Title: Problem Solving According to Kusajishi Yachiru.
Genre: Humour. Or, well. Crack.
Characters: Yachiru, Kenpachi, Usagi and Chibiusa. Oh yes.
Rating: PG, just to be safe.
Notes: Part of a larger BLEACH/Sailor Moon crossover project, written for my girlfriend as a present.
Summary: "Wait a minute, who are you?" Usagi crossed her arms, feeling petulant, yet oddly happy with the question that seemed the only sparkle of sensibility in this conversation so far. "You can't just come here and hit the children!"

Problem Solving According to Kusajishi Yachiru

It had been a peaceful day thus far and Usagi really didn't want it ruined by Chibiusa, no matter how annoying the boy in the sandbox was being.

"Just ignore him," she said for the umpteenth time, as Chibiusa called for help.

"But he won't stop pulling my hair! He's stupid!" Obviously, Chibiusa thought this was a perfect reason for Usagi to ruin her own day by having to scold a first grader like some old mother-hen. She had other things to do! Like, she had to think about Mamoru for at least another ten minutes and she wanted to think without suffering voice-overs from the pink pestilence.

"Usagi!"

Nooo, I'm just... not here. Not here at all. Mamoru. Mamoru and his beautiful hair, wonderful eyes, perfect brilliance, Mamo-

"USAGI!!!"

-ru and the offspring they would NEVER produce, oh god, never-ever, how could something this annoying be related to her? Seriously. She wasn't like this, was she? If she was, surely Mamoru wouldn't marry her at any point in time. He didn't even like Chibiusa, did he? Except he did, because she was so, so annoying around him and wasn't that a bit weird of Chibiusa anyway? And oh, now she was getting hungry. Mm, food...

"Che."

It was a very short word, but it threw her out of her rambling thoughts all the same. Looking up, she... looked up. Further up. And kept going until, finally, she met the eye (?!) of the biggest man she had ever seen.

The spikes on his head didn't make him any shorter. Usagi just stared.

"You her sister?" said huge-man-with-spikes, looming over her in a way that totally blocked out all sunlight. "'Cause if you are, you're goddamn irresponsible."

Wait, what? "I'm... not." He looked between her and Chibiusa a bit sceptically and she added quickly, "Irresponsible. Why would you say that?" Saving the planet had to count for SOMETHING.

Huge-and-spikey leaned in and she nearly gasped out loud at the long scar running down the side of his head. Between that, his eye-patch and his enormous bulk of muscle, he was downright scary.

"Why? 'Cause you ain't looking out for her, that's why." His gruff voice made her shrink back against the bench, Sailor Senshi or not. "She WAS gettin' in trouble, but Yachiru got there in time. Lucky for you."

At that, Usagi peered behind him (having to stretch to the other end of the bench to do so). Chibiusa was playing in the sand with a pink-haired girl who looked to be having the time of her life. The boy was... wailing in the corner, a bruise forming just above his right eye.

"Heeh, Chibiusa is kind of cute, but I'll call you Chibi-chan!" said the pink-haired girl and Chibiusa looked at her with wonder. "Chibi-chaaaan, why don't you hit the boy when he pulls your hair? It's so pretty, don't let him do that!"

Usagi turned to look at the creepy stranger with eyes as wide as saucers. "She HIT him?!"

"'Course she did! Idiot." He stepped back, giving her a disgusted look. "Yachiru ain't used to just takin' other people's bullshit." Looking over his shoulder, he barked out, "Yo, Yachiru! We're leavin'."

"But Ken-chan, I wanna play some more with Chibi-chan!" Yachiru pouted up at... whoever he was. Her father? Usagi shuddered. "I wanna teach her how to hit people who annoy her."

Usagi, still slightly flabbergasted, wanted to tell them both that Chibiusa already knew how to do that, quite efficiently in fact. Before she could, "Ken-chan" grumbled out, "Not your job, Yachiru. We gotta get back before Hime-Taichou gets his hair-noodles in a twist."

"Wait a minute, who are you?" Usagi crossed her arms, feeling petulant, yet oddly happy with the question that seemed the only sparkle of sensibility in this conversation so far. "You can't just come here and hit the children!"

At that, the stranger grinned with absolutely all his teeth and Usagi thought, this is it, this is the scariest man I have ever, ever seen. He didn't say anything, though, merely turned to walk away. Yachiru dropped her sad expression and patted Chibiusa on the head. Then, she looked at Usagi and smiled brightly.

"Odango-chan," she said (what a brat!) and, in the blink of an eye, situated herself right next to Usagi. "I'm Kusajishi Yachiru and I don't think boys should pull girl's hair." She blinked innocently at her. "We don't let them do that where I come from. It makes them think they're sooo strong when they're really a bunch of... of..." she stopped, looking at her companion who was headed in the other direction. "Ken-chan!" she yelled, "What did you call Byakushi that made him so mad at you?"

"What?" He didn't turn to look at her. "Oh. Pansy."

"... a bunch of pansies!" she finished with a satisfied smile, looking back at Usagi.

Usagi, whose head was spinning by this point, couldn't stop herself from pointing out, "You can solve problems without fighting too." She sounded about as breathless as she felt so her argument didn't sound as convincing as it usually did.

Yachiru looked at her thoughtfully for a moment before jumping down from the bench. "That's boring," she said and grinned. "You're such a girl, Odango-chan!" With that, she skipped along, catching up to the Scariest Man in the Universe with alarming speed.

In the sandbox, Chibiusa aimed a small kick at the wailing boy, a curious expression on her face. Usagi groaned and hurried to the sandbox, just in time to see the boy's mother come marching up to them, looking slightly homicidal.

Great, thought Usagi, reaching for Chibiusa. It HAD been a peaceful day...

A/N: I have a long Setsuna/Byakuya piece in the writing (20+ pages thus far) and I would absolutely love some beta-help on it. In case you want to help me, please feel free to either comment or write to my mail:

Thanks!