"Inuyasha…" Where was he? He wanted to call out, wanted to shout out to her but he could not speak. Kikyou, he thought, I wish I could have told you. I wish I could have told you that…
"No!" he shouted as he woke from his dream. Running a calloused hand over his sweaty brow, Inuyasha looked down from his perch to make sure his unconscious outburst did not disturb his companions. Satisfied that it didn't, he hunched over and inhaled deeply. Kuso, he silently cursed, that was the third time this week.
Shaking his head, Inuyasha silently flew from his high branch and landed on the ground near Kagome. She looks peaceful…so beautiful, he idly thought. Looking away guiltily, he chastised himself for thinking such thoughts about her when his some part of his treacherous heart still yearned for Kikyou.
Careful not to wake any of his friends, Inuyasha stood up and padded into the woods, towards a nearby spring. He needed time. Time to think things out and consider his feelings towards the undead priestess and the enchanting schoolgirl.
That dream…it frustrated him. He could not understand his emotions. So long did they hang in limbo that he found it difficult to exercise them. He was positive what he felt for Kikyou fifty years before was love but…was that what he felt for her now? He knew that regret and guilt stabbed his heart each time he saw the tortured sheen in her eyes but was that underlying jolt of feeling, love?
And Kagome. What was she to him, exactly? He could not decide whether she was a mere silhouette of his once beloved Kikyou or…or another heartbreak. In his numerous adventures with the life-loving girl, he found her passion and selflessness was slowly beating away at every single barrier he set up around his well-guarded heart.
Sitting down on a boulder just off the rim of the small spring, Inuyasha stared up at the star sprinkled sky. His golden eyes were cloudy with confusion. He had not yet come to terms with his past and here he is at fault. His heart could not release Kikyou, his past, and yet the present was moving swiftly without him. How he sometimes longed to just relinquish his past and gather Kagome into his arms without so much a thought to the soft voice echoing in his mind.
Sighing, he silently wished for everything to get better. He wished he could soothe the turmoil within his heart. He wished he could drown himself in Kagome's eyes, to find peace within her smile. He wished he could finally find the courage to tell her that he l-
Ears swiveling backward, Inuyasha caught the faint snap of a twig breaking under soft footfalls. As he caught the familiar scent, he pushed his troubled thoughts out of his mind and turned to face her.
"Inuyasha?"
~*~*~*
Suddenly sensing the lingering presence of warmth in the back of her mind slowly disappear, Kagome woke from her fitful sleep. Blinking the drowsiness from her tired eyes, she focused her vision on the dying embers of their campfire. What was that about, she thought.
Sitting up, Kagome yawned and stretched her arms above her head. Wondering if anything was amiss, her eyes scanned over her companions. Miroku snored lightly while his chest rose and fell with the hypnotic beat of sleep. The houshi's arm was wrapped around his staff and his cursed hand lay in his lap.
Looking down on her sleeping bag, Kagome smiled softly at the slumbering Kitsune. Shippo's arms and legs were sprawled every which way while his mouth was wide open with each breath he took.
Finally, Kagome looked up to check on her dog-eared hanyou friend. Stifling a cry of surprise, she stared in confusion at Inuyasha's empty perch. Where did he go?
Making sure she did not awaken Shippo, she carefully slipped her legs out of her sleeping bag and pulled her shoes on. If he was awake, he shouldn't be far. She was just going to check on him…not that she was worried or anything.
Wandering into the dark shadows of the woods, she rubbed her hands up and down her arms. She chuckled disdainfully to herself. Who was she kidding? If she wasn't worried, why would she go searching for that arrogant, overbearing jerk? Laughing softly to herself, she was surprised to find tears spilling forth from her eyes.
Brushing them away with her fingertips, she stared at the shining moisture with bewilderment. Shaking her head, Kagome tried to deny what she felt in her heart. You can't possibly feel that for him, her mind quipped. Ah, but you do, her heart whispered.
Kagome sighed and shut out the voices that pulled her this way and that. Her head and heart did not have to battle…she already knew that her love would win in the end.
At first, she wasn't sure she wanted these feelings. These feelings that gave up her entire being to the one she loved most. Her happiness and sadness to be determined by their will. Was it worth it? Were these chains called love what she wanted because she felt that she never wanted to release herself from them.
Every insult he threw, every heated denial he spouted was always soothed by the gentle looks he gave her whenever he was concerned for her life, by the warmth of his body next to hers as he carried her to the skies. And yet chains were such a proper name for love. It also hurt.
She could not admit that he was over his past and yet his golden eyes seemed to pull her further and further into their hypnotic depths, trapping her within blissfulness. She could not admit that every gentle gaze, every small smile, every soft touch was truly meant for her. In Inuyasha's eyes, she was some second to Kikyou.
An illusion of whom he truly cared for. And it hurt. Terribly.
Catching the glint of Inuyasha's ghostly white hair, Kagome pushed aside her psychological warfare. Stepping up hesitantly the large boulder by the spring near their camp, she called out, "Inuyasha?"