This story continues immediately on from my story Coming Home which is a Countrycide post ep. This too starts off post Countrycide and then continues on. It isn't necessary to read that first as this stands alone. It has my usual type of romantic fluffy ending, I'm sorry I can't help it, I'm a shipper at heart.

This story goes some way to get us from Cyberwoman where Ianto absolutely hates Jack, to They Keep Killing Suzie where it is obvious that they are not just sleeping together but comfortable enough with their relationship for Ianto to be initiating games with a stopwatch. I also had to explore the line in Greeks Bearing Gifts where Ianto is in so much pain that there isn't an inch of him that doesn't hurt etc. I can't believe that was never picked up on again, that Tosh didn't do something. Hell, how could you know that about a colleague and not act on it in some way?

On the way we have angst, hurt/comfort and romance and sex. I've spent all my evenings on my holiday writing this and thoroughly enjoyed the process. Hope you enjoy it too.

Janto – obviously

M for last chapter.

Usual disclaimer, someone else's characters, just playing.

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After they brought him home from Brecon Beacons Ianto spent three days sleeping in Jack's bed. He slept as though sleeping was his whole existence and as he slept his body slowly began to heal his wounds and his brain to recover from the concussion. When he wasn't sleeping he lay there, not moving, not thinking, just existing in a grey emptiness. The greyness had highlights, the crack in the tile on the wall beside the pillow, a fold in the sheet, the spill of light from the half closed bathroom doorway. He was doped to the eyeballs on opiates and as long as he didn't move there was little pain and just occasional nausea to intrude on the nothingness that had taken over his thought processes.

Someone was with him at all times, he was vaguely aware of that. At least someone was there every time he was aware enough to notice. Tosh or Jack was always there. They cared for him gently and quietly and didn't make a fuss when they had to clean things up when he was sick or on the embarrassing occasion when he wet the bed. Jack would gather him in his arms, wrap him in a blanket and sit with him on the ancient sofa while Tosh changed the bed. Then they would tuck him back in and he would fixate on the crack on the wall again.

Owen was there sometimes doing doctory stuff. Of Gwen there was no sign. Presumably she was at home getting over her own injuries.

He would wake and he would sleep and there was very little to tell the difference between the two states. Except sometimes he would know he was awake because he could feel Jack's body tucked around his own. Every night and sometimes during the day Jack crawled into bed and held him. He knew if it was night because the light from the hole above was darker. When he felt the warmth and safety of those hugs the greyness became a little less empty. Sometimes he cried. But in Jack's arms he would sleep a little deeper and wake again more rested and a little more healed.

On the fourth day, about when Owen was doing some shouting about hospitals and CT Scans he woke up and felt a lot better. He was able to sit up in bed for a while and even managed to drink some tea and eat a little strawberry yoghurt. Then he lay down again and went back to sleep.

On the fifth day they took the IV out and hauled him up out of the hatch, it was uncomfortably like being birthed. They took him home to his flat. The world outside of Jack's bunker was a complete assault on his fragile senses. He felt naked and vulnerable and the car ride made him sick. They put him in his large empty bed and he curled up in a small painful ball, cried and went to sleep.

He woke later to Jack's warm body wrapped around his and felt a vast sense of relief. He'd thought they'd left him alone again.

The next day Jack made him get up and helped him shower. Jack was gentle and supportive and completely impersonal. After all he had promised Owen that he wasn't going to seduce him.

Ianto went back to bed and Tosh came in. When he woke again she was still there and he was able to decide that he would like to try eating some scrambled egg. She made him get up and come out to the couch in the lounge to eat it.

Tosh fetched his duvet and after he'd eaten he slept on the couch.

Owen tapered the pain meds off at the same time insisting that he get more active, move around more. He had a bad couple of days before things settled but his thought processes improved immensely. The greyness cleared a little but it seemed to be replaced by pain. He wasn't sure which he preferred. His ribs were the worst. Owen said they were broken and if he didn't get himself moving and breathing deeper he would get pneumonia. Owen didn't have to breathe deeply with broken ribs.

Then on the eighth night after Brecon Beacons as he was getting ready for bed, at 7.30 in the evening, Tosh arrived, and after giving him a soft kiss on his forehead Jack left.

Tosh made up a bed on the couch and surprisingly bereft Ianto slept alone in his large empty bed.

Ianto rationalised things. Of course Jack wasn't going to stay sleeping in his bed forever. Of course not. He'd only done it to help him get better. He'd done what he had promised and looked after him. He hadn't seduced him or made any attempt to do so at all. He had just cared for him. Now Ianto was better he had to learn to get back to normal. And besides Jack was probably out most nights getting laid. He had taken a long time out of his normal routine to look after one of his staff. It really was above and beyond the call of duty. Ianto had been lucky to have that much attention from him.

The rationalisation didn't help. He was so lonely.

He slowly continued to get better.

Jack still came in for some time with him during the day. One day he came in mid afternoon, bundled him into his warmest coat and took him out to the flower gardens in the Domain. Ianto's mind was starting to work again, to be able to process more than one strand of information at a time. It was a relief. He'd been able to read the newspaper that morning and make sense of the words, a real achievement compared to the frightening jumble of letters it had seemed a few days earlier.

They strolled around the duck pond, Ianto content just to be out in the fresh air. They walked close together and he could feel the warmth of Jack's body close in the cool air as he measured his pace to Ianto's. Unconsciously he reached out and found Jack's hand, clasped it and was held in return. Neither of them said anything, just kept slowly walking holding hands.

Ianto tired terribly quickly and one lap of the pond was all he could manage. He sat on a bench while Jack got them ice creams, a feeling of warm happiness sliding through the greyness. He didn't know what this was, he was so NOT gay, and this was the man who had killed Lisa and threatened to kill him. In his topsy turvy world he didn't know why but being with Jack Harkness made him feel good. He felt cared for.

But after that day Jack didn't come in again at all.

By the end of the next week he could breathe more or less normally if he didn't do anything to exert himself. Since anything more than sitting absolutely still was an exertion, that wasn't terribly helpful, but it was an improvement. Owen was quite pleased with his progress.

Tosh had stopped staying the night and when she did come in she seemed a little distracted. He'd watched so many DVD's his eyes were sore and the plots melded into some dreadful muddle, his mind unable to grasp the smaller details. He still couldn't read a book, the words became a completely meaningless jumble of random letters. He still slept a lot. The nightmares came back. Horrible truths: Canary Wharf, Lisa's death, Breacon Beacons mixed with horror show fiction and all his dreams shared a huge sense of loss. His tangled thought processes could never remember any specific memories when he woke up. That was probably a good thing.

Boredom drove him back to work and the distraction seemed to help. He couldn't do much, still couldn't concentrate on any real work for more than a few minutes but he could make coffee, could keep the place tidy, could see the others and feel part of the place. He said he was fine. He knew they knew he wasn't as fine as he said but he was sure they had no idea how bad things were. He was after all the master at keeping secrets.

They were solicitous, caring even. Jack was polite and impersonally kind. If any of them had a clue how bad he really felt Ianto knew he'd be carted back home and forcibly sedated. His healing wounds hurt yes, but the loneliness and the nightmares somehow physically hurt too, so much so that there didn't seem to be an inch of him that didn't feel pain. Even his teeth hurt. And his stomach felt as if rats were gnawing inside him. Although Tosh or Gwen was cooking him at least one good meal a day he found he couldn't eat more than a few mouthfuls. Even coffee, his own coffee made with his wonderful machine tasted like crap. Owen refused to give him anything stronger than paracetamol any more. He felt truly terrible. No one knew.

He still suffered from fatigue too. There was no way he could hide it. Owen said it could be months before it settled; it was common after a closed head injury, even a relatively mild one. Nice to know this was only a mild one. Often quite suddenly he would just need to sleep. When he needed to sleep he needed to sleep now! His first day back, naively he'd thought he could keep it in check. It took him by surprise and he found himself sitting down on the floor by his desk in the archives, giving in and lying on the floor. When he woke up there was a pillow under his head and a blanket tucked around him. His tie had been removed and his shirt and trousers loosened. Tosh was sitting at the desk reading some dusty old file.

He'd been embarrassed.

Tosh took him home. She'd stayed for tea and told him about Gwen and Owen's antics. Ianto couldn't believe he hadn't noticed. Rutting like animals, was Tosh's description. She didn't stay long, she was going off to meet a friend for a drink in a bar. She was more animated than he'd seen her for a long time.

Jack and Owen took him aside when he arrived for work the next morning and told him that if he needed to rest he was to take himself down to Jack's bed anytime he needed. They would see that he wouldn't be disturbed.

He'd tried to catch up on the filing that had been stacking up in his absence but by mid afternoon his brain was shutting down again. He needed to sleep. Feeling vaguely silly he headed for Jack's office hoping he wouldn't be there. Of course he was, standing staring at some massive alien egg beater on his desk, walking around and around it muttering to himself. He looked up when Ianto came to the door and smiled in welcome. Ianto wished he wouldn't. That smile was so sweet it brought tears to his eyes.

'I…' Damn his treacherous brain. He couldn't think of what to say.

'Here.' Jack's arm came around his waist and he led him over to the hatch. With a sense of de ja vu he let Jack help him down the hole. The feeling was compounded when Jack without saying a word quietly undressed him and tucked him into his bed. He closed his eyes tight against tears and fell asleep.

When he woke he was alone. The crack on the wall was exactly the same.

He got up and decided to shower. Jack must have anticipated that because there was a clean towel and a disposable razor laid out beside the basin. He was grateful for the gesture.

Dressed again he discovered Jack at his desk fiddling with his egg beater, pointing something like a laser torch at it and watched screeds of numbers scrolling across his computer screen. He was quite animated. He stopped and smiled at Ianto. 'How you doing?'

'I'm all right. Thank you sir. I just…'

Jack smiled at him, 'Needed to sleep?'

Ianto grimaced. 'Yes.'

'That's all right,' Jack grinned. 'You know you're welcome in my bed anytime.'

And that, he thought was the first time Jack had made an inappropriate comment to him in weeks. He must be getting better.

'Are you hungry? Why don't we go and get something to eat?'

He wasn't hungry, he was never hungry but he smiled anyway. 'Thank you. That would be nice.'

Given the choice of food types Ianto chose Chinese. He couldn't have coped with anything spicy but thought chicken chowmein would be all right. He didn't eat much but he did enjoy what he had. Jack was pleasant company although a little distracted. At one point he asked a strange question. 'Do you think Tosh is the type to go to a pub quiz?'

Ianto didn't have to think about that very hard. The thought was ludicrous. 'No.'

'Yeah,' Jack said. 'That's what I thought too.' He didn't elaborate and Ianto didn't think any more of it until later.

Jack had the leftovers doggy bagged and had him home by eight thirty. He was embarrassed to be yawning hugely and more than ready for bed again. Jack pottered in his kitchen, made them both hot chocolates, and brought them through to the bedroom. He settled himself on top of the covers on the bed beside him, arranged the pillows to his satisfaction and they watched the TV news. Ianto was drooping slightly, nearly missed the local item about a woman foiling an attempted murder. He was confused, they only showed her briefly in a shaky camera angle from the back but he could have sworn it was Tosh.

Jack obviously thought so too. 'How has Tosh seemed to you lately?' he asked.

He tried to think. 'I don't know. She's been really nice to me since the… since I got hurt.' He could barely keep his eyes open.

'Mmm. Do you think she knows how you're feeling?'

'She seems to yes.' He smiled shyly. He did like Tosh. A lot. He hoped… thought… maybe, she might like him. 'It's nice.' He didn't seem to have the strength to hold onto the cup and it started to slide out of his hand. Jack grabbed it before it could spill and reached across him to set it on the bedside cabinet. He kissed him lightly on the forehead as he straightened up.

'You need to go to sleep,' he said gently. 'You're still healing. Here,' he lifted the quilt, 'snuggle down.'

Ianto snuggled. Jack lay down beside him, although he was still on top of the bed and put his hand on his head, running his fingers through his hair. The sensation was blissful. Jack reached over and turned off the lights, put his arm around him. Ianto was asleep long before he could articulate how much he wished that Jack would stay the night. When he woke up he was alone.

The next few days were similar. He worked in the archives in the morning while his brain was fresh, then once the filing system stopped making sense pottered with cleaning and tidying. And when he needed to rest Jack seemed to know. Jack's bunker was the ideal environment for resting an over stimulated brain. He didn't always fall straight asleep now, sometimes it was enough just to lie there and stare at the crack on the wall.

One afternoon he started awake to feel Jack's hand on his shoulder and his finger on his lips. 'Gahh!' Instantly he was back, waking with Jack on top of him. Lisa was attempting to kill them.

'Shh,' Jack warned him now just as he had then.

Terrified he fought the other man.

'Ianto,' Jack said urgently lifting his hands off. 'It's all right. Shh. Be quiet.' He backed away. 'Wake up. Keep quiet.'

Fear was coursing through him and his heart was pounding as Ianto shot up.

'It's all right,' Jack said. 'It's safe, for now.' He sat back down on the bed and checking it was okay pulled him into a hug. 'I'm sorry. I didn't think about how waking you up like that would seem.' So Jack remembered that too. 'Are you all right now? Awake? I need you awake.'

Ianto nodded, he still couldn't find his voice. He coughed. Jack shushed him again. He suddenly realised that something was going on. He found his voice, 'What is it? What's happening?'

'I need you to get dressed,' Jack told him. 'Take yourself down into the archives but stay where you can keep an eye on the Hub. I'm worried about Tosh. She seems to be taking an unusual interest in our latest artefact and she is certainly not herself. I have a feeling she is in cahoots with the artefact's owner and may try and bring it in here or steal the piece.'

'Tosh?' Ianto couldn't believe it. 'You think she's helping an alien?'

'Yes Ianto, I do.' Jack was sincere. 'I hope I'm wrong, but I need us all to be ready.' He helped him up and handed him his pants. 'Get dressed quickly. She's heading this way now with another woman. Just in case this is what I think, we need to be ready. Owen and Gwen are already in place.' He handed him his shirt. 'Okay?'

Numbly he nodded. Not Tosh. She wouldn't.

He slipped out of Jack's office just as the door alarm sounded. Only minutes later he was standing terrified as the blond woman Tosh had come in with held a dreadful blade to her throat. Someone else he loved in was in danger. This was too much. Dear God, don't let this be happening again.

When Jack had tricked the alien into exchanging Tosh for the transport device she ran to him but he was too shocked to do more than put his hand on her shoulder. As the alien dematerialised he stared in disbelief. Too much to take in.

In the aftermath he reverted to his usual post mission role, he took down Tosh's statement, settled the paperwork. He was using the work to keep himself from thinking about how badly things had nearly become. He'd let Tosh down, she could have died. He had been so scared.

It wasn't until everyone had left the Hub that he was able to think. He had to make things up to her.

Jack took Tosh outside to a bench in the Plas to do his own version of a debrief, to try to say the right things. He knew how hard Jack would try to get that right. Ianto hung around, watching on the CCTV. He saw Tosh crush the pendant and then a few minutes later Jack left. He'd be going to find some high point or the top of a building no doubt. Ianto had a selection of grainy cell phone photos and a few really good quality images of Jack on top of buildings all over Cardiff that he'd managed to keep out of various newspapers. Many of the dates that the pictures had been taken on coincided with disturbing events at Torchwood. He'd have to be on his guard tomorrow.

Later he knocked on the door of Tosh's flat with flowers, wine and a box of chocolates. He didn't know what she'd really like but one of those ought to do the trick. What he should have brought was tissues.

'No one understands me,' Tosh moaned hours later. She'd had most of the bottle of wine and was now chugging back G&Ts, much more G than T. 'I thought she did.' She yanked another length of loo paper off a roll on the coffee table and blew her nose. 'I can't believe I fell for it. I'm hardly the sort for idle flattery.'

'I know,' Ianto commiserated yawning wildly. 'Of course not. I can't believe I didn't notice.' He couldn't either. This was Tosh. Tosh he'd had a crush on since he met her. Tosh who had tried to take care of him at the Beacons and who he had tried to sacrifice himself to let her get away. He loved Tosh. How had he not noticed?

'You said that already,' she reminded him. 'I can't believe Jack killed her.' She shuddered, still conflicted by the loss of her lover, even if she had tried to kill her. They really did have a lot in common Ianto thought. 'Did you see his face?'

He had: a chilling gloating look as he outsmarted the alien. He understood though and found himself in the strange situation of defending Jack. 'He would have just sent her home to face whatever though, if she hadn't hurt you. That's why he killed her.'

Tosh burst into more messy sobs.

Sighing he pulled her in against her and held her as she cried. He had to be here for her like she'd been for him, but he was so tired. He sympathised, he really did but…'Come on,' he tried. 'You need to go to bed.' Surprisingly she let him lead her into her bedroom and stood there while he wondered what to do next. She leaned against him crying quietly, it was breaking his heart. Finally he decided she had done this for him, he had to be capable of doing it for her. He sat her on the bed and taking hold of her tee shirt lifted it over her head. She didn't say anything, just let him do it. He undid her jeans and had to help her up to take them off. She leant against him like a broken doll. She was left in bra and panties. In any other circumstance he would have been ecstatic to be in this situation, now he just felt terribly sad. Holding her close against his chest he fumbled to undo her bra, he actually remembered something his Mam had said about how uncomfortable they were to sleep in.

She had lovely little breasts, perky and inviting. He knew he'd remember this for years. Trying not to look he pulled the tee shirt back over her head and pushed her arms through the sleeves. It wasn't nearly as easy as it seemed. She clung to him and he stroked her hair and made soothing noises. He didn't know what else to do. She wouldn't let him go so sighing he lowered them both onto the mattress and pulled the duvet up. He certainly didn't mind having a lie down himself.

He woke later hot and uncomfortable. He got up and got a drink of water, turned the lights out though out the flat, and undressed down to his underclothes. His jacket was all mussed up from sleeping in it. More comfortable he slipped back into the bed. Tosh was snoring, loudly. He gave her a little push and she rolled over, the snoring stopped. Smiling at the thought of drunken Tosh he pulled her in against him wrapping her tight in his arms. Sad for his friend, yet happy to be needed, to not be alone himself he didn't take long to go back to sleep.

Early in the morning he awoke to find his morning erection hard and hot and pressing itself urgently against the buttocks of the woman he was in bed with. God damn! He froze. Even fuzzily half awake he knew that following through on this wasn't the thing to do, for the same reason he hadn't taken advantage of her drunken state the night before. He knew if he wanted, Tosh would have had sex with him last night, even just to prove that she wasn't gay. But Tosh needed a friend right now, not a shag. Fortunately she was very soundly asleep. He sadly pulled away from her, lying on his back and trying to ignore what felt like a pressing need. Unfortunately he had a feeling this was something else he'd be remembering for quite a few years to come too.

He got up and showered, taking care of himself under the hot water. He suddenly had an insight as to why Jack may have stopped sleeping in his bed. I mean this was proof, he was so not gay, but poor Jack had probably woken several mornings in just such a frustrating state. He knew Jack fancied him. He'd exploited it to get the job. But Jack had never forced himself on him, in fact recently it was just the opposite. It was funny really.

Funny and somehow terribly sad.

And lonely.

On his way home to put on fresh clothes he realised it was the first time since he couldn't remember when that he hadn't woken up curled around the rats in his stomach.

After giving the matter considerable thought he made himself a bowl of porridge smothered in runny honey and ate that to celebrate. His insides seemed to appreciate it and stayed quite settled and comfortable the rest of the morning.

He spent the morning sorting out Mary's affairs, having her things put into storage and her flat lease wound up. He couldn't find any work records, taxation records or social security for her and surmised that she had supported herself under the radar using the profession of the original unfortunate Mary. His brain seemed to be functioning quite well.

By lunch time Tosh still hadn't showed and he was feeling a little concerned. He went and found Jack. 'Have you heard from Tosh at all this morning sir?'

Jack looked up from his pile of paperwork. He looked tired and unhappy. 'No I haven't. How was she when you left her this morning?'

Ianto didn't even bother asking how Jack knew that he'd been there last night. It wouldn't have been hard to discover, after all his car had been parked outside Tosh's house all night.

'She was sleeping. She's going to have the hangover from hell. I'd like to go and check on her if I may. I don't know what she's going to be like, otherwise.'

'Yes, of course. Ianto are you…?' Jack looked up and really looked at him. He grinned. 'I was going to say, are you all right to drive right now. You usually need a nap around this time but… You look much better today.'

Ianto smiled back. 'Thank you sir. I am.'