Title: The Jessica from Before
Summary: After doing the dirty deed with Mr. Acme, Jessica tried to cope with past habits. Unfortunately, she wasn't the same person as before. Trigger: Implied sexual abuse warning.
Jessica felt cold. Hard.
Her eyes locked on the windshield, her hands robotic in their driving. Her heart beat heavily although it felt hollow, trying to hold back a storm that is threatening to consume her. Desperately, her mind called back Jessica From Before.
Save me.
Her mind stills, making all thoughts turn into a wisp. All except for the feeling of numbness that she always calls forth when hands would use her, mouths would explore her and eyes would scorch her.
Numb.
She feels herself shutting down in the inside, protecting her from anything from the outside. The Jessica From Before.
Unfortunately, what's harming her is not on the outside.
Her windshield began to blur but Jessica didn't bother to turn on the wipers. She knew exactly why her windshield was blurring.
Her green eyes narrowed on the equally blurry rearview mirror. "Stop it."
Her chest rose and fell heavily. She closed her eyes but she could not shut out the aching void where her heart was. Inhaling, she slows down her breathing and glared again at her reflection again.
"You don't deserve to cry."
The voice came out harsh and hissing over the building lump on her throat, a far tone from her deep, velvety voice.
She clutched the steering wheel tighter and the tension on her chest finally made way to her foot that stomp down the gas pedal harder.
I don't deserve the relief. I don't deserve the release. I don't deserve it I don't deserve it I don't deserve-
Jessica felt like a hunted animal. Wounded but still desperate to get away. Get away from what? The shame? The betrayal? His eyes if she went home?
She had nothing to go back to anymore. She had nothing again.
Her hands aggressively steered the wheel sharply around the corner, missing a lamp post by a foot.
That detective that Mr. Maroon hired would have developed those pictures already. He would have already be in Maroon's office showing those pictures to-
A sharp intake of breath and Jessica burned rubber on the road with a stomp on the brakes. Nails dug down on the stirring wheel as the clenching twisted inside her chest.
A sob broke out and she pounded the steering wheel for control.
Her lips form into a bitter smile at the irony. Control. It seems like everyone has control on her except her.
She looks at this man that is highly regarded along with Walt Disney –this man that had the nerve to ask.
"I'm sorry, Mr. Maroon. But no." She forcibly pushed her seat away and strode towards the door. Her hand hovered over the knob when R.K. Maroon's voice carried out across the room.
"It would be a shame if Roger got fired today, don't you think?"
Large studios draw their own toons. Maroon Cartoons is an exception. Mr. Maroon hires grawns –toons that were birthed. Disney and Warner Bros. will hire the children of their own toons but Roger never knew his parents. Any anthromorph rabbit can be his mom or dad. For all he knows, he could be a half-rabbit and half-something-else depending on what the other parent is.
The problem with Roger is his traits are too mixed to be defined. He's got the colored eyes of MGM, a Disney style body with similar abilities of the Looney Tunes. He had been referred to as a "possible mixed breed". Jessica never liked that description.
Roger is in his prime in his career. Making people laugh is his life. If Maroon will fire him, no one will hire him. Where will he go? What will he do?
Her arms wrap themselves around her, her veil of hair hiding her from the world.
She had seen it with her own eyes. Laughter is his life. His eyes sparkle when he's out there singing, dancing and making comebacks that would have people roaring. She had watched from the background, seeing him buoyed up by people's high spirits that he has caused.
His calling to make people laugh is so strong; he can tell if someone is sad even if it's such a constant state that they're not aware of it anymore. Like her.
Her insides quivered but Jessica held on to her self-control. But her thoughts pushed relentlessly.
The numbness that had shut her out from the worst had also shut her out from the best in people. But Roger sparked something in her. The laughter he caused made her feel alive for a moment, for an hour –over and over again, day by day until she felt alive on her own. Until she could look up at the sky and enjoy it in her own. But that was when she realized she wanted to enjoy it with the one person that started it all: Roger.
The torrent of thoughts finally broke through and a sob came over her. A sound came out that only her car could hear as her shoulders shook. Pain finally seeped out of her clenched eyelids and she covered her mouth, shaking.
She couldn't go back to being numb. Roger taught her better than that.
She wrapped her arms around herself, rocking back and forth. The sound (was it coming from her?) had stopped but she can still feel the soundless wailing rumbling in her throat. She had become a monster by another monster once again. But this time, a monster with a conscience.
How long did she stay in that side of the road?
After what seemed like eternity, she looked up to the rearview mirror and wiped away her ruined mascara. She fixed her hair. She willed her eyes to look less puffy and red. She blew her nose and straightened up her back. Sadness is still lingering in her eyes but there is nothing she can do about it.
She has to go to Lena Hyena's apartment. She knew Lena would never agree to this. That's why Jessica had only told her on the day before the deed, by then it would be too late for Lena to talk her out of it.
Headlights glowing, she drove to Lena's apartment.
XOXOXOXOX
She doesn't know how long she slept. But when she woke up, she felt the same as last night: the scum of the earth.
Jessica buried deeper into the sheets with eyes tired but wide awake. She kept dreaming of sad blue eyes that scream her betrayal. She knew she'll have to get a grip and find out what to do next. But not today. Today, she's going to wallow in her misery.
"Jessica?"
She refused to move.
"Jessica, something happened."
She finally turned around and met Lena's green eyes. Her wild hair is sticking out wilder than usual and her skinny shoulders are tensed.
Having no energy to talk, her eyes caught the newspaper on her hand. Lena reluctantly gave it to her.
She gasped at the frontpage. It wasn't the picture of her and Mr. Acme that froze her insides. It was the headline.
TOON KILLS MAN
Marvin Acme Murdered on the Hands of Jealous Rabbit