Disclaimer: This fan fiction has been written with the expressed permission of Howling-WereWolf, Rogancryd and Aphotic-Wraith from deviantArt.

"…you're Aphotic Wraith?"

"Last I checked…what, you got a thing for men in drag?"

The stranger growls irritably as he rakes a hand over his face.

"Why are you wearing a dress, and which high school girl did you assault to get it?"

Aphotic barely restrains himself with a few deep breaths, then brings up a finger and jabs it pointedly at the stranger. "That…that really is none of your business."

Suddenly, there's a low growl. The stranger turns, and in a flash of silver steel, his weapon becomes visible. Aphotic clears the distance between them, and beholds their opponent with an alarmed snarl.

"The freaking heck is that?"

"… Behemoth." And the stranger assumes a defensive stance as the creature roars. Beside him, Aphotic reveals a clawed gauntlet in his right hand, and a gun in the other. The stranger smirks.

"Let's see if you can fight as well as you can dress yourself, pretty boy."

Aphotic smirks back with a confident flair. "Just try to keep up, won't you?"

"…hey."

Squall looked up from his reading to where Cloud was lying stretched across the width of his bed, elbows bent as his fingers busied themselves with the controls. On the small television's screen, the two pixelated figures that were the player characters engaged the larger pixelated figure that was the enemy.

"What's up?"

"You said you've cleared the first half, right?" Cloud tapped the "pause" button firmly as he raised one hand to point at the screen. "How do I get pass Clifford the Red Dog's evil purple twin?"

"Didn't you borrow the game guide?"

"What, this thing?" Next to Cloud was a closed book, cover title The Official step-by-step Guide to Deviant Hearts by Jiminy C. The blond scoffed. "I've checked it; it's worthless. Might as well have been written by a cricket in a top hat."

Squall barely withheld his amusement, as Cloud tapped at the hard plastic surface of his controller in a show of impatience.

"Seriously – what do I do?"

Squall went back to his computer, and tapped a few keys in response to a forum comment. "You want the idiot-proof way, or the dramatic fan-service?"

"Let's hear them both."

"The safe method is to put Flypipe Rogancryd on Offensive, then switch control to Aphotic Wraith – Flypipe has higher STR stats, but Aphotic comes with a basic healing spell. Keep him in the back with his gun, and let Flypipe tank. Heal whenever necessary, and the Behemoth will drop after a while," Squall recited without a pause. "The riskier way is to send Aphotic to the back and put him on Auto-Heal, then switch control to Flypipe and have him take the Behemoth head on. Once he reaches low health, you can trigger his Limit Break. Go for one, maybe two breaks, then run for cover before he gets conked out."

The beast snarls and brings a huge claw down upon the weakened form before it.

"ARGH!!"

"… Well, that was fun. Flypipe's dead and Aphotic's swearing like a sailor." And Cloud huffed, disgruntled. On the screen, the enemy bore down upon the panicking character; in a moment, the screen washed out to black, leaving the illuminated words "GAME OVER" in their wake.

"Takes a little practice," Squall assured, his expression almost one of empathy.

"…this is honestly the dumbest thing ever."

"So you say, but you're still playing."

"Bite me," Cloud informed the other bluntly, as he started up from his last save point. Once more, he tackled the behemoth, though this time with a little more success, and the two of them fell into a relatively comfortable silence, save for the sounds emitting from the game console's speakers. Such was daily life outside of work – the two had known each other since they were children, and Cloud often visited Squall in his rented apartment, if only to just talk, share pizza and sodas, or – as in the current state of affairs – leech off the brunet's video games.

At last, success reached the blond as the Behemoth fell, and the battle concluded. As the next cut scene was triggered, Cloud turned to look back in Squall's direction.

"…what's that you're doing?"

"One of my online literature mentors got a new account in kingdomArt," the man replied. "Apparently, he's also been actively submitting stuff in that fan fiction site for Deviant Hearts."

Cloud looked skeptical as he jabbed an accusing finger back at the screen. "This game?"

"Don't ask me; I don't make them."

Cloud muttered something crude, and propped his chin on one fist as he stared morosely at the screen. "…just how long is this cut scene, anyway?"

"If you see a noisy girl, then it's almost done." A few moments later, Cloud made a face.

"…I see her, alright… Is that actually Howling Werewolf?"

"Unfortunately."

"…nope. She's definitely lost it," the girl quips. As Aphotic's vision clears further, she hops back a step and looks to where the stranger from earlier is standing by the window. "Don't you know anything about being nice to your dates, Flypipe?"

"I told you, Howling," the stranger mutters back. "That's Rogan. And keep it down."

The girl sticks her tongue out at him, then prods further. "You didn't answer my question! Hey!"

"…as entertaining as all this is," Aphotic cuts in. He reaches to his head, and pulls off the wig. "Can I get a change of clothes or something?"

The girl's eyes bug out. "Ho' snap, you're a dude!?"

"Last time I checked."

"Why are you wearing a-?"

"NOT YOUR BUSINESS!"

"Shut up, both of you, before they find us," Rogan snaps back icily.

"…I don't get this," Cloud muttered, as the game's pacing went up a notch to prepare the way toward the next set of battles. "Why rename the main character of Gaia Puntasy with half of his last name?"

"Maybe because 'Rogan' sounds more masculine…?" Squall fired back distractedly. On the main screen's search option, he switched his category of search to "Author", and went about typing out his mentor's username.

"Seriously…what's wrong with 'Flypipe'? It's unique enough…what does something as flat as 'Rogan' have that 'Flypipe' doesn't? I just don't get it…"

Leaving Cloud to his rambles, Squall looked down the list, and found the username he had been scouting for. A click later, he found the list…and raised his brow in surprised wonder.

"…humph."

His curiosity peaked, Cloud tilted his head a little as he kept his attention on the screen. "What is it?"

"…seems like there are a lot of people who like writing for just the characters of Gaia Puntasy and TUDD that appear in Deviant Hearts," Squall commented, as he proceeded to scroll through the list of fan fiction links and their summaries. "…well I'll be, look at those trends."

"The fans shipping relations already?" Cloud asked again, as he tapped a button to make Howling use her high-leveled curative magic on Aphotic.

"Something like that," came the reply. "I've found three so far. Who knows how many else…?"

"Hit me."

"Rogan and Howling," Squall listed, earning a raised brow from the both of them. He went on, "Aphotic and Howling, and…heh…Rogan and Aphotic."

Cloud snorted. "Why did I see that last one coming?"

"It's a curse; put a guy in a dress, and he's indiscriminately paired with almost every man he meets."

Cloud hummed in reply as he switched perspectives with a shift of the joystick. On the screen, the pixel character that was now officially known as Rogan struck the enemy upon the head, dealing enough damage to defeat it. There was the usual reward drop, and Cloud was momentarily satisfied that he received new accessories this time. After the party suited up in their new gear, they moved on into the next area. The loading screen appeared, and Cloud looked up again. He was leering, now.

"So…who bottoms?"

"What do you mean?"

"Who's the little lady between the two supposed gays?" at the jibe, Squall snorted in amusement before he answered.

"Some think Aphotic's it, and others think Rogan's it. The rest just let them take turns."

"Our airship's in the town square just ahead," Rogan informs, leading the charge. "Now that we've found you, we need to regroup with the other survivors."

Two steps behind him, Aphotic turns and fires upon yet another monster without breaking stride.

"…what do you mean, survivors?"

"Howling can explain everything later," Rogan mutters brusquely, earning an indignant protest from the battle mage guarding their back. "Let's move!"

Cloud looked back at the screen as the cut scene ended; even more little hints showed up to herald the coming occurrence of yet another boss fight. "One of them is a cross dresser, and the other's a baby-face with his hair grown out to match his gothic dress sense. Figures…

"What's your mentor's take?"

"Most of his work is pretty indefinite with actual sexual attraction," Squall replied, the smile creeping up his face meeting with less and less resistance. "But one of his earliest pieces has Aphotic on the bottom."

"What's the catch?" still focused on the text he was reading, the brunet's smile finally widened fully into a devilish grin.

"Rogan gets shot in the ass and crotch, and gets stuck in a wheelchair for half the storyline."

Cloud promptly flopped over on his side as he lost his composure completely. On the screen, the party felt the effects of the very sudden control loss, as Howling accidentally hit Aphotic and Rogan with moderate-leveled thunder magic, causing both the latter two to flinch.

"Nrgh!"

"SON OF A-!"

And Cloud's thumb jammed upon the "pause" button to stop any of the three from killing each other by accident as he clutched at his sides to ride out the last of his hysterical amusement. By now, Squall had given up surfing through the wide, wide world of fans' views on sexual attraction between two fictional characters, as he now lounged back against his chair to watch the blond rolling on his duvet.

"…is it honestly that funny?"

Cloud coughed a final time, grinned, and at last shrugged. Calm once more, he went back to the game. "So what else is there?"

"Mostly humor," came the casual response. "It surprises me how well two characters from completely different games can be written to be the best of friends, lovers, bed buddies or even soul mates."

Cloud hummed again, and then his brows shot up a few inches closer to his fringe as he stared at the screen. "…uh oh."

Squall picked up the tone, and guessed, "You found him?"

"I found him, alright…!"

"…please tell me that's not a monster," Aphotic comments dryly, his eyes wide and staring at the figure that materialized before them.

"He was not…once," Rogan answers, his eyes narrowed into slits. "A long time ago, he fought monsters. Now…even monsters have more morality than him."

"… Flypipe," the figure drawls. "Still clinging on to the past, are you?"

"Shut up, Zeff!" the fighter snaps. With a snarl, he raises his weapon once more. "Howling – you and Aphotic get the ship started. NOW."

"Fly…!"

"He can't do anything to me," Rogan cuts her off, his focus trained completely on his nemesis. "Don't worry, I'll catch up…now GO!"

The girl hesitates, then dashes up the ramp with Aphotic trailing behind. As they disappear out of sight, there is a single flash of motion, and Rogan grits his teeth as he holds up against a forceful surge of energy.

Silver light twinkles once, and the two weapons clash with a loud chime that echoes for miles.

"… So… I can't do anything to you…?" the attacker taunts. The fighter smiles wryly.

"…had to tell her something…"

Back in the ship, Aphotic pauses and turns, growling with irritation as he glares back down the ramp.

"…come on!"

Ignoring the girl's call, his hand moves. The gun comes back out, and he loads the barrel methodically.

"You start it up – I'm going after him," he mutters. "If that nut thinks himself a martyr, then I'm going to go piss on his grave. Repeatedly."

Leaving no room for protest, he dashes back out and into the town square.

That image froze, and the single "PAUSED" icon blinked repeatedly upon the screen.

"…out of morbid curiosity," Cloud suddenly asked, his tone laced with an almost wary expectation, "Are there any pairings with Zeff in there?"

"…there are, actually." The blond blanched.

"Great Odin above me, don't say it – Zeff and Rogan, or Zeff and Aphotic, and a very fat emphasis on continued rape…?"

"… Alright, I won't say it," Squall replied blandly, and in turn was answered by a string of vulgarities that would make Mr. Highwind blush.

"Bloody Bahamut," Cloud concluded with finality, "He's…what, ten years older than either of them?! That's just…wrong on so many levels…!"

Squall looked a little pained as he found yet another fan fiction piece with an evil Zeff deflowering Aphotic in some dark, dark place. "…some prefer to call it an 'abusive relationship'."

"Aren't there hotlines for those?" Cloud moaned, feeling his sanity and IQ drop like rocks in response to his vivid imagination.

"Not in the worlds of Gaia Puntasy, The Unknowable Devil's Dance, or Deviant Hearts, it seems…"

Cloud sighed, and set the controller down as he stared wearily at the figure of Aphotic Wraith, frozen in his action of jumping from cover to take a pot shot at the tall man looming over his fallen comrade.

"…what's the old guy's take on it?" he dared himself to ask. Mercifully, the answer was palatable.

"He avoids even a hint of it like the plague, actually."

Then another thought hit the blond, and he got off from the bed to stand behind his seated friend. "How old is he, anyway?"

"In his mid-to-late thirties, I think," Squall answered. "Still, he has the vocabulary sense of a man in his twenties; interesting conversationalist."

"…could you ask him something for me?"

Squall quirked his brow in question, and listened attentively. In a few moments, he went from wondering…to intrigued.

"…too blunt?"

"No, actually, I was going to ask him anyway…"

Leonhart says:

Does it ever bother you that you're a thirty-going-on-forty-year-old man of faith, writing homoerotic-themed stories to entertain an audience consisting mainly of teenage girls?

Sephiroth says:

I'm senile! What do I care?!

A/N: This joke-series was started as an early birthday present to Flypipe aka Rogancryd. References used are based on actual conversations between myself, my friend Jimmy, Flypipe and his friend Aphotic ( through msn quotations that he has been generous to show me ). Furthermore, I'd like to thank pyjamaTerra for educating me on what "shipping of pairings" means.

Will be continued as of when I am able to incorporate more characters into the game.