Screw the Rules

by Nonair

Al doesn't want to break the law by transmuting dirt into gold. But sometimes, like when your older brother is in jail and needs bail money, you just have to screw the rules.

'C'mon Al! Please!' Ed begged from the other side of bars that really weren't much of a barrier but for some reason were still standing.

'No.'

'Please!'

'No!'

'Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease!'

'It's not right. You know that, nii-san. It's against the law, it could destabilize the economy!'

'It'll get me out of jail!' Ed yelled, jumping up from his bed and waving his arms at the cell.

'You can get yourself out of jail just as easily. And you'd be breaking the same number of laws,' Al pointed out. He really shouldn't encourage Ed to break out of jail, but it was better than the alternative.

'If I busted out of here, the Colonel would find out,' Ed protested, his face turning the shade of red it usually did when Colonel Roy Mustang was mentioned and he punched his flesh hand with his metal one. He was probably imagining hitting the Colonel again.

'When I get back I'm going to kill the bastard Colonel for sending us down here!' Ed yelled.

Yup, he was thinking about hitting the Colonel alright.

'I'm pretty sure the Colonel would find out anyway, nii-san.'

'It's not like I'm asking for a lot of gold,' Ed whined, throwing himself onto the uncomfortable-looking bed in his cell.

'No, but you're still asking me to transmute some. Even if it is only a little, tiny bit,' Al said, bracing himself.

'Who are you calling so small he could squeeze through the bars by himself?' Ed yelled, getting straight back up and shaking the bars angrily.

Al felt a little guilty for setting his brother off on one of his rants, but he deserved it for getting thrown in jail, not telling Al he was in jail until he needed bail money and then for asking Al to break the law.

'Why don't you do it? Transmute your blanket or something.'

'Then I'm damaging government property!' Ed protested.

'Didn't you show them your watch? I thought that was supposed to get you out of problems like this.'

'Dinthintwelvyrolcudavit,' Ed grumbled.

'Sorry, nii-san. I didn't get that.'

'They didn't think a twelve year old could have it. Even after I offered a demonstration.' Ed snorted in amusement. 'Scared the shit out of them when I got out of my cuffs. Now come on, Al. Please?'

'It's against the law, nii-san.'

'Screw that!' Ed said, reaching through the bars to touch his brother. Al couldn't feel it. 'I need to get out of jail, we've got alchemy. Screw the rules!'

Al threw up his arms and clanked out of the jail, nodding politely to the officers on the way out. He walked to the park as unobtrusively as he could, but that was a bit difficult for an eight-foot-tall suit of armour. Still, he managed to get some dirt that he could take somewhere less public. He, unlike Ed, still needed to draw transmutation circles.

Ed had, unfortunately for Al, neglected to get a room at the local barracks before getting himself arrested. And Ed's suitcase was somewhere in the police station. Or jail. Possibly being used as evidence. From what Al had learned from Ed, he had used his suitcase as a weapon on a poor man who had asked him if he needed help finding his way home and then attempted to get him into his car.

And it wasn't like Al had pockets for bail-money. And Al, unfortunately, usually ended up going along with Ed's crazy schemes. Which usually meant things blew up, or fell down, or something would happen that would make Colonel Mustang unhappy, and that would make Ed mad. And he might try to kick Al again. He hoped his brother would remember to use his automail foot next time that happened. Even with his boots, he'd broken a toe the last time he'd kicked Al.

He found a relatively isolated alley (with cats) and crouched down to draw the circle. It didn't take very long, despite the circle being more complex than the ones he usually drew, and soon, the small pile of dirt became a small pile of gold coins.

The next morning Al walked into the building where Ed was being held with gold coins in his gauntlet and a cat inside his armour. Trying to avoid jostling the cat, Al asked the officer on duty if he could get Ed out now please, before he gets too impatient and gets out himself.

After a sceptical look, the officer said that he was sorry, but Edward Elric hadn't posted bail yet, and so it was impossible to release him. Al thought it was a little strange that he said this with one hand on his gun as if he was afraid the eight-foot-tall suit of armour Al was in would storm the building to release Ed. They should be more worried about the significantly shorter alchemist currently sulking in a cell in order to avoid being discovered by his superior officer.

'Oh, don't worry, sir. I have money.' If a suit of armour could grin, Al would be doing it, he was sure. The cat in his armour miaowed.

Soon, Ed was in front of him, suitcase back in hand, dressed in his normal clothes, watch back in his pocket with a grin on his face that made Al squirm. Once they were out of the jail and about three blocks away Ed's grin turned into whooping laughter.

'Awesome, thanks Al. Now let's go eat!' Ed clapped his automail hand on Al's back, his armour rang like a big bell and the cat inside miaowed again. 'Get that cat out of your armour first.'

'But-'

'Now!'

'Not in public, nii-san! There's supposed to be somebody in here and I doubt people who wore armour kept kittens inside it. Anyway, you've got to finish the assignment the Colonel gave you,' Al protested, fending off a mildly irritated brother. Al just didn't understand why Ed didn't want a kitty.

Ed was still explaining his reasons why Al couldn't keep the cat on the train back to Eastern Headquarters and the 'bastard Colonel' as Ed had taken to calling him. Apparently Al's pleading face still worked, even if his face was a helmet, because Ed only ever explained his logic when he was trying to show off, talking to idiots or when he was trying to justify something he felt bad about. And since Ed was neither showing off nor talking to an idiot, Al assumed he must feel somewhat guilty for making Al leave the poor kitty to fend for itself on the streets.

'And that's why we can't have a cat,' Ed finished as the train (finally) pulled into the station at Eastern HQ.

They got off the train and were, to their surprise, met by one of the Colonel's people. Miss Hawkeye had introduced him as Havoc to Al while Ed was getting his watch. He had a cigarette in his mouth and was slouching against a pole.

'Boss, the Colonel says you've got to report straight to the office this time,' Havoc said, dropping his cigarette and putting it out with a combat boot. 'I've got a car to drive you both.'

Ed glared at Havoc's back, and Al put a restraining hand on his brother's shoulder to prevent Ed taking his irritation out on the wrong soldier. Al thought it was fine that Ed yelled at the Colonel, because Colonel Mustang seemed to enjoy watching Ed's temper tantrums. Havoc, though, was not a fair target.

'D'you think he knows about the…?' Ed asked Al when they were in the car and Havoc had another cigarette in his mouth.

Al shrugged, clanking a little. They'd find out soon enough.

Once they were at the military compound Ed lead the way, storming down the halls until he reached the Colonel's office.

'Don't have a report for you yet, Mustang,' Ed announced as he slammed the doors open. 'Was a bit busy doing stuff to actually write about doing stuff.'

The Colonel didn't look at all surprised by Ed's sudden arrival. 'Ah, Fullmetal, you're late.' And then the Colonel smirked.

'Whatever, took a bit longer than expected,' Ed growled.

Al crept (as quietly as a suit of armour can creep) over to Fury's desk, which was near the pot-plant that always needed watering. The rest of the office seemed unmoved by the potential explosion at the Colonel's desk. Ed always hated it when Colonel Mustang smirked. Al didn't know why exactly, but he suspected it had something to do with how young the Colonel made Ed feel.

'Yes, being put in jail will do that to an assignment,' Mustang said, apparently paying more attention to the papers in front of him than to Ed. It was probably a calculated move on the Colonel's part to aggravate Ed.

Al heard a strange sound, and looked over to see Breda, with a bowl of popcorn, watching the argument as if it were a sports match or one of those moving pictures Al had heard about. Fuery was shooting glances that way, too, and even Hawkeye was working less efficiently than usual in an attempt to listen.

'What?' Al could see the twitch starting in Ed's eyebrow.

'You broke your bail,' the Colonel said.

'Well take care of it, then. Bastard deserved everything he got,' Ed growled.

'Regardless, you broke your bail and the law.'

'I paid bail, bastard Colonel.'

'Still, you were supposed to remain where you were until a trial could be held. You can't just say 'these regulations mean nothing to me because I have money', Fullmetal. There are consequences to every action. And the consequences of yours involve,' the Colonel checked a sheet of paper in front of him, 'involve a pest infestation in the warehouses for your next assignment.'

Breda paused in his popcorn-eating, Havoc took his cigarette out of his mouth, Fuery pre-emptively flinched and Falman waited, perfectly still for Ed's reaction.

'WHAT?'

It consistently amazed Al how his brother, who was quite small, could make such loud sounds. He swore that Ed created a mess in the office every time he came just by the force of his shouting.

'Consider yourself lucky,' Mustang said, handing Ed a now-familiar folder that probably had his next assignment in it. 'There could be far worse consequences for transmuting gold. Dismissed, Fullmetal.' And he turned back to his paperwork, a smug satisfaction on every line of his face.

Al rushed forwards to grab his brother and drag him out of the office before he could do anything stupid like ruin all the paperwork, transmute something sharp and pointy or potentially explosive or hit the Colonel. Ed had used up his allowance of stupidity for the month.

And besides, if he hit the Colonel, Al would probably have to transmute more gold to bail Ed out of jail. And Al really didn't want to do that.

A/N: This is a oneshot, which means it won't be continued. I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist in any way shape or form.