Musical Janto:

Song – Lucy

Artist – Skillet

Number - One

Warning – Character death.

Summery – A year after Ianto's funeral Gwen manages to drag Jack to his grave, where Jack manages to say all the things he has wanted to say for a long time.

Other pairings – Mild Gwen/Rhys and Gwen/Jack friendship.

Jack stood looking down at the grave. In his hands were some roses. He brought them like it they were going to fix everything. Make up for all the loss. Make up for the fact that Ianto died in Jacks arms. Standing behind Jack was Gwen and Rhys. Rhys was holding Anwen on one side and holding Gwen's hand with his free one. They were standing a little bit away from Jack, giving him space. They were watching him. The funeral was a year ago now and Jack hadn't been to visit Ianto since that day. Getting him to attend had been a mission on its own. But when Gwen has her mind set on something, there is no swaying her and she had a way with words. Eventually Jack complied and attended. He introduced himself to Ianto's family.

Jack: I'm Captain Jack Harkness, Ianto's boyfriend and also, his boss. This is Gwen Williams, our co-worker and her husband, Rhys.
Rhiannon: So, you're Jack, are you? Ianto told me all about you. He must have loved you a lot.
Jack: He did.
Ianto's mum: And did you love him?
Jack: Yes, Mrs Jones, I did.

Gwen had been shocked, not only that Jack had introduced himself as 'Ianto's boyfriend' but also admitted to loving him. Whenever the relationship was brought up both Jack and Ianto avoided the conversation. The fact that Ianto and Jack had a thing was never really a secret. When they all found out they were a bit shocked but after thinking about it, it was obvious and they couldn't believe they'd missed the signs. They were a little dismissive of questions, keeping it a little secretive. It was no surprise really that Owen thought it was just a part-time thing. They watched as Jack crouched down and placed the flowers so carefully on Ianto's grave that anyone would have thought Ianto would come back from the dead and complain if they were placed down any other way. Jack stayed low on the ground for quite sometimes, looking down at the flowers.
"Hi, Ianto" he said softly.
It was quiet, so quiet but the two adults heard him.
"We should give him some privacy" Rhys suggested, pulling on Gwen's hand as a gesture to go back to the car and wait.
"Yeah" Gwen agreed, though she didn't want to leave Jack alone. She looked over her shoulder before she continued walking away. "Goodbye, Ianto" she gave a sad smile before turning back and following after Rhys.

Jack stood up and traced the name written on the cold grey stone before he actually read what it said.

Ianto Jones,
19 August 1983-2009
Beloved Son and Brother
Gorffwys Yn Heddwch
R.I.P

Jack: And you are?
Ianto: Jones, Ianto Jones.
Jack: Nice to meet you, Jones Ianto Jones. Captain Jack Harkness.

Jones, Ianto Jones.
If that was Ianto's James Bond impression, Jack had to admit he was impressed. He closed his eyes briefly, to imagine the moment he was thinking of. Living in it. Remembering everything. The way Ianto looked, the way he spoke, what he was wearing, how he was feeling, what he could smell, see, hear, touch and every other sense he had. It was dark, half moon, late, there was a weevil on top of him and Ianto hit him with a plank of wood and Jack managed to take him down. They shoock hands and Jack took the weevil away.
"By the way, love the coat" Ianto's voice was so clear, so loud that it was like he was there. Beside Jack and it made him open his eyes.
"I really like that coat" Ianto's voice echoed in his head again. That's what Ianto had said on their second meeting. God, that was a good cup of coffee.
"Like the suit by the way" Jack had said at the end of their third meeting. After giving him a job and laying underneath him for two minutes resisting the urge to lean upwards and kiss those perfectly formed lips. He had been rather stubborn at that moment and said he would only kiss him if Ianto made the first move. Ianto didn't. Ianto just got up and left.

"What would have changed?" Jack whispered, more to himself that to the memory of Ianto. "If I'd of kissed you or you'd have kissed me, what would have changed?"
The Doctor often said that everything effects everything. One little stone out of place and the past could be rewritten. The thing was, Jack didn't want to go back to the day they met and risk not meeting him at all. He didn't want to go back to the day Ianto died. The last thing he wanted to see Iatno die again, if he failed to rewrite hisotry. He didn't want to go back to the day Lisa was exposed and changed the way he'd treated Ianto. He wanted to go back to the days after his return from 'The Year That Never Was'. Redo that first date, let Ianto know how sorry he was that he left so quickly, how much he'd missed him, how he'd realized he couldn't live without him. He didn't have a choice, he had to live without Ianto but this wasn't really living. Waddeling around the house and avoiding sleep, avoiding emotions. Both for the same reason. Only pain waited for him if he gave in to either of them. But The Doctor refused to let Jack go back and try to change things. He wouldn't even let Jack go back and see him because he didn't trust Jack not to try and fix things.

Jack closed his eyes again. Memories he didn't want to remember were creeping into his mind.

Jack: We've gotta get you out of here. I can survive anything but you can't!
Ianto: Too late. I breathed the air.
Jack: There's gotta be something, an antidote? Then I take it all back, all right? I take it all back but not him! No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Ianto!

Even with his eyes open the images just flashed into his mind and he was forced to relive them, no matter how much he tried to fight it he couldn't. Almost like being near Ianto was stirring something. He suddenly felt tired and drained. Like sleeping. Ianto always had that effect on him. Ianto always had been able to break his walls and draw out emotions and drain all his energy, making him tired and sometimes he'd actually sleep. Looks like, even in his death, Ianto still had that effect on the older man.
"It's your birthday today" Jack conitues. "You were supposed to be 27." 27, not even half the age Jack is now. Not even half of half his age. Ianto was too young. Too young. He was 26 when he died. That's even younger. That's too young too. "I, um... I brought you some roses. They won't make up for everything but I want you to know that I haven't forgotten you and that I..." He trails off. Those three little words. Still so hard to say. He missed his chance, was there any point in saying them now? Weren't they just too little too late? "I'm sorry Ianto." Ianto. A name that once made him so happy and provoked desire, now only brought him pain. "I should have gotten you out. I should never have taken you in. I should have gone in alone. I should have known. I should have known. And I am so sorry. Sometimes I think you would have had it better off I'd never hired you. You would still be alive. But then, I wouldn't be the man I am today if it wasn't for you. You, Ianto Jones, turned me into a better man. Whether you meant to or not, you did. I'm as good as lost without you. I'm tired all time because I can't sleep. Gwen tried to make coffee, it's alright but it's not the same as yours. And all it does is remind me of you."

Jack: It's all my fault.
Ianto: No, it's not...
Jack: Don't speak, save your breath.
Ianto: I love you.
Jack: Don't.

"It was my fault Ianto. I know it, you know it. You were just trying to be nice. Comfort me. You were the one that was dying and you were comforting me. You were just too kind for your own good sometimes, Ianto Jones. The world has lost greatly and the hardest part is: they don't even know." Jack's voice broke a little on the last few words. Ianto was dead and almost no one noticed. Almost no one cares. He died saving the world and they don't even know. It didn't feel right. "You died protecting them and they don't even realize it. So many people in that building were trying to get out. Run away, save themsevles. Not you. You stayed and you fought and you died with dignity. You died with me." In his arms, talking to him. Saying he loved him. Letting Jack know it was going to be okay. "I owe you so much and I... I can't do anything about it." He closed his eyes again for a few seconds and drew in a shakey breath. "You confessed you loved me that night too. I already knew. I knew for a while. Did you know? My reply to your confession was 'don't'. I'm not even sure what I meant by that."

He lied. Of course he knew. Don't love me, this is all my fault. Don't hate me, I would save you if I could. Don't talk, save your breath. Don't close your eyes, I have nowhere to look without them. Don't die, I have nothing if I don't have you. Don't you dare die on me. Don't go somewhere that I can't follow. Don't ask me to say it back, it hurts too much. Don't die, you'll be surronded by darkness and silence. Don't leave me here alone. Don't force me to move on. Jack sighed lightly.
"I find myself sometimes, Gwen said if I'm not going to get another job I could at least do the house work, and I find myself wishing you were here. With me. Not just so you could help me or make it entertaining but so that I get to see you again. I miss you, Ianto."

Jack: Don't, Ianto. Stay with me! Ianto, stay with me, please. Stay with me, stay with me.
Ianto: Hey, it was good, yeah?
Jack: Yeah.
Ianto: Don't forget me.
Jack: Never could.
Ianto: A thousand years time, you won't remember me.
Jack: Yes, I will. I promise I will.

He was going to keep the promise. No matter what it took. Whether he had to look over a photograph of Ianto everyday to remember what he looked like, or read his file to remember the kind of person he was. Or drink coffee every hour to remember how good Ianto used to make it taste. He wasn't going to forget. He promised.
"You asked me if it was good. The time me and you had spent together. I said, 'yeah'. Yeah. It was better than good. It was amazing. Better than amazing. No word in existence describes what we had, Ianto. I promised you that in a thousand years time, I will still remember you. I know, it hasn't been a thousand years yet but, I will keep it. I promised, didn't I? A thousand years. Ten thousand years. A hundard thousand years. Forever. It is a promise I will take with me to the grave." He remembered kissing Ianto goodbye. "Before I died along side you, I kissed you goodbye. I figured, it worked once before right. It had to work this time. But I was too late. I waited to long. I should have kissed you sooner but you needed your breath and you... you were talking and I just didn't think about it until it was too late and I am sorry. I felt you leave Ianto. I'll never forget it. I've held people while they died before... They're all different. They're each unique but once you've felt someone die, you always know. You'll never mistake the feeling again."

Jack let his hand fall on the top of the gravestone. His fingertips brushing over the edges.
"Gwen's a police officer again. She's doing well. They were happy to have her back, they said they wanted to promote her. Rhys is doing well too. He's job is going good. Anwen said her first word. Mummy. Gwen was ecsatic. We had a bet going on as to what she would say first. Rhys owes me £10 and he owes Gwen £10 too. There's no need to worry about Ianto, we're doing just fine. It's you I'm worried about. You're in the darkness, surronded by silence. Nothingness and I can't do anything about it. I will join you, as soon as I can... I love you." Jack felt something in his chest loosen. Like not saying those words had been weighing on him forever. He wiped a stray tear from his cheek and composed himself. "Goodbye, Jones Ianto Jones."
Then Jack just walked away. His great coat flapping behind him in the gentle breeze. He joined Gwen, Rhys and Anwen in the car and they drove home, Jack was sleeping on their sofa, he didn't want to be alone and they were glad to have him. The ride home was done in silence. When they got back, Rhys took Anwen out of the car and back inside the house. Gwen turned in her seat and looked at Jack, who was gazing out of the window.
"Come on, let's go inside" Jack said, getting out.
Gwen followed him and as they jumped up the step to the doorway, something round and metal fell out of Jacks pocket. Gwen picked it up for him before he could get down to it. It was Ianto's old stop watch. Gwen handed it back to Jack with a sad smile.