A/N: Hey all, my name is Lottie and, me and my twin sister Lilly decided to write a round-robin fanfic! Disclaimer: we don't own these characters, they belong to Masashi Kishimoto.
Lily:
The Akastuki clan members all filed looking grumpy. But not as grumpy as you might think, because they were all in a chibi form. The artist had drawn them once again in a comic strip and they were all midgets with balls for hands and feet and their cloaks were little triangles only with pink clouds. Their faces were only x's for eyes and mouths a thin straight line. No nose was needed to show their dead tiredness.
"Finally, I can bleeping swear again. That author was doing it rated 'G' or something." Hidan said, stretching his little balls for hands up in the air.
Lottie:
"Now I can make innuendos about the 'balls for hands' thing!" said Konan.
"Don't you dare," muttered Pien darkly.
"My hair!" screamed Itachi, running in with cute little pigtails. Instead of the sympathy and support you would expect from a group of chibis, Itachi was rudely confronted with the howling laughter of his co-workers.
"What kind of fic were YOU in?" asked Kakuzu through gasps of laughter.
"A yaoi fic," Itachi muttered venomously. All present stopped abruptly and gave Itachi the sympathy he was due. They had all been exposed to the horrors of OOC yaoi fics, especially some of the more feminine male members. Not that any of them noticed, but Hoshigaki entered after Itachi.
"Hey, does anyone have any sympathy for me? I was paired with him!" he asked. No one paid attention, except Hidan who looked up and shook his head as if Kisame were naïve to the true terrors of the fan fic world Suddenly, Deidara popped up from nowhere, hands hanging out of his mouth. He got out a piece of paper and a pen and wrote: The author's second language was English and they wrote I had hands on my mouth, hmm!
Of course, this little note earned him the mockery of all present.
"You look so bleeping weird!" Hidan gasped between fits of laughter. "Like an octopus or something!"
Deidara: And you have it any better with that censor following you around?!
Lily:
"Yeah, well, at least I'm not totally enveloped in a bleeping giant venus fly trap like Zetsu." Hidan retored.
"Mmmf! It's not my fault the writer didn't do their research!" Zetsu shouted, struggling to get his head out but he was sucked back in.
"Argh! Why did the artist shave my head?! Why?! I'm bald! Can you believe it?!" Tobi shouted, screaming and running around, also missing his cloak. Itachi just shook his head as he used a giant eraser to erase his hair and a pen to redraw it with its usual black ponytail. Tobi took the hint and started searching for an orange marker.
"Humph, I guess pink will have to do." Tobi sighed as he picked up the fluorescent pen from behind a rock. Everyone stared at him and he shrugged, explaining, "What? It's a cartoon after all isn't it? I can do anything I want." He gave an evil laugh as he drew himself a Mohawk and started rocking out on an air guitar.
Lottie:
Deidara: hey, why is he singing the song 'Shopping'?
"Who knows," sighed Kisame. "Tobi has a strange mind," Suddenly there was a cloud of smoke and Itachi disappeared.
"Looks like an author needs him," said Konan.
"I wonder how he's going to come back. . ." mused Hidan. "Hey, maybe he'll be a girl!" Some of us wish Hidan was bad at predicting things. Just to humor everyone, Hidan is only half right.
"Itachi, was the pink skirt your idea?" asked Kisame. Itachi growled.
"I was a girl in the fic, and when I was reverted back to my usual gender my attire unfortunately did not follow,"
"I see. So you're stuck in girls' clothes?"
"No, you're going to give me yours," Itachi replied.
"No!" shouted all present, excluding Deidara who merely wrote it down and shoved it at Itachi. Itachi sighed.
"Fine. Deidara, give me your clothes," Deidara shook his head and quickly scribbled his answer, but no others protested.
Lilly:
Deidara slowly started to pull off his cloak when he was poofed out. Silence ensued where Itachi promptly sat down and started to draw himself an outfit. Pein eyed his set of brightly colored paints but didn't say anything. Suddenly Deidara came back and his hands and mouths were where they were supposed to be.
"Wait, do you mean you actually came back better than before?" Hidan asked, shocked.
"No, I is talking in IM mode. U mean 2 tell me that this are best?" Deidara shouted in frustration at his bad grammar but after a few minutes his speech was becoming better and soon he could speak normally. Just then, Pein and Konana disappeared together and when they came back they were looking disgusted.
"Hey, Itachi, since you're the "artist" here, could you draw me some breath mints?" Itachi glared at him but complied and soon handed him a bright blue canister. Pein took one and so did Konan before they said, "Some artist drew us kissing, again." Konan said, feeling better after her mouth was now peppermint fresh. Then Deidara disappeared and later returned looking agitated.
"They drew me as a girl, but I was wearing the same clothes. And for some reason Ino was there and we… we kissed." Deidara finished with a shudder and took a couple of breath mints gratefully. Everyone laughed at him but Itachi stayed silent, knowing his pain.
Lottie:
Right, Itachi knew Deidara's pain. He was drawn kissing Ino all the time! Suddenly, Itachi was poofed off with Tobi. "Finally, the singing idiot is gone," Sasori sighed.
"But why was he poofed off with Itachi?" asked Pein.
"Probably a crack fic," Konan said. Tobi and Itachi both reappeared, both attired in female clothes.
"Tobi is pretty!" Tobi screamed, running around in circles.
"Deidara, clothes, now," Itachi said. Deidara looked around for support, but you don't generally find much in a group of serial killers. Sighing, he took off his cloak, when suddenly he too was gone. Itachi turned to Hidan. "Clothes," he said.
"Hell no!" screamed Hidan. "Hey, my little censor thingy is gone! I can bleeping sw- never mind," Hidan slipped off his cloak, and handed it over to Itachi. "That's actually all I have," he said.
"We can see that," Kakuzu said, covering his eyes along with the rest of the Akatsuki present. Then Deidara reappeared, completely naked. Luck for him pixilation came along with him.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" asked Hidan. Deidara glanced down and squealed.
"All I remember was having my gender questioned. . .then. . . .oh God. . ." here he fainted. Unfortunately for most everyone, Hidan and Deidara disappeared together, and when they came back they were as before. Hidan blinked at Deidara, Deidara blinked at him, and then both promptly fainted.
Lily:
Itachi rolled his eyes but then he disappeared just as he was about to sit down. When he came back, he was fuming and dumping the whole box of mints into his mouth.
"What happened to you Itachi?" Kisame asked, noting his odd behavior.
"I was put with Sasuke in a dark room and…" He couldn't go on, just sat down and retreated into his own little world. Tobi was still dancing and soon he bumped into Deidara who was just getting up with Hidan but when Deidara put an arm up, Tobi disappeared. He was relieved as he stood up and helped Hidan up as well.
"I wonder what bleeping is happening to him." Hidan pondered just as Tobi returned without his mask and in his underwear. Tobi screamed and started to bury his head into the ground in an attempt to hide his face. Kakuzu just shook his head as he dropped a spare one of his masks onto Tobi. Pein and Kisame had been furiously scribbling new clothes for any who needed any. Unfortunately, they weren't as good at Itachi so they just stuck with rectangles for the cloak with smaller rectangles for the sleeved and some funky red thing that was supposed to be a cloud. Tobi accepted this new attire without a word and when he straitened back up, he looked like a shorter version of Kakuzu. Everyone laughed but then they all disappeared together and they all came back splattered with paint. Itachi reluctantly took over the drawing and everyone soon was back to normal, for now.
Lottie:
But of course, with rabid fan girls running around in the real world, nothing could stay normal for long. Itachi and Kisame disappeared together, and when they came back they looked almost normal. They looked around, confused at all the weird stares they were getting. "What?" asked Kisame. "What's different?"
"Look at your hands," Deidara said, shivering. Both looked at their hands, and found matching rings. On their left hands. Both promptly fainted. Hidan poked Itachi with a stick.
"Is he dead?" he asked.
"He'd be happier if he was," said Kakuzu. "remember the time we ended up married?"
"Don't remind me, you shit head," Hidan said. "Hey! I can bleeping . . .never mind,"
"Hey, does anyone notice something different about Kisame?" asked Kakuzu.
"What?" asked Pein.
"He's roughly three inches shorter," Kakuzu replied. "that means we can save roughy sixteen scents in clothing him, and if he keeps eating at what is normal for his height we could save twenty dollars over the course of the next three years!" All sweat dropped.
"Uh, he'll probably go back to his normal height next fic," Konan said. Kakuzu sighed.
"Oh well," he said. "there's always next time. At least we don't have to pay for multiple sex changes to get people back to their original genders,"
"We might have to pay for a divorce pretty soon, it looks like the rings aren't going away," Deidara noted.
"There has to be a reason they aren't going away," Hidan said. "I mean, shouldn't they go back to how they want it?" For the record, things were how they wanted them.
Lilly:
Kakuzu disappeared and when he came back, he had tattoos of name brands all over him. He was grinning and showed everyone his new look.
"The fan girl took me to her world so I thought I would make a few bucks and be a walking advertisement." He replied to the stares that he was getting. Itachi sat up and took one look at his hand and the ring evaporated into thin air, as well as Kiame's.
"Hey, we could've sold those if you didn't want them!" Kakuzu cried, grabbing Itachi's hand in desperation.
"Oh well, too late. I guess the rings didn't go away because I fainted and forgot to get rid of them." When he finished, he poofed away. When he returned, he was a bloody mess.
"It… was… a… tragedy." Itachi breathed out, barely above a whisper. Pein and Hidan snickered as Itachi was forced to take off his cloak and treat his wounds. Just then, Tobi disappeared and suddenly came back with a boy.
"Look who I found! His name is Obito, which has the same lettering as Tobi's name only with an extra 'o'!" He squealed. Obito looked around, scared for his life. Itachi gasped and walked forward quickly.
"Tobi, give him to me, now." He said sternly. Tobi let go of the boy and Itachi grabbed him by the arm harshly.
"Look kid, I don't know how you got here-"
"Tobi brought him! Isn't Tobi a good boy?!"
"No, Tobi you are a bad boy." Itachi said and Tobi cried out and pouted behind a large rock which he had drawn.
"Now, go back to wherever you came from-"
"He came from Konoha with Tobi!" Tobi called out but shut up immediately when Itachi gave him a look. Itachi turned back and started erasing him until he was all gone. Itachi brushed off his hands but then froze because now there was an empty white space which had a very strong pull to get it to suck one into oblivion.
Lottie:
"Oh no! All our markers are being sucked into oblivion!" cried Itachi. The markers were actually the only things affected by the random white void.
"Let's hope no one comes back naked," said Hidan.
"Shh! You'll jinx-" before Deidara could finish his sentence, all of the male members present disappeared. Konan sighed.
"Please let them come back with some sort of clothing," she prayed. Suddenly, Hidan reappeared, completely naked.
"No praying unless it's to MY god!" he cried, waving his scythe around.
"My eyes!" screamed Konan, rolling around on the ground and clutching her face. "If there's any mercy in this world, please kill me now!"
"Hey, I'm not that bad looking, am I?" asked Hidan.
"No, behind you," Konan said. Unknown to Hidan, Kakuzu had poofed back and was now completely naked as well. Hidan looked at him for a second, then followed Konan with rolling around on the ground and screaming.
"In my fic, they thought I was too cheap to buy clothes," Kkuzu sighed. Then, another member came back, equally as unclad as both Kakuzu and Hidan.
Lilly: