Hello all! One year after I started writing this, I have finally finished! I'm still not one hundred percent happy with it, but nevermind. It's done! I've been over and over and over every chapter but I'm pretty sure there's still mistakes in there somewhere. I'd appreciate it if you can point them out to me so I can fix them! I'm excited to finally post this. Yey!
This fic is revolves mainly around Harry and Remus. There's no real romance theme but there are Remus/Tonks and Harry/Ginny moments throughout the story.
There are also no scenes referring to Remus being a werewolf. It is mentioned briefly, but this story is about different struggles and fights and I just decided to leave it out. Hopefully that won't annoy anyone!
Whoops, I completely forgot to say! This story is set just after the events in the Ministry of Magic in 5th year.
Right, I've rambled for long enough. Enjoy!

Chapter one

The Hogwarts express.

Harry hauled his trunk through the hoards of people waiting on the platform. With increasing irritableness, he swerved through the tiny first years who were saying tearful goodbyes to Hagrid. Several of them were sopping wet; thanks to the approaching storm, the journey over on the boats had apparently been very eventful. The rain was growing heavier by the second, soaking through his robes and making his shoes slip on the wet platform; and this is supposed to be the summer holidays, Harry thought bitterly. He squinted through the mist, using his sleeve to wipe his glasses clear; if only he could remember that spell Hermione had taught him…

He scanned the platform again, looking for any sign of his two closest friends. Harry had told Ron and Hermione to meet him on the train as, apparently, Dumbledore was still trying to redeem himself for what happened at the Ministry and had hauled Harry into his office once again early that morning.

Harry had fidgeted nervously in his chair, a frown gracing his face as he glanced around the room. Just a few days ago, he had raged and stormed inside this room, destroying many of the headmasters' possessions in the process. Harry should have felt guilty, but instead he felt as though he should have done more, broken more, destroyed as Dumbledore had destroyed him. He'd wanted to tear up Dumbledore's neatly written note when it had arrived in Gryffindor Tower, wanted to throw it into the fire and watch it burn.

But he didn't.

He was far too rational for that. Acting out didn't get you anywhere, that was the one thing he had learnt from the Durlseys.

The portraits of the former Headmasters of Hogwarts were all sleeping; giving the hour he'd been dragged in here. They made soft snoring noises as they twisted and turned in their frames. Harry wondered what it would feel like to be trapped within a frame, watching as a ghost in the shadows, unable to act or intervene. Things would be a lot simpler if he were up on that wall, watching someone else go through this...

He sighed heavily. He wouldn't wish this upon anybody. To have this heavy fate upon their shoulders, to watch those they loved fall time and time again. But for once how he wished to observe, just for one moment, rather than feel.

The door opened behind him and Harry jumped, startled out of his thoughts. He didn't turn. He kept his gaze fixed on the sleeping portrait of Dippet, watching the rise and fall of his chest. He closed his eyes briefly and let the numbness he'd come to rely upon recently cocoon him. He heard a figure approach and he turned his head, avoiding the piercing gaze of Albus Dumbledore as he took the chair opposite.

'Good morning, Harry,' Dumbledore said calmly. Harry felt his body stiffen. He wanted to beat that tone out of him; he did not need his pity. He knew what happened was his fault...he did not need reminding of that.

'How are you?' Dumbledore pressed.

'Fine, thank you sir,' Harry replied coolly. He immediately regretted it, knowing he was being childish, but this was the only way he knew to get back at Dumbledore. He couldn't fight him physically; he couldn't even shout and scream as Dumbledore had stayed so infuriatingly passive whilst Harry was destroying his office.

'Harry, please look at me.' Dumbledore's voice was soft, though it was not a request. Harry dragged his eyes round to meet him and was momentarily startled at the sadness reflecting in the headmasters eyes. Apparently he was suffering from this too. Harry berated himself, ashamed at how selfish he was being. He wasn't the only one affected by what had happened at the Ministry...of course he wasn't...

But nobody else had the weight of the prophecy upon them, pinning them down until they could barely breathe.

'I know you still blame yourself for what happened,' Dumbledore said, peering over his glasses and resting his elbows upon the table. 'But you must know, Sirius' death was not your fault.'

Harry looked away again. 'I know,' he muttered. He'd heard this a lot recently.

'I do not think you do,' Dumbledore said; Harry thought he sounded a little impatient.

'I should have paid your more attention this year, I should have told you more and for that I am sorry.'

Harry nodded his way through the speech. He'd heard that all before as well.

'I am also sorry to send you back to your relatives so soon after what has happened. I know you would like more time with your friends but I must ask you, Harry, not to do anything reckless this summer. Voldemort will stop at nothing to get to you, and we must not make it easy for him. I must therefore also ask you not to leave the house for the duration of your stay at your Aunt's home.'

Harry raised his eyebrows ever so slightly at this, but said nothing. He would not be locked up in the Dursleys this summer, not again...not like Sirius. He needed his escape.

Harry was forced back to the present as he passed a group of glowering Slytherins. He kept his eyes forward, concentrating on finding an empty carriage for him, Ron and Hermione. With a deep breath, he let the numbness swallow him again and he pressed onwards, dragging his trunk behind him. It was only when he'd managed to locate what seemed to be the last vacated carriage on the train, that he realised he could have levitated his trunk the entire way. Feeling more useless by the second, Harry collapsed into the seat, leant his head back against the headrest and let his eyes droop shut.

'It's not just a co-incidence Ronald. The Order are obviously here for a reason.'

Harry cracked an eye open as a very windswept Hermione and a somewhat abashed looking Ron entered the carriage.

'I didn't say it was a coincidence,' Ron said, struggling with his trunk. 'I just think it's weird seeing Professor Lupin on board.'

Harry straightened up.

'Professor Lupin is on the train?'

Ron nodded, plonking himself next to Hermione.

'Him, most of the Order and loads of other wizards I've never seen before. They're patrolling the carriages.'

Harry felt is chest tightening.

'Are they Aurors?'

'I would assume so,' Hermione answered. 'Apparently, the attack at the Ministry has got all the parents up in arms. I heard Lavender saying that her parents had specifically asked Dumbledore for more protection.'

'Well, you know who has got a lot more followers than the Order. We found that out last month,' Ron said heavily. 'We'll need all the extra protection we can get.'

Harry rubbed his tired eyes and shifted closer to the corner by the window. Ron glanced at Hermione awkwardly; she shook her head, silencing him with a glare.

The train lurched forward and with a loud whistle and puff of smoke it began rolling. They gradually picked up speed and, as Hogwarts disappeared into the background and for the first time, Harry felt glad to see the back of it. No more people whispering about him. He'd had to endure it before of course, but it had grown in excessive amounts since the battle at the Ministry and he was beginning to loose patience with it.

'How are you feeling, Harry?' Hermione asked after a few minutes of silence. When Harry looked at her questioningly she added, 'You don't appear to have slept well.'

Harry returned his gaze out the window, staring at the forest rushing past.

'I'm fine,' he said.

'What did Dumbledore want to talk about?' Hermione tried again.

'Nothing new...He told me not to do anything reckless.'

'I don't think the Dursleys would let you do anything reckless, would they mate?' Ron said lightly.

Harry smiled at this, recalling the time he'd set a python on his cousin at the zoo. He'd earned a week in his cupboard for that. Lucky for him he hadn't stayed around for the consequences of blowing up his aunt Marge.

'He's right though,' Hermione said gently. 'If you have an argument with them, you can't go running off, not with you know who – '

'Voldemort, Hermione. His name is Voldemort. And I get it, I do. It's my fault everybody is in this much trouble, my fault because I'm the one who brought him back in the first place.'

Hermione gaped slightly, and then furrowed her brow. 'Is that what's been bothering you?' she asked. 'You think this is your fault? Oh Harry, you are so incredibly dim sometimes I wonder how on earth you got into this school. Of course this isn't your fault. How could it possibly be?'

'She's right mate,' Ron said. 'How were you to know what was going to happen at the end of the tri wizard tournament? Nobody saw that coming, not even Dumbledore.'

Harry scrunched his hands up into tight balls, returning his gaze to the eerie forest beyond the window. 'But I could have done something. I could have killed Wormtail; I could have saved Sirius. I could have prevented all of this from happening. But I did nothing.'

'Harry, V-Voldemort was putting things in your mind. He tricked you. You did the only thing you could on the information we had. What happened to Sirius, it wasn't your fault.'

Ron nodded. 'She's right. There's nothing to feel guilty about.'

Unsatisfied, Harry allowed the conversation to lapse into silence, listening to the heavy rain pelt the side of the train. He cupped his hands together and peered out the window; the rain was so heavy he couldn't see the wooded Greenland below, just the misty and ominous blackness that was now surrounding them. He'd never really taken the time to look at the scenery before, but now he was unable to see it, Harry found himself missing the bright green foliage, the beautiful blue sky and the sun that usually beamed down through the carriage windows.

His breath fogged the glass and Harry, momentarily distracted by writing his name in it, only just caught a glimpse of a shadowed figure suddenly bursting into existence outside the window. He jumped backwards, startled; heard Hermione scream and Ron had shucked himself up against the far wall of the carriage.

'What the hell was that?' Ron whispered, removing his hand from over his chest and settling forward on his seat again. 'Dementors?'

Hermione shook her head. 'It couldn't have been. That thing had a face… I mean it looked human.'

Harry turned to face her, his brow knitted together in a hard line. He'd seen those masks before…

'Oh god.'

'Harry? What is it?' Hermione asked, her voice shaky.

'Death Eaters,' he muttered. 'They're going to attack the train.'