Quantum Physics
by Mackenzie L.
Disclaimer: *Twilight and all its characters belong to Stephenie Meyer
She was so beautiful.
Sitting underneath the tree in their backyard, Renesmee's hair shone the exact color of the autumn leaves in the noontime sun. The residue of chapstick still shimmered slightly on her pouting lips, and her brown eyes were slightly sunken from the three insufficient hours of sleep she'd gotten the night before.
She didn't wear makeup on Saturdays unless she planned to go out. Today she was going to stay home. She had too much studying to do, which was why she now sat beside her grandmother on this autumn afternoon with a textbook open on her lap. Esme was very happy that Renesmee had decided to go pre-med in college.
Most other girls who were med students sported the no-makeup look every day of the week. When she was at school, Renesmee somehow found time to decorate her eyes in smoky streaks of black and violet, top them with false lashes, and paint her lips with different colored gloss before each day of class. At first they thought it was just because she liked to stand out. But Esme started to wonder if this shallow obsession with cosmetics went deeper than that. Obviously the girl didn't need any of it, and that was the most frustrating part. With her ethereal beauty, Renesmee's face put shame to those on magazine covers, even without makeup. The obsession with online beauty tutorials was a facade. The makeup was her way of covering herself up; of simultaneously fitting in and disguising her true identity. She used clumps of mascara and layers of foundation as a shield to protect herself from the rest of the world. It was a shame, because she looked so much prettier without it.
As she grew older, Renesmee didn't really look like either her father or her mother. It was interesting to see the changes as she developed. Back when she was a child they used to point out specific features that were identical to either Edward or Bella. But now pretty much nothing matched up. Esme wondered if Renesmee had somehow acquired secret control over her genes and had taught herself to bend and shift her own family resemblance. It seemed like something Renesmee would do. She was a rebel to the core.
Not that they weren't expecting that. Both Edward and Bella had their moments of extreme rebellion. Becoming parents had calmed them down over the years, but they still found the need to break free from the norm now and again.
At the moment, Bella was with Alice at Lake Baikal in Russia. Similarly, Edward was with Carlisle in the Chatham Islands of New Zealand. They'd all been gone for a long time now. Alice and Bella had left 24 days ago, and Edward and Carlisle had been gone for 37 days.
When Bella and Edward first shared their plans for a long trip away from home, Renesmee had been in foul spirits and accused them of neglecting to take her on any exciting adventures. Her accusations didn't go over so well with either Bella or Edward. The couple defended their decision to take extended leave on the fact that their daughter constantly complained about them nagging her to the point where she couldn't stand being in their presence anymore. A long, heated argument ensued amongst the three of them which resulted in several speechless grudges, including an unfortunate rift between Bella and Edward as well.
In the end, Bella and Edward decided to split their long trip down the middle, leaving with alternate companionship for twice as many days as they'd originally intended. It was the longest any of them had been away from their intended "home," and the distance - both emotional and physical - that it had placed between not only Edward, Bella, and Renesmee, but the rest of the family as well, was devastating.
Esme protested the arrangements for a good week after their initial departures. It greatly upset her that Carlisle had been roped into the situation, which put turbulence in his career and nearly cost him a malpractice case before he left with Edward. Then again, maybe they all needed a break from the world - to explore, to reminisce, to regain their balance and get in touch with themselves after years of trying to be perfect for someone else.
A month was just a blip in time for a vampire, but Esme sorely missed her family, most especially her husband. Some days it was physically painful to be apart from them, and she made the mistake of blaming her granddaughter for it all. Yes, sometimes it hurt to admit it, but Renesmee's existence often caused more problems for them in the long run. She was their proverbial Helen of Troy. Ever since her birth, she'd caused wars and mix-ups and confusion and tragedy. All unwitting, of course.
But for some reason, she was worth it.
"I don't get it," Renesmee declared suddenly.
That makes two of us.
Esme hid her smile and asked, "What don't you get?"
"Everything. It's like I read one sentence six times and I still can't understand it. This stuff is fucking ridiculous."
The curse words still stung Esme. But she suspected all curse words stung a grandmother's ears. It wasn't as if her own children had the cleanest of mouths on a daily basis, but hearing such phrases from her perfect, beautiful granddaughter sometimes made her sad. Renesmee was a lovely young woman who'd been otherwise soiled by an unfortunate generation.
Esme tried not to show any reaction, but Renesmee noticed.
The girl winced and rubbed her mouth, as if that could erase the evidence of her bad choice of words. "Sorry. I know you don't like that."
"I guess it's how kids talk nowadays," Esme relented.
"I usually don't, I promise," Renesmee sighed. "I'm just so frustrated right now."
Esme smiled patiently as she set aside her own choice of reading material and tapped the corner of the book in her granddaughter's lap. "So what subject is giving you an ulcer today?"
With a comical look of disgust, Renesmee flipped the heavy book cover over to reveal the title "Introduction to Quantum Physics." The bold pink lettering was accompanied by intriguing illustrations of fractals blasting from a what look to be a brilliant quasar.
"I see."
A sly look crossed Renesmee's pretty face as she gauged her grandmother's reaction. "So... you're smart. How does a black hole work if Hawking radiation doesn't exist?"
Esme laughed out loud. "If you think I can help you on this one, you may be out of luck. We vampires are supposed to be beings of supreme intellect, however when it comes to the makings of the universe, we too have trouble wrapping our brains around it."
Renesmee frowned and hunched over her book so her hair swung into her face. "I'm never gonna pass this course."
"No offense, Ness, but what made you take it in the first place? You're pre-med. Shouldn't you be focusing on biology instead of physics?"
"Someone told me I could get extra credits by taking an advanced physics course. It counts towards a math and a science credit. Plus, we didn't have to do a lab in this one. All the bio courses make you take a lab. It sucks."
"I hate to say this, but you can't exactly cheat your way out of those labs on the path to med school," Esme pointed out.
Renesmee's shoulders sank. "I've noticed. And I'm starting to regret doing it."
"Don't say that," warned Esme. "Imagine how shocked Carlisle would be if he came home to find you'd dropped out."
"I'd never drop out. Just maybe change my major."
A twinge of dread crept into Esme's heart at the suggestion. "Well that would be your decision, but I encourage you to stick with it. You're too smart to give up so easily. Besides, you'd make an amazing doctor."
"I don't know," Renesmee shrugged, anxiously picking at the corner of her aged textbook with one finger. "I just have felt especially lazy lately. I don't really feel like working at anything. It's like I lost my motivation or something."
Surely the absence of her parents had something to do with that, Esme thought with pity.
The corner of Renesmee's textbook was now so abused from her incessant picking that its filmy cover had started to peel off, revealing the soft gray stuff beneath. She tore bits of it out and tossed them into the grass as she spoke. "Sometimes I wish I could give up on everything and go live on a beach somewhere so I'd never worry about anything ever again."
Esme chuckled knowingly. "You'd get bored very fast with a life like that."
To her surprise, Renesmee smiled. "Yeah, I guess. No problems in paradise." She turned her hand over to inspect underneath her nails. "Speaking of paradise, I can't believe they're finally coming home tomorrow."
Esme could hear the longing in the girl's voice when she mentioned her father and grandfather's pending return. It echoed the longing she felt in her own heart to have them back.
"You've missed him, haven't you?" Esme asked her, in silent reference to Edward.
"I didn't think I would, but I have," Renesmee admitted, almost embarrassed. "It wouldn't be as bad if Mom were still here."
"I thought you'd decided to call them by their first names from now on?" Esme asked. Before they'd left, Renesmee had blown up at Bella and Edward with accusations that they didn't treat her like a daughter anymore. As a part of her punishment to them, she'd refused to continue calling them 'mom' and 'dad.'
Renesmee shrugged. "Only when I'm pissed at them."
Esme shook her head. "I wouldn't do it."
"Why not? We're all practically the same age now. It's ...weird." By now the corner of her textbook looked like it had been attacked by a puppy. Renesmee sagged against the tree, looking more like a hopeless little girl than a proud young woman.
Esme felt pity for the child, mixed up in this confusing bizarre world of ambiguous ages and criss-crossing time continuums. As far as she was concerned, her lifestyle was way more complicated than any of that quantum physics stuff.
"You know when Carlisle first changed me, I felt awkward too," Esme identified. "I'd always regarded Edward as if he were much older than me. Things changed over time. We all got to be on the same wavelength eventually."
Renesmee sniffed and straightened her shoulders to look more certain. "I've decided I don't really care if they treat me like a daughter anymore."
Through the bitter strength in her words, Esme could hear a muted cry for help. She was heartbroken to hear her granddaughter say these things, to refuse familial pronouns because she was supposed to be an adult. Renesmee was as indecisive as she was stubborn. Each day she changed her mind about the way she wanted to live, always moving in her own beautifully erratic directions, like plasma particles in space.
"You'll have to find an appropriate way to tell them that," said Esme.
"You'd think they'd just know by now."
Esme outright laughed. "Parents never 'just know' anything. We need to be told more than we need to do the telling, trust me."
Renesmee smirked. "I noticed."
Though she meant it to be joking, Esme found her granddaughter's wry jab disconcerting.
"You don't feel patronized by me, do you?" Esme asked after a beat.
She shook her head. "No, not anymore."
"And Carlisle?"
She just laughed while Esme looked on in confusion.
"What? You still feel patronized by him?"
"It's hard to tell," Renesmee murmured. "I think, in a way, he talks to everyone as if they're his child."
Esme didn't really have to think too much on that one. She knew it was true.
Before Esme could defend her husband, Renesmee interjected, "I'll let it slide because he was born in Camelot."
They both shared a laugh, but deep down Esme felt a pang of missing her husband. So long as he was the subject of their conversation she couldn't focus on much else. Thinking it best to change gears before she got sentimental, Esme stood up from her spot in the grass and brushed off her jeans.
"So. Have you had enough studying? Do you want to go out for lunch?"
Renesmee gave her an odd look. "I barely studied. And I'm still not hungry. Those Belgian waffles you fed me paralyzed my stomach for another four hours."
Esme crossed her arms with a look of mock anger. "Well, my sincerest apologies for making sure my granddaughter never goes hungry."
Renesmee didn't smile. In fact she looked downright ill.
"Honey, what is it?"
Her face looked especially youthful as she closed her textbook and blinked up at her grandmother. "I've been wanting to tell you about something for a long time, but... I've been avoiding it. Now my dad's gonna be coming home in the morning and I'm afraid I won't get the chance to talk to you about it before then."
Sensing this was something serious, Esme lowered herself back into the grass beside her granddaughter. "As long as it's not about black holes, I'm all ears."
Again, Renesmee didn't even chuckle, which concerned Esme even more. Then, before she could prepare herself, a supernova exploded.
"I had sex with Jacob."
Esme had literally no reaction to this information. She hadn't expected it at all, but somehow she couldn't feel in her heart to be shocked.
It was sort of adorable the way Renesmee rushed to explain herself. "My parents weren't here and it just seemed like the logical time to do it since they would have no way of finding out, and it just...happened."
Her face was bright and scared, all makeup free and childlike in the autumn sun. Esme listened to her grandbaby rattle off excuses, waiting for the gravity of this incredible confession to finally hit her. Still, it never came.
All Esme could do was mumble, "Oh."
Renesmee leaned forward with glistening eyes and quivering lips. "Are you mad?"
"M-mad? Why would I be mad?"
"I don't know, because you're-Ugh!" Suddenly Renesmee shot to her feet and shook her limbs as if she'd just been doused with cold water. "I can't believe I told you!"
Esme raised both hands for peace. "Hold on, now. Just calm down. Nobody ever set any rules against you being intimate with your boyfriend."
"But that's just it! He's not even my boyfriend! We just met up for dinner with some friends a couple weeks ago and I went back to his place afterwards."
"Has he contacted you since then?"
"Of course! He's left me so many messages, but I don't know what to say so I haven't called him back and I feel horrible." As she paced frantically in front of the tree, the leaves began to shudder and break free in a timely gust of wind. "He keeps telling me that he wants to see me again, but I keep thinking about how my dad will react when he gets back from New Zealand and... it's so awkward."
"So you two were never officially dating?" Esme only realized after she'd asked the question how ridiculous it sounded. She was becoming a teenager herself.
Thankfully, she was right on Renesmee's level. "Not officially, no. I mean, we've done stuff just as friends before, but it never went beyond that."
"Did you want it to go beyond that?"
The wind finally settled as Renesmee stopped pacing. Esme watched in wonder as the rays of realization dawned on her face.
"Yeah."
"Do you think Jacob wanted that too?" she asked gently.
"...Yeah."
It was very hard for Esme not to jump up and shout alleluia at the top of her lungs.
"Not to be presumptuous, honey, but you two sound as if you were meant to be together after all."
Something about this statement set off another supernova. "Hah! Try telling that to my father!" Renesmee shouted sarcastically. She turned to the tree and played out a one-way conversation as if Edward were right in front of her. "Sorry, Dad, I just slept with the man who used to be in love with Mom, but now he's in love with me, and I'm pretty damn sure I love him back, and oh, by the way, all that stuff you taught me about staying a virgin until marriage, I ignored it. I guess me and Jacob got too close to the 'event horizon' of our relationship and there was no going back!"
Esme couldn't take it anymore. She had to hug her baby.
She could feel the emotions raging through Renesmee's body as she held her. All Esme could think was how sweet she was when she was overwhelmed and flustered, and how strangely comical it was to think of Edward teaching his child to stay a virgin for marriage. Esme didn't know why it made her so elated when it was something they had all valued for so long in their family, and yet she was even more thrilled that Nessie had rebelled against that rule to be with Jacob Black.
"Sweetie, you don't ever have to worry that I will judge you for anything. And you shouldn't have to worry about your father judging you either," Esme said patiently, holding her even tighter.
"But I do!" Renesmee moaned. "He's gonna kill me, and Mom isn't here to talk him out of it."
Esme shook her head with a gentle laugh. "I can talk him out of it."
After a complacent sniffle, Renesmee relaxed with suspicious suddenness. "Okay."
"You're a grown woman who can make her own decisions in life," Esme continued, leading carefully into what she hoped would not sound like a lecture. "But I can't promise that there won't be repercussions for your actions in the future. Your friendship with Jacob is precious. I only hope you take that into consideration if you choose to take things to the next level with him."
"I want to be with him, Gramma."
Esme was so happy to hear Nessie use this term of endearment again that she felt she might start crying too.
"He's so wonderful, you have no idea." The dreaminess in Renesmee's voice when she spoke about Jacob was impossibly sweet. "And maybe what we did was wrong in some ways, but it didn't feel wrong to me. It felt like I was finally free."
Esme pulled back just enough to look into her granddaughter's eyes. "Ever since you were a baby, he was there for you. It makes perfect sense that you feel that way about him now."
"How do we move on from here, though? What do I do?"
Esme prolonged the moment before she had to answer, savoring the mere fact that this lost young soul had come to her for advice.
"You need to trust him, honey. He wants to talk to you, so let him talk to you. You can't hide from what you've done, so acknowledge it and find out how he feels. That is so important."
Renesmee nodded, rubbing the tears decisively away from her face with the back of her sleeve. "I'll call him. I will."
"Promise?"
"Yes." Renesmee nodded again before focusing fully on the woman in front of her, watery eyes pinched in warning. "But you need to promise me that you won't tell my dad about this conversation."
Esme cocked her head in disbelief, wondering how she could miss the senselessness of such a plan.
"Ness, he's going to find out the second you think about it."
Only Renesmee could manage to look haughty with tear tracks shimmering on her cheeks. "You underestimate how good I've gotten at blocking my thoughts. I get it from Mom."
"Even so, I think you know that this can't stay secret for long."
Renesmee tore her headband out of her hair in frustration, scrunched it into a little ball and held it firmly between two praying hands. "Of course I know that, but can you just please not say anything for now? I want to tell him at the right time."
Esme placed two calming hands on the girl's shaking shoulders. "I won't breathe a word to him, I promise."
"And don't tell my mom either!"
"Of course not."
"Or Alice, or Emmett- Oh, for God's sake, please don't tell Emmett!"
"I won't tell anyone, sweetie."
The second hug was initiated by Renesmee, which made it twice as precious. As if that weren't good enough, it lasted twice as long as the first. Her final parting words were the cherry on top.
"Thank you so much."
Esme grinned out of view. "Do you feel better now?"
Renesmee's response was utter silence, prompting Esme to break the embrace. "Nessie?"
Her attention was clearly focused on some mysterious point far behind them, somewhere near the back of the house. Haunted by the sudden burst of a familiar scent, Esme whipped around to see her son standing on the patio with a huge smile on his face.
"Daddy!" she screamed with all the rambunctious excitement of a four-year-old daughter.
One would think Edward had been in the military for years the way Nessie reacted to his return. It was all so unheralded and unexpected, even Esme felt tears fill her eyes at the sight. Such a sight it was to watch the two embrace so fiercely after their long time apart. Hadn't Renesmee just been ranting about her father's overprotectiveness seconds ago?
Esme smiled. This said it all. Edward would never be able to hold a grudge against his daughter for what she did with Jacob. It was impossible.
Something in the way Edward was holding his daughter seemed to make Esme think he already knew.
She was content to watch them from afar for a minute or so, letting them have that time to reacquaint in peace before she approached. When Edward saw his mother he took her into the warmest, most genuine hug she'd ever received from him. It was the way an adult son hugs his mother, not a teenage son. The change was so subtle yet so intense. Edward had the arms of a father for certain.
"Carlisle had to get some things sorted at the hospital before he came back. I was going to stay with him but I decided I couldn't wait any longer," Edward excused with a starry-eyed look at his glowing daughter. He kissed the top of her head three times in a row, causing Renesmee to giggle with mirth. Esme's knees went weak with joy.
"I missed everyone so much," he exclaimed, looking between them with bright, dewy eyes. "You two were the first people I wanted to see when I got back. I'm so happy right now, I'm just... God, I'm so happy."
Esme was speechless. It was the first time in the long, long time she'd known Edward where she had seen him in such a state. The way he was reacting right now made her wonder if he'd escaped to some horrible alternate universe like in "It's a Wonderful Life" and suddenly had the second chance to return and realize how grateful he was for everything he had. His emotions seemed to be radiating from his body like clouds of blinding light from an imploded star. Now here was a physics problem no astronomer or scientist could ever hope to solve.
Edward didn't seem to mind that his girls couldn't think of words to say at the moment. He was so overjoyed to be in their presence that he wanted to do all the talking. Esme was reminded of an eager schoolboy when Edward ushered them to the bench behind the house and insisted in swiping through all 392 photos he'd taken with his cell phone from their trip.
While the New Zealand landscape was stunning, Esme couldn't take her eyes off her son and her granddaughter as they laughed and talked animatedly together, bonding over simple colored squares of pixels on a phone.
It baffled her that Edward had left his daughter on such awful terms over a month ago. One would never be able to tell the state of his departure looking at the two of them now. Edward had literally kept his arm around Renesmee since the second they first embraced. Esme guessed that he was scared to let go. Being a parent herself, she knew the feeling all too well. Finally, perhaps, her son was beginning to experience these profound emotions for himself.
They talked for about an hour outside, watching the sun start to dip over the hills. All they really did was laugh at everything each other said and chat about nonsense things that happened while they were apart, but it was easily the most fulfilling conversation she'd ever shared with Edward and her granddaughter. Nothing could have made it better unless Carlisle was there too.
Everything seemed to be moving so fast. When Edward finally stood up with Renesmee still tucked under his arm, he kissed her twice more and emphatically declared that he must take her out to dinner and spend the rest of the evening with his precious daughter. Renesmee looked like she was the first girl to set foot on the moon.
Edward at first refused to leave Esme until Carlisle came home, but not wanting them to miss out on any more time together, Esme kissed them both a hundred times before she sent them off to enjoy themselves, assuring Edward that she would be just fine until her husband came back.
Esme could not express her supreme satisfaction in watching Edward drive off with Renesmee in his car. Their joy sparkled like fresh champagne even behind the shaded glass of the windows as they backed out of the driveway. Esme was so pleased with the changes she saw in her son even after this short amount of time since his return. It was amazing how big a difference it had made in their relationship already. She couldn't wait to see more of him now that he was finally back.
She lifted her hand and waved to them as they pulled out onto the street and drove away. The feeling of emptiness set in rather quickly after such a rush of love and excitement was taken so quickly from her.
Waiting for Carlisle to come home from work on any regular day was torturous enough. Waiting for him to come home after he'd been gone for over a month was unbearable.
Esme ran back through the house and into the back yard again, in search of something to distract herself. She wandered aimlessly through her garden, tended to her herbs and picked some weeds, rearranged some patio furniture, and swept up all the dust and leaves from the cement. While she was at it, she grabbed a rake and started clearing up the back yard too.
As she neared the tree where Nessie had been studying, she paused to bend down and pick up the forgotten physics textbook from the grass. Esme had a nagging suspicion that her granddaughter had left the book there on purpose.
On a whim, she sat down and tried to read and understand the subject matter on the marked page. After just one and a half paragraphs of theories and formulas, she was feeling just as overwhelmed. She looked up from the text to watch in a new kind of awe as sunset splashed across the horizon. Sweeping orange clouds stretched like arrows toward the mountains beyond, inviting the unsuspecting onlooker into an unforgettable adventure. There was so much out there to discover in the universe. So often she got caught up in the petty problems that took up so much time here on earth. Just to think there was all this unsolved, unexplained phenomena beyond this planet put a whole new perspective on her life. Even if it was for a few moments, Esme felt an utter sense of humility and trust in some higher power that everything happened for a reason.
It was so exciting to see what changes were happening for her family just because of this one leave of absence.
Speaking of absence...
"I never thought I'd see the day when I'd find my wife reading about quantum physics in her spare time."
His voice.
She was overwhelmed more by the sound of his voice than by the puzzle of the universe itself. His fond whisper and gentle eyes gleaming in the dim light of that faithful star made her night complete at last.
As she took the time to look at him and really take him in after so long, her heart felt like it was being held in place by ribbons of holy heat. Something about his appearance was exhausted - open-collared, out of breath - and perfectly disheveled, making her believe he may have walked all the way home from New Zealand rather than taken an airplane.
She couldn't even think about getting up, so he gallantly descended into the grass with her so he could kiss her senseless.
Esme felt everything at once. Relief that he was finally home with her, joy that she was no longer alone, and the butterflies of new love with someone she's known forever. That unfathomable familiarity and intensity she had learned to crave from Carlisle after a century of marriage. Feeling the realness of his body against hers after so long made her tremble with uncontrollable pleasure.
"I missed you," he stated between kisses, voice low, deep and hard with building emotion.
"Oh, God, I missed you," Esme chanted back, shaking as his arms surrounded her.
"You saw Edward already?" Carlisle asked.
"He came back about an hour ago," she rushed through the words, struggling to kiss every inch of her husband's face as she spoke.
"I'm so sorry I couldn't be here sooner." Carlisle's apology was lost in a storm of anxious lips and enthusiastic sighs.
Esme finally held his head firmly between both her hands and stared at him with lovingly narrowed eyes. "You just love teasing me, don't you?" She punctuated her accusation with a hot, vengeful kiss.
"Trust me, I couldn't stand prolonging this one more second," he purred. Their emphatic kissing continued until they wore themselves ragged in each other's arms. A crisp autumn breeze swept longingly around them, turning their urgency to an eventual calm.
In a hopeful, tremulous whisper, Carlisle asked, "Are we alone?"
"Yes," Esme nodded, rubbing his arms up and down in an effort to ward off their nervous energy. "Edward took Renesmee to dinner so he could dote on her forevermore. My God, he has changed, Carlisle. I noticed it right away. It's an intense change. A very, very good change."
Carlisle looked beautifully smug. "I know. I saw it happen."
"You caused it?"
By way of an explanation, Carlisle's eyes turned soft. "We had many discussions while we were away. Many-"
"Shh, shh. Let me kiss you." Needless to say, Esme's interruption was well-received.
The couple tumbled back into the grass, laughing breathlessly while Esme's fingers made their way up to slowly unbutton his shirt.
"What did you do while I was away?" Carlisle asked with genuine curiosity, looking for any innocent excuse to prolong the inevitabilities of the evening.
Esme played along while her fingers played on his bare skin. "Well, you'll be happy to know that I spent a lot of quality time with our granddaughter."
"Hmm." He hummed happily as she peeled his shirt away from his chest. "And what did she have to say for herself?"
Esme felt the conversation take a more serious turn at his question. "I don't know if you're prepared to hear this."
The air itself seemed to pause entirely as he turned to her with worried eyes, though he seemed incapable of erasing his smile. "About Renesmee?"
Esme nodded as she finished stripping him gently of his shirt and tossed it onto the grass.
Free of the fabric at last, he slumped back against the tree and rubbed his neck. "Go on."
Esme warred with herself over whether to share Renesmee's secret with her husband. As well-intentioned as she was, it still felt a little wrong to be saying it out loud so soon. Still, Carlisle was her husband, and the most honest and moral man she knew. He deserved to hear such news about their granddaughter, even if it put her pride at risk. She didn't have to find out...
Besides, it was too dramatic not to share.
"You need to promise not to say a word of this to anyone else," Esme said in a forceful whisper.
"What is it?" Carlisle asked, eyes sparkling, voice low. She couldn't meet his gaze.
Esme took a deep breath, looked directly at the horizon, and confessed to the sun instead. "She slept with Jacob."
He didn't give her any audible hints, so she had to peek at his face. He seemed to have a much calmer reaction than she'd expected, and somehow this was nearly disappointing to her. Either the shock value of such a revelation had worn over time, or else he was actually glad to hear it as she had been. She hoped for the latter.
Carlisle looked down pensively. "She volunteered this information to you?"
Esme nodded.
Then he seemed to finally piece everything together. He slowly covered his mouth with his hand. The gesture could have been casual, but it was clear that he was slowly coming to terms with what his wife had just told him. "When did it happen?" he quietly demanded.
"She said a little more than a week ago," Esme responded. "After Edward and Bella left."
Carlisle looked away, deep in thought. He had the expression of a philosopher, but the eyes of a hurt child. As well as she knew him, Esme couldn't quite grasp what he was thinking. It was the first of such an annoucnement she'd ever had to make to him, an interesting one to say the least. But it was exciting all the same, at least she thought so. It was hard to tell what he was really thinking...
"Honey?" she prompted, gently touching his naked shoulder.
He said nothing but slowly turned to look back into her eyes. He told her everything without words, though. It was an intense look filled with the slightest humor and adoring hopelessness.
"You're upset," she diagnosed.
He sighed a confused sort of sigh, looked heavenward, and smiled a little. "No, just..." He shook his head. "I don't want her to regret it."
Esme agreed. "I know. I told her that earlier today."
He was quiet for a moment. "I'm surprised she told you."
"It was clear she needed someone to tell."
His face suddenly looked stern as he locked gazes with her. "Our granddaughter trusted you with a very sensitive secret." He reached out to hold her hand as if to soften the blow of his gentle scolding. "Esme, I don't think you should have told me."
"I can't keep anything from you, Carlisle," Esme confirmed, completely unaffected by his reprimands.
He looked fairly ambivalent after her non-reaction. "Even so. I'm sure she wouldn't want me to hear about this."
"I think she was mostly concerned with Edward finding out."
"Yes." A positively gleeful look appeared in Carlisle's humble golden eyes. "I'm sure she would be."
"For as much as she complains about him being overbearing, she sure does love him. You should have seen her run to attack him when he showed up at the house," Esme giggled.
Carlisle looked wistful. "I'm glad you were there for her while we were away," he said whilst tenderly stroking her elbow.
Esme smiled a motherly smile. "She missed her parents a lot. She didn't want to admit it. I think that's why she opened up to me so readily about everything that was going on between her and Jacob."
"I don't blame her."
"For missing her parents or for sleeping with Jacob?"
Carlisle raised his eyebrows in a silly way, and Esme laughed hard.
"You know, I always secretly hoped that she would fall in love with him," she continued. "At first I was worried for her when she told me what happened, but now I'm actually relieved."
Carlisle's smile was true but still held a touch of concern. His hand wandered from her elbow up to her shoulder, and finally crept up to cup her cheek.
Esme closed her eyes briefly, letting herself entertain an elaborate fantasy of what Renesmee and Jacob's children might look like if they started a family.
"Jacob Black," she mused out loud with a knowing smile. She met her husband's eyes to confirm they both shared the same nostalgic train of thought.
"He's a good man," Carlisle confirmed.
"Carlisle, he worships her. I've seen it," she gushed, still high on the imaginary picture of Renesmee surrounded by little Quileute babies. "They're meant to be, but I think they're worried about the commitment now that they've basically sealed their fate."
Soft and sure, Carlisle reassured her. "They'll find their way."
He may have tried leaning in to kiss her, but Esme was still too excited to settle on that note. "They weren't speaking for a while after it happened, you know. Nessie said she would call him back and try to sort things out. I told her to."
"My, my. You are quite the gossip tonight, aren't you?" Carlisle teased. He captured her hand and held it firmly against his heart.
"Oh, and Nessie told me something else that I think you'll be interested to hear."
He raised his brows in interest and lifted her hand to his lips to place light kisses on her fingers. "Mm hm?"
"She said that Edward always taught her to save herself for marriage." She shared this piece of information in a tone that suggested it was actually scandalous and not sweet.
As he let it sink in, Carlisle closed his eyes, smiled, and shook his head.
"Are you proud?" Esme gushed, laying her hand conveniently on his lap.
"More like thoroughly unsurprised," he redeemed in a raspy voice.
They both laughed heartily.
"How angry do you think he'll be when he finds out?" Esme whispered.
Carlisle looked at her thoughtfully. "I don't think he will be."
"Are you joking? He's going to be livid. Nessie thinks her mind is impenetrable but there's no way she'll be able to keep it from him until tomorrow."
Carlisle shrugged. "I just don't see him getting angry about it."
"How come?"
"You already touched on how much you noticed he had changed. I'll have you know that this side of him has also changed a lot over the course of our trip."
"Did you brainwash him or something?"
Carlisle feigned a haughty sort of grin. "Well, I like to think I've been brainwashing him for about a century now."
She slapped him lovingly on his shoulder. "No, really. What did you tell him?"
He turned serious for a moment. "We did a lot of talking about parenthood. It's complicated for him because so much of his personality is still defined and driven by seventeen-year-old ideals."
"Well, no man ever fully matures, so he doesn't have to feel insecure about that."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Even you can be a child sometimes, Carlisle."
"As I was saying," he cleared his throat and laced his fingers with hers. "He never really thought about things from his daughter's perspective before. I tried to get him to empathize by comparing her life to his. I explained to him that Nessie is no longer being 'raised,' she is being taught by example. And all of us are responsible for setting that example, not just him and Bella. We talked a lot about all of the experiences we've had as father and son in the past, and the mistakes I'd made in attempting to raise him."
"Ahh, no wonder you two were gone for such a long time."
Carlisle made an offended face at his wife's joke, until he was kissed into forgiveness.
"It sounds like you two really made some progress," she said.
"We needed this, Esme. We needed to be alone to discuss these kinds of things. We'd both gone too long without having that kind of outlet." He looked down at his lap. "I regret not noticing it sooner."
She felt the need to boost his ego, so she did it unthinkingly. "You are such an amazing father."
"Sometimes I still don't know if I'm doing it right," he said with a nervous laugh.
"You are," she said strongly. "Trust me, you've done everything right."
They shared a simple but meaningful kiss.
The sun was gone now, traversing the other side of the earth before it would rise again in just ten more hours. Outside their little world, stars would keep on imploding, galaxies would keep on colliding, and the universe would keep on expanding. But everything here would be just as safe and secure as it had always been. They could always take comfort in having each other to love.
Esme smiled to herself as she discreetly closed the cover to Nessie's quantum physics textbook. There was no need for complex theories here.
"Next time you plan a trip, you should take Bella somewhere," Carlisle suggested.
"That would be nice," Esme agreed. "Then you can take Bella somewhere, and I'll take Edward somewhere."
"We can't leave Nessie out for much longer, though. Each of us should take her somewhere, too," he reminded.
"I think Edward might beat us to it."
"That's fine by me. I'll just take you somewhere." He held her hand tighter against his thigh. "Alone."
She broke into a fit of giggles and kissed him resolutely on the mouth. "You know something? Our life is even more complicated than quantum physics."
"I have to agree."