Disclaimer: I don't own X or any other creation of CLAMP, even thought I prey every night that I did. So far nothing, but well I still enjoy writing about them.
A new Reason
"When a kekkai disapears, its shadow is all that is left"
Subaru Sumeragi was nothing but the shadow of a person, a hollow being void of all propose. Why didn't he kill me? Why? Why can't I be with you? Hokuto-chan, Seichirou, do you still think of me? He couldn't join them, not yet anyway. Subaru wasn't giving up, that much he knew. His sister loved life so he would live. For her and for him. For everyone who died during the battle and for the dreams and possibilities that died along.
From the ruins a new hope had been born, lives were being rebuilt, new paths were found. The children of war had now the hardest mission, they had to find a new reason for their existence. The new Sakurazukamori realized with despair that he was failing. What did he have left? Why was everyone able to go on? Why not him?
Arashi-san had a motivation, even thought she was just as broken she had to keep going, for Sorata's memory, and for the new life growing within her. The former seal was now living a serene life in the temple. Subaru had visited her once, he noticed with relieve and a tad of jealousy that she was at peace and fairly happy. Sitting under a cherry tree on a beautiful morning, Arashi-san looked at him with eyes full of concern. So much more human that she used to be, the cold mask had melted into a face full of life.
"How have you been, Subaru-san?" he looked at her and smiled trying to sound convincing.
"I'm doing much better, thank you for your concern. I had actually come to see how you were." If Arashi saw trough that lie she chose to ignore it.
" It's been hard, but I won't stop. I miss him, I cry him and I feel him."
"Feel him?" That was not the answer he was expecting, first of all he wasn´t expecting an honest answer. Arashi was not known to be an outgoing person. Suddenly he felt like silly little child.
She smiled sadly at him as if seeing something he could not reach. " I feel him because I know he will always be with me, In my heart, in my soul and in my baby. I won't be alone." He looked at her overwhelmed. She looked so different almost shining, with one hand resting on her stomach and the other one on his face she added, "You are not alone Subaru-san, we will always be here for you. Aoki, Yuzuriha and I."
While walking to his apartment he couldn't help but think, the remaining seals were bounded together by their past yet, but was that enough for him?
"Sumeragi-san!"
Subaru turned around startled, the Earth Dragon Kamui was there. No, he corrected himself, Fuuma was there.
"Fuuma-san. I hadn't sensed you." An unnecessary excuse, since the last fight Fuuma had lost his power, more accurately Kamui's power. He was just a normal man, carrying horrible memories. "How have you been?" What exactly was he to say to the man that had tried to kill him.
"Better." He did ended look better, peaceful in a way that reminded him of Arashi. However he saw it plainly, the scar of war was evident on his face, an almost absent expression. However, he was clearly recovering from the trauma. "You on the other hand, don't look so good"
Open honesty from a stranger, Subaru was not used to this. Somehow it just threw him out slightly he wasn't really bothered by the declaration. He understood then why Kamui had wanted to protect that person so much, his warmth was evident. It drew you to open to him.
"I think I am lost." Yes that summarized everything, he had lost his purpose, he had lost himself to grieve.
They chatted for hours that spring morning. A small weight being lifted.
"Was your wish fulfill, Subaru-san?"
"No." He was being painfully reminded of a previous conversation. Two Kamuis, same question
"Has your wish not changed?" Fuuma knew what Subaru had truly wanted and therefore knew he had not obtained it. He was unable to know his wish now but he had the impression it was not the same, he hoped it wasn't.
"I don't know" He really didn't. He was sure one time it seemed simple back then, he wanted the pain to stop. But now. What did he want now? He wished for a wish? That didn't make sense.
"Then you should find out. And remember that you are not alone, knowing that helped me especially at the beginning." Subaru gave him a perplex look. "Your friends were quite understanding. They forgave me for what I did."
"You didn't do anything, you weren´t yourself."
"Those were my hands, it was me" they remained silent for a few minutes. Then Subaru thought of a question, one that Kamui had not been able to answer. Perhaps Fuuma could.
"When a person dies do they speak the truth?" The former Earth Dragon was a bit taken aback by the sudden question, what was in Subaru's mind? He looked painfully vulnerable at that moment.
"I can't be sure of that, I don't think anyone is." He found himself trapped in a memory, a warm hand pressed to his chest, an easy smile on a well known face, and a promise. "But I would certainly like to believe it."
"Yes, I would like to believe it too." And Subaru left, finally at peace with himself.
Hands in his pockets, he headed to his apartment. He could do it he would fine a new reason.
A/N, well what do you think? Please review, even if it is to tell me I suck and should hang myself from a roof (Not that I'd listen). I might add another chapter, though I think it stands fine on its own. If you like it and wish to know the ending let me now. (It's not a condition you can review even if you don't want to know the ending). To sum up, review!