Title: Sing Like Nobody's Listening
Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon.
Notes: So. This is my first attempt at complete and utter crack, and I don't actually think it's too terrible. It goes without saying that it's AU. I've been working on this for a while, and I was going to wait until I'd finished it to post it, but I thought I'd just post a bit to see how it's received. On a side note, guess whose birthday it is on Sunday?

It was a Sunday, so the cinema was almost completely empty. The lobby was devoid of cinema goers, as was everywhere else in the building except for one screen which was playing a children's animated film. And it was just as well, really, that next to no one was around; if they had been, they would surely have been rendered speechless upon laying eyes and ears on the state of the employees. Ticket salespeople were nowhere to be seen, two of the people behind the refreshments counter were panicking over a leaking drinks machine, and a series of very loud, very angry and very threatening screams could be heard echoing their way through the building.

Just in case that weren't enough, if a passer-by happened to pay very close attention he might even see a pair of feet sticking out of one of the large bins, kicking wildly in the air.

It was just going to be one of those days, and everybody knew it.

-

"Daisuke! Get back here right this instant! You can't escape from me, and you know it!"

"I can have a damn good go!"

A coat hanger flew with a whoosh past Daisuke's head at a high speed, crashing into the door he had been planning to escape through. At this, however, he decided it was time to change course and he ran through the double doors into the lobby.

"Stop running away from me! Come back and take your punishment like a man!"

"If throwing coat hangers at me isn't punishment, I'd hate to know what is!"

He would have continued had he not been taken by surprise by a sizeable puddle of coke and fizzy orange juice on the floor. Unable to stop himself in time he ran right into it, resulting in his feet flying into the air and him falling into the puddle with a wet thud and sliding behind the refreshments counter.

There was no time for him to sulk over his uniform now being saturated with a mixture of soft drinks, and he struggled to get to his feet. He had a thoroughly pissed off and homicidal Miyako on his tail, and he had no desire to experience the many tortures she was bound to inflict on him if she managed to catch him.

The likely causes of the drinks leak, Ken and Sora, didn't even seem to notice that Daisuke was lying in their puddle. They were far too busy clogging up every possible hole in the drinks machine and fiddling about with switches and plug sockets in an effort to stop the leak. So far their efforts had been in vain, as the fizzy beverages continued to pour on to the floor.

"Hide me!"

Daisuke's plea got Ken's attention, albeit briefly, and he extended a hand to help him up from the floor before going back to the broken machine. "No can do. No time. If we don't get this sorted soon, we're going to be out of drinks for a week."

"We might even get fired," Sora added, and Ken nodded in agreement.

"Say," Ken continued before Daisuke could make a complaint, "I don't suppose you could help out with this? We're getting in a right tizzy and could really do with another pair of hands."

"You must be having a laugh. Miyako's on the warpath, and I'm the one she's hunting down. I don't have time to play 'engineer' and fix your stupid machine," he snapped, angry that his so-called friends were more concerned about their jobs than his safety, before climbing back on to the carpeted side of the counter and continuing to run like his life depended on it. Which, he was sure, it probably did.

-

Miyako threw another coat hanger and growled as it, like the others, missed Daisuke's head. The closest she had managed to get so far was the small of his back. It sounded quite pathetic, but she didn't think it was half bad considering they were both on the move and she was quite a distance behind him.

He disappeared into the lobby and she prepared to scream more abuse, but stopped in her tracks when she noticed something a little unusual. Were those… feet sticking out of the bin?

She inched closer, and indeed she had been right. The feet were kicking about all over the place; whoever they belonged to was obviously not very happy about being upside down in a bin. She dropped her remaining supply of coat hangers to the floor, deciding to be a good citizen before she carried on attempting to cause Daisuke unimaginable pain, and grasped one of the ankles with both hands. The person was light, and also quite short, but only when she had managed to pull them out far enough to see their face did she realise it was Iori. And a very irate Iori, at that.

He wore an expression of pure thunder. "Where is he? I'll kill him."

Miyako chose to ignore his question and ask one of her own. "What on earth were you doing in there?"

"Looking for leftovers." He rolled his eyes. "Daisuke came rushing past, flailing like the maniac he is, and he knocked me in.

Miyako's grip on his ankle tightened as she felt her own anger swell up again. "That complete and utter idiot! As if he hadn't already done enough to make me mad! I swear, Iori, he's really getting on my nerves today. I'm going to teach him a lesson if it's the last thing I do!"

So caught up in her desire for revenge, she let go of Iori's ankle and took off in the direction Daisuke had taken only moments before.

Iori, who had been hoping that Miyako would help him out of the bin, was not in the least bit impressed by being dropped head first back into the rubbish. Due to the narrow width of the bin, his arms were pressed against his sides and therefore moving was made incredibly difficult. He growled, careful not to let any of the litter into his mouth, and started to kick his feet again in hopes of attracting the attention of someone a bit more helpful.

Maybe Daisuke wasn't going to be the only one who suffered when he eventually managed to get free.

-

Daisuke, in his fleeing, had noticed with delight that Miyako was no longer following him. Either that, or she was just too far behind to be in sight; both possibilities were fine as far as Daisuke was concerned, but he knew better than to take any chances. She was one of those people who could just pop up out of nowhere if you weren't paying attention, and he really didn't want that to happen. So he ducked into screen nine, which he knew wasn't in use.

Or, at least, it wasn't in official use. There was no film being shown, and there were no customers sitting in the seats eating popcorn and slurping their drinks. That was good enough for Daisuke.

Unfortunately, in his rush to find a suitably dark corner to crouch in until the danger had passed, he managed to fall for the second time. This time, however, it was not a puddle of soft drinks he had slipped on. Instead he had tripped over a person who, after he picked himself up off the floor and made sure his limbs were still in working order, Daisuke was pleased to identify as Taichi.

"Man, am I glad to see you!"

Taichi didn't look quite as thrilled; probably because as Daisuke had tripped over him, his foot had jabbed sharply into his ribs. "What are you doing? Aren't you supposed to be selling tickets, or whatever it is that you do?"

"Never mind that now!" Daisuke wailed, and was about to continue when he caught sight of a head of blue hair underneath Taichi. He peered closer, confused, until he realised that it was in fact another person. "Jyou?"

The person chuckled. "Hey, Daisuke."

For a very slow moment, Daisuke couldn't understand why Taichi had Jyou pinned to the floor in an empty cinema screen in the dark. Then it started to click into place.

Oh. Oh.

"Oh yeah Taichi, you're a fine one to talk, you pervert!" he finally erupted. "You're supposed to be cleaning, not getting off with Jyou! So don't start complaining at me for trying to defend my life!"

"Your life? What- oh, lord…" Taichi hung his head and sighed. "What have you done to her this time?"

"I haven't done anything! It was her, and now she's trying to pin the blame on me!"

Jyou made a noise that sounded suspiciously like a groan. "This place turns into a battlefield whenever you say that."

"Yeah, but this time I'm telling the truth." At their simultaneous expressions of doubt, Daisuke was forced to continue. "It's true! Takeru went next door to buy pizzas for lunch, right? So I said I'd man his post for him while he was gone, because I'm a nice guy like that. But that silly clown Miyako started picking a fight with me, saying I was too incompetent to do two things at once, and she ended up breaking one of her nails on the counter. I don't see how that can possibly be blamed on me."

"Why do I get the feeling that you've omitted some choice details in that story?" Jyou pushed his glasses further along his nose.

"Admit it, Daisuke," Taichi added, "you did it on purpose, just to make her mad. You always do it."

"Not this time!" he argued. Honestly, he was beginning to think that some people would never learn. Just because he'd deliberately wound Miyako up a few times in the past, everyone expected him to be doing it constantly.

Taichi didn't seem to care very much either way. "Whether you did or you didn't, you're going to need a plan of attack. If I were you, what I'd do is start by-"

"I'm sorry, Taichi," Daisuke interrupted, as if something had just dawned on him and he was beginning to look a bit uncomfortable. "I don't mean any offence when I say this, and I really do appreciate what you have to say, I really do, but I just can't take you seriously when you're straddling Jyou."

Jyou's blush was visible even in the darkness, but Taichi didn't look fazed in the slightest. "I'm not moving, if that's what you want."

This statement didn't go down very well, and Daisuke wailed in frustration. "What is it with everyone today? Why won't anybody help me? Don't any of you realise that my life is at stake, here?"

"Only too well," Jyou managed to reply, for the sake of being polite, while Taichi seemed to bore of the conversation and started sucking on his neck. "If we helped you, she'd be after us as well. And I'd rather hang on to my knee caps, thank you."

Had he been given an opportunity, Daisuke would have started to rant and rave about how friends were supposed to help each other out when they had sadistic maniacs trying to maim them. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how one looked at it), the door to the screen was opened so fast it smashed into the wall and Miyako, panting and carrying a replenished supply of coat hangers, stood in the doorway. Effectively blocking the only exit.

"Nowhere left to run!" she yelled, preparing to attack. "If you have any last words, Daisuke, let's hear them."

Daisuke took a step back, dreadfully aware that she was right; there was nowhere left that he could run to. The only option he had left was to fight back and, as much as he didn't want to, he braced himself for the worst. Noticing one of Taichi and Jyou's discarded brooms on the floor, he hastily picked it up and hoped it would pass as an adequate means of defence.

However, he wanted to maintain at least a slightly confident exterior, so he answered with a taunt of his own. "If anyone's going to be saying their last words, it'll be you!"

He wielded the broom as he spoke, perhaps seeming slightly overconfident.

Miyako just growled. "We'll see about that."

-

In the projection room above, Koushiro was also trying to fend off co-workers of the female variety, although his situation wasn't nearly as life threatening. He leaned with all his weight against the door, desperately trying to keep it shut, but this was made increasingly difficult each time one or both of the girls outside tried to kick their way in.

"Come on, Koushiro!" one of their voices shouted before the door was kicked again. "You hardly ever come out of that room! Live a little! Come out and see the chaos!"

Koushiro dug his heels further into the floor as both girls seemed to slam their body weights into the door at the same time. "Chaos isn't good for me!"

"Neither is being in there all the time!" the other voice tried to reason. "I bet your complexion is appalling. At least come and get some fresh air, and I hear pizzas are on their way!"

"I don't need pizza; my mum makes me sandwiches every day!" he protested. This response was met with another onslaught of kicks against the door.

"Koushiro Izumi, I swear if you do not leave that room right this instant I'll get Ken to hack into that precious laptop of yours and delete all your online gaming records."

"… Mimi, you wouldn't dare."

"Try me."

When they received no response to this (because Koushiro was seriously considering whether or not it was worth it), the other voice tried to prompt him further. "You know she will. Besides, you might even discover how much fun human interaction can be."

Hearing a smash from the screen below him, Koushiro leaned forward slightly and glanced out of his window to see a very angry looking girl with an armful of coat hangers, Taichi on the floor with Jyou (but then, that was nothing new) and a boy holding a broom as if it were a baseball bat. "Believe me," he told them, "I can see perfectly well how much fun it is from here."

He looked again. That boy… Koushiro had never seen him before. Did he work here? How was it possible that Koushiro had never noticed someone as gorgeous as that?

He was so busy admiring the boy that he wasn't nearly prepared enough when the girls outside slammed their weight into the door again, and he flew forwards as the girls stumbled. They, clearly, weren't expecting that either.

Mimi, however, wasted no time and hooked her arm underneath one of Koushiro's shoulders. "Hikari, get his other arm. My goodness, I was right; your skin is suffering from being shut up in here for so long. Come on mister, Auntie Mimi's going to fix this."

Koushiro struggled, although this time for an entirely different reason. He didn't want to be dragged away from the view of that stunning boy in screen nine. Hikari noticed, and tried to follow his gaze. "What are you looking at?"

Mimi looked out of the window too, murmuring a quiet, "Oh my," when she saw Miyako toss another coat hanger and Daisuke barely hit it away in time with his broom, an expression of utter fear on his face.

Looking from Daisuke to Koushiro to Daisuke again, Hikari smiled a knowing smile and prodded Koushiro in the cheek. "Or should I ask who you're looking at?"

"Who is he, Hikari?"

Instead of answering the question directly, Hikari squeezed his arm and turned to Mimi, beaming. "Koushiro thinks Dais is hot! Isn't it sweet?"

Mimi blinked and pointed out of the window to clarify. "That Daisuke?"

"The very same."

Now wearing a look of solid determination, Mimi found new strength and hoisted Koushiro away from the window and out of the room, much to his immense displeasure. "Don't even think about trying to escape now. We've got work to do. Hikari, go and get Sora; we're going to need her help. Koushiro and I will be in the ladies' room up here. Tell her it's an emergency!"

"Yes, ma'am!"