Utterly Problematic-
Chapter 1- Invasion
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Hogan and the men sat around their table eating breakfast. It wasn't anything incredible but it was good anyway. Lebeau made it after all. There was a tap at the window. Then a thump, thump outside the door.
Hogan stopped mid chew and looked around the table. 'Did the others hear it?'
Thump, thump. Carter looked behind himself to the door then at the colonel.
Newkirk was looking too. "It isn't a knock."
"No." Hogan finished his mouthful then stood and went to the door. He listened to the other side, a huff from a snout could be heard. A snout? A dog? Hogan looked at the men who were waiting with anticipation. He raised an eye brow and opened the door. It was a good thing his mouth wasn't full or else he might have choked. The entire camp was over run by bovine animals.
"Cows?" Newkirk asked going to the door. He looked at Hogan who shrugged. Kinch joined them. Their entire door was blocked by the creatures. They couldn't get out unless they decided to climb over the animals or crawl under them which didn't sound to good to them. There were cows as far as the eye could see from one side of the compound to the other.
"Well, that's odd," Carter was at Hogan's left now.
Hogan looked around, how did they get in? The front gate was busted open and the guards couldn't move. It seemed that security was tightened outside the gate incase the prisoners decided to try and escape.
"I'm going to go and get some information out of Klink." Hogan said about to step forward.
"How?" Carter asked causing Hogan to stop. That was a good question.
"I don't know, any good ideas?" Hogan asked his team.
They looked out over the compound. They seemed to be breaking up. There had to be at least sixty bovines.
They moved further into the compound. The one in front of their door wasn't about to move though. Hogan sighed. Carter ducked down and began crawling under the cow to get out on the other side. The cow turned and tried to get into the barracks. Hogan and the men tried to block the way and tried to push the cow back. It had a tag on it's ear with the number four.
Carter, had its back end trying to pull it back away from the door. It was branded. Carter only glanced at it but it looked familiar. He'd figure it out later. The cow was able to push through into the barracks and made its way into the Colonel's office. He was not happy about this. He sighed and rubbed his forehead. Now that the cow was gone he made his way out to the Kommandant's office. He had to wait a moment for the Bald Eagle to show up from other business. He stormed up to the office and immediately dismissed the American officer. "You're dismissed Hogan, I don't care to listen to your complaints today."
"Colonel Klink, you can't expect me to share my office with a cow!"
Newkirk ran in. "Make that three cows sir."
Hogan was getting a headache.
Klink opened the door to his private office to find four cows sharing the room. "What is the meaning of this!" His eyes nearly popped out of his head. "Out! Get out!" The cows made no sign that they even heard him.
Carter came in next to Newkirk. "Sir, the cows are all making their homes in all the barracks. Barracks two is filled. The men had to move out."
"That was fast." Hogan said.
"When the cows saw that first cow go in first they all followed." Carter said somewhat out of breath.
"Carter why are you out of breath?" Hogan asked since by the sounds of it the cows weren't in the way in the compound anymore.
"More cows just showed up and are crowding the compound again Sir, I had to get around them." Carter said pointing to the outside.
Hogan and Klink exchanged a look of terror and ran out onto the porch followed by Newkirk and Carter to see a large herd of bovines bust down one of the fences and file into the compound. Then the phone rang.
Klink ran in to answer it. "Yes Hello?" There was a pause. "Hilda?" His eyes bugged out. "Hammelburg roads are blocked off because of cows? What? They're coming this way? You can't get out of your house?"
Hogan looked at his men who were very surprised. "Colonel ask how many."
Klink looked at Hogan. "How many?" His eyes bugged out even more at the answer. "Yes, Thank you." and he hung up.
"So?" Hogan asked eagerly.
"At least two hundred." Klink said shock and terror evident in his face and voice.
Hogan didn't know what to say or do.
Newkirk and Carter exchanged looks then looked that their stunned commanding officer. "Sir?" Newkirk looked at the colonel in the face. Carter poked him in the shoulder. No response. Newkirk, who held his hat in his hands looked over to Klink who had the same dumbfounded look on his face. "I think we're on our own for the time bein', mate."
Carter shrugged. He grew up near a farm, they had tons of cows, not this many granted but a lot. He helped out on the farm a lot when he was a kid for some extra money. He'd use his knowledge as best as he could. Newkirk shared this experience as well when he was young.
Carter decided to try and snap the colonel out of his shock. "Colonel?" He poked him. "Sir!" He said firmer.
Hogan snapped out of it and looked at his men. "We've got to find out where they came from." He returned to his usual self.
Carter nodded and left with Newkirk and the Colonel leaving Klink as he was. They needed a plan. Just as they left the office they saw a large truck of S.S. men, and Gestapo arrive.
"Great!" Hogan went straight to his barracks. After making his way around the new bovine guests he made it to his desk and plugged in the coffee pot. Kinch, Newkirk and Lebeau were there as well. Carter seemed to have disappeared, no doubt with the cows.
Then Hogan stopped, "This Coffee pot is no good." He put his head in his hand.
"Why not Sir?" Kinch asked.
"Klink's office is overrun with cows too. I doubt they'll have the meeting there." Hogan thought quickly. "Lebeau run to the office and try to listen in."
Lebeau nodded and ran out of the room. Then ran back. "Sir, there's a problem!"
"What?" Hogan asked standing and almost tripping over a cow that was lying on the floor making itself comfortable.
"Carter." Lebeau said simply.
Hogan ran out of the barracks to see Carter making of the cows. "Oh no," They all knew what that meant; he'd want to keep them.
Then the Gestapo Major Hochstetter walked into Klink's office. He seemed mad. Hogan followed hoping that he'd get some sort of information. While Kinch and the others stayed with Carter.
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[AN] I know I know, 'Where the heck does she come up with these things?' Mainly the help of my sister. She gives me a general idea and I go from there. Hope you'll like this one.