She was the only one I would've spilled blood for…
Life seemed to have just knocked Cagalli off her feet, and sent her spiraling into abysmal hell, and it wasn't even four in the morning yet. Her breathing was heavy, and a chilling sweat rolled down her neck. Her amber eyes refused tears to come even close to the corners of her eyes as she rolled out of bed and put her fuzzy blue bathrobe and slippers on.
They said time healed everything, but how long? Everything in her life seemed like time. It seemed like eternities as she just waited for the water in the boiler to heat up, while she fixed herself a cup of tea.
Life moved slower than ever before her. Each step people around her took seemed like ages before the sole of their shoes touched the ground. The wind blew slower through her golden-yellow hair, and she could almost see every strand wave in the air in a polyphonic rhythm, slamming against the current, before fluttering back down against her pale face.
Ironically enough, each breath she took was so slow; she thought she'd never exhale again. Yet when it came time to do so, she never seemed to have enough to fill her lungs.
They said with every loss, the world would still turn. Maybe their world would keep on spinning, but hers had already stopped.
She sipped the tea, feeling the jasmine-scented liquid wash over her tongue. She was alone in the house. Ever since that day, she'd felt the need to be alone. And just like that, she'd moved out of the living spaces of the superiors of Orb's headquarters, and moved into this small area, with a small house and modest living arrangements.
Maybe she wanted to be alone, in case he ever came back.
"Athrun…" it was a barely audible whisper, but even so, he wouldn't be able to hear. He couldn't see the way it pained her tongue to make those syllables against her weary voice.
She picked up a small silver locket, which never left its special place against her beating heart. Even through the walls of a photograph, the azure eyes seemed to cut through her, and his soft raven hair seemed to blow in a non-existent breeze. His baritone voice whispered the last words she ever heard from him, from an earpiece aboard a Mobile Suit.
"I'll never rest, never die, until the day I can at least find you, and say goodbye."
Of course, he'd said other things that day, as she was strapped inside the controlling seat of The Alliance, watching him defend Orb from a last group of Coordinators, who was seemingly unfulfilled with the peace treaty between the ZAFT and the Naturals. Needless to say, Athrun and herself were the first mobile suits shielding their home from the shower of firearms, while waiting for reinforcements to arrive.
The odds never seemed to matter to Athrun. She always felt such admiration for him whenever he got that familiar fiery glint in his eye. Yet at the same time, he never seemed to fear death the way she did.
"You don't have to come Cagalli. It's quite dangerous out there." He muttered loudly, strapping on his helmet, as Cagalli stepped into her uniform and did up the zipper. She fiddled with the strap on her own helmet as she made a little pouting face at the man beside her.
"…and leave me out of all the fun, Athrun?" A grin crept across Athrun's face as he looked at her. Athrun always said she had the power always to make her smile. She believed him. She always liked to believe it was true. She loved his smile, and would often trace the valley of his dimples with her finger when they were together.
"No, how could I deny you that?" he said, leaning close to her, as he tried to peck her on the cheek. In the end, all he managed to do was smash their helmets together. The couple doubled over in laughter, even as the emergency alarm wailed loudly, to end their moment.
He shook his head, and kissed his fingertips, planting them onto Cagalli's pink, rosy lips. "Fine then, but when we come back, I left a surprise for you at your house. We'll go there after the battle is over." Cagalli simply smiled as he ran down his corridor, heading towards the docking room where his Gundam waited for him.
It was probably the last happy moment she knew. Afterwards, all she knew were midair explosions, fire, and Athrun's last urgent words to her over the earpiece as she was sent hurtling earthwards.
He said he'd never die…
The blackness of that day was overwhelming, as the ceremony went on. As the closed wooden casket was lowered into the ground; flowers showering the top, she searched for some sort of closure by looking at the smooth, oak coffin. Hoping it was just one of Athrun's dumb tricks. After all, he'd promised he wouldn't die. He didn't say goodbye. He'd never break a promise. Never to her.
As she looked into the polished surface, she could have sworn she saw his crimson-stained face smiling at her through the surface.
It was all so surreal after that. One year of empty hope, self-pity, and spiraling into the blackest abyss she'd ever known.
There was indeed a gift from him when she arrived home from her treatment at the hospital. She'd kept it all these years, but never opened the little bag, which was coloured blue- her favourite colour. She couldn't stand the festive look of the package, and hid it deep in the chambers of her dresser drawers.
This night, she wasn't sure why, but she had no desire to stay inside. Almost in a dream-like fashion, she stepped out of her house, locked the front door behind her, and shuffled down the street sleepily in her robe and slippers.
She didn't remember how she ended up in front of Athrun's old home. She hadn't been here for over a year since the incident and yet, she remembered the path subconsciously, as if she walked here every day and her feet had memorized that path that drew her to this area.
There was a For Sale sign in front, pitched on the lawn. Her eyes welled up at the thought of other people moving into this house. Breathing the air he used to breath. Taking steps in the rooms he should be stepping in. Taking what was his. He probably wouldn't have minded sharing, but Cagalli clenched her teeth at the thought.
She knew every inch of this house, and since his parents were long gone, and it was the government he was working for that was in charge of selling off his property, she knew there was no one in the house. The street looked like a ghostown, every breathing soul sound asleep. Climbing over the fence that led to the backyard, she slipped open a broken windowpane, and heaved herself through.
Too many memories lay embedded within the walls of the house, but yet, something in her coaxed her to welcome it. Most of his belongings were gone, but there were still the main pieces of furniture left. She breathed in the musty scent. Athrun would've never allowed dust to collect like this. It only reminded her of his missing presence more.
The armchair, where she'd often sat with him, squished between his arms, still stood in the corner. She smoothed out the velvet surface, and flinched at the eerily cold surface. As if the chair missed its owner's warmth.
Wandering around aimlessly, she dragged her fingertips lightly along the walls as she walked. Feeling the solid oak banisters and dust-clouded windows, searching for her lost love. Searching for his eyes.
The tears wouldn't stop now. They just fell, though her face remained expressionless. The air was cold, and her eyes fought the slumbers, which threatened to wrench her eyes closed. The path to Athrun's room seemed to be dragging her to the empty mattress resting on the hardwood floor. The silver tears dripped from her chin and stained the mattress as she ran her fingers down the silky surface.
Why did this stick with her for so long? Everyone had gotten over his death so long ago, yet here she was, pathetically reminiscing the past. Unsure of where to go next. Whether she should struggle on for him in life, or end it right now to join him on the other side.
"…until the day I can at least find you, and say goodbye."
She hummed to herself as she took in all the memories she could salvage of him once again. Athrun… he didn't know how his lack of presence was killing her slowly. Her blood felt chilled and her heart seemed to beat dangerously slower, as if each pulse might be her last.
Closing her eyes, she let a ghostly presence wash over her as she heard a familiar baritone voice drift deliciously into her ears as she felt the warmest touch she'd felt in months run through her golden bangs. A wispy pair of lips was all that she needed to drift off to sleep with those reassuring words.
"…I've found you, my sleeping angel…"
Awaking in her own bed the next morning, her head felt dizzy, and her chocolate brown orbs blinked a few times, getting the lingering tears out of the way of her vision. Her face, abused by a full night of sorrow, was treated to a cold splash of water in the bathroom.
So it was all just an extremely vivid dream, she thought to herself, as she stepped downstairs into the kitchen. She'd in fact slept soundly through the night, and never left her spot in her room. She smiled to herself inwardly as she went to fix herself a cup of tea.
She was surprised to find an unwashed teacup waiting for her in the sink. Cagalli shook her head and looked down at herself. Her blue house robe was wrapped loosely around her body, and her blue slippers sat snugly on her feet.
Her fingertips wandered to her blushing lips, where that ghostly stranger with the familiar voice had kissed her senseless the night before. She smiled as she dashed upstairs to the drawers in her room, and uncovered the gift that had been left at her residence that age-long year ago.
A new courage renewed in her from her reminiscing, she opened the tiny box to reveal a shining ring, studded with a small, but radiant diamond. Tears welled back into her eyes as she slipped it onto her ring finger, and held it next to the quickening pulse in her chest.
She'd found Athrun. And in doing so, she and Athrun had both found peace.