Revenge in Nightmaric Form
"Well, Jane, here's the box, but the soldiers have kindly volunteered to lead the class through a training regime – you know, show them what it takes to get into the army."
"Really? Have they? Surely it's not a way to get out of sitting through sex ed?"
"It probably is. You know what. Let's not humor them this."
With matching evil grins, the two teachers turned back to the horrified soldiers.
"If you do want to show them what it takes to get into the army, or the SAS," said Ms Smith, "I'm sure that that can be done after school or at lunch time. That way, you can target the entire school, but only those interested. Not everyone," she glanced outside to some of her less fit students, "could deal with that."
With that, she turned and walked outside. They could hear her yelling at the students to go inside.
"Right. Who's going to join the class?"
"Er... Everyone, Wolf," replied Eagle.
"No. Some of us need to watch the grounds. You know that."
"I vote Eagle. He's not been in the kid's class today." Eagle glared at Fox.
"What?"
"Seconded."
"Third-ed."
Glaring, Eagle stormed out of the office, to the amused stare of Mr McKinley, found and joined Rider's class. His evil, evil team smirked and went outside.
The school had not seen fit to gift the PE department with their own classrooms - not that anyone was particularly surprised. As a result, this particular class was being held in a Biology classroom - complete with posters of the human body. Eagle was too busy glaring at everyone from the back of the room to be amused at the squeamish faces of the teenagers.
"What crawled up his ass and died?" muttered some girl.
Said girl spontaneously combusted from the force of Eagle's glare.
"Now, class." Ms Smith smiled at them. "You haven't done numerous professional training courses on this, you haven't gone through the horror of a seventy-year-old grey haired albeit balding lecturer talking about this when you're at Uni, and you most certainly haven't been teaching this to teenagers for I don't want to talk about how many years. I'm going to be very blasé about this. You will have to deal with that.
"I want you to be mature about this. No laughing unnecessarily. No stunts like that in 17 Again. Or Mean Girls - did they do something? Doesn't matter. Same thing. Nothing but mature responses."
"You might want to ask that of the SAS soldier at the back," muttered Alex. Not too loudly. But Eagle heard.
Eagle wished that whoever provided MI6 with their gadgets could come up with one that allowed him to cause the spontaneous combustion of other objects/people through glaring.
Ms Smith fixed everyone with her gaze before moving on.
"Now. We think it's a good idea to do a short questionnaire - to see how much you know, already."
The class was horrified. "What makes you think that we know anything about sex?"
"Apart from the freely available porn on the Internet that I just know you've been looking at?" General paling. "Oh, some of your parents might've discussed this already (good on them), some magazines that you read might've mentioned something about sex - Bliss, Sugar. Information gleaned from any source really – you teens are curious. Curiosity leads you to investigate. Some of you might've even discovered scarleteen - that's a very good website about every issue that bothers teenagers, really."
The class swallowed, and many of them looked rather ill. Eagle wondered if it was because they'd just realized that some adults did know their secrets. Then he decided he didn't want to think about that, and reached up to turn his earphone on so that he could listen to his teammates. Hopefully, and he couldn't believe he was thinking this, something would happen so that this sex ed class was interrupted. Why didn't SCORPIA attack when you really wanted them to?
"Eagle, we're turning it right off. You've gotta suffer." And with that, Wolf flipped a switch to disconnect Eagle from the team's radio. Furious, and swearing revenge, Eagle tried to ignore the class.
The teacher was firing off some 'true or false' questions – "it's alright to have a crush on someone of the same gender', 'young boys, as young as three, can have erections' (the looks on the boys' faces!), 'when a girl first gets her period, it is called the menses' (the looks on the girls' faces!).
Then she went through the answers, and a 'class discussion'. More like, Eagle thought, 'teacher talks, some brave girl/boy asks a question, or discusses it with her, she continues'. She even invited Eagle to join the discussion but he glared at her. Most of the class was silent, even Rider. Then again, no one really wanted to draw attention to themselves during something as mortifying as sex ed.
"Right. Now, last year, in Science, you should've covered the male and female reproductive systems. Can anyone tell me what the path of a sperm would be – from creation of the sperm to fertilization of the egg?"
No one answered. She sighed, and answered her own question, even going so far as to use the posters in her explanation. The class blanched at the writings of words like 'testicle' and 'vagina' on the white board, and then at the cross-section pictures on the posters.
"Stop it. Now. During sex," more horror, "if you want to avoid having the girl fall pregnant, then obviously, at some point, you need to avoid having the sperm actually fertilize the egg. That's where contraception comes in. The male must orgasm - or really, the male would like to orgasm," more pale faces, "but to avoid having the sperm travel any further than that, things like condoms exist."
She pulled a small square packet out of the box. "This is a condom, still in the packet." She opened it and stretched the thing out. "Now, how this works… The male, or the female, puts the condom on the penis. And then there's sex…" the kids' faces… "and when the male ejaculates, the ejaculation - I believe you teens call it 'cum' - " someone made a choking sound, "simply stays in the condom. It's a good idea to keep your hand," she was addressing the males now, "wrapped around the base of the condom when pulling out – that stops the condom from, say, sliding out and the chance of sperm entering the vagina."
In much the same fashion, she continued, showing how each of the products (why she passed around packets of the Pill, Eagle didn't know and didn't want to know) stopped the female from becoming pregnant. She told them how the Pill worked, what all the different colours were ("some women don't like losing their period entirely – this is entirely personal choice – so some of the tablets are placebos, and these colours indicate the ones to be taken during the period, and this tells you where to start, and you follow it using the arrows"), and Eagle amused himself by watching the boys' reactions during that particular part of the talk.
And then Ms Smith paused, and looked at Eagle.
"Eagle, was it?"
He nodded, glaring.
"What's the Army or the SAS policy on sex?"
"What?"
"What's the policy? Abstinence? Don't Ask, Don't Tell? Free condoms? What?"
"Why'd you want to know?"
"I'm sure the students do. Especially the ones who want to join the army. It's very important information." She smiled widely. "Or do they hold lectures such as these which scar you so badly you don't ever want to have sex?"
Ealge jerked up, feeling the sweat under his arms and along his forehead, and stared at the posts in front of him. Wait. This was his bed, at least, at Rider's place, and in the bunk bed above him was Rider. And he'd banged his head on the bottom of Rider's bed.
And Rider was looking down at him.
"Eagle?"
"Sorry. Did I wake you?"
"You banged your head on the bottom of my bed. What happened in the nightmare? Terrorists in Afghanistan?"
"Sex Ed with your class and your teacher."
Rider winced. "Yeah. That'd be a close one on the scale of 'most horrifying'."
"Uh huh. Do you have your milk?" Eagle had gone to bed shortly before Fox and Rider had returned from the shops.
Grinning, Rider replied, "three two-litre cartons. Wonder how long it takes me to finish them." He smirked. "And then, once I finish the milk, if you don't supply me with more, I can get my revenge."
Eagle frowned. He swung his legs out of the bed, stood, and told Rider to get down. From there, he walked outside and to the fridge. Yes, there were the three cartons. Eagle looked around.
He looked around the kitchen and the meals room – there was a pot plant. Suspiciously, it was looking rather dead. And, even worse…
"Rider, did you pour milk on this poor plant?"
"Possibly."
"And that was how you finished the milk off so quickly."
"Maybe. Maybe not."
"Rider?"
"Yes?"
"You're so dead."
A/N: So some people remarked that it'd be nice to see what would've happened during sex ed... So this is sort of the sequel to the series. And now I must re-repress my memories of sex ed... Review, please.