AN: Well, my beloved readers, it's the middle of August, and guess what? Ginny is back with her latest fic written under the influence of espresso and chocolate! Glad to have a new, completely off-topic, incredibly long prologue for you all… and hopefully you are too.

On a serious note:

Due to my respect for all readers, despite their individual beliefs, I have done my best to alter all issues and controversies so that they have no resemblance with the real world, to keep from offending. This fic is designed to make fun of us all, but if at anytime you find something severally offensive, please let me know. Thanks.

And now, on with the show! Enjoy!

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Lucius glanced out the window. On the curb sat a big white van with writing on it.

The Death Eater's thought process went like this:

Van

plus

White

plus

Writing

equals

Ice Cream Truck!

Obviously, this was Lucius's inner child thought process. Which ruled him like a Bolivarian dictator.

"Belatrix! Belatrix! It's the ice cream truck! Quick, if one of us runs outside, while the other one gets some money from Uncle Voldy, we can get iccccccccccccccccce creeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam!"

Belatrix was not amused.

"I'm lactose intolerant."

"But this is iccccccccccccccccce creeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam." Lucius persisted.

Belatrix glanced past the maturity-confused man to see what he was watching on TV.

"Okay," she said, striding over to the Ultra Jumbo Mumbo Plasma Pixel 108" Screen and looking around for the power button. "No more Teletubies for you."

"But Belllllllllaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…."

"Don't call me that. Where's the off switch on this thing?"

Lucius giggled. "Don't got one," he said coyly, rocking back and forth on his heals.

Belatrix scowled, whipped out an axe, and lodged it firmly into the green Teletubie's freakish TV playing stomach.

The screen went black.

Clutching at his chest, Lucius sank to the ground. "No!" he gasped. "My non-stop programming… stopped!"

He convulsed on the floor for a minute or two, in which Belatrix debated yanking the axe out off the TV and using it to chop Lucius's head off (to keep him from injuring himself.) She decided against it, afraid that the television would come back to life should she remove the axe.

Instead she went to look out the window, to see if there actually was an ice cream truck.

What she saw made her gasp in horror.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Meanwhile, in the Lair O' Doom™…

"… I kissed a girl, and I liked it, taste of her cherrryyyy chap stiiick…" sang Voldemort has he glued a sticker that had a picture of Avril on it to his laptop.

Bobbing his head to the beat, the Dark Lord sang in incredibly high octaves, eyes closed, back to the door, jamming his body to the beat while sitting in a chair.

"…It felt soo wrong, it felt soo right…"

Living in the moment, Voldemort grabbed his glue stick, held it up to his mouth, and standing, belted,

"I KISSED A GIRL, JUST TO TRY IT, HOPE MY BOYFRIEND DON'T MIN-"

"… Sir?"

The Dark Lord froze, mid-hip swing. His eyes flicking open were the only things that moved. His mouth was in a rather curious 'O' position.

Belatrix and Snape stood in the doorway.

"Um…" Belatrix said.

"Is this a bad time?" Snape asked.

There was moment of silence as Volemort's eyes switched back and forth, calculating how quickly he could kill the two.

Finally deciding that he'd have to touch the dead bodies, something that the Pimp'n Lord Voldemort just did not do, he relaxed, laughing awkwardly with a false smile.

"No no… ahahahaa…. Of course not, you silly little… um… ahem. Er. What can I do you for?''

"Bad news, sir." Belatrix said. "There's a van on the street-"

The Dark Lord's features went slack with joy. "You mean the Ice Cream Truck?!"

"NO!" Belatrix yelled while Snape took cover, armed with the knowledge that the Death Eater was having a bit of a bad day. "WHAT IS IT WITH MEN AND THEIR ICE CREAM TRUCKS?! GOD!"

She stormed out, steam rising visibly from her head.

Snape crawled out from behind the Plexiglas and muttered, "Somebody got out on the wrong side of the bed this morning…"

"Hm," said Voldemort, tapping his chin, completely oblivious. "If it wasn't the ice cream truck, what was it?"

"The IRS, sir."

"Oh #."

………………………………………………………………………………………………

"You know," the Dark Lord complained loudly as the IRS officials began wheeling out all the possessions of Malfoy Manor. "I really don't like you guys."

"Nobody does." One of them replied gruffly, struggling the Ultra Jumbo Mumbo Plasma Pixel 108" Screen.

"I command you to stop taking our possessions."

"No can do," the officer replied. "You ain't the boss of me."

"Well that can be easily fixed. Ahem. Er. Who is your boss, where exactly does he live, what are his weaknesses, and is he, by chance, fatally allergic to anything?"

"My boss isn't that easy to take out, Mister."

"Doubting," Voldemort said in an annoying singsong voice.

"Only way you're my boss is if you're the President of the United States."

Voldemort's ears perked up, in slight resemblance to a Chihuahua, who'd just heard it's name 'Dumbo' being called.

"Mmhmmmm… And how would I, say, become the Resident of the United Plates?"

"Run for office. There's an election going on right now."

"Uh-huhhhhhhh..."

The Dark Lord nodded, thinking. Then he ran inside to where Belatrix and Snape were counseling Lucius over missing his all new favorite show, Flipping Out.

"Death Eaters," he proclaimed loudly, and was about to continue when he was interrupted by Snape's severe cough. Voldemort sighed. "Death Eaters and Soy-Reincarnation Fasters," he intoned, "We're going on a road trip!"

"Yes!" cried Lucius.

"But I get car sick," moaned Snape.

"Where to?" Belatrix asked.

"America!" cried the Dark Lord.

"Woot!" went Lucius.

"But they don't have any tea!" went Snape.

"You can't drive there!" went Belatrix.

"Shut up! We'll get there somehow!" went the Dark Lord.

"Sweet!"

"-just coffee, which is all black and smelly and-"

"Why?"

Voldemort grinned evilly. "All you need to know right now is the stuff you're going to be handing out on lawn signs, and that is 'VOTE FOR VOLDY!'"

Belatrix and Lucius exchanged glances.

"-my tea!!" sobbed Snape.

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AN: Yes, I am quite aware of my inability to spell "Teletubies". But in my defense, spell check couldn't do it either. And also, my sincere apologies for the break in character on Lucius's part. It won't happen again.