A tiny, very tiny doubt.
A fortnight after they got married, Mr. Thornton and Margaret had a bad dream... And they woke up feeling sad and having a tiny doubt.
NOTE: Words in italicare extracted from the N&S book.
I hope you enjoy it.
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A tiny, very tiny doubt.
PART I – BAD DREAMS!
For several months, Mr. Thornton had had a few recurring bad dreams, that disturbed his sleep and tortured his mind while he was awake. The first one of those dreams, had begun more than a year before, shortly after Margaret father died. Mr. Bell talking about her eminent return to London had said:
'...a clever Lennox, a young barrister, will be setting his cap at Margaret. I know he has had her in his mind this five years or more; and he was only kept back by her want of fortune. Now that will be done away with'.
On that very night, he had dreamt that Margaret was living in London, and that she was engaged to Mr. Lennox. In his dream, he saw them together, walking through the streets of London; and smiling at each other. From then on, he had had this dream often. When he woke up, he felt angst. Then he repeated Mr. Bell's hateful sentences, word by word, in his mind and he said to himself:
'Mr. Lennox is a clever and educated man, while I... I'm a great rough fellow, with not a grace or a refinement about me. Why would she have preferred me?'
During the last winter, when trade in Milton had became very bad, Mr. Thornton had begun to dream that he no longer had the money necessary to operate his mill, and that he would have to close it down. In the following months, he had had that dream often. Until, eventually, his dream became a reality. He had to give up business and he had to close his mill down. And on the very night when he closed his mill, he dreamt that he was looking for a job in Milton, but could not find one.
From them on, he often had one of those three bad dreams. And whichever one he dreamt, during the night, he woke up in the morning sweating and with a feeling of dread.
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PART II – ENGAGED!
The day after Mr. thornton closed down his mill, he went to London to talk to Mr. Lennox. The mill was on a long lease, which he could no longer afford. His idea was to sublet the property (Marlborough Mills, and the house and premises adjoining). But Margaret, hearing about his financial difficulties offered him, instead money to reopen the mills. And, much, much more important to him than having his mill back, she gave him her love. And they became engaged!
In the end, Marlborough Mills only stayed closed for a few days. The men returned to their jobs and work at the mills resumed, without any anxiety or fear, that it would have to close down again.
In theory, Mr. Thorton had no reason to have any more bad dreams. But his change of fortunes, both emotional and financial was still very recent and his subconscious mind was still adjusting to his new reality. So it was that, after he returned from London, he continued having the odious dream about Margaret and Mr. Lennox.
But the dream became more vivid than before. Now it included scenes and events from his own trip to London. There he had met with Mr. Lennox, for the first time; and now he knew how he looked like. Also, in the very afternoon of their engagement, Margaret had taken him to the botanical gardens, and they had sat together in a park bench - a bench where, she had told him, she had sat often, thinking about him. Now, in his dream, he saw Margaret sitting with Mr. Lennox, in that very bench; looking at him with her soft eyes, full of love.
On those days, Mr. thornton would wake up a sad and tortured man. He needed to remind himself that Margaret was now engaged to him. Then he needed to reach for her love letters to him – she had written to him every single day since they became engaged. And he needed to read her letters again, and only them he felt reassured that it was only a bad dream.
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PART III – MARRIED!
Mr. Thornton had been married to Margaret for less than a fortnight, when, again, he dreamt that she was sitting with Mr. Lennox on the park bench. He woke up in misery, but then he felt her warmth against him. He turned around and saw her sleeping peacefully beside him. He felt an urge to wake her up, to see her loving eyes looking at him and her beautiful lips smiling at him. But it was very early in the morning and he decided to let her sleep longer. He moved away from her carefully, trying not to wake her up; and then he went to his dressing room. Once dressed, he returned to their bedroom. Margaret was still sleeping! He went to the kitchen and ate his breakfast there. It was still too early for the family breakfast in the dining room. Then, he went back to their bedroom and he saw that Margaret was still sleeping. He checked his watch and it was still too early. She had asked him to wake her up before he left; but he felt a bit unsure of himself. He was still feeling the angst, brought on by his dream. He felt a tiny doubt and a bit of jealousy of Mr. Lennox. And because of this, he left the house, to go to London, without saying goodbye to Margaret.
On that same night, Margaret also had a bad dream. It was a dream that she had had often, since that day when Mr. Thornton had said to her:
'I am now only speaking as a friend of your father's: if I had any other thought or hope, of course that is at an end. I am quite disinterested. ... any foolish passion on my part is entirely over'.
She woke up very sad, believing herself to be in London, in her bedroom in Harley Street. But the room she was in looked nothing like it. For a short moment, she was confused. But soon she recognized her new bedroom... their bedroom... John's and hers. She turned around to look at her husband; but he was no longer in their bed. She got up, put on her dressing gown and left the bedroom, to look for him. She searched for him in all the usual places in the house; but she could not find him. Finally she saw Jane, the upper servant, who told her that he had already left for London. She was disappointed. Her eyes filled up with tears that rolled down her face. She was still feeling the angst brought on by her dream. She felt a tiny doubt and some sadness.
When Mr. Thornton boarded the train to London he was still feeling sad and jealous. But then he examined his emotions more closely and realized that it was only because of his dream. The reality was very different. Margaret was his wife. She loved him. It was he who had sat on the bench with her; and her loving, soft eyes had looked at him.
'Why did I not wake her up as I promised? Why did I leave without saying goodbye?' he asked himself. And his feeling of jealousy turned into something else: he was missing Margaret already! He was sad that she was not with him. And he was annoyed at himself for not having said goodbye to her.
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On the evening, when his business engagements were over, Mr. Thornton went to Mrs. Shaw's house for dinner. Mrs. Shaw had written to him (inviting him to dine with the family), on the same day, that Edith received a letter from Margaret, saying that her husband would be coming to London. As soon as Mr. Thorton sat down, Edith asked:
'How is Margaret? ... What has she been doing? Tell me everything! ... I want to know everything!'
'She is very well! ... And she is making herself very busy! ... I don't think that she has stopped for a minute, since she arrived in Milton... She has made up her mind to teach the children of the mill's workers how to read... And she is also planning to set up a nursery for the small children, so that their mothers can work.'
Mr. Thornton was aware that he was a bit out of sorts and that his voice sounded dispirited. He noticed that Mrs. Shaw was looking at him in a concerned way and he thought: 'She may be thinking that I do not approve of Margaret's plans... or worse... she may be thinking that we had a quarrel.' What he did not know was, that Edith had had a letter from Margaret that very morning; and that in the letter Margaret had written: 'I'm so happy, Edith! John is so kind to me that at times it brings tears to my eyes. I could never have imagined that married life could bring so much happiness and joy.' And not only Edith read those words; but she had gone to her mother private rooms and read it to her.
In truth, Mrs. Shaw had noticed Mr. Thornton's looks. That, in itself, was something unusual for her. Generally, she was not too interested about other people – but, Mr. Thornton was now a close relation, and she was paying attention to him. But, Mrs. Shaw neither thought that he did not approve of Margaret's plans, nor did she think that he and Margaret had quarreled. Instead, she believed that he had had a difficult day and that he was very tired.
But Mr. Thornton didn't want either Mrs. Shaw or Edith to think that there were any problems between him and Margaret. For that reason, he resolved to say something that was very personal to him:
'I am sorry, if I sound a bit distant tonight... But I'm missing Margaret! ... She was still sleeping when I left in the morning, and I didn't have a chance to say goodbye to her before I left.'
'Of course you are missing her! ... It is only natural, when you both love it other so much!' said Edith in a very animated voice, without noticing how her mother blushed at the inappropriateness of her words.
But Mrs. Shaw would not have needed to worry. Edith had chosen the very words that returned Mr. Thornton's contentment. He knew that Edith and Margaret were in constant correspondence. And because of this, he felt sure that, if Edith made that comment, she had heard it from Margaret herself.
'Yes, it is true!' he said with a smile and an grateful look at Edith.
When Mr. Thornton left Mrs. Shaw's house and walked towards his hotel, he tried to remember why he had not brought Margaret to London with him. He believed that, there must have been a reason for it; but he could no longer remember what that reason was. He decided that, in the future, if he needed to go way in business; he would take Margaret with him. Unfortunately, for that trip, the only thing he could still do was to buy her a gift. He needed to find a gift that would mean something to her.
That was the first night, since she got married, that Margaret was going to spend the night by herself, away from her husband. When she entered their bedroom, it felt empty and cold to her. She was missing him terribly. She laid down, but she felt restless. She was very aware about the empty space beside her. After a short while she moved to his side of the bed and she slept with her head on his pillow. If he wasn't there, it brought her some comfort to smell his scent.
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Mr. Thornton had a morning engagement, before returning to Milton on a late morning train. But he had enough time to look for a gift for Margaret before leaving. He knew that she had the habit to read in the morning; but he also knew that she did not have many books of her own. Most of her father's books had been given away, after he died and she returned to London. And she had told him that when she had come to live in Milton, with her parents, she had not brought any books of her own. After a long search he settled on two books. The first was a botanic book with beautiful drawings. He knew how much Margaret loved flowers and he felt sure that she would like it. And it went very well with a surprise that he was keeping from her. There was an unused area at the back of the mill that he planned to convert into a garden. From the day he got engaged, he knew that he wanted Margaret to have a garden and he had given much thought to where it could be. The garden would not be anything like what she had had in Helstone. The area was not very large, but she would be able to have the yellow roses that she liked so much. And some other flowers or plants that she may like! But he was going to have the area filled with soil first, before showing it to her. The other book, as soon as he saw it, brought him an idea that he had not considered before. Yet, it felt so right, that he wondered why he had not thought about it before. It was a book about Spain. And he knew then, that he would take Margaret there, to see her brother, as soon as possible.
By late afternoon, Margaret paced continually, forwards and backwards in the drawing room. She checked the time at the wall clock every five minutes, and she confirmed its time against her own watch. Mrs. Thornton was having difficulty to concentrate on her work, because of this continual pacing and she was getting quite annoyed by it. But she decided not to say anything to Margaret. She knew that all this agitation, was because Margaret was anxious, waiting for her husband return from London. And Mrs. Thornton was sensitive to the fact that, it was the first time that Margaret and her son had been apart, since they got married.
Finally Margaret saw Mr. thorton approach the mill's gate and without a word she ran the steps downstairs. She went out of the door and ran through the mill yard, as fast as she could. He saw her running towards him; but he kept his calm walk. When she got close to him, he recognized her particular way of looking at him. He smiled at her and said, in a low voice, that only she could hear: 'Margaret, we cannot kiss here, in the middle of the yard, with every worker looking at us.' Only then Margaret looked around her and saw that all the workers had stopped doing whatever was that they were doing before. And now they were all looking at her. In her rush to get to her husband she had not seen anyone. But then, to the amazement of the workers, she put her arms through her husband's arms, as if they were going for a walk, and in this manner they walked the last few meters of the yard towards the house.
Once they got inside the house, Mr. Thornton closed the door, put his bag down and hang his hat on the hat stand. Then he lifted Margaret in his arms and kissed her, long and softly. He kept her in the air, for another minute or two, holding her high, so that their eyes were at the same level. They looked into each other's eyes and smiled to each other.
Sitting in the drawing room upstairs, Mrs. Thornton had heard the door close and knew that her son and his wife were now inside the house. She had a very good idea why they were silent and taking so long downstairs. Finally, she heard their steps and they entered the drawing room, hand in hand, and smiling to each other. 'Two fools in love!' said Mrs. Thornton to herself. But inwardly, she was also smiling - even if her face did not show it.
Later that night, just before going to sleep, Mr. Thornton, holding Margaret in his arms, gave her a final kiss. Then he said to himself 'What a jealous fool I am! I must stop to have doubts, even a tiny, very tiny doubt'. And Margaret, looking at his shinning, loving eyes, said to herself: 'What a silly woman I am! I must stop to have doubts, even a tiny, very tiny doubt.' Shortly after that, they were both sound asleep. And on that night, neither of them had any bad dreams.
THE END
I hope you enjoyed it! And please, leave your comment! I'm an aspiring writer and any comment will be mostly appreciated!
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FROM THE BOOK:
CHAPTER VII - NEW SCENES AND FACES
he told himself he was—a great rough fellow, with not a grace or a refinement about him.
CHAPTER XXXIX - MAKING FRIENDS
I am now only speaking as a friend of your father's: if I had any other thought or hope, of course that is at an end. I am quite disinterested.'
...If you're quite convinced, that any foolish passion on my part is entirely over, I will wish you good afternoon.'
CHAPTER XLI - THE JOURNEY'S END
a clever Lennox, (the captain's a fool, you must understand) a young barrister, who will be setting his cap at Margaret. I know he has had her in his mind this five years or more: one of his chums told me as much; and he was only kept back by her want of fortune. Now that will be done away with.'