole conversation, you would have heard me say I was disgusted with myself. With my failure to protect you as I had promised to do. And you were broken, Merry. Physically and mentally. The doctors weren't sure you would live past the morning. I left briefly to make arrangements to have a team of specialist flown in. By the time I came back, your mother had arrived. She told me that I had done enough damage. You didn't want to see me ever again. That you had woken up briefly and told her some of what had happened; that it was my fault and that you hated me for allowing Khan and his men to torture you. I was such a coward that I let her send me away rather than face you. I told myself I was doing it to spare your feelings, to honor your wishes, but really I just couldn't bear to see the hate and loathing in your eyes."
Merry's heart broke at the self-hatred in his voice. "Oh Raymond, I am so sorry! I never said those things. I never blamed you for what happened! It wasn't your fault the job went sideways. You did everything in your power to protect me and you came back for me. You saved me! When I woke up, I wanted you. Mother told me that you had left. She said that you had made arrangements for my care, given her the money you promised me for the job and told her that you were done with me. That I was so damaged you doubted I would ever be of any further use to you in the future, so I could consider my employment with you terminated. I was so devastated. It never occurred to me she was lying…"
"Why should it have, sweetheart? She was your mother. She was most likely trying to protect you from any further involvement with me." Red said comfortingly.
"All those wasted years…lost." Merry said sadly.
"Yes" Red agreed quietly.
They were quiet for a time, both lost in their own thoughts about what might have been. Red had released the arm he had held pinned to her back while they talked and allowed her to tuck it under her head where it lay on the cushion. He had continued to rub her bottom, and it was beginning to affect Merry in a way she wasn't sure Red intended it to. In the past, discipline spankings had not led to sex. Red did not believe in rewarding bad behavior with pleasure. But it had been so long and she was so needy she couldn't help but squirm under his touch. Of course Red noticed.
"Settle down Merry" he admonished.
"Sorry" she mumbled, praying he didn't realize the reason for her restless motion.
Hearing the strain in her voice, he ran his gaze over her, looking for signs of distress beyond what could be normally expected during a spanking. Her shoulders were tense, but there was nothing surprising about that. His gaze traveled down her back to her bottom, which was now a deep red. Red frowned slightly, hoping he hadn't done too much. He watched as his hands rubbed over the tender flesh, soothing away some of the hurt he had caused. Red's eyes narrowed. Ever so slightly, she rolled her hips against him and her thighs tensed, rubbing together. If he wasn't mistaken….Red ran his hand gently down the back of one leg and up the inside of the other and she stiffened against him. When his hand reached the apex of her thighs, he gently cupped her mound. Merry all but jackknifed up off his lap but he held her in place with his other arm.
"My God, Merry you're soaking!" he growled.
"I know! I'm sorry, I couldn't help it!" Merry buried her face deeper into the couch cushion in embarrassment. Red stared down at the woman in his lap in indecision. She was right that in the past he would have never even considered making love to her after a serious spanking. It would undermine the whole point of disciplining her and ….And he could feel himself hardening against her as she continued to squirm. If she kept that up, he wouldn't have a choice in the matter. His cock was going to make the decision for both of them. Her motions pushed her core more firmly against his hand and he realized just how extreme her condition was. She was swollen and lush and very quickly his palm became saturated from where he pressed against her. Never had she reacted this strongly to a spanking. Normally he would hold her while she cried offering comfort and reassurance. Letting her know she had paid her penance and all was forgiven. Afterwards, she was usually drowsy from all the weeping and excess emotion so he would tuck her into bed for a nap. This was something altogether different.
"Merry, how long has it been for you, love?" he asked. She mumbled indistinctively into the cushions, but her head shot up and her back arched when he slid one finger down her folds, just grazing her clit. "I'm sorry, sweetheart, I didn't quite catch that" Red quarried.
"Ten years" she hissed. Red's hand stilled as he stared down at her in shock.
"What-why?" was the best he could get out.
"I can't!" she cried in embarrassed misery. "I tried but I just can't. I can't stand the touch of another man, not after Khan…" her voice trailed off.
"Surely you took care of yourself, Merry? You're a healthy, vibrant woman with all the normal needs of such. I can't imagine that at some point you didn't take matters into your own hands, so to speak. "He just couldn't believe someone as sexually responsive as Merry could go so long without finding some way to achieve release.
"I CAN'T!" She yelled, turning her head to look at him at last. "I can't reach climax. Not since the last time we lay together and it's your fault!" she hissed up at his shocked face. "Do you remember what you said to me that night Raymond?" she glared at him, embarrassment and anger making her eye glitter.
Red's eyes closed in regret and shame. "Not without my permission." He said softly. That night it had just seemed part of the game they were playing, one more tool in his sensual arsenal. Requiring her to resist climaxing until he allowed it had just been another way to drive their passions higher. He could have never imagined the lasting damage he had done. "Oh, Merry, I have wronged you more than I ever imagined. I am so sorry, love." He looked down into her face, hating himself more than ever. He had robbed her of so much. Well, no more. Now he would give.
He turned her in his lap so that she was cradled against his chest, her back supported by one of his arms while the other drew her down to just the angle he needed, her bottom between his spread thighs. She looked up at him in surprise and he couldn't help himself. He leaned down and kissed her gently, coaxing her mouth to open under his. His tongue tangled slowly with hers, seducing rather than demanding, encouraging hers to come out and play. She softened against him, leaning into the kiss. He felt her hand on his nape and groaned into her mouth when she raked her nails gently down his neck. While their mouths explored each other, he quickly undid the buttons of her top so it fell open, exposing her beautiful body to his hungry eyes. Slowly he ran his hand down her side and back up to cup her breast firmly. She made a whimpering sound in the back of her throat as his thumb gently rubbed back and forth over her now rock hard nipple.
"So eager, sweetheart." Red murmured against her skin as he trailed kisses along her jaw to her ear. "I've always loved that about you, Merry. Always so generous in your responses." His breath puffed against her ear, sending shivers of pleasure over her skin. Keeping his mouth against her, he spoke words of praise and love as his hand moved from her breast down over her stomach, along the outside of one leg and back up the inside of the other. As his hand moved, he gently applied pressure, forcing her legs to part enough for him to work. His fingers ran up and down her slit before separating the swollen folds. Merry's hips jerked against his hand and he smiled against her neck. Ever so slowly, he circled her opening with one thick finger while his thumb rubbed lightly over her clit, careful not to give her enough pressure to get off. He wanted to drive her higher before he let her fly. "That's it sweetheart, feel how good it is." He encouraged her, watching the pleasure spread across her face. The needy whimpers and moans she was unable to suppress were music in his ears, guiding him to where she needed most to be touched. Merry's eyes were staring wide up at him, her pupils blown. "You are so beautiful. I wish you could see just how much. No, don't close your eyes, Merry. I want to watch you come apart for me." Merry had closed her eyes in embarrassment at his words of praise, but they snapped back open at his command and she drew him down to her for a scorching kiss. "I am so close, Raymond. Please, push me over the edge. I need you!" He growled against her lips and deepened the kiss as his hand continued to work her, rubbing harder now as he pumped two fingers in and out of her tightening channel.
The pleasure went on and on, growing but never peaking, and slowly, Merry felt despair beginning to override the passion he had evoked in her. It wasn't going to work, she was too broken. She could reach the peak, ride the edge forever but she couldn't let go and fly. Tears began to leak out of the corners of her eyes as she reached down, trying to push his hand away from her.
"Raymond, stop! Please, I can't. I told you, there's something wrong with me!" She sobbed.
"Hush now, there's nothing wrong with you." He tried to sooth, but she wasn't listening, too intent on trying to get away from him, her struggles becoming frantic. Red's eyes narrowed. He wasn't going to let her deny herself or him any longer. Moving swiftly, he shifted her to straddle him with her back pressed against his chest and her thighs spread wide on either side of his. One arm came up to hold her close, resting between her breasts so his hand clasped her opposite shoulder firmly, anchoring her in place against him. The other plunged back down between her thighs to continue working her fevered flesh. Mouth pressed against her ear, he growled "You will stop fighting this Merry. You will stop fighting us. There is nothing wrong with you other than that you're afraid. Stop fighting, Merry, and just feel." Two fingers pumped in and out, curling inside her to press against the bundle of nerves high up inside at the front of her channel while he firmly stroked her clit with the heel of his hand, intent on setting her off quickly. He felt her channel ripple, knew she was close. And still she resisted. It was the love in his voice that finally tipped her over the edge. "I need you to let go, Merry. I want to watch as you come apart in my arms and know that I have served you well. Please, darling, let go. I promise I'll catch you." Something wound tight inside of her for so long finally snapped and Merry wailed his name as she writhed on his lap, sobbing and gasping, helpless against the onslaught of pleasure. Red kept up the pressure, only gradually slowing his hand, wanting to prolong her pleasure as long as possible. Finally she collapsed back against his chest, boneless and sated.
Merry slowly came back to herself, her head still resting on Red's shoulder and his arms wrapped tightly around her, his face buried in her hair. She stayed still, savoring the way he held her so close, making her feel loved and cherished. After a few minutes, however she noticed how tense he was beneath her, how she could feel the pounding of his heart against her back and hear his labored breathing. She shifted in his lap and felt the steely length of him pressed against her lower back. He groaned her name and pressed a kiss to her shoulder, tightening his arms to still her movement. Merry turned her head and nuzzled her face into the crook of his neck, murmuring his name.
"Merry, no. This was for you, sweetheart. I'll keep." His voice shook slightly and didn't sound convincing even to his ears.
"But Raymond, you're hurting. I can feel you" she wiggled against him again and his hips thrust up against her reflexively, grinding his erection into her. Merry took advantage of his distraction to turn in his arms, straddling his hips and putting her arms around his shoulders after shrugging off her top and letting fall to the floor. His face was a mask of need and desire, his eyes dark with the passion he was fighting to contain. She leaned forward and pressed kisses to the heated skin of his jaw and nibbled her way down his neck when his head fell back against the back of the couch. Reds hands tightened convulsively on her hips, pulling her closer, his breathing ragged.
"Raymond, make love to me. Please, I need you."
With a groan of surrender, he kissed her desperately and stood, urging her to wrap her legs around his waist as he moved them from the couch to the bed. Gently he lowered her to the sheets, still kissing her desperately. Merry's hands worked the buttons on his vest and pushed it from his shoulders as soon as the last one was undone. It was quickly followed by his shirt, but he stepped back from the bed when she reached for his belt. He watched her with hooded eyes as he quickly divested himself of his remaining clothes and returned to lie beside her on the bed. She tried to wiggle underneath him immediately, eager to have him inside her, but he had other ideas, stilling her movements with a hand on her hip. Beginning at her neck, he kissed and nibbled, licked and sucked his way down her body to her breasts, drawing one nipple into his mouth as his fingers rolled and pinched the other, sending pleasure whipping through her. Merry moaned and moved her hands to his head, holding him to her. Her hips moved restlessly and she made those little mewling noises he so loved as he moved from one breast to the other, placing wet, open mouth kissed against the valley between them. "Raymond" she pleaded. He looked up at her as he moved down her body, his tongue dipping into her navel playfully.
"Oh I do like my name on your lips, Merry. Let's see if I can make you scream it." Merry felt him slide his thumbs against her nether lips, spreading her open, his hot breath against her most intimate flesh. "So wet for me" he growled and then he was feasting on her like a starving man at a banquet. He swept his tongue through her folds again and again, nibbling and sucking on her clit and then thrusting as deep into her tight opening as he could get, eating at her voraciously. Merry's thighs tightened around his head, trying to contain the sensations that were overwhelming her, but he pushed them back down, pinning them to the bed with his forearms, keeping her spread wide open for his ravaging mouth. The climax blindsided her, and she screamed his name just as he had wanted, writhing helplessly beneath the onslaught.
As her climax began to ease, Red moved up to cover her with his body, kissing her deeply as she ran her hands over every inch of skin she could reach, seemingly trying to touch him everywhere at once. She snaked on hand down between them to grasp him firmly and he groaned into her mouth at the sensation of her hands on his cock. He ached for her, felt he was going to go mad if he didn't possess her soon.
Merry stroked him from base to tip, once, twice and then he stilled her hand, pulling it away and pinning it to the bed beside her head. "I want to touch you" she complained, trying to free her hand from his grasp.
"Later. You'll unman me if you keep doing that. I need you too much right now" he said against her neck where he was nibbling on the delicate skin he found there. "I very much want to be inside of you when I finish."
"Yes" she breathed, rubbing her wet folds against him, shuddering as his the broad head nudged against her clit. He reached down and positioned himself against her opening and slowly began to push inside her. He gritted his teeth, fighting against the urge to thrust fast and deep, to pound into her until they were both mindless with pleasure. She was so damned tight and he didn't want to hurt her. He thrust shallow, pulling back and thrusting again, giving her time to adjust to his size. It was the most pleasurable agony he had ever endured. When he was finally seated completely, he stilled. She felt so good, so hot and wet, squeezing his cock like a fist. Red concentrated on evening out his breathing; fighting back the rising pleasure. He refused to spill himself inside her on the first few strokes like some adolescent boy having his first sexual encounter. The kisses Merry was pressing to his neck and chest were not helping him regain his control, however, and when she bit the side of his neck, he began to move against her before he was ready. Helpless against the pleasure, he began thrusting into her faster and faster, long powerful strokes of his cock into her tight channel. She writhed beneath him, her hands on his ass, clenching to encourage him to move more aggressively against her.
"Raymond, oh God! Raymond! It's so good! Don't stop, please don't stop!" she begged, his name a litany on her lips. His weight braced on his forearms, he moved his thumbs under her jaw on each side to tilt her heat up so he could look down into her eyes.
"Mine!" he growled. "You are mine, Merry. Now and forever, you belong to me!" He thrust high and hard into her, punctuating he words, wanting to imprint his claim on her for all time.
"Yours, Raymond! Always yours!" she answered him and then she was coming, rippling around him, milking his cock and triggering his own climax. They writhed together, lost in the sensation of giving themselves to the other. It seemed to go on forever, and when it was finally over, they were both struggling for breath, slick with sweat and hearts pounding in rhythm. Red collapsed to his side, pulling her to him to lie across his chest. He wrapped an arm around her and squeezed gently as she pressed a kiss to the center of his chest and then nuzzled her face into the crook of his neck.
Sleep should have come easily to both of them at that point, but Red could almost hear the wheels turning in Merry's head. Her hand moved restlessly across his chest, playing with the coarse hair that lightly covered him there. When he heard her breath out a long sigh, he knew they wouldn't be sleeping just yet. 'The woman thought too much at all the wrong times' he groused to himself.
"What thoughts are running rampant through that mind of yours now, Merry?"
"It's nothing really, Raymond…." She felt his hand move from where it cradled her shoulder down to her bottom in warning.
"No half measures, Merry. No more hiding your thoughts from me. If I don't know your doubts, how can I reassure you? How can I help when I don't know what the problem is?" Red said quietly.
"I just don't know if I can go back to how we were ten years ago. I want to be with you, and if that is what you need I will try, but I don't think I can live that way on a daily basis" she confessed, her voice full of doubt.
"Do you remember the conversation we had when we first met to discuss my plan for infiltrating Khan's organization?" Red asked carefully.
Merry frowned, trying to remember. Her brow smoothed as the memory came. "Yes, you said this would be a learning experience for both of us."
"Yes. Total power exchanges can be very stimulating for an evening or even a weekend, but it's not a lifestyle I'm interested in pursuing on a permanent basis." He looked down at her and smiled. "As much as I enjoy having you at my mercy, I find that I enjoy your independent personality just as much." He kissed her forehead and pressed her head back down onto his shoulder, his hand lingering to play with her hair absently. "We will figure out the rules to our relationship together, Merry. We will find what works for us." They lay quietly together for a time and Red was just beginning to drift off when he felt her frown against his shoulder.
"Now what?" he grumbled, exhaustion pulling at him.
"When you brought me into this room, Raymond, you were so angry. The way you were acting…you were so aggressive, and I could feel the violence you were barely holding back. I was sure you were going to try and…." Her voice trailed off as she felt him tense underneath her. She looked up at him, but he refused to meet her gaze, instead staring up at the ceiling, barely visible in the slowly lightening room. Dawn was fast approaching.
"What did you think I was going to do, Merry?" he asked flatly.
"Well, I thought…" she frowned, hesitating. "I thought you were going to try and fuck me into submission" she blurted out, blushing.
Red barked out a surprised laugh, caught off guard. "Well, I can't say I care for the way you phrased it, but yes, that's pretty much what I intended when I carried you here " he turned his face to her finally, his voice loosing it's humor. "When a woman angers a man, Merry, lust is never far behind. And I was very angry when I carried you in here."
"But something changed, Raymond. You changed right in the middle of everything. I'm just trying to figure out what caused it."
"It changed when I kissed you up against the door. That kiss….It changed everything. I realized how much I still loved you, and how desperately I hoped you still loved me. I needed answers from you Merry, and you have never been more honest with me as when you are over my knee. I knew I could seduce you into telling me what I wanted to know, and that had been my initial intention, but I also knew that you would have felt degraded afterwards. I realized that I love you too much to make you feel that way ever again. So, I changed tactics."
"I'm glad Raymond. I would much rather suffer a spanking that ever leave your bed feeling dirty and used." Merry said quietly.
"You may not feel that way later today when we sit down for breakfast." He chuckled to cover his relief. Having her confirm for him that he had chosen the correct path released a tension in his chest he hadn't even been aware of.
"A sore bottom is much easier to bear than a broken heart, Raymond" she stated firmly, snuggling tighter against his side. "Now for goodness sake, will you please be quiet and let me sleep!" she teased.
"Minx" he growled fondly as he settled down to rest, content with her in his arms.