Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. JK Rowling, who happens to be a genius writer (much much better than me), does. :)
A/N: This story is kind of a challenge from a friend of mine. See, we watched "Much Ado About Nothing". In the movie version, Kenneth Branagh (who plays Lockhart in the HP movies) and Emma Thompson (who plays Trelawney in the HP movies) play a bickering couple- they've actually got the whole Ron-Hermione, refusing to admit they like each other, thing going on. Anyway, after seeing it, my friend searched tirelessly for Lockhart/Trelawney fics and could find none. So she challenged me, and another friend of mine, to write one. One night I got bored, so I actually started writing it! And this is my 1st Harry Potter fanfic EVER! YAY for me! And also, it IS completely done- there should be 8 chapters. If not, I'm in the process of posting the rest right now:) Enjoy! Read and review!
Chapter 1- Ideas
Sibyll Trelawney relaxed in an armchair in her classroom, calmly eating lunch. She picked up her new class schedule for this year, 1992-1993. She'd already had 3rd years that morning, followed by 6th years. Few of them, she thought to herself, possess the Inner Eye. Of course that was to be expected. She had just finished lunch, and was organizing her lesson plan for the 4th years she would have that afternoon, when she heard someone climbing up the trapdoor. She looked up and saw a man with wavy blonde hair, and bright blue robes on- none other than the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Gilderoy Lockhart.
Lockhart was still trying to manage to get out of the trapdoor and its ladder- his feet appeared to be caught. He finally managed to stumble into the classroom, but quickly straightened up. He tidied his robes, until they were meticulously arranged, as they surely had been before he'd climbed the ladder, then smiled and looked at Trelawney.
"You must be Professor..." he paused, as if trying to think of the name. "Trelawney?" he finally said.
Sibyll Trelawney stood up and smiled back at Gilderoy Lockhart, nodding. "And you are of course, Professor Lockhart." she replied.
They shook hands. Lockhart grinned. "Well, I'm sure that wasn't your 'Inner Eye' there..", he said. "You've simply seen my face on so many books and magazines. I've won Witch Weekly's most charming smile award 5 times, you know!" He smiled charmingly, as if trying to show the proof of it.
Trelawney nodded again. "Yes, Professor Lockhart, I am well aware of that. I also knew you would come today. Oh and that thing about your cousin- I wouldn't worry about it if I were you. It will work itself out."
Lockhart paused, and his smile faded. "Er..uh..what thing about my cousin?"
Trelawney sighed. "You know perfectly well what I mean. You're worried that your cousin is going to tell some big secret about you. What it might be is hard to tell, but I can assure you, your secret is safe with your cousin."
For once in his life, Lockhart was rendered speechless, but only for a moment, of course. "Why, that's magnificent, that you can predict things like that! You know, you could make a fortune on writing books about divination. Perhaps I could help you get started, being such a pro at it myself..it's a difficult business, but I, of course, have been incredibly successful in it." He smiled mischieviously again. Sibyll looked as though he had just suggested helping her grow a Whomping Willow in the middle of her classroom. She smiled politely. "That will not be necessary." she said.
Lockhart nodded curtly. "Very well. Well, I just came up here to introduce myself...sign an autograph if you'd like. I have a quill and a photograph here all ready."
Trelawney seemed slightly annoyed by this point. "That will not be necessary either. I am quite capable of remembering what you look like- I knew what you looked like before you even ascended that ladder, of course."
Lockhart pulled out his quill and photograph and signed it anyway, setting the signed photograph on Trelawney's table. "Of course you did. I am famous." he said. "But this photograph could be worth quite a few galleons one day- I'm sure it would be worth at least 25 galleons even today! Well it was nice meeting you- always nice to meet a fan." Lockhart smiled, yet again, and headed back to the trapdoor. He had even more difficulty getting out of the classroom than he did getting in, if that were possible. Finally getting the hang of it, Lockhart gave Trelawney a thumbs up and then disappeared from view. This was followed by a loud crash. Trelawney moved a bit closer to the trapdoor, but did not look into it.
"That vase you just broke was worth 9 galleons, Professor Lockhart." she said.
"I'll pay you back faster than you can say tea leaves, Professor Trelawney!" Lockhart shouted back. He sounded like he was trying to mask the fact that he was in pain. Trelawney smiled, walked back to her table, and resumed her preparations for the 4th year students.
Within minutes, the first of the 4th year students began arriving up the trapdoor/ladder. "Professor Trelawney?" said Alicia Spinnet, as the other students filed into the classroom.
"Yes, my dear?" said Trelawney, vaguely.
Alicia looked confused. "Um, Professor Lockhart is lying on the floor unconscious underneath the ladder. How on earth did he get there?"
Trelawney looked up and sighed. "He fell on his way down the ladder. Go fetch Madam Pomfrey and have her see to him."
Alicia hurried back down the ladder, and almost ran into the Weasley twins as she took off to find Madam Pomfrey. They were standing in front of Professor Lockhart, who seemed to be making some sort of noise. She paused.
"Oh no." she said. Fred smiled and said, "Poor old Gilderoy."
Alicia stared. "What did you two do?" George and Fred simply laughed, and George finally said "Wouldn't you like to know?" Alicia pushed them aside and found Professor Lockhart sitting on the ground, singing "I'm A Little Teapot", hand motions included. Alicia tried so valiantly not to laugh. As funny as it was, it was not very nice of Fred and George to do that to Lockhart. But she found herself laughing hysterically, as did the other students who were headed towards Divination class. She soon got a hold of herself though, and hurried off to inform Madam Pomfrey of Lockhart's...condition.